Part 17 - What Have I Done!

MAX

Alec crawled back from the ledge, clutching tightly at a bundle. Still shocked and frightened at all that had occurred in the space of less than 10 minutes, I noticed belatedly that Ben was nowhere to be seen and the bundle in Alec's hands was Ben's jacket.

"Alec," I started in a frightened whisper as cold fear gripped me. "Where's Ben?"

I began to panic when I received no reply.

"Where's Ben?" My voice rose to frantic cry. Still, no answer was forthcoming. Alec was shaking and muttering to himself and I could see the tears coursing down his cheeks.

"Aleeeeeeeeeeeeec! Where's BEN!" I was hysterical now. Ben had disappeared over the edge of the Needle and he was gone. It couldn't be true. I'd only just gotten him back, he couldn't be gone!

Alec looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes, so full of pain and apology. Inside I raged at my traitorous mind for feeling bad for him. Alec didn't deserve my pity. He killed my brother. The man I loved killed my brother. Ben. He killed Ben. Alec killed Ben. All I could see was red, and the words came unchecked from my mouth.

"All those times I stood up for you with Logan. He said all you'd ever be was a cold blooded killer. But I never believed it. It was all Manticore. You were following orders. You even tried to stop them from hurting Rachel." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I never thought you would betray me like this. You killed BEN! Your own brother! Did you hate him that much? Hate ME that much?"

Alec didn't say a word. He flinched with every word I spoke, with each octave that increased in my voice.

"Get out. I never want to see you again. Renfro once told me I was poison. She was wrong. YOU ARE. Get out. Just GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!"

He rose slowly and the sadness in his eyes almost persuaded me to run to him, hug him close and tell him everything would be ok. But I hardened my heart and stared coldly at the man I thought I loved. The one I thought would keep me safe. The one who had torn out my heart and shredded it before my very eyes.

Alec walked past me, eyes downcast, one foot placed slowly in front of the other. He looked broken. Hell he should look broken. He's killed his own family. And I knew how that felt. Dammit! Stop letting your heart take over! Use your head!

If I were the person Manticore had wanted me to be, I would have ripped Alec's throat out. I would have attacked and killed him for what he'd done. But I couldn't do it. And Alec's words from earlier came to mind. "... tactically, I should have taken him out. He was a threat. To me, to the guys. Hell... personally I wanted to tear his head off! But I couldn't kill him. I wanted to, Maxie, I really did." Now I knew what it was he had felt when he said he didn't know why. Love, family. He obviously cared about Ben. Then why did he kill him, Max? The voices were battling in my head and I didn't know who to listen to. My heart or the voices. I settled on the voices.

"Max," he said warily as he stepped past me towards the stairwell. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Everybody's fucking sorry. But sorry doesn't cut it. Ben was sorry but you didn't care. You're sorry? Well, I. DON'T. CARE. Just leave and don't ever come back!"

Am I making a mistake? I thought as tears streamed from my eyes and I saw his leather coat disappear into the stairwell.


ALEC

She meant every word. She wanted me out of her life. In Max's eyes I had betrayed her in the worst way possible. I had killed her "family". That put me right up there on top of the list with White and Manticore.

I made my way down the stairs and onto the street below. I was so consumed with guilt that I could almost hear Max scream, "Why? What did I do to deserve this? Everyone I love leaves me. Don't I deserve some happiness?"

As I walked in silence, I reflected on her words and I recognized the cruel truth. Even if she did love me, Max would never forgive me. II had finally screwed up the one good thing in my life. My chance for happiness. My second chance. And this time, for good.

The wind was cold on my face. chilled by the tears on my cheeks. I stumbled aimlessly through the streets of the city. Where would I go now? Staying in Seattle was out of the question. But it meant leaving everyone I cared about behind. Could I do that just for Max? But I knew the answer before even asking the question. I would do anything for Max. And if my absence was what she needed, I would give it to her.


MAX

I sat on the Space Needle for hours. I was numb inside. I had only just begun to accept that Ben was alive and well when he'd been snatched from me again. I'd always been able to take whatever life handed me and make it work as best as I could. But this time I was beyond repair. I'd lost my favorite brother again. First by my own hand, and now by Alec's. Was I destined to lose everyone that I cared about? I threw my head back and sobbed into the night.

"Why? What did I do to deserve this? Everyone I love dies. Don't I deserve some happiness? Why me?"

The sun was coming up and I had to get back home. The others would be wondering what happened. And as much as it sickened me to think about it, I was going to need help collecting Ben's remains before the Sector Police or some wandering civilian found his body. My brother would have a proper burial. Krit and Syl had been robbed of that, but not Ben. I'd make sure of that.

I took the stairs down, pausing at every window I passed, waiting a few moments on each level, hoping against hope that a miracle had occurred and Ben would pop out and say "Had ya for a minute there, eh Maxie?" and I'd punch him and laugh. And we'd go home together and have a cup of coffee and joke about how easy it was to pull the wool over each other's eyes.

I'd gone down about 7 floors when I was met with a sight that would be forever etched in my mind, clouded by emotion and tears.

The Space Needle was old and broken down. Beams, wires and poles jutted in every direction from the tired structure. It was on one such beam that my eyes fell. I couldn't tear them away.

"Ben?" I whispered incredulously. It was impossible. It couldn't be. But it was. Ben had fallen directly onto a concrete support beam that was leaning precariously off to the side. As I spoke, I could see the slight rise and fall of Ben's chest and I was filled with hope and excitement. He was alive!

"Ben! Hold on, I'm coming!" I stepped carefully onto the stretch of concrete and inched toward my brother's crumpled form.

"Ben, don't move!" He had shifted and the beam was beginning to tilt forward. I'm NOT going to lose him again! was the only think I could think as I reached out to grab hold of him. The beam was now sliding down under the force of our combined weight. I pulled tightly and dragged him with me as I made a leap for the window. And just barely caught hold of the ledge.

We fell inside in a mess of limbs. Ben was a wreck. His body was covered in cuts and bruises. There was a large gash over one eye and his arm was broken. I winced as I realised it was the arm I had dragged him by. He hadn't made a sound. The fall must have knocked him out.

I reached for my cell phone and dialled Alec. Oh my god! Alec! I told him to leave and never come back. He thinks he killed Ben! There was no answer on his phone. I quickly dialled Biggs.

"Biggs?" I said before the voice on the other end could say a word. "Is Alec there?"

The reply I received was nothing short of enraged. "What the fuck did you do to him now, huh Max?"

"Later. Can I speak to him, please?" I begged. I almost never beg, but I begged now. I had to tell Alec that Ben was alive.

"No you can't."

"Biggs, don't fuck with me. Let me talk to Alec."

I could hear his knuckles crack in the background as the hard voice retorted, "Too late for that, Maxie. You really did a number on him this time." He paused for effect. "Alec left about 20 minutes ago. Destination unknown. You happy now, Max?"

"Oh god." He was gone. Alec, gone. He finally listened to me and left. I hadn't really expected him to go, he'd never done it before! What have I done? "Did he say anything?"

"All I know is that he asked me to...never mind. We need to talk."

"We will. I promise I'll explain everything but...Biggs," I hesitated. He sounded so angry. "I - " I broke off as the words caught in my throat. I made a choking sound as I bit back tears.

"What is it, Maxie?" Biggs' voice had lost it's edge and he sounded concerned.

"Can you and the guys meet me at the Space Needle? Ben's been hurt."

"How did he - was it - no, he wouldn't." he asked in a voice suddenly laced with worry and understanding.

"Just hurry, please." I choked out, glancing at Ben. His forehead gleamed with sweat and he looked pasty. He'd lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. "He needs blood, fast."

"On our way, Max."

The phone slammed down and I stared at Ben. Alec was gone. And I was responsible for it. There was no one else to blame this time. Somehow, I'd get Ben to safety. It was time to push aside my feelings and concentrate on getting Ben fixed up.

TBC

Part Eighteen

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