Disclaimer: I don't own LoTR. Kay? I'm just writing bad stories about the real books.

Warnings: Later theirs a LOT of sexual innuendo but right now not much.

Hobbit Killer: Thanks I didn't know if you wanted to be mentioned so I didn't say anything in case you didn't. I mean if I did say something everyone would know and if I didn't I could go back and change it. I think that the stories coming along nicely as well.

Lynx Yamato: Thank you too. I also think that complete randomness is funny. If you think that it's cool then you should really like this chapter.

(By the way I would like three reviews for this chapter so please review.)

Mirkwood Revealed (in more ways than one)

After three weeks of riding (I don't know how long it would take for them to get there so I just randomly said three weeks. Say they had really fast horses or really slow horses or something. I don't care.) the group ended up in the city outside of the palace. Aragorn reined his horse as he looked around.

"Were is everyone?" He asked. "This place looks like a ghost town." True to what Aragorn said there was no one in the city. No Elflings playing, no animals making noise, no Elves walking the streets.

Legolas looked around and nodded.

There was suddenly a huge blaring horn and the city exploded into action. People, from what Aragorn and Gimli could tell, female she-Elves (a little redundant, hu?) that wore only a sheet or so came tearing out of the buildings and ran into new ones. Aragorn looked over at Legolas.

"Hey Legolas!" He screamed trying to be sure that he would be heard over the blaring horn that just happened to stop at the same time. All most all of the she-Elves stopped as soon as they heard Legolas' name and almost the same number of male Elves came out of the buildings. There was a moment of total silence and then the entire assembly let out a collective screech of joy.

"LEGOLASSSSSS!" Was the main thing that Aragorn and Gimli heard. In fact that was just about the only thing that they heard as they were blasted backwards by the sound. The horde of Elves massed towards Legolas.

"LEGOLAS GET OUT OF THE WAY! THEY WANNA KILL YOOOOUUU!" Aragorn screamed as he put one of his hands up trying to warn his friend. Unfortunately because of the fact that he couldn't hear because of the super loud Elf screech his warning actually wasn't a scream and was just a cross between a loud talking and a yell.

"OH! YAY!" Legolas opened his arms in… what was it, Aragorn wondered, an invitation? He was inviting the attack? But then the people all… hugged him? Aragorn stood and stared at the mass of Elves. Gimli stared as well. Legolas seemed to be quickly, or as quick as Elves can talk cause sometimes the language seems really long, telling the Elves a story.

"Are they… hugging him?" Gimli asked. Aragorn nodded, understanding that he had his hearing back.

"I think so… I also think that some are…… humping? him….?" Legolas waded his way out of the Elves and came to stand next to Aragorn and Gimli. He smiled and patted the two of them on the backs.

"These are my friends." He said quite normally to the Elves. "They were the ones that I was talking about before."

"They were the ones that received your blessed touch?" One of the Elves, a male one, asked.

"But one is a Dwarf!" Another cried, although this time it was a female Elf. Legolas sighed and shook his head.

"I know but extreme sexual frustration can make you do odd things." Aragorn didn't seem to compute this for a moment, as he simply stood there but then he turned to Gimli.

"Did he just-" He was cut off by the lamenting cries of the Elves.

"What happened?" Legolas closed his eyes as if recalling some horrible memory.

"I could only have one at a time…." There was a loud gasp from everyone there… or every Elf there because Aragorn and Gimli were still in the dark about what exactly was happening. "And…" The prince looked utterly distraught.

"And…?" urged the rest of the Elves.

"And I could only get to them when they were sleeping. They didn't want me in the day time so I had to resort to taking them wail they slept." At this the Elves reacted in different ways. Some of them looked amazed others didn't seem to be able to believe it at all and yet a few more glared at the two non-Elves. One Elf even picked up a stone and chucked it at Gimlis helmet.

"Waaiiiiittttt a minute." Aragorn said waving his hands around, trying to make everyone pay attention to him. Everyone did. Gimli did because he was hoping that Aragorn would ask the question that he had wanted to ask, Legolas because of the fact that he was good friends with Aragorn and as such would listen to him, and all the Elves because Legolas did. "You're saying that when you were supposed to be keeping watch for things like Orcs and Uruk-Hai you were… screwing us? And when we were sleeping?" Legolas looked a little ashamed of himself and looked down at his feet.

"Yes, Aragorn, Gmil… and I am sorry."

"You should be." Aragorn said looking disappointed. All the other Elves glared at him. After all, how dare he? How could he insult Legolas? "After all you could have just asked me and I would have done you!" At this the Elves looked a little happier.

"Same here!" Added Gimli. "I mean could you imagine what the folks back home would say if I came back and could tell them the I had screwed an Elven price." He said happily. Several Elves thru rocks at his head and this time one even hit him in the face.

"Ha." Legolas said, getting back at him for his former comment.

"ow…."

"Anyway, and thank you by the way Aragorn I'll have to take you up on that offer, I came back because of what came flying at Gondor the other day."

"Oh…. That." The Elves all said in freakish harmony. "We don't know why it happened. The king hasn't said anything about it to us." At this Legolas donned a thoughtful look.

"Then I suppose that I should go and talk to my father…" Legolas said as he glanced in the direction of the palace.

"Can I come?" asked all the Elves. Legolas looked at their pleading faces, knowing that they all wanted to come, and then looked over at Gimli and Aragorns pleading faces, knowing that they didn't want them to come, then he looked over at the Elves once again.

"Welll….. I guess that you can all come!" He said happily. Aragorn and Gimli looked annoyed and mad.