Chapter Fourteen: Apologies
((I got some reviews telling me that chapter thirteen was a little less than funny. Yeah, I kinda knew that. Oh well; it's hard thinking up ideas for an already fourteen-chapter story! Hope this one is better for ya'll))
"Why would you want to save him, Anakin?" asked Palpatine, gracefully steering the speeder away from the field of madness. "He revealed your one deepest, darkest secret. He constantly degrades you—what, with that whole 'master' crap. Kinky if you ask me."
Anakin shook his head, still looking back at the now non-visible Obi-Wan. "It wasn't like that; he was kind and generous and—"
"And moronic! Honestly, a Jedi Master believed a big white sheet with two eye-holes poked in it was the embodiment of the Force! I can understand that of you, Anakin, but not from one who holds a seat on the Jedi Council."
The Padawan/Jedi/Thing lowered his head wondering… wondering what Obi-Wan was doing now…
WHAT OBI-WAN WAS DOING NOW"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He yelped, dodging midgets left and right. He looked back then a realized that these were no ordinary midgets—they were hooded, furry, yellow-eyed midgets! Jawas! Obi-Wan felt the heat of their guns singe against his legs and waist. He ran faster.
Without his light-saber and too tired to use much of the Force, Obi-Wan stood no chance against the army of Jawas. Finally, he collapsed, not able to take one more step. He felt the weight of several Jawas fall down upon him.
Oh great… they're probably going to eat me or something, the little brutes.
But they did no such thing. Instead, they did not move at all. With relief and disgust, he realized the Jawas on top of him were dead. He shoved them off and saw that behind him, facing the Jawa army was an equally massive battalion of Ewoks! ((Come on, like you never thought a battle between fuzzy midgets would be cool?))
"Give up, puny Ewoks!" cried the Jawa leader. "We have guns!"
"Well we have…sticks and rocks."
Dramatic cord"RUN AWAY!"
With that, the more cowardly of the Jawas fled off to their little Jawa homes, but the few brave enough to face the sticks and rocks remained in formation. Although considerably less in number now, the Jawas still posed as a formidable enemy.
Oh if only Anakin were here now, thought Obi-Wan. He would have no problem killing off an entire species—er—I mean…wait, do I know about that sand-people thing? I don't? Oh—erm—hum dee doo…
So the clouds darkened and it would be known henceforth as
STAR WARS EPISODE 7: ATTACK OF THE CLONED MIDGETSObi-Wan stared at the mass mixture of fluff and carnage and decided to get out of that situation. While he was running, he wondered where Anakin was right now…
WHERE ANAKIN WAS RIGHT NOW"Chancellor Palpatine and Jedi Anakin, welcome," said Sly Moore, motioning for them to walk into the chancellor's large abode.
"This place is huge, Chancellor!" spoke Anakin with awe as he walked through the mansion's foyer. The older man laughed.
"Come, Anakin, would you like some tea?"
"What, do I look like a limey?"
Author / Political Correctness-Official runs into the foyer and ducks past the guards, slapping a hand over Anakin's mouth. She smiles at the readers and gives the Jedi one final kick before exiting once more.
Anakin rubbed his sore shin and looked up at Palpatine who had this funny look in his eyes.
"Chancellor?"
"Why don't I…show you the master's chambers, Anakin?"
"You mean your bedroom sir?"
"Yes, there's some things I…wish to show you. MUAHAHAHAHAH—" he and Anakin stared blankly at each other for a moment. "HAHA--cough Sorry."
Obi-Wan finally managed to navigate and run to the chancellor's mansion and with supreme author-given powers, knocked out the guards and went off to find Anakin. He heard something strange coming from one of the many upper floors, so thus he began his quest to find his Padawan.
Floor after floor there was no sign of Anakin, but the odd noises grew louder. He climbed countless stairways until finally, the tallest room in the tallest tower was before him (yes there are towers, he's evil, duh). The noises were loud now.
"AHHHH! AHHHH! URGHHHH!"
"Fit, dammit!"
"It's too small! You won't make your instrument fit! My body's just too small! AHHHHH!"
At this point Obi-Wan, thoroughly disturbed and alarmed slammed open the doors that the Chancellor did not think to lock. Once inside, he found Anakin strapped down on Palpatine's bed with the Chancellor above him.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FORCE ARE YOU DOING TO HIM!" Obi-Wan cried, rushing to the pair of men.
Palpatine lifted the black mask he had been trying to fit onto Anakin's face and tossed it to the ground. Obi-Wan looked at Anakin, covered with a black-leather suit complete with swishy, EVIL, black cape and boots.
His jaw dropped and he used the force to release Anakin from the metallic binds that had him strapped down. The younger man pointed to Palpatine (who was wearing rubber gloves and safety goggles).
"He had protection," Anakin offered.
Obi-Wan, upset and grossed out, marched himself and his apprentice towards the door.
"Going so soon?" the Chancellor asked, and the sound of a light-saber being unveiled met Obi-Wan's ears.
