Part 13 - Lost & Found
MAX
When I woke up it was almost dark outside. The faint glow of the setting sun filtered through the window in a blend of pink and pale gold. It was a peaceful way to ease back into consciousness.
Everything around me suggested security and warmth. We'd gotten three rooms for the seven of us but they hadn't left me. I looked at the men surrounding me and grinned. Alec was curled at my side, one arm thrown over my waist. It felt right, comforting. Biggs was at the foot of my bed, his head hanging over one side and his leg propped up on a small coffee table on the other. Tanner had fallen asleep sitting up against the other bed. Jake was snoozing in a big armchair by Ben's bed. His hand held tight to his gun where it rested on his stomach.
I looked up when I caught a hint of movement from the corner of my eye. Steve was standing guard. I put a finger to my lips, nodding in the general direction of the others and he gave me a smiled and winked. We'd let them sleep for now.
Ben's broken leg had been set and his ribs had been taped and he was resting comfortably on the bed next to mine. Tanner and Jake had cuffed him to the bed so he wouldn't be tempted to escape. Not that he would have made it out of bed. In a room full of hyped and protective X5 males, he wouldn't stand a chance.
My upper arm was sore but Steve had done a good job patching me up. I was none the worse for wear following the beating I'd received from the Familiars. Clashes with them weren't anything new and the physical discomfort I experienced couldn't come close to the mental anguish I was feeling. The pain was rampant and incessant as it plagued my mind.
I was still in shock. My big brother Ben, whose neck I had snapped in the woods that day, was alive. I shouldn't have been so surprised. Manticore had a strange way of bringing back the dead. Zack was testimony enough to the fact.
Manticore. Alec said Manticore had found Ben. What I didn't understand was why Ben was here and why he was after Alec. Could it be personal? Ben had sounded really pissed off. Then again, I would probably wanna kill Alec too if he'd left me in the boot of a car! But that aside, I was very curious about the circumstances behind Ben's appearance. And more than that, I wanted to know why Alec had brought him along.
I moved to get up from the bed but in the process managed to wake Biggs. "Hey, Scarecrow." I whispered quietly. "Wanna go outside? I wouldn't mind the company."
Biggs flashed me a quick smile and said "Sure, Max." as he slowly rose from the bed, careful not to rouse Alec. He picked up his gun as we walked toward the door. I gave him a look and he returned one in kind. "Come on Max, I know you're packin'!"
I shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry. Old habits die hard." He chuckled at that as we walked past Steve. He closed the door softly behind us.
We walked in silence for a while, enjoying the serenity that night in the country offered. It was quiet and a light breeze blew strands of hair around my face. Biggs had his hands jammed in his pockets and he looked slightly uncomfortable. I looked at him and guilt overtook me. I felt close enough to confide in him so I did.
"Biggs?"
"Yeah?" he had a faraway look in his eyes.
"I don't want this to come out the wrong way but…" my voice trailed off as I considered how to say what I wanted.
"You didn't want it to be me holding you." I looked at him in astonishment.
"How did you know?"
"I felt it, sensed it. And for the record, I didn't want it either." WOW. That floored me.
"Um, out of curiosity…why not?" I really wanted to know.
"Look Max, Alec's my best friend. And I got the distinct impression that he wasn't the least bit happy that I was the one holding you. Especially wearing only a towel…" he finished, somewhat embarrassed.
Even though I had been seizing hard, I remembered Biggs' bare chest beneath my cheek. And I had felt so guilty. Wishing Alec hadn't seen it, wishing it had been him instead. Biggs' next words threw me.
"I think he's jealous of me."
"Why would he be jealous of you?" I laughed lightly. There was nothing for Alec to be jealous of. Admit it Max. You like the idea. If he's jealous it has to be because he has feelings for you! Hope crept into my heart as I waited for Biggs to answer.
Biggs looked me straight in the eyes. "Because he loves you. And the thought of you with anyone else is killing him, Maxie."
I was stunned. My heart skipped a beat and the feeling of hope flared for a brief moment. But denial set in and I refused to accept his words at face value. I snorted. "Right. Like dogs love fleas."
"Seriously, Max." he insisted. "Think about it."
My voice dropped to a whisper and I choked out. "Then why did he send me away?"
Biggs put a comforting hand on my shoulder and said simply "Ask him."
ALEC
When I opened my eyes I was surprised to find the space next to me empty. I searched the room for Max and noticed that not only was she not there but Biggs was gone too. This can't be happening.
The last thing I wanted to believe was that my best friend had gotten together with my girl. Ok. She's not 'my girl'. But she should be! She would be if not for my stupidity. I got off the bed and went over to stand by Steve. I eyed him questioningly.
"They went for a walk a little over an hour ago." I closed my eyes tightly, took a deep breath and went outside to look for them.
They were sitting together, Max's head resting on Biggs' lap and they were talking quietly. It looked like Max was crying.
I came up behind them but before I could open my mouth Max spoke up. "Hey Scarecrow, scram, would ya? I needa talk to Alec."
Biggs laughed. "You couldn't be any sweeter if you tried, could ya Maxie?" She gave him a mock glare. "Okay, okay! I'm gone!" and with that he got up and left us alone.
I looked down at Max, waiting for I'm not quite sure what. She motioned to the space next to her and I sat down.
"So, what's with the nickname, Maxie? Scarecrow?" I was baffled. Of all the things she could call him, that just didn't suit Biggs at all.
"On the way here we took the train." She said, her eyes glinted impishly. "We got bored and Biggs and I decided to spar. Well, one thing led to another and I sorta kicked him across the car and he landed on a bale of hay. It exploded and…" she was laughing hard now. The picture she painted was funny. I could see Biggs, covered in straw and the image was nothing short of hilarious. I looked past my anger and jealousy as the humor of the situation took hold. I joined in her laughter.
"So," I started tentatively after a while. "You two got pretty close this past week."
Max must have noticed the uncertainty in my voice as she looked at me reassuringly. "Alec, Biggs and I are friends. Good friends, I hope. I'm glad I had this time to get to know him better. It's nice to be close to your best friend's buddies."
I lifted an eyebrow, somewhat confused. "What does Biggs have to do with Cindy ?"
"Oh Alec, you nitwit!" Her next words were spoken with absolute sincerity. "I'm not talking about OC! You filled that space a long time ago."
I stared at Max in disbelief. "Come on, Maxie! What a load of bull! Me, your best friend? The guy you always call a screw up? Who can't ever do anything right?" my voice rose as I remembered every harsh word she'd ever told me, every name she'd called me. "Me? The ever-present thorn in your side? The idiot sidekick? The one you should never have set loose in the world? The one whose head you wished you'd let explode? You're incredible, Max. Fucking incredible!" My hands were clenched by my sides and I was about to explode.
Max's eyes filled with tears and she reached out for my hands. I jumped to my feet. "No, Max. Just leave it." I turned to walk away when I heard her whisper.
"What can I do to prove it to you, Alec? Tell me what I have to do."
I looked back at her, emotion clouding my head. I had no idea what to say, let alone do. I'd never been in a situation like this before and the feeling unnerved me. The words that came out of my mouth did so of their own volition. I guess my subconscious decided to speak for me.
"Trust me? Talk to me? Stop using me as your personal punching bag? Just being civil would be nice. I don't know, Max. I'm not sure there is anything you can do. I don't know if I even want you to try."
I turned on my heel and stalked off, leaving Max behind me, crying quietly. By this point I really didn't care.
Liar.
I had almost reached the room when suddenly Max appeared before me. Dammit! Can't you just let it go for once, Max!
Planting herself firmly in front of me, it was as if she'd read my thoughts. "No."
"What do you want from me, Max? Huh? You want me to swallow all the shit you've thrown at me? Should I bend over and take it? Is that what you want?" I was ranting now, on a roll. The floodgates had opened and I was powerless to stop the tirade pouring from my mouth.
"You've done nothing but bitch at me since day one. I'll admit, you had every right to be upset when I, being Ben's twin, surprised you, proclaiming myself your breeding partner. I can hear that. I can understand your anger when I tried to kill you. I'm not proud of it! But I didn't wanna die, Max, and for a minute there I was willing to use you as my ticket to life. But I couldn't do it. For some fucked up reason, I cared about you." I took a deep breath before continuing.
"And then you saved my life at the expense of your own happiness. You turned my world upside down in the space of a few weeks! But no matter what I've done since then, no matter how hard I've tried, how much I've changed, tried to make you see that I'm a good person, you won't see it. You beat me down at every opportunity! Reduced me to an insecure, bumbling idiot. I never doubted myself before I met you!" I was yelling, all the pent up anger finally released.
"And then you come to me telling me you're in love with me, that I'm your best friend. Well you can't call me crazy if I just don't believe you, Max."
I'd finally said everything I'd been feeling. Opened my heart and let out my deeply buried emotions. And looking at Max's tear stained face, instead of feeling better, I felt like shit. Like I'd hurt her again.
"Do you see what you do to me, Max?" My voice thick with emotion, I was barely able to control myself. "You haven't said a thing and I feel like I'm at fault. Me. You're the one causing the pain and I'm carrying the guilt. Why's that, huh? Tell me, Max. Why?"
She reached out to caress my face. "I think you are the only one who can answer that, Alec." She was right.
"I love you, Max. I take everything you throw at me and keep coming back for more. I'm whipped, pathetic. Damn you for making me fall in love with you!" Tears of frustration were clouding my vision, making their way down my cheeks. The weight of realization and the admission of my feelings brought me to my knees.
Max dropped to a crouch in front of me and took my hands in hers. I didn't fight her. At that moment it was all I could do to hold myself together. I was coming apart, losing the battle within. But then Max looked deep into my eyes, my breath caught in my throat and I was surprised to see emotions there that I'd only ever dreamed she would show me. But the one thing I'd longed to see for so long was shining brightest of all.
"I love you too, Alec." I clutched at her, desperate for the only comfort that would ease my tortured heart.
"Max." I whispered hoarsely into her hair, her cheek pressed against my chest. Nothing had ever felt so right before. I never wanted to let go. We sat there holding each other close, lost in the perfect private moment, the comfort of our embrace.
Max turned her face into my shoulder, and I heard her faint voice, choked with tears. "I'm so sorry, Alec. So sorry." she said over and over. I just held her tight. The time had passed somehow and I noticed the colors that painted the sky with the dawn of a new day.
I whispered back, "Can we start over?"
TBC
Part Fourteen
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