Part 20 - Sayin' It Like It Is

A/N: It's impossible to thank GirlyGirl enough for her invaluable input, suggestions, corrections and for keeping me sane on this terrifying journey into Logan-land. Also, hugs and hugs for stepping in as beta when mine was busy slaving to ever-demanding professors! And a huge thanks to my usual Beta - 'Bel, you rock! Good luck with school! I miss you!

LOGAN

God, my head hurts! I rolled out of bed, slipped my feet into my blue fuzzy slippers and threw on my robe. Walking over to my dresser, I reached for clean socks and underwear. Changing quickly, I stood up and took a look at myself in the mirror. I was appalled at my appearance. My eyes were bleary and there were dark circles underneath. I shuddered as I realized something else. I look old. Haggard, I corrected myself. I looked haggard.

Pointing at my reflection I wagged a finger at myself. "Remind me never to get -" Drunk! I'd gotten drunk! There was a reason I didn't drink much. I hate the morning after; the splitting headache and subdued motor functions. But I'd gotten drunk last night. With Alec.

I walked out into the hallway and passed the living room, coming into the kitchen. I pulled out a bowl and some cereal and was about to open the refrigerator to get the milk when I was startled by the view of my living room. Alec was asleep on the sofa bed. Alec? What the hell is he still doing here? My head still hurt but I could remember most of what had happened the previous night. I had done some hacking, a broadcast, had dinner, read a bit and gone to sleep around midnight. And somewhere around 3am Alec had come over to talk. He finished off all my pre-pulse scotch. And I'd offered to let him stay the night, or what was left of it.

I looked at Alec's sleeping form as the night replayed in my mind. What I'd said the night before was true; I didn't hate him. I thoroughly disliked him, though last night I'd seen a glimpse of a softer, more human side to the hard soldier. Alec had come over, a shadow of his usual self. He'd wanted to talk. And talk he had. I thought about what we'd discussed. Ben had apparently come back from the dead only to die again, which meant that Max had lost three, not two more siblings if what Alec said about Krit and Syl was true...But as close as we came to bonding, something was holding me back. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake my jealousy. The handsome X5 had wanted my girl and he'd gotten her. Something I never did and still can't understand why. But they'd fought and Max had sent Alec packing. I smiled smugly. Hmmm...


ALEC

I woke quickly and sat up. My back was stiff and the crick in my neck was annoying. I rolled my shoulders and neck to ease the tight muscles. I also reeked of alcohol. It was at that moment I looked up and saw a daylight. And what a view! The city of Seattle was spread out beneath me through Logan's living room window. Logan! I'd slept on his couch, in his living room, in his friggin penthouse. What was I thinking, coming to Logan? The two of us had nothing in common. But come to think of it, it hadn't been all that bad. Logan had listened, really listened, and he hadn't judged me. He'd even tried to reassure me. Maybe he wasn't such an asshole after all. Maybe I could see some of what Max had found attractive in him. Maybe.

I stretched and rose from the bed, looking around curiously. Though I'd been in his apartment many times, I'd never really looked at it. The man had taste. Expensive taste. For a man who was as good as attached to his computer equipment, he could have sold off all the fancy stuff, found more modest accommodations and been set for life. What a waste.

I turned around and spotted Logan in the kitchen. That surprised me. I should have heard him come in. That exoskeleton makes an awful lot of noise. Could I have drank so much that it dulled my senses? I'll just have to keep that in mind.

"Breakfast?" came the offer from the kitchen as Logan dropped his bowl into the sink and proceeded to clean up after himself.

"Yeah. Sounds about good. Whatcha got?" I walked into the room and hopped onto the counter.

"Uh, Alec, last night when I was drunk...if I said anything..." his voice trailed off and he looked down at his shoes.

"It's all good, buddy. Thanks for the alcohol. And for...you know." I waved a hand in his general direction. I had a hard time getting that out. How does a guy thank a guy for...listening?

"No problem. So, what are you going to do?" he asked as he handed me a bowl and a box of cornflakes. I scrunched my face in distaste. I don't like cornflakes. Give me sugary goodness anytime, but cornflakes? Logan's cereal is as boring as everything else he does.

"I'm not sure. My girl," I saw Logan flinch as I said that and I cleared my throat, "Max made it pretty damn clear she wants me out of her life. But what am I supposed to do, just get up and leave everyone and everything I know behind?"

"The right thing to do would be to respect Max's wishes." he said patronizingly.

I don't think I'd ever heard Logan sound so snooty, and that was definitely saying something. What an ass! How many times did he ignore his own advice? And here I'd been thinking the guy wasn't so bad...I wouldn't make that mistake again.

"You mean the Logan thing to do! Look where that got you!" I poured myself a bowl. It didn't look like the guy had anything else to eat anyway. It was almost like...he hadn't restocked his pantry since Max had broken ties with him. I took a bite and chewed the mouthful before snorting at Logan.

"Look, I'm not trying to rub your face in this or anything, but admit it. You and Max never had anything. As Max pointed out countless times, the two of you 'weren't like that'." I took another bite and chewed slowly, watching as his eyes glazed in rage and jealousy. Neither were you, Alec I reminded myself with a sigh. Oh no, I let my stupidity get in the way. But no way was I gonna tell Logan that. He was still under the impression that Max and I had been together for a while. "Sorry buddy, but I can actually get what I want. And I did. Max and me? It's something. And I'm not giving it up. Not giving her up." Max is mine.

I stopped, spoon mid-air and dripping milk. Max. I cringed inwardly as I remembered her tear-streaked face. The angry words she had spoken cut me like a knife. "Get the fuck out of my life!" Could I really do that? Leave and never come back?

I put down my spoon. The cereal was soggy anyway.

"Alec," I looked up at Logan's tightly controlled face. His voice was shaking with anger. "I think it's time you left."

I smiled bitterly. "No need to get all pissy, buddy. Just sayin' it like it is. Besides, we both lost, remember?" I turned on my heel and walked out the door, but not before I caught the same bitter smile on Logan's face. I guess we did have something in common after all.


I trekked to the Space Needle. Some magnetic force was pulling me back to the one place I dreaded going. The scene of my brother's death.

Climbing to the top of the Needle, I crept down the slanted stretch of metal and stood as close to the edge as I dared. Looking down, I could see nothing but an endless drop. My transgenic eyes zeroed in on the spot where Ben's body should have been. Max must have had it removed I thought with a shudder. I stepped back from the edge. I didn't want to see the blood or gore that was left behind.

I thought about everything I'd done to make Max hate me. The first disappointment being that I wasn't Ben, then the whole breeding partner thing, my almost killing Joshua and then her, getting involved with White and causing her to lose the cure for the virus...the list was a mile long. But she'd told me she loved me, and I believed her, god help me I did.

I had to talk to Biggs. I never thought I'd appreciate his closeness to Max, but I sure as hell did now. Maybe he could smooth things over. Yeah right. Who was I kidding?

I had been lost in thought for a good hour before the chill invaded my bones. Shit. My jacket! I thought, making a dash for the stairs. I'd have to go back for it. And Logan was the last person I wanted to see right now. Okay, second-to-last. I wasn't relishing the idea of running into Max any time soon.

TBC

Part Twenty-One

Please review! Fuel for the fire…