Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…
A/N: I wonder why nobody's reviewing this… is this really that bad? Sigh… oh well… I hope I get at least one review… it makes me wonder whether I should just write this story down in a notebook and leave it there… but for some reason I just feel compelled to type this down… what do you think?
Maa, maa… oh well… it's good to see this posted despite everything…
I think 7 years with the gang is enough to make Gaara a bit more humane than before… less headaches… but not totally normal… (chuckles).
Here is Gaara's reflection on his companions…
Odes of the Betrayed
By Kage Kurokawa
Chapter 04 Crimson Reflections (GAARA)
I hate these meetings. I hate this hall. I hate listening to ramblings of Shikage's clients.
I curse the people of Suna. I curse my pathetic childhood. I curse the tattoo on my forehead.
I regret making that promise to Temari. I regret leaving things unfinished. I regret a lot of things…
The moment that we entered the hall, I witnessed a change in the aura of my companions. From tense to surprise to anger then to a strange calm.
There in front of us, standing beside the Shikage was a Konoha Jounin with white-gray hair. I've seen him before. He used to be Naruto's team leader. I think his name's Kakashi. Beside him is another man. He looks older, around in his late fifties or more, with a broad frame and long white hair. He looks strong, but there is something odd about him. His emblem is also that of Konoha... Naruto seems to recognize them both. Maybe he's that perverted hermit that he told me about.
It's been quite a while since I've seen everyone asagitated as this. There had been signs all day. From the moment that Shikamaru knocked on our door and told us what little he could about this mission.
And now everything was confirmed.
It meant that our business had something to do with Konoha.
Konoha is a name rarely spoken among us. It's strange that when I first met these guys, they had been more than ready to die for that village. In the early years, I used to wonder what happened to change all that. I got my answers as time went by.
I am in no position to judge them or their village. It was none of my business, in any case.
I stood quietly and observed the scene unfolding before me.
I noticed the change in expression from the two elder ninjas of Leaf. Surprise? Relief? Frustration?
The room remained silent.
The Shikage motioned for us to approach. He was, as always, robed in black, wearing the traditional half-mask of his. Nobody really knew what he looked like, except maybe for some of the Kage Seiei… and me. And probably Sasuke as well. He gives us that calculating look that I believe he enjoys giving people, studying them. He told me that we have a similar look when scrutinizing people. I don't know what to say about that. At first glance, when I look at most people, I usually try to think of what would be the easiest way to kill them. Or how they would look when they are dead… I'm trying to break the habit now. Naruto said that it was unhealthy. Nowadays, I only do this with some random stranger.
The Shikage's eyes are red, reminding me of Uchiha Sasuke's Sharingan eyes. But his pupils change color, for what purpose I do not know for sure.They are cat-like and can expand to cover almost all ofthe retina or narrow into very thin strips. I noticed this when I'm fighting with him. I seldom fight with him now because of the number of missions that my team is getting.
He was rumored to be the best and most cunning, if not thewisest, shinobi in these lands.
I'm not so sure about that. But he is a very powerful opponent. Just the way I likemy adversaries.He usually beats me in our sparring matches. Most of the time though, it's only because I'm letting him, observing him, and learning from him. He knows this as well. But he never says a word. After all, Shikage is training me to be his successor.
But I don't want to lead this place. I don't want to be that high up in the ranks. I don't want to be Kage Seiei without my team. The only thing I want right now is my revenge. And I'm going to get it.
I see thatall my companions' composures regained in just a second. All the years spent in this accursed place had taught us to rein everything in and keep our wits in every situation.
As I've mentioned, I developed a hobby of watching the people around me and learning from them. Ever since that first eye-opening fight with Naruto after the chuunin exams ten years ago, I've been interested in figuring out people like they are puzzles. It has beena secret habit of mine. Of course, I've been analyzing my enemies for years, how they fight, how to get them mad, how to defeat them. And kill them. But after my epiphany, I wanted to know more about people because I wanted to learn how to live. I've never really known what life is about, except to fight, and kill, and survive. Naruto had pointed out that there was much more to life than what I've been doing all my existence. He told me once that a person can only kill so much, and after a time, it's gonna get boring and tiresome. Ever since he'd been in my company, I've gained a lot of insights on how much I was really missing out. In studying people, their routines, their personalities, their pasts, their emotions… I get some idea on how to approach things and situations that I have been totally unfamiliar with. Mostly about tolerance, some useful manners, friendship, trust, family and…
My favorite subjects these past seven to eight years had been the five young men that I came here with. I've met them all about ten years ago, at the Chuunin exams in their former village. We all started out on the wrong foot. I had fought two of them in all animosity. And look at us now. I like observing them as much as I can, because at some level we are all alike. Children of pain and cruel fate.
But we all deal with our circumstances differently. Or do we really?
I fall behind the group some paces trying to gauge what I can from their bodies' movements. I see Neji approach the Shikage first. He walked straight and steady and he held his head up regallylike royalty. His face held no emotion, save for one or two threadlike veins on the side of his forehead, barely visible, but there nonetheless. His long waist length hair followed his every movement.
Hyuga Neji. When I first met him here in Phantom country, we rarely had anything to do with each other. He would ignore me and I would ignore him. And that suited us just fine. I always had to bite somescathing retorts every time he opened his mouth back then. Until Naruto forced us to 'be nice to each other'. He is a genius and he knew it. He had been arrogant and would treat almost everyone as if they were beneath him. Well, he is still quite haughty and treats many people, like his one-night stands, as he would used rags. Neji never has any 'conquest', as Naruto calls it, that lasts over one encounter. Except for Shikamaru. He is not hard to look at, so it's no wonder people from both sexes fall for him. As a ninja, he usually focuses on building up his own strength, and improving his skills. He is a very good sparring partner for me. As a friend, he is very protective and loyal to our little group, he is often level-headed and has a nasty temper when irritated, but he does not go ballistic like Sasuke. He is too serious most of the time. He is, as Naruto termed it- the most stiffed-back bastard among us. We did, however, discover a lighter side to him, when we were all living together. Like the rest of his team, he is quiet and straight to the point. The mute squad, Naruto calls them. Yet among the three, he is the most vocal and always the first to voice out his opinions. He used to be cursed with a seal that made him a puppet of his clan. But Shikamaru and Shino found a way to break it three years ago.
Next in team three, after Neji, there is Shino. Shino is the most silent in our little party. He rarely talks much. He is often underestimated by everyone. Partly because he looks harmless, and is blind. Most people think he is the weakest in team three. They couldn't be more wrong. He is at par with the other two. Neji and Sasuke may rival each other for leadership, but everyone knows that it is Shino who keeps his two teammates in line so that they wouldn't kill each other. He is most indispensable, being the best medic nin and tracker around, thanks to his bugs. He usually spends most of his time in the lab or at the lake. After Naruto, he is probably the second 'nicest' person in our group, always looking out for everyone in his quiet way. He has this subtle way of fussing on us andhe makes the best listener. He is the most clearheaded person I know and rarely ever loses his temper. Save one time...He is also the most sealed off among us and had been the most difficult to figure out… it seems that only Sasuke can truly do that. He was wary of me when we first met and I made his bugs quite unstable, but we're fine now. In fact, I owe him for this nice armband I'm wearing.
Then there's Sasuke. The heir of the Uchihas. He is a gifted ninja. A genius warrior. Or so everyone says. Over the years, he has learned and mastered every technique that the Sharingan can offer. After all, he learned from the best… an Uchiha cast off from years ago, who became a special Anbu in White City. This man trained him a few years back before the said Anbu was poisoned. Sasuke is a strong, stubborn, power driven, vengeance-lusting ninja. Just like me. That is why we understand each other perfectly. Even more than me and Naruto. Because we breathe for the same reasons. We both know what it's like to starve for the blood of those that made us who we were. I can always talk to him and expect him to really know what it's like… the rage, the lust, the unbridled hatred… and not feel guilty about it. We both had known what felt like to completely lose all control and loving every minute of it. Shino tempered him nowadays and manages for most part to calm him down every time he's out of it. But mostly it's because the seal on his neck is gone now. Again, Shino and Shikamaru take the creadit for finding a way to destroy it four years ago. Like me, Sasuke is also a candidate for Shikage's successor. And like me, he doesn't want to have anything to do with it.
First up on my team, Team Eight, is Shikamaru. It must be noted that for the ninjas in White, Gray and Black Phantom Villages, Seiei Team Eight has a very ominous ring to it. Our team is rumored to be the most brutal of all ninja teams. After all, what can one expect from a team with two demons out of three in it? It's good that we have Shikamaru Nara on our team. He may seem to bethe lazy, easygoing, good-for-nothing sleepy head, as Naruto describes him, but he is one of the sharpest ninjas I've ever met. Shikamaru, like Shino reins his often out-of-control teammates. You see, when we do class A to class S missions, me and Naruto don't fight. We let our counterparts fight. Shikamaru just keeps watch and uses his shadow manipulation technique to pull us back to reality. This technique of his had gotten stronger with time and can now manipulate a whole platoon of jounins in one go. It is not enough to really stop me or Naruto, but it is enough to jolt us back to ourselves. We gave him our permission to do this when needed. Shikamaru is often easily bored with everything and has the attention span of a fly. But he is very intelligent. Together with Shino, they make a formidable team in figuring out how to break cursed seals or form team strategies. He always leaves Naruto frustrated when they play shogi. But Shino is also a noted womanizer. Naruto doubts that there's any woman left in the red district of Akamachi that he hasn't bedded yet. And having avery short attention span, his relationships last only from about thirty minutes to a week at most. He and Neji, however,have a very complicated, casual sexual relationship. They deal in bets and games I'm not really familiar with. Norwould like to know about it. Well, it's none of my business anyway.
Then there's Naruto. Naruto is one of the most complex individuals I've ever known. He and I are more or less equal when it comes to strength. He could very well be an easy candidate for Shikage but the current Shikage said that he is still too 'softhearted' to take that position. Like me, he's got a fiend trapped inside his body. Literally. But unlike me, he's learned to appreciate everything he's been given. He's had a hard life, but still, he smiled amidst his pain. He knows what its like to be judged, to be feared, to be seen for what people think he was and not who he was. We are the same in this respect. He knows about the loneliness and the pain. The frustration and the anger. The need to prove that he is with purpose. He never makes excuses for his failures or his mistakes though. He's always determined to show the world that he can make his dreams come true. I owe him a lot. Through him, I finally acknowledged that I am much more than a killing machine. I owe him for showing me how to appreciate life, even the silliest aspects that I used to find pathetic and disgusting. Like developing a taste for ramen, relaxing at a hot spring, or falling asleep on someone's lap. It is because of him that Shukaku gave me lesser headaches, and the bloodlust subsides every now and then because Kyuubi occupies his time. And Naruto says that it's for the good of everyone.
Naruto alsohelps me deal with my nightmares. And I help him deal with his. Over the years, they don't haunt the both of us as often as they do. He is the closest person in my life right now as I am to him. The other four people in our group know that very well. And they support and respect that. What started out as a frenzy, frustrated tryst begun by our demon residents ended up as an unbreakable bond between two individuals. So,I can attest that demons do fall in love.
I am not afraid of this… emotion that I feel for him anymore. I asked Neji about this 'feeling' way back and he told me not to let it go. I asked Sasuke about it and he said that he sincerely wished he would be able to feel it once in his life, before proceeding to threaten me with slow mutilation if I hurt one of his best friends. Then, I asked Shikamaru and he just slapped my back and called me a lucky bastard. I also asked Shino, who just smiled at me and wished me luck. Finally, I told Naruto, who just laughed and kissed me breathless. He told me that the feeling is returned. I remembered not getting much sleep that night.
On the whole, aside from the gruesome missions, I could say that I have a fairly normal life here. I am calmer than I've ever been. I have a semblance of a family that I've never known, even if it is a complex one. Our group keeps to ourselves mostly because even this place of runaways and fugitives and murderers and the banes of society, we are outcasts. Powerful and special we may be, but it is exactly because of these traits that we do not belong. And it is because of these qualities that we have to fight for survival ever so often. We trust no one here but each other.
Though I may hate this place, I am content to be where I stand. In the company of people I learned to trust implicitly over the years.
Trust.
It had been so hard to give. But I learned that I could trust these five people with me here. I could trust them with my back at any given situation.
I could trust Shikamaru not to let me get too far when Shukaku's out.
I could trust Neji to give me a good sparring lesson every now and then.
I could trust Sasuke to understand my actions more than anyone here.
I could trust Shino with my body when I am injured.
I could trust Naruto with… everything.
My musings are interrupted as the long moment of silence is broken by Neji's voice…
End Chapter 04
A/N: hmmm... boring chap huh? just getting inside someone's head... why he left Sand Village is for the mission parts... Part I is all about getting to knowthe all over again...
oh well, on to the next...
