Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own 'em. Dammit.

Warning: More darkness & Ed torture. Skip the italicized parts if you're squeamish.


Ch. 4 Memories Masquerading as Figments of Your Imagination

There once was a hero who flew too close to the sun.

His wings of wax fell apart and he plummeted to the Earth…

Fullmetal Alchemist, book 1 part 2

It had taken him longer than it should have to realize that the black marks on the marble floor were part of an array. He was first tied, then later chained, to an array. Like the materials ready to be put into an alchemical product—or a sacrifice. And every torture, every rape, every tear that seeped into the floor was a part of that sacrifice. When Lust speared him trough with her talons, the blood soaked into the floor. When Envy…did that…to him, the…fluids…were absorbed by the floor, when Wrath beat him until he bled and vomited, both went into the floor. Each torment was but an initial part of his ultimate sacrifice, which the homunculi hoped would create the philosopher's stone. Unwilling to try to trade an imperfect sacrifice for the stone they wanted so badly, the homunculi had repaired Ed's arm and leg. He now had a nice tattoo on the small of his back to show for it, a complex array that was comparable only to the lovely, fluid arrays he'd seen in Xing, the arrays that made the alchemy of the west seem blocky and child-like.

He would learn later that the homunculi kept him for three months, but for him time seemed to stand still in one long moment of torment. He was rarely allowed to leave the floor. The walked him, to allow him to relieve himself and keep his muscles from atrophying, but once done, he was chained back to the floor. Of course, it wasn't long until his clothes were shredded and gone. He got a scratchy blanket at night to keep him from getting ill. Envy thought it was fun to hide that blanket.

He only saw his father three times in those months. Once the day after he first woke up, still groaning in pain from Envy's abuse of his body. Hoenhiem had remarked upon how well his limbs look and left, no pity for his abused son. The second time, Hoenhiem checked to make sure he was not ill after an especially cold couple of days. The third time had been when the homunculi had tried to sacrifice him.

He'd learned to wish he saw Dante as rarely. She delighted in tormenting him almost as much as her son. If Lust's careful thrusts of her lance-like fingers were businesslike and Wrath's beatings mindlessly angry, then Envy and Dante's torments were intimate and knowing. In some ways, Dante was worse than Envy. She never physically hurt him. Instead she petted and caressed him like a pet, remarking on how much she liked the his looks. She was especially captivated by the tattoo on his back. She said the black ink on his white skin moved her. He was chained in such a way that he couldn't clap his hands and couldn't defend himself.

When he'd figured out that the floor was an array, Ed had wanted to stop giving it power, stop giving it blood and sweat and tears. But he couldn't stop bleeding, he couldn't stop sweating, and, when Envy came, he couldn't keep from crying.

Ed woke with a start. For a wild moment he thought he was on that floor, but the hard surface under him was dirt, not marble, and it was the night sky above him. He remembered that they had left two days ago with the Sanzo group, headed west. Nice, vague direction there. Two days of sleeping in the dirt or the car. Both kind of sucked. The car was comfortable enough for riding, but not meant for sleeping. Besides, Roy slept there. It made Ed uneasy to sleep in a closed space with the man. NOT because he liked listening to him breathe, or because he felt his nearness! There really was nothing special about Roy Mustang! He just didn't like it!

Sighing softly Ed looked at his brother sleeping next to him. Al was always overprotective, perhaps a byproduct of years spent as a nearly indestructible suit of armor. Ed let him be, most of the time. After all, if Al stuck close to Ed in order to protect, then Ed in turn could protect his younger brother if need be. Still, Ed didn't think either of them were in danger in the middle of a camp full of the Sanzo group and their own soldiers.

Quietly Ed got to his feet and snuck over to the woods. He walked in just far enough that the camp was out of sight. He didn't want to be stupid, and youkai could be nearby, but he needed some time alone to shake the lingering effects of his nightmare memory. Ed stood quietly listening to the sounds of the forest around him. Crickets chirruping, an owl, the tiny rustling of small creatures. Ed had always secretly enjoyed nature. It wasn't something he spent a great deal of time thinking about when he and Al were on the quest for the philosopher's stone, but since their restoration, it was one of the private joys he allowed himself. A good sunset or a walk through the park could help to calm and center him after a hard day. Ed's reverie was broken by a soft voice.

"You shouldn't travel to far from the group on your own," Hakkai said softly, looking gently at the shaken boy.

Ed gasped and jumped, surprised as he could be. He had good hearing and good instincts, but the older man had managed to sneak up on him completely. Then again, when he focused on something he did tend to close the rest of the world out. When he was reading he could miss an earthquake.

"Sorry to give you a scare. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"That's all right. You just surprised me."

"Sorry. Bad dreams?" Hakkai asked. He'd heard the boy whimpering in his sleep and had been worried. Hakkai was kept awake by bad dreams of his own and the memory of a sister-lover bathed in blood.

"Yeah" Ed replied quietly, looking away from the taller man's sympathetic gaze. The nightmare was too real, even the years didn't dull the edge of his memories.

"Me too," said Hakkai, surprising both the boy and himself. He didn't usually share his pain with strangers. Even the others of the Sanzo group, who knew his story, were often kept in the dark when it came to his feelings.

"Really," Ed replied, surprised, but not wanting to press for any details. After all, he had no intention of giving any details of his own nightmares.

"Yes," said Hakkai, "I think it's hardest when nightmares are memories masquerading as figments of your imagination, haunting your sleep."

Ed gave and affirmative "Hn" and the two stood together in silence, sharing the pain of the past while preserving the privacy they needed.

The next day started off pretty much identically to the previous two. The camp woke up grumpily. Even hardened soldiers didn't always like sleeping on the ground. Well, most of the camp was grumpy, anyway. Goku energetically searched for food and Armstrong sparkled happily, apparently a morning person. The effect was somewhat daunting for those still half-asleep. Havoc stumbled sleepily over to Mustang's car with a cup of coffee as the camp began to stir. Few people ever saw Mustang before his morning coffee and those who'd pushed the issue had regretted it. Ed roused himself as Al approached with their morning coffee. Ed had never liked the bitter taste of coffee and refused to dilute it with milk, but he would need the effects of the caffeine.

A half-hour later the company was packed and ready to go. It had surprised the members of the Sanzo group that such a large company could get ready so quick, but they were military men and women for the most part. The only members of the group who weren't soldiers were Ed and Al. And they, if anything, were even more used to travel and packing quickly than the soldiers. It was much harder on the officers who'd grown accustomed to staying in one place, having a base of operations. Travel started again.

The forest was primordial, with thick, twisting trees that sported a canopy that choked out the undergrowth. The road cut a dusty swath through the trees, looking like a gray-brown river cutting through the dark green from above. The dust from the road got into everything. The army's shiny black cars had quickly dulled to a dark greenish gray and their spiffy blue uniforms were fading quickly. The company found dust in their clothes, in the cars, in their hair. The last was particularly bothersome to Ed with his long, thick hair. He preferred to keep it clean—was almost obsessive about it, in fact. But, aside from the lucky rare hot spring, the company would be reduced to light sponge baths for some time, and Ed's bright gold hair began to dim. With dust on their cheeks he and Al looked younger than ever, like two children who'd been playing outside. In the heat everyone stripped down to undershirts leaving uniform coats in their bags. Even Sanzo had pulled his priestly robes down around his waist to show his tight black undershirt and arm-warmers.

The two companies mixed surprisingly well after the first few awkward days. Gojyo and Goku found easy camaraderie among the soldiers, gambling and eating. Hakkai got along with everyone, but seemed especially close to Ed (much to the surprise of Mustang). Sanzo found a kindred spirit in Mustang, who also held his men in check with the ever-present threat of death (though Mustang had yet to share the little fact that he could burn a man to death with a snap of his fingers). They were also both highly intelligent, though Mustang was much more manipulative than Sanzo. Sanzo also learned a grudging respect for the Elric brothers. Though they could be loud and excitable (particularly Ed), they were undeniably brilliant. Ed and Sanzo were too similar in temperament to become close, but the grudging respect went both ways. And, of course, everyone with good survival instincts respected Colonel Hawkeye. Unbeknownst to most, Ed and Hakkai continued their nightly vigils. Sometimes they spent the time talking, but at other times they shared a companionable silence.

The days passed quickly and slowly, in the manner of days that run together in their similarity so that it is difficult to say when one day ends and the next begins. Time seemed to be an endless road crawling through a never-ending landscape of trees and dust. Perhaps it was the similarity of the days that lulled the company into a false sense of security. Whatever it was, they were not prepared for the attack that happened on the tenth day of their journey.

The cars were traveling in a line like a group of ants trailing back to their hill with the day's forage. The arrangement, as per usual, left the Elric brothers and Hawkeye in the car with Mustang. The two young brothers poured over their notes and spoke in excited tonesas they puzzled out the secrets of the gates based on what they'd been able to learn from Sanzo. They were still a long way away from deciphering the gates, but had been supplied with enough new information to form theories to keep them fascinated for some time. Mustang and Hawkeye looked on with amusement, and even Havoc glanced fondly in the review mirror at the two excited boys. They'd grown so much in some ways, but when excited over new theory they were the same children they'd been when they'd first come to central. To them alchemy had lost none of its glory or fascination, none of its magic for all that it was a science.

Mustang found his attention drawn more and more to Ed as the days passed and he was forced in close confinement with him. He let the brothers argue theory without interference because they worked best that way, bouncing ideas off each other. But he also let them chatter away because it allowed him to watch Ed as few saw him, excited with his eyes shining and a happy glow. He even got to see that rare, breathe-taking smile when the two came to epiphanies about the nature of the gates. Hawkeye enjoyed watching the brothers for a different reason all together. If Mustang was feeling an inappropriate attraction for Ed, Riza Hawkeye had always felt a maternal affection towards the two young brothers. They day they'd first walked into Mustang's office looking so young, even Al in his huge suit of armor, her heart had bled for them. They still had the ability to make her want to cry or warm her heart.

The day of the attack, the Elric brothers were particularly caught up in their argument. Mustang was musing on the way Ed's golden eyes sparkled like the pure alchemical substance they resembled and the way he unconsciously wet his pink lips, licking them with his small quick tongue, when the car came to a sudden halt, throwing the occupants around like loose flotsam.

"What the hell…" Mustang began. The reason for their sudden stop soon became apparent as loud screams and gunshots rang through the air.

Rushing out of the car Ed was assailed by the chaos of the battlefield. It seemed they'd been ambushed by a particularly large group of youkai. Soldiers tried to stand in formation, but the attackers were inhumanly quick and darted among them leaving wounds and death in their wake. Behind them Armstrong held his own and in front of them the Sanzo group moved with the same speed, deadly accuracy, and skill as their attackers. With a glance of agreement Mustang and the Elric brothers turned to defend themselves and their company using alchemy. Mustang pulled on his gloves and snapped his fingers, unleashing a ribbon of fire that cut through the ranks of the youkai like hot knife through butter. Edward pressed his hands together and touched the thick metal bracelet he always wore transmuting it into a sharp, short blade much like the one he'd habitually turned his automail arm into. It was not as long or as strong since he had less metal to work with, but what it lacked it made up in sharpness. Along side Ed, Al clapped his hands together and pressed them to the ground, sending shockwaves at their enemies that erupted upward into spikes which wounded several youkai. Seeing their alchemical reactions from the corner of his eye, Armstrong transmuted his huge fist intoa metallic version that changed it from a weapon with the force of a bag full of bricks to one with the force of a sledgehammer. Mimicking Al he planted his fist into the ground with enough force to sent shockwaves under the feet of the youkai who were tossed like from their feet with thestrenth of the blow. Ed clapped his hands and pressed them to the ground, forcing water up from deep underground. The water burst from the ground under the feet of several youkai, throwing them high into the air. Following the commands of Ed, who still held his hands to the ground, the water changed its direction to hit more of the attackers, throwing them back into the forest with bone-breaking force. The remaining youkai were more than alarmed. They had not been prepared for the strange magics of the foreigners they'd been ordered to attack. Though there were more than 100 of them, they acted with the true instincts of cowards, or maybe just those whose hearts were not in the battle, and began to break and run. Only a few were brave or deranged enough continue attacking, and they were easily taken care of. As the last few met a messy end in their determination to attack, one determined youkai slipped past the defenders, landing in front of a startled Ed. With a quick downward thrust he slashed at Ed. His blow would have eviscerated someone with slower reflexes, but Ed managed to throw himself back just in time to escape with no more than a four nasty parallel cuts.

Mustang's eyes widened and his pulsed raced as he saw Ed fall back bleeding. Before even Al could react Mustang snapped his fingers. In a matter of seconds all that was left of the youkai was a pile of steaming ashes. This brutal and final act scattered the remaining youkai like cockroaches startled by the light. Mustang maintained his carefully designed and crafted mask but inside his heart was still racing and he was shaking. Ed had almost been killed right in front of his eyes. As competent as the young man was at fighting every battle was a risk. He'd known this ever since his own days in the Ishval war. He'd known that when he sent young men and women into potential battle they could always die. He'd been sending Ed into conflict since he was twelve. As hard as it had always been to put Ed or any other subordinate at risk, as much as it always left him with a sick feeling in his gut, he'd never experienced the kind of…of panic (there was no other word to describe it) before. The feeling that forced his heart to beat harder even as it felt as if it had stopped…he'd never had this reaction before. He cared about all of his people but, as much as he'd hate to admit it, Ed was special to him in a way that very few others were.

Al's reaction may not have been quite as quick as Mustang's, but it was close. He caught Ed before his brother could hit the ground and gently sat him in the car, short legs dangling out the still-open door, not quite able to reach the ground. Ignoring his older brother's protests, Al eased Ed's shirt off to see the damage the youkai had managed to inflict. Thankfully it wasn't that bad. The scratches were deep but not deep enough to have hit any organs. Grabbing the first aid kit that Hawkeye had quickly found, Al began to treat his brother's wounds. Ed put up only minimal fuss because he knew that allowing Al to treat his wound was the quickest way to ease his brother's worry. He couldn't help but grouse a bit, though, because he knew that his brother would insist on treating him like an invalid for the rest of the day if he was lucky. If he was unlucky it would be the rest of the week. It didn't make him happy to know that Al's insistence that he rest would probably help him heal quicker. It was so annoying when Al was right about something like that.

A noise drew the group's attention away from the wounded Ed and Mustang and his subordinates turned to see an unamused Sanzo group glaring at them.


Time Waster: Glad you like. I intend to carry it on to the end. I hope you keep reading!

Ranger: Yeah, the Sanzo group are a bunch of crack-ups. Still, in all the books I've read, the only authority figures I've seen were religious, and Sanzo's right up at the top. I haven't seen any mayors, kings, armies, or anything like that. So Sanzo it is.

Mikage: Thanks for reading! I'll keep writing.

Climax: Haha! Don't worry about the multiple review thing. I figured it was a computer glitch. They happen to the best of us. Yeah, Sanzo's not your average priest. He actually became a priest because he was found as a baby by the previous Sanzo, who was like a father to him. And despite his...unusual...disposition, he has really strong spiritual powers. Yes,I know, I am twisted (I'm sorry Ed, I only torture you because I love you so much!). But, hey, you liked it, right? And Ed torture seems to be kind of a popularpastime among fanfic writers(I torture all my main characters, though...hmmm). Anyways, I'll keep writing, so you keep reading!(Its missy, btw) -

Terra89: Love my story! I'm so happy! No, I haven't seen that episode in the anime yet but I read it in the manga. Hahahahahaha! Love that one! I really love that Ed is so shortits why I kept him that way. There aren't enough short heros, dammit! Shortpeople can be cool, too! But its still funny to watch him try to deny it. Maybe he wouldn'tbe so sensitive about it if everyone didn't mention it, though...I guess I can understand that. Still, it is so funny when he calls himself short!

Schizo the Mentally Disturbed: Green Bay! Why do they get the books early! That's not fair! Hmm, but maybe 7 is in the local stores by now. I'll have to check this weekend. Glad you're still reading. I'll let you know if I decide to include Homura. I feel bad for Ed, too, but...I have to do it. It actually does pertain to plot! Poor, poor Ed.

Grasshopper: I know I wouldn't mind that kind of harem. Sigh. I like pretty Ed too...I have this whole hair thing. I've been reading alot of Gundam Wing fanfics lately, and Duo's hair is marvelous. I reallylike Ed's hair in the series, but I'd love to see it longerso thick and shiney. I wish I had Ed's hair (and, you know, Ed)! Glad you like the AlxWinry. A lot of fanfic writers put her with Ed, but I don't see that working out. It just doesn't click for me (besides, she'd probably eventually give Ed brain damage or something). Al and Winry click. They just work somehow. You know what I mean? I can't see consensual EnvyxEd (I guess I can't forgive Envy for killing Hughes!). I mean, they've got this whole 'I want to kill you' thing going on. Plus Ed's got this overgrown sense of justice and Envy...doesn't. But nonconsensual works. I could totally see physical attraction, which Ed would fight, but Envy wouldn't.So I don't dig Envy as alove interest, but I love him as a villain. And I do so love a good villain.Twisted, smart, funny villains rock! But RoyxEd is thebest FMA combo there is! I say this without hesitation! They are so many levels of hotness! They click just like Al and Winry. They just seem right together. And I agree that FMAxSaiyuki is sparkly! They click too!

Bob the Almighty: Yay, I'm glad you like. You're right, there aren't many FMA crossoversor even series ficsyet. Mostly drabble. Me, I like an adventure story with a quest and a villain! A long one. And I love crossovers! Many of the fanfic ideas I have are crossovers (Yami no Matsuei x FAKE, Legal Drug x Wiess Kruess). So you may like themif I ever get around to writing them! Thanks for telling me about the words sticking together. I didn't even know that was happening. It might be something from when I transfer from microsoft word to I'll check it out and try to keep it from happening in the future.

Kurome Shiretsu: Wow, what a wonderful review! I read this at work (bad me) and it totally made my day. Thank you! I agree, it is hard to find a good crossover. I mean, they're out there, but there are also a lot of bad crossovers. And I love crossovers. A lot of my fanfic ideas are crossovers, so if I ever get to writing them you might like them (Yami no Matsui x Fake, Legal Drug x Weiss Kruess, etc.). I'm glad you like my style. I try to use a foregrounded narrator, but I also try to stay true to the tone of FMA and Saiyuki ( I can get too wordy sometimes). I do like to examine what's going on in my character's heads (can you tell I'm a psych and soc double major!). I'm glad you like reading it! Another reviewer told me about the words stickingtogether. I think it is a computer glitch...something in I hope its when I transfer the project from word to document manager and not when they transfer it to the reading pages, because I can fix one but not theother...Well, I'll try. Thanks for letting me know. You know, usually when a story makes a non-main character too loveable, I figure out pretty quickly that they are going to be killed. But I didn't see it coming with Hughes! I really like him! I'm glad you agree with me. I've noticed several other fanfic authors doing the same thing (chuckle). Long live Maes Hughes! Hmm, Ed with super long hair...(starry eyes, little hearts). I like him with his hair like it is in the series, but to see it really long...nirvana. (I've been reading alot of Gundam Wing fanfics lately and I love Duo's hair!). I've got this whole hair thing on my mind lately . Grow out your hair, Ed! As for your questionsI have a vague outline, but not too specific. When I write I tend to get in a zone and what comes out may be nothing like how I started out, so I try not to think too far ahead of the next chapter. I like to keep it flexible. That's what I'm trying with this fic, anyway. I've got others that are well planned out. I'll see what works best. I will tryNOT to let this fic become one of those that starts off good, but loses steam and goes off on a tangent. Its so dissappointing when that happens. I try to update once a week, but I have a really hectic schedule this semester, so I may fall behind. I'll try not to! (I'm late this time because last week was spring break). Kougaji et al will be in the next chapter, but they are not major players in this fic. Some of my readers don't know Saiyuki, and I don't want to add in too many big characters, so they'll simply be there a little. I can't go in depth with them without going really in depth because they are so complex. Hey, the battle question is already answered! Yes, it did tire him out, you'll see more about that in the next chapter. Don't worry, he still kicks butt! Mustang et al will have to eventually learn about the Sanzo group, but not real soon. They see them fight, but too much goes on for them to worry about it. I'm glad you like the story so far! I don't intend to give up on it. Please, feel free to talk me to within an inch of my life anytime! P.S. Masterpiece, wow. Such high praise. I feel honored. Thankyou!