Part 23 - Reconciliation
ALEC
Glancing sideways at Max as we made our way down the busy street, I noticed she seemed peaceful. It wasn't something I'd expected, considering the events of the past couple of days. Having finally admitted our feelings; something I was still reeling from, meeting up with Ben again...but I couldn't think about Ben right now; that guilt had to be buried deep inside where it wouldn't resurface until I was on my own. For the first time since I could remember, I didn't trust myself with my feelings. My emotions were unfamiliar territory. I'd been there once before, but it had ripped me apart from the inside, and I didn't care to take that road again. I could only imagine what Max had gone through that whole year; the guilt she had carried around, unable to tell anyone the truth. I'd been suffering less than 24 hours. I wasn't sure how long I could take it.
We hadn't spoken two words to each other since we'd left Logan's apartment. But I was never one to keep my mouth shut for long. I needed to know what it was that made her change her mind. Now was probably not the best time to bring it up, but I just had to know.
"Max?"
She turned to me with questioning eyes.
"Why did you go to see Logan? I thought you two were over." Okay, so that wasn't really what I wanted to know but it was a conversation opener. I waited for what seemed like an eternity before she answered.
"I was looking for you." she replied simply.
I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Why?"
Again with the silence. Talking to Max was like pulling teeth. Okay, not a good visual. More Ben guilt. Will this ever get any easier? It has to, right?
"Max, tell me? Why were you looking for me?" I was practically begging. But I had to know why. "I thought you wanted me gone." I added bitterly.
"Goddammit Alec! Do we have to have this conversation now? Here?" That was the Max I knew. A fireball.
I halted mid-stride and reached out a hand to stop her. I looked deep into her eyes and pleaded.
"Max."
She sighed. "I really don't want to do this here. Can't it wait until we get to Terminal City?" She sounded weary and worried.
"There will be other things to deal with when we get there. Just tell me why you went looking for me." I couldn't let this go.
Max reached up to cup my cheek gently. That simple caress meant so much. I was still shocked at the transformation. Max had been so hurt, so hateful, so unforgiving last night. It was in total contrast to her acceptance of and belief in me today.
"Because I had to say I'm sorry, that I don't blame you. And that I need you. Is that what you're looking for?" she said evenly.
"Is that what you really mean?" I asked quietly. Could she? Did she?
Max dropped her hand and looked away briefly and I knew inside that it couldn't be true. But then why would she play my emotions like this? And how could she bear to pretend not to hate me? I killed Ben. It's not something she would gloss over and let go.
When Max's gaze returned to me I wasn't surprised to see tears in her eyes. But what did surprise me were her words.
"He told me." If she'd spoken any quieter I wouldn't have caught it.
"Who told you? Told you what?" I pulled back a bit. I was very confused.
"Ben. Before he died he told me it wasn't your fault."
Okay, this had to be a sick dream. The powers that be were tormenting me, punishing me for causing my brother's death. Unless...
"Right. You talk to ghosts. I get it. Okay, pinch me now? I'd like to wake up." I managed a short laugh as I looked straight ahead and started walking again.
Max was staring at my back; I could feel her eyes boring holes in my spine. Then suddenly she was by my side again, matching me stride for stride as we neared Terminal City.
She reached out and gripped my arm, turning me to face her. "Alec, Ben died in Terminal City this morning."
I looked up at her in disbelief, my eyes blinking rapidly, breath coming in gasps. He hadn't died immediately? If I'd stayed I could have spoken to him before... It was a sick joke. A sick dream. But the look in her eyes was too honest, her voice too sincere to for her to be lying.
"But what about the Needle? I thought..." My words faded as Max shook her head gently. Ben, no, - his body - was in Terminal City. I still had a chance to apologize, to say goodbye.
I spun on my heel and ran for the City entrance leaving Max to stare after me once again. I had to see my brother. I had to see Ben.
MAX
I ran after him but still fell far behind. Alec blurred like a man possessed. And I guessed in a way he was. I'd just dropped a bombshell on him. I could only imagine what he was thinking and feeling. And I wished I could do something to ease the hurt. I'd been there. The guilt, the self-recriminations; they never went away. I should know, I wrote the book.
I entered Terminal City to see the majority of the transgenics outside looking off into the distance. I followed their gazes and glimpsed Alec's back as he turned the corner near the Medical building. I caught sight of Biggs and Jake as they started after him.
"Biggs! Jake! Wait up!" I called to them, huffing slightly. I was still tired out and the extra exertion wasn't helping my aching limbs.
"Max, I see you found Alec." Jake's sarcastic comment cut through my thoughts.
I glared at him. "I wanted to wait until we got back here." They both looked at my quizzically. I glanced at Biggs. "The situation. It was Ben, wasn't it?" He nodded mutely. His mouth was open and it looked like he wanted to tell me something but for the life of him couldn't get it out.
"Biggs, is something wrong?" I asked in concern. I couldn't imagine anything worse than my brother being dead, but the look on Biggs' face had me worried.
Jake answered for him. "I think you should see for yourself, Max. Come on." He dragged me after him, Biggs close behind, running his hands through his hair distractedly.
I whispered to Jake. "What's with him?"
Jake just repeated his previous words. "You have to see for yourself." The two of them were acting funny and I hadn't a clue as to why.
We entered the Medical building and stopped outside of the operating room. Now I was really confused. Wouldn't they have moved Ben's body by now?
I opened the door slowly and what I saw will be forever etched in my mind as the most heart-wrenching, shocking and beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I'm sure Biggs and Jake would echo that sentiment, Manticore training be damned.
Alec hunched over Ben's body, clutching him tightly and crying - that was heart-wrenching. But the shocking and beautiful part? Ben was hugging him back.
TBC
Part Twenty-Four
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