Thanks to those who responded!

I am planning on continuing this, but I have a Star Wars Fic that's eating my life force to get written, too, so...

But, here goes!

This part is rated PG-13 ish for sexual content, but nothing worse than what has already been shown on Buffy before...just FYI...

But for the Grace of God

Chapter 4

By Pyxelle

Xander was on the move the moment the sun set. He had a firm destination in mind, of course, but still took the time to feed on a young woman who was out for an evening jog. She didn't really realize what was happening, he believed, him coming up behind her and quickly taking her. He would have liked to take his time with her, savor it a little more, but his eagerness to see Willow overpowered that desire. There would be plenty of time for that later, and he would have Willow to share it with then. How he was looking forward to that.

To his dismay, no one seemed to be home when he got there. He knocked, but there was no answer, and all the lights were out. But he was patient. She would have to come home sometime, and he was able to watch the house perfectly from the vantage point of a nearby neighbor's yard. He positioned himself on a child's swing set swing, and waited. A cat – probably the owner's, it looked too well taken care of to be a stray – was sleeping in the grass next to the swing, and it jumped up in his lap when he sat. Friendly cat. Xander stroked the cat's fur thoughtfully, feeling the pulse of its life beneath his fingers. She would be with him soon. The anticipation was killing him.

It was about 8:30 when Willow arrived home, and he felt the jealous fury when he realized that, once again, Oz was there. Xander would definitely have to do something about him. They sat in his van for nearly an hour, talking, about what Xander wasn't entirely sure about – even with his enhanced hearing he couldn't quite make out the words. His fists clenched harder and harder as each minute passed, fingernails digging into his palms and drawing blood. He didn't mind that. It felt good, reminded him of what he was here for.

Finally Willow got out of the van and walked to her house. The son of a bitch even walked her to the door, like they were on a date or something. They paused a moment more, then Oz reached over and gave Willow a quick hug.

Xander heard a crack, and looked down. He had snapped the cat's neck.

He altered his plans. Disclosing himself to Willow would have to wait. He had to take care of Oz.

The door shut to Willow's house, and Oz walked slowly back to his van, a bemused, content little smile on his face. Xander couldn't wait to wipe that smile off. He tossed the dead cat aside and strode quickly up to the van, reaching it just as Oz was closing the door.

Knocking on the window to grab Oz's attention, he mimed rolling the window down. The other boy did so, and looked out the window curiously.

"Yeah?" His eyes widened. "Hey, I know you. Aren't you Xander Harris?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Where the hell have you been? Everybody thought you skipped town. Willow's been a mess – "

"How long have you known Willow?"

Oz seemed surprised at the question. "Well, not too long, but she's been having a pretty hard time at school. She kinda needed a friend."
"Well, I've known her since she was five. She doesn't need any friends like you."

Looking hurt, confused and a little bit angry, Oz defended himself. "Well, at least I don't take off and leave my best friend to freak out for a week about me."

Xander's hand shot out suddenly, and gripped Oz around the neck. The boy made one strangled gulping noise and then silently struggled for air. The vampire's face shifted. "Well, I'm back." He leaned over, preparing for the kill, then stopped. He had a better idea. Holding on a moment more, he waited until Oz passed out and then released his chokehold. He reached over, and checked the boy's pulse – still strong and steady. Good. He opened the driver's side door and pushed Oz towards the back of the van, leaving him in a heap. The van started up with a roar and Xander pulled away from Willow's house.

Willow liked this guy, right? Far be from him to deny her. She wanted him, she would have him.

When the time was right.

OoooOoooO

Oz woke to a blinding headache. That wasn't the only part of him that hurt, though. His arms and legs were stiff and sore, and he quickly realized that they were held by manacles attached to the wall. That would explain the pain. He blinked, trying to clear his vision but having difficulty. The room was dark, and smelled vaguely musty. Even without a clear view he sensed he was underground, a basement perhaps. "Ah, hell." He muttered, pulling gently on the chains. It was futile, as he had suspected – there was no slack.

"Good, you're awake."

Squinting, Oz was able to see a dim shape not far from him. "Hello?" He asked, his voice hoarse. "What do you want with me?"

The lights suddenly came on, bright fluorescents that blinded his dark-adapted eyes. He squeezed them shut and opened them, letting himself acclimate to the light slowly. His guess had been right; he seemed to be in a basement, apparently in some kind of workroom. There were neatly arranged tools to his left, and a wooden sawhorse to his right. The tools were dusty, as if they didn't get a whole lot of use. The walls were painted a peeling yellow, which looked sickly in the harsh light.

"I don't want anything with you." Xander Harris said from his chair. He looked comfortable, in black jeans and a t-shirt, leaning back in the folding chair almost like it was a recliner. "Not really. You're just…a gift."

He looked human, but if Oz could trust his memory he was sure he was not. The recollection of Xander's demonic visage was vividly imprinted in his mind, and he kept seeing it superimposed over the innocence of the face of the boy in front of him. "What do you mean?"

"You really don't need to worry about it." Xander picked up a small round ring from the table next to him and pried it open with a pair of pliers. There was a small pile of them next to him, probably ten or fifteen. "I'm glad you woke up, though. I thought I was going to have to start while you were still unconscious. It would really lose something if you weren't awake."

"What would?" Oz was trying to keep the fear out of his voice but wasn't succeeding too well.

"Fifty percent of a gift is in the presentation." Pop. Another ring went on the table. "My mom told me that once. Wrap a present in pretty paper. You're a little too big to wrap up in Christmas paper – she's Jewish, anyways, so Christmas paper wouldn't be appropriate – so I thought of another way." He stood, and picked something off the table. "This is a piercing needle. I hope it's a large enough gauge. Wouldn't want the rings to rip through." He smiled, walking closer to Oz. "Though, they might. I really don't know too much about these things. This is the first time I've done this."

"Done what?"

"Well," Xander unchained the redhead's wrists from the wall. His feet and legs numb from being held in one position for so long, Oz almost collapsed, but managed to remain upright by reflexively grabbing on to his captor. Xander's smile remained on his face, devoid of warmth. "Given a gift of this magnitude." His hand swung out of nowhere and knocked Oz to the ground.

Oz lay there for a moment, on his stomach, and tried to gain his breath. He felt Xander kneel down, one leg on top of him, restraining him. He tried to squeeze out from underneath the vampire, but Xander's unnatural strength kept him pinned down. "Ever heard of suspension?" He asked, and Oz felt his shirt being ripped off. "Some people say it is a very enlightening experience. The pain clarifies their thoughts. I'm not sure if I believe it, though." There was a sharp, burning pain as Xander pierced the skin on his upper right back. "You'll have to tell me what you think." The needle slid out of his skin and quickly a ring was placed in the hole. His muscle spasmed as Xander used the pliers to close the ring back up. Oz gritted his teeth, stifling a scream of pain. He wasn't going to give Xander the pleasure. "How much do you weigh? I'm not really sure how many rings to put in. Wouldn't want your weight to rip them out." Another piercing pain, this time in his left side. "Ahh, I suppose I can make an educated guess." The pliers snapped the ring into place. "I have about fifteen rings, but I think I'll only need eight or so. You're a pretty tiny guy."

"Please." Oz flinched at the needle piercing the back of his neck. "Don't do this." He didn't know if appealing to whatever Xander Harris had become would be of use at all, but he had to try. "I've never done anything to you."

"Oh, I know." Another ring secured. "But I think Willow kinda likes you. I like to give her what she wants." Sharp pain in his lower back. "You shouldn't have messed with her."

"What!" Oz didn't understand what Xander was getting at. The Willow Oz knew, albeit for a short time, would be horrified by what was being done here. "Are you insane?"

"No." The pliers snapped together. "Not insane. Just…anxious."

He was done. From what Oz could tell, there were now eight steel rings embedded in his flesh, three down each side of his back, one on the back of his neck and one just over his tailbone. His entire back hurt. He felt Xander reaching over his head for something, then smelled the pungent odor of rubbing alcohol. "I'm almost done. Just need to disinfect the wounds." A fierce stinging greeted Oz when the first piercing was bathed in a splash of alcohol. "I don't know how long she is going to want to keep you, and giving a damaged gift wouldn't be very nice of me. Wouldn't want these to get infected."

Xander finally released Oz from beneath him, and pulled him roughly to his feet. "All done." He pushed the redhead in front of him. "Now, I can carry you to the next room, or you can walk. I prefer that you walk. But if you give me any trouble…" He pulled one of the rings sharply, and Oz gave a small cry. "I'm sure you can imagine something suitable."

"I'll walk." He gritted through his teeth.

"That's a good boy." Oz was led to a table across the room. He stopped cold when he reached it, staring in horror at the ropes hanging from the ceiling. At the end of each rope an iron hook was tied. "Hop up, now." He didn't move.

"Up, now." Xander repeated. "Sit on the table, ok?"

"Please." Oz whispered. "Please don't do this."

"I thought you agreed to cooperate." Amazingly, Xander sounded reproachful. "Am I going to have to remind you of that?"

Oz braced his hands on the table and hoisted himself up so that he was sitting on the edge. "No." He said through clenched teeth. The anger didn't completely bury his fear, but it helped. "I'll cooperate."

"Thank you so much." The vampire tied his hands together, then began to hook the rings up to the ropes. "Don't worry, I won't leave you alone too long. You can try and escape if you want, but I wouldn't recommend it. I'm wiring the hooks shut. If you're really ambitious you can try and just let the rings rip through your skin, but you'd probably pass out from loss of blood before you would be able to get out the door – which will be locked, by the way." He finished his work and gave Oz a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Okay. All safe and snug."

Hopeless despondency began to replace Oz's fear. He thought he preferred the fear. "You're a monster." He said softly, letting all the fury he felt color the quiet words.

Xander only grinned. "You noticed?"

OoooOoooO

Willow's parents were still gone. Every week or so, Ira Rosenberg would take his wife out to dinner and a movie, or something similar. This week it was a play at the local theater guild. The play was scheduled to run late, and then her mom had said something about dancing, so Willow was guessing they wouldn't be home until sometime around midnight. It was only ten-thirty. As much as she liked her private time, she kind of wished they were home right now. The house was silent and cold. It made her feel very lonely.

Oz had made the last few days a little bit better, though, she thought as she flipped on her radio and turned the volume up. A small smiled played over her face. He was no replacement for Xander, of course, but it was nice, not to be alone. He was nice.

The volume on her radio was of sufficient volume that she almost didn't hear the doorbell the first time it rang. The second time, she turned off the radio and glanced at the clock. Almost eleven. Who could be here at this time of night? She walked down the stairs slowly, peering through the window slits in her front door, trying to see who was waiting outside. Only shadows greeted her.

"Hello?" She started as she opened the door, but the word died in her throat.

"Heya, Will." Xander stood there, small smile on his face. His hair was slightly mussed, and he wore a black leather jacket that she didn't recognize, but he was still the most beautiful sight that Willow had ever seen.

"Xander?" She stood stock still, frozen by the sight of him. "Xander?"

"Yeah, that would be me." He sounded amused, even chuckling slightly.

"Oh, Xander." She leapt at him, bursting into tears and laughing a little hysterically at the same time. He caught her easily and returned her embrace heartily. "I thought you were dead."

"Nope, still here and kickin." He gave her a squeeze and released her. "Couldn't leave you behind, could I?"

"What happened? How'd you get away? Did they hurt you?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…slow down, Willow. Can I come in? We could talk somewhere a little more comfortable than in your doorway."

"What? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Come in." Willow stepped out of the way and let Xander in. "Want something to eat? We could go to the kitchen. I think we have some leftover lasagna or something."

"No thanks. I already ate." He paused, glancing up the stairs. "Where are your parents?"

"Out. They probably won't be home for a while."
"Let's go up to your room, then. Its more comfy up there."

Willow shrugged, then grabbed his hand. She held it tightly, like she was clinging to a life preserver. "Okay." She led him upstairs and sat next to him on her bed. "Now tell me what happened. How did you get out of there? What happened to Jesse? Did they hurt you?"

"I'm okay, Will. A little worse for wear, but okay." Xander's voice dropped sadly. "Jesse, though…he didn't make it."

"Oh, Jesse." Willow bit her lip to keep tears from falling, and clenched his hand harder. "What about you? How'd you get out?"

"Blind luck, actually. They kept me in a cage of some kind, for all the last week. They weren't too smart, though. Darla ended up getting in an argument with one of the others and getting herself killed. They forgot to lock up the cage after that. It took me a while to find my way back up here, and believe me, it was no picnic, but eventually I did."

"Have you been home yet? Your parents –"

"Already been there." He interrupted. "They know I'm ok." Grinning, he plucked at his clean shirt. "See? Cleaned up and everything."

"Yeah. You look good." Willow knew her eyes were getting that misty, far away look they sometimes did with Xander, but she didn't care. "Of course, you could be wearing a burlap sack and a bucket of dirt and you'd still look great."

"Thanks for the compliment." His hand strayed to fondle a wisp of her hair. "You look pretty good yourself, Will."

Willow's heart speeded up. The look in his eyes as he touched her hair was gentle, and yearning. It was a look Willow was familiar with feeling in herself, but not seeing on Xander's face. "Xander?"

"I got to thinking, locked up that way. About what is really important." His voice had dropped to a whisper. Willow felt his hand slide down to gently cup the side of her face. "I know how you feel about me, Will. And I know I haven't exactly been very reciprocating. But this past week…I've changed, Willow. Really changed." His face was just inches from hers. "I want to give us a chance, Willow. I want to see what will happen." The sound of his voice was almost inaudible. "I want you."

The press of his lips against hers was soft, cool and gentle. Willow didn't respond at first, so shocked was she, but quickly lost her inhibitions and began to kiss him back in earnest. His passion met hers as the kiss became deeper, and slowly Willow realized that his hands had slid down her back and she was almost sitting on his lap. She pulled back, gasping, and stared at him in wonder. "Xander…"

He put his finger against her lips. "Shh. Don't talk." He bent over, kissing her again, and Willow felt a thrill down to her toes. This had to be a dream. It had to be heaven. Hands ran up and down her back, sending unfamiliar tingles through her body, and dimly she realized that her shirt was being slid off her body. She broke the kiss, slightly alarmed.

"Xander, we shouldn't…"

"It's okay, Willow." Xander whispered, dropping her shirt to the ground. "Its right, can't you feel it? This is right."

"We're too young, we can't –"

"Willow, I could have died this week. I almost did. All I know for sure is that I am going to live life to the fullest from now on." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I want you to a be a part of that."

Willow felt herself relenting. This past week had been hell, true, and she had wanted Xander for so long…but this was all happening so fast, it was blurring into a haze of unreality. "But, Xander, I don't know…"

"I love you, Willow." The words were quiet. Her eyes met his, searching them. "I think I've always loved you. Sometimes, during the last week, the thought of you is all that made me get through it without going insane. I need you. I need to be close to you."

Life was uncertain. Willow knew that now, if nothing else, and looked into the face of the boy that she loved. He was right. This was right. "I love you too, Xander."

He smiled, lighting up his face and Willow felt an answering smile on her own face. "Thank you, Will." He kissed her again, and she responded with an abandonment that seemed to take Xander by surprise. Her hands tore at his clothing, and quickly his clothes began to join hers in a pile by the bedside. There was no hesitation, no fear.

Their bodies met in a storm that overwhelmed Willow's senses. She had never experienced anything like it, and a part of her wanted to cry out in ecstasy, but she was so swept along in the sensations that she was unable to make a sound. Xander's body felt cold against her hot skin, but this only heightened the extraordinary feelings coursing through her body. It was amazing. It was perfect.

They collapsed on each other, spent. Willow was breathing heavily, more physically exhausted than she had ever been in her life and yet strangely invigorated. Xander didn't even seem winded. She propped her head up on her arm, looking at him dreamily. "Wow." She said. That seemed to sum it up. "Wow."

"Wow." Xander echoed. "That does seem to describe it, doesn't it."

"Yeah."

"Hey." He sat up. "Feel up to going out?"

Willow frowned, looking at her clock. "Where? My parents are going to be home soon." Her eyes widened. "Oh, gosh. They are." She started pulling on her clothes frantically. "We got to get dressed."

Xander began dressing himself. "Just come to my house. For a little while."

She pulled her shirt back on over her head. Her hair fluffed up with static and she smoothed it down again. "Why?"

"I have a present for you."

"A present?"

"Yeah." Xander finished zipping his pants and gave her an imploring look. "Please come. You're going to love it."

She smiled at him. This whole night was blurring into a confusing, happy daze.

"All right." She replied.

OoooOoooO

This night was already going better than Xander had hoped. Being with Willow again was intoxicating, and he had to fight the urge to take her right then and there – but he would be patient. He would have to have some fun with her first. She deserved that, at least, for forgetting him for that little twit Oz. He couldn't just let that slide.

They walked hand in hand, the smell of her washing over him, the scent of her femaleness strong. It had been amazing, he would give her that, and he was anticipating the first time after her change with even more excitement than before. If she had been so uninhibited now, after she would be, well, an animal. He could hardly wait.

They reached his house, the lights all still on. He had dumped his parent's bodies in the sewers behind the school, confident that when and if they were found that there would be little to link it to him. As far as most of the town was concerned, he was still missing.

"Come on. It's in the basement." He let his fingers caress her face and relished the little shiver she gave.

"Okay."

He paused at the top of the stairs, locking the basement door. "Just in case my parents wake up." He cautioned her, lying easily. She nodded. "Down here."

Oz was in the back corner of the basement, still seated on the table, shirtless. He looked up with red rimmed eyes when they entered, his teeth clenched in pain. "Willow?"

The girl looked shocked and horrified. "Oz?" She ran up to him, cringing in horror at the apparatus hooked up to his skin. "Oh, my god, Oz what happened? How did you get here?" She turned frantically to Xander. "Xander, help me. What happened? How did he get down here?" She began to worry at the hooks, but Xander had secured them well.

"Don't you like your present?" He asked softly, leaning casually against the wall. "You seemed to like him earlier."

"Xander?" Willow's voice was hesitant, afraid. Good. "What's going on?"

"Get out of here, Willow. He'll hurt you." Oz's voice was strengthless, but held a note of firmness and resolution that infuriated Xander.

"And I thought it was such a thoughtful gift." Xander let disappointment color his voice as he walked over to the ropes looped over the rafters. He began to pull on them slowly. Oz cried out in pain as his body began to rise from the table, the skin pulled taut around the rings installed in his flesh. "After all, you were able to forget about me so easily with him. I thought you wanted him."

"What are you doing?" Hysteria was beginning to creep into Willow's voice. Excellent. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me." His face shifted, and he paused to appreciate the strangled scream that produced from Willow. "I'm perfect. A little hurt that you don't like your gift, but maybe later, when you've had a chance to appreciate it…"

Willow made a dash for the stairs, but Xander was too fast for her. He released the ropes, letting Oz drop down with a thud, and grabbed Willow's arm roughly. "Leaving?" He growled, throwing her to the ground at his feet. "I don't think so."

"Oh, god, no, oh, god, Xander." She was sobbing. Pity mixed with the scent of fear, which Xander didn't like nearly so much. He bent down next to her.

"God has nothing to do with this." He whispered into her ear.

"Please, Xander, please don't hurt me."

"Hurt you?" Somehow he managed to sound surprised. "I could never hurt you. I meant what I said earlier, Will. I love you. I'll always love you."

She ducked away from him, but again, he intercepted too quickly. "I thought you loved me too, but you let him in so quickly, forgot about me so quickly…"

"Xander, no…I was so scared…I didn't…you can't be…" Her voice was breathless. "Please."

"You're afraid. Good." He pulled her close to him, feeling her blood surge within her. He breathed deep in the scent of her. "But you won't be for long. I promise." He kissed her ear, then bit it quickly, drawing blood. It tasted like strawberries. "Do you love me, Willow?"

"Oh, Xander, of course I do…please, please don't hurt me."

He gripped her shoulders roughly, and she whimpered in pain. "Stop saying that. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to help you."

"Let her go." Oz ordered weakly from the table.

"Shut up," hissed Xander.

"Please, Xander." Willow entreated, and he met her eyes. She flinched at his face, the striations on his forehead and feral yellow eyes obviously unnerving her. "I know you're in there somewhere. You don't want to hurt me or Oz. I know you don't. This isn't you."

His face slid into its human visage, and she relaxed ever so slightly in his arms. "Willow. It is me. I just need help. I need you, to keep me grounded. Please, stay with me." He could feel her relenting. Wonderful. "Please, stay with me." He repeated, letting his voice waver ever so slightly. "I need you."

Her eyes softened, the fear still prominent but her generous nature overriding it. "Of course, I'll help you. There has to be something we can do. Maybe Giles – "

"Giles? The librarian?" It was funny, how his mortal life seemed so vague, so unimportant, the details clear but distant and eminently forgettable.

"Yeah, he knows things, about vampires. There was this girl, someone named Buffy, some kind of supernatural slayer who was supposed to be here." She pushed herself to a sitting position. "He might know someway of helping you."

"And I want help. I do." He stroked her hair.

"Don't believe him, Willow. He's lying." Oz sounded angrier than a few minutes before. He could see through Xander's act, it was obvious. That was okay, though, as long as Willow accepted it. And she would, Xander knew. She wanted to believe it so badly that she wouldn't be able to believe anything else. "He's lying."

"We have to let him go, Xander." Willow's voice was fearful again, and Xander knew that Oz was getting to her. "He's hurt."

"Of course." He stood, gently pulling her to her feet. "He's yours. You can do with him whatever you want."

She looked at him, a wan, uncertain smile on her face. "I'm so sorry for what's happened to you. We'll find a way to help you, I promise."

He followed her over to the boy on the table. Oz was glaring at him with a hatred that was almost palpable. "He's lying, Willow. He is."

"Its okay, Oz. I've known him forever. He needs help, but I can help him. I'll find a way."

"No, he can't be helped. He's dead, Willow. Xander's dead. Whatever that is isn't him anymore."

"Of course it is, Willow." Xander came up behind her and kissed the top of her head gently. It was finally time. "Its me." He grabbed her head and bent it roughly to the side, exposing the slim, smooth line of her neck. She cried out. "I'll always love you." He bit down, hard, letting her lifeblood fill him with warmth and vigor. Oz screamed dimly in the background, but Xander's enjoyment was only heightened by the other boy's anguish. Let him suffer. The ebb of her pulse slowed, slowed, almost to a stop, and he lowered her body gently to the ground. He pushed her glorious red hair out of her staring eyes gently, cradling her in his lap. He bit his wrist, leaving a raw gash that dripped red onto the floor. "I'll love you forever." His wrist met her lips, spilling vitae over them.

"Forever."

End of Part 4