Part 14 - Shaken & Stirred
BEN
I woke to the sound of Alec yelling at Max. Lying in my bed, perfectly still, I'd heard most of the emotional exchange between them. It shocked me. I'd thought that Alec would be a hardcore soldier. But his humanity was so confounding in its intensity. I could tell that he really loved my little sister. I was going to have to rethink things.
Everything I'd been taught, all that I'd been told and that had been ingrained, was going belly-up. We weren't meant to be like Norms. But I was beginning to see that we really were more human than not. And the beginnings of an old, familiar ache started in my belly. I too wanted to love, to be loved. And Manticore wasn't going to provide that. If anything, they'd kept me isolated for far too long. Maybe I was strong enough to break away. If I could only convince the others I was serious. I wasn't stupid enough to think I could do this on my own.
Alec would be hard to convince. After all, I'd come after him to take him back to hell…or to kill him. Either way, I'd done the unthinkable. Tried to harm my own kind. I was beginning to feel sick. It had been a long time since I'd cared enough to feel guilty.
And his friends had wanted to kill me straight off. If I were in their position, I'd have wanted to do the same. Hell, I would have done it. But after witnessing Alec's outburst, I knew that he really cared for Max and that was probably the only reason I was still alive.
I knew that Max would understand. She was the only one who ever really had. Even though Zack had known what I was up to, and he'd tried to reason with me, really tried to talk me out of killing, he never once hurt me. Max was the one who had really gotten my attention. In some warped way, I guess maybe she cared more about me than Zack did.
That was one of the problems with being left alone. I had too much time to think. And somehow, when I thought, things got confused. Why did I suddenly doubt Zack? How could I think that because Max hurt me she cared more? But it made sense. She cared enough to try anything that might stop me. I knew it. I sensed it. But I'd ignored it.
Which brought me back to Alec again. Back at Manticore I'd heard the stories. I knew what he had suffered because of me. And his anger, his hate, was thoroughly justified. Would my brother ever be able to forgive me? I could only hope and pray that the Blue Lady was looking out for me. Who was I kidding? It was all up to Max. I knew the others would follow Alec. And Alec seemed to be willing to leave any decisions regarding me up to Max.
I wasn't looking forward to the confrontation. I knew it was inevitable. How would she react? I was relatively sure she wouldn't let them kill me, but there are worse things than death…
Oh god no, not now, not like this! The shaking began and I was losing focus. The lack of medication was starting to affect me. I knew that without it I could fall back into the darkness I was so afraid of.
Manticore had 'fixed' me. They'd given me meds for the chemical imbalance in my head. Two small, blue pills, taken twice a day helped keep the urge for violence under control. But without them I was prone to psychotic behavior. And I knew I was starting to lose my grip on reality.
I glanced around the room and took in the sight of the men around me. They were still asleep. The tall guy by the door was looking at me strangely. I never liked being stared at and now was no exception.
"What are you looking at?" I growled low in my throat.
Steve looked at me, raised his gun and kept it trained on me. I don't like threats. It was at this moment that I realized I was handcuffed to the bed. Did they really think I couldn't get out of the cheap metal restraints? How stupid did Manticore make their soldiers, really? I was more than a soldier. I was angry, being held against my will, and all I could think of was ripping the throat out of the man pointing the gun.
I closed my eyes and strained against the cuffs. But as soon as the darkness drowned out the light, the image of Max's face came to me. I could hear her speaking softly. "Ben, why are you doing this?" And I shook myself. Trembling, from both withdrawal and the fear that I was falling out of reach, I screamed.
"MAAAAAX!"
The room came alive in a flurry of movements. Heads whipped up all around me as the sleeping X5s were jolted awake. Max and Alec came running into the room.
"Max! Fuck! Help me!" I was yanking on the handcuffs and biting my lip, all the while my body shook. I was sweating, cold, and my head hurt. What did I do to deserve this! Max knelt by the side of the bed and caressed my face soothingly. She gripped my hand tightly and her eyes welled with tears.
"Don't cry, Maxie." I whispered. And suddenly I jerked with spasms. "Oh god, it hurts!"
Alec turned to Steve and I could faintly hear him ask "What the hell is going on?"
"The hell if I know, Alec! One second he's asleep, the next he's looking at me like a maniac, asking what I'm staring at! Then he starts shaking and finally he screamed for Max." Steve paused before muttering "He's psycho. Comes with the territory."
Alec grabbed Steve by the throat and lifted him off the ground. "Don't. Ever. Speak. About. Him. Like. That. Again." My brother meant business. If I'd had more energy, I'd probably wonder why he cared. But I was trying too hard to tell Max what was happening. She looked so scared.
"Ma-ax." She looked at me as I struggled to speak between spasms. "Me-ed-ic-ine." She looked at me in confusion. "Ba-ag. P-ills." I gestured weakly in the direction of my pack.
Alec grabbed the pack and fumbled with the zipper. He dumped the contents onto the bed. Picking up the bottle, he quickly uncapped it.
"Ben." He said, shaking me to get my attention. "How many?"
"T-wo."
A moment later I felt someone place the pills on my tongue. I dry swallowed and closed my eyes. Within minutes, my body began to relax and I opened my eyes to look at everyone. Max's face was tear-stained, Alec looked worried. Worried! My brother obviously cared more than he let on. Maybe I had a chance after all.
ALEC
I stared at my brother intently. He'd just had an attack of some sort and I had no idea what was going on. I hated being in this position. Why the hell was I worried about him anyway? The bastard tried to kill me earlier. That or capture me. Like I would let him.
"You gonna tell us what that was all about?"
Ben shrugged. "The pills regulate the chemical imbalance."
"You mean they keep you from going nuts." I turned quickly and cuffed Tanner. His comment may have been right on the mark, but I couldn't allow the others to talk like that, not in front of Max.
"Shut up."
Tanner scowled at me. In a whisper only I could hear he retorted, "You know you're thinking the same thing."
I glared at him and inclined my head in Max's direction. He must have understood as he quickly shut up and leaned back against the wall.
"So the meds keep you sane?"
Ben nodded. "Yeah. As long as I take them, I'll be fine."
"And if you don't?" Max's question startled me. Ben looked a bit surprised too. Hadn't he just said what would happen? The bastard would go crazy. Kinda self-explanatory.
"What do you mean?"
"What exactly would you have done if we hadn't given you the pills?"
Ben swallowed. "I'd have broke free and probably attacked him" he said, pointing at Steve.
"You wouldn't have made it out of bed alive." Steve's reply was cold. I couldn't help but agree with him. Steve would happily have shot Ben dead if he'd tried to escape.
"Ben." Hearing his name, he looked at Max questioningly.
"You were considering killing him? Then what made you scream my name?"
"For a brief moment I saw your face. Heard you speak to me. What you said to me in church that day."
Max closed her eyes and whispered. "Ben, why are you doing this?"
I spoke up. "I think it's kinda obvious why."
"No, Alec. Those were the exact words she spoke to me. Max and I, we've always known what the other was thinking."
Jealousy surfaced. Not only had my brother caused me to suffer pain and torture, but he was closer to Max than I was. I hated that. Hated him more in that one moment than ever before.
"Ben, why did Alec bring you here? How did you two find each other?" Max had finally asked the dreaded question. But before Ben could respond she turned to me angrily.
"And why the hell was he tied up anyway? Care to explain why he's been chained to the bed and under guard?" Her tone was venomous as she spat the words at me. I cringed inwardly. An angry Max was never fun. But a furious Max? Bodily harm was sure to follow. It looked as if our talk outside was forgotten. Did you really think she'd change? What surprised me was that I actually did.
Jake chose that moment to speak. "What do you want to hear first? How Ben attacked Alec or how Alec chose to save Ben's life?"
"What the fuck do you know about it?" Max shouted at him.
"What do I know about it?" he asked, incredulous. "A helluva lot more than you! You weren't there, dammit. I was. So before you go defending your crazy brother, you should take a long hard look at the man you claim to love. Treat him with a little respect. Listen to what he has to say. Really listen." Jake stalked out of the room in a huff.
Max was taken aback at his outburst. My respect for Jake grew. It felt good, hearing him stick up for me like that. But I could wage and win my own battles. I turned to Max.
"Maxie, maybe we should talk about this in private."
Before she could answer, Ben spoke up.
"No. Your friend was right. I did attack Alec." He breathed deeply and took Max's hand. "My orders were to capture or kill 494. Either way, I was sent here to bring Alec back."
"Bring Alec back." she echoed. "Back where?"
"Manticore."
The breath hissed from her lips and she faltered. I reached forward to catch her. Max leaned back against me and I wrapped my arms around her waist. I could feel the tension in her small body as she seemed to struggle with Ben's admission.
"You came to take Alec back to Manticore. Are you fucking crazy!" she was furious.
"I thought we already established that." Ben muttered. I couldn't help myself, it was too funny. I cracked up. I had to give him points for humor.
A smile tugged at Max's mouth and she laughed. A moment later when Ben caught on, he and everyone in the room joined in the laughter.
"He even sounds like you." She looked up at me, grinning.
When the laughter died down, Max turned serious again. "What are we going to do with you, Ben?"
I could hear the unspoken words. Max wasn't sure she could trust him. Good for you, Maxie. Finally using those brains over your emotions. Thinking like a soldier. I wondered how this would play out.
Ben's face was sad and he wore an almost resigned look.
"I know there's no reason for you to believe me, but I want to stay with you. I am not going back to base. Just one day with you guys has shown me I can be so much more than a Manticore robot. I don't want to be that person anymore. Help me, Max? Alec? Please."
I looked at him sceptically. He sounded sincere but I didn't know if I believed him. He could be playing us. Hell, I used to do it all the time. Turn on the charm, pretend sincerity, get what I want and then take down my target. It was the way we were trained. Maybe one day I would come to trust him, if he proved himself worthy. But somehow I knew I had to give him the chance.
Putting my hand on my brother's shoulder I squeezed lightly. An emotion I was unfamiliar with stirred deep inside of me. I really cared about Ben, more than I'd thought possible. Even after all the pain and suffering he'd caused me, I still cared. Maybe this was what Max felt. A closeness, a family bond that was damned hard to shake.
I replied firmly. "We'll help you, big brother. Just don't make me regret this. Don't let us down."
Obviously moved, he grabbed my hand. "I won't." I sent Ben a genuine smile. Granted, he was crazy, but Ben was family and it felt good. Maybe we would get through this.
"Come on guys, let's go." I said as I turned to leave the room, wanting to give Max and Ben some time alone. She reached out to stop me.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she drew me close and kissed me. When she finally pulled away she whispered in my ear, "Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."
I smiled and cupped her cheek. Speaking softly I replied, "As long as you're happy, Maxie. That's all that matters." I quickly pecked her on the nose and left the room.
She had changed. Our relationship had changed. And both of them for the better.
TBC
Part Fifteen
Please review! Fuel for the fire…
