Disclaimer: I don't own LoTR. I just don't so don't sue me.
Warning: Sexual innuendo and swearing.
Thanks for reviewing everyone!
Mirkwood Revealed (in more ways than one)
And so, continuing on from the last chapter, the herd of Elves, along with one Man and a Dwarf, set out towards the palace.
Gimli was more than a little creped out by the sheer number of Elves that were following Legolas, as more had joined since they started. And Aragorn was wondering why he didn't have a following like this…..
On the way to the palace they passed a large open field. Legolas stopped and looked at the people in the field. They're were dozens of Elflings and two adult Elves. Along with them there were several cages that you couldn't see into.
"Oh… I remember when I used to do that." He said wistfully. Apparently one of the people in the field heard him because they called him over. He smiled and went right over. Aragorn and Gimli went too because they didn't want to get run over by the Elves that were following Legolas.
"Well children this is Legolas, as many of you know." Said the Elf that had called the prince over. "And he was the best student that I ever had." At this Legolas blushed and looked away.
"Oh I'm sure that you had better students."
"NO!"
"You were the BEST Legolas!"
"There's never going to be anyone better!" Were the yells from the mass behind and to the sides of Aragorn and Gimli.
"What are you talking about?" Aragorn asked the Elf next to him. The Elf glared and didn't say anything for a moment.
"And YOU received the blessed touch of Legolas?" The Elf shook his head and Aragorn let the topic drop. He looked over at Gimli and shrugged. The Dwarf shrugged as well.
"You really were the best student that I EVER had." The 'teacher' said as he patted Legolas on the arm. He turned to the young Elflings. "Would you like to see the Prince in action?" He asked.
"YEAH!" All of the kids yelled.
"You're my idol!" One of the kids, a little girl, said.
"We love you!" Some of the other students said. The teacher looked over at Legolas.
"Will you?" Legolas looked down at all of the eager young faces of the students and thought for a whole like seven hundredth of a second before answering.
"Aw, okay." He said smiling at the little kids. "Just for you guys."
"Well," said the still, and probably forever, unnamed teacher, "I guess that we should let one of our prisoners go then." He gave a symbol to another 'teacher' who was standing next to one of the cages. "This one calls himself Lurtz. Says that he killed someone named Boromir…." (Note: Lurtz is the one that kills Boromir I put him in here because then you'd know what he looks like, even though he was killed. So just ignore that fact or say that he was brought back to life….) At this Aragorn looked pretty pissed. Boromir was gonna be HIS love slave when he got back to Gondor and became king. Him and his little brother too! But Lurtz had killed him. Him being Boromir not the other one… the brother… the one with the slender, attractive and slightly feminine waist.
"You go and get him Legolas." He whispered darkly. "You make him beg for death and when you give it to him, make it long in coming…" Legolas looked at him oddly.
"What the HELL are you TALKING about?" He asked. Aragorn looked confused.
"Aren't you going to… kill him? And… and why isn't he wearing any clothes?" Now all of the Elves were looking at him oddly.
"Ummm no I'm not gonna kill him and he's not wearing clothes cause it's faster. Now watch and learn." At this the second 'teacher' let Lurtz out and told him that if he could get away he was free. Needless to say Lurtz ran like a bat outta Hell. After all he had had enough of these freakishly pretty people, and he wanted to go home, maybe get some tea and read a book and hug his teddy.
All eyes were on Legolas, including his as he was inspecting his nails. Deciding that they were acceptably clean he looked up saw Lurtz running and scoffed.
"Well time to go." And with that he was off stripping all the way la la la. (Bells on bobtails ring…..) Running with his freaky ass Elf speed he caught up with Lurtz in no time. The Uruk-Hai looked over at him and then let out a hysterical scream that sounded like 'sorry teddy!'. He knew what was coming next.
All the Elves, plus Aragorn and Gimli watched as Legolas tackled Lurzt and…
"Aragorn… is it just me or is Legolas screwing that Uruk-Hai?" Aragorn was staring down the field at the two and nodded, not able to say anything. All the Elves, mean while were cheering, even the little ones.
"Gimli… I am permanently scarred for life. I don't think I have ever seen anything as odd as a hot Elven Prince screwing a disgusting Uruk-Hai leader."
"I didn't know that Uruk-Hai could bend that way." Gimli commented as he watched Legolas and his captured Lurtz.
"I guess that it's left over from them once being Elves…" Aragorn replied, "I mean me and Arwen can get into that position sometim-" He stopped and both his and Gimlis eyes got to be about the size of dinner plates. "Okay. We can NOT get THAT position." He said looking a little queasy.
"I didn't know that ANYONE could get that position…" Gimli said looking a little green. "And…. I think that I might hurl…" And hurl he did! Right onto one of the Elves.
After a few minuets Legolas came frolicking back to the group picking up his clothes as he came. Two adult Elves went out, grabbed Lurtz, and forced him back into his cage even as he screamed no.
"Legolas… that was undoubtedly the most horrifying thing that I have EVER seen." Legolas let out a small giggle, yes giggle get over it, and shrugged.
"Then you'll think this is weird too." He said pointing to all of the Elflings would had all lined up.
"What are they doing?" Aragorn asked. Legolas put a finger to his mouth and said
"Sore wa himitsu de-" Oh… wait wrong show that's Slayers.
And said
"That's a secret!" Yeah that's the right way! Ha!
"Wait" The teacher that Legolas had just finished talking to yelled. He made severally symbols to the other Elves that were on the cages and they pulled the doors open. Out came spiders and Orcs and Uruk-Hai and even the odd Warg.
"Wait" The teacher yelled once more. Aragorn was getting really confused and Gimli would have been getting confused if he had been seeing what was going on but he wasn't for he was too busy getting the living shit beat out of him by the Elf that he had gotten sick on.
"Legolas," Aragorn asked once more, "What are they doin-" He was suddenly cut off by the teacher.
"GO!" And with that all of the Elfling were off, running after the fleeing Orcs Uruk-Hai spiders and odd wargs.
"Legolas…" Aragorn said as he watched the young Elves. They would get one creature, pull it down, screw it and then run off to find another. The teachers seemed to be keeping score and all of the Elves behind him were cheering for one Elfling or another.
"What are they doing?" Legolas looked over at Aragorn and rolled his eyes.
"It's class, duh. They're learning how to screw things of different species and in the other class they learn how to screw in their sleep... REM… walking dreams…. what ever…. They're learning how to screw when they're not conscious." Aragorn stared at Legolas, not knowing what else to say. Legolas smiled at him, shrugged and then walked off.
