You tried so hard to be someone that you forgot who you are

You tried to fill some emptiness till all you had spilled over

Now everything's so far away that you don't know where you are

All that you wanted

And all that you have done seem so much

For you to hold on to

For you to hold on to

For you to belong to

Hold On—Jet

Chapter 4 Saving Grace

"Bill? Is that you?" Ginny's small voice rang through the hall. She stepped into the room and her wand illuminated her shocked face. "Harry…what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Harry's strained voice asked back through the dark. Silence. "I'm tired of watching people I love die."

"What happens to those loved ones who are alive if you kill yourself, Harry?" He didn't answer. She continued. "I'll tell you what happens; Voldemort wins, and you condemn us all to die too. You might be ready to quit, but I am not about to give up now."

"Death has to be better than this," Harry said, pushing the knife harder against his skin so that a thin line of blood oozed out.

"Can you be sure of that?" She walked closer to Harry. "And think of all the people you'd be hurting if you left them. I know Dumbledore's worked too hard all your life to see you end it now. What about Ron…and Hermione? What about me? Would you really do that to us? I thought you cared about us more than that."

"I do, Ginny! That's why I'm doing this. I just don't wanna see anyone else get hurt because of me," Harry said as the tears he'd been holding back finally spilled onto his cheeks.

Ginny stared at him. "But Harry, you've got so much going for you, Quidditch, grades, friends. If you kill yourself, you'll be throwing all that away."

"No," Harry said. "What does any of that matter now? Voldemort's going to win anyway. He won't care about grades."

"Don't do it, Harry," Ginny pleaded. She grabbed Harry's hands. "For me."

And Harry finally broke down. The knife he'd been holding slipped from his grasp and fell with a clatter to the floor. He sank to his knees and Ginny knelt beside him, hugging him.

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed into her shoulder.

"Don't be," she said as a tear slid down her cheek.


A faint popping noise woke Ginny shortly after three in the morning. She raised her head from her arms and saw Bill standing in the kitchen.

"Ginny, what are you doing down her?"

"I couldn't sleep so I came down for a snack and I guess I fell asleep," she lied quickly, not wanting to relate to Bill what had happened with Harry.

Bill sat down heavily in the chair across from Ginny and put his face in his hands. "Go back to bed, Gin," he said through his fingers.

Ginny kissed Bill goodnight and headed back up the stairs to her room, unable to shake the feeling she'd gotten from the look on her brother's face.


Harry woke the next morning unsure of what the day would hold. He still held out a small hope that the vision had possibly been a hoax to lure him into Voldemort's grasp yet again. That all changed, though, when he saw Bill's face.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"Harry, why don't you sit down," Bill said, standing and offering Harry his seat. Harry sat, looking apprehensive. Any conversation that started with a "why don't you sit down" was not a good one.

"What you saw last night was the Death Eaters taking over the Ministry. Kingsley and Mad-Eye were there to speak with Fudge."

"And…" Harry pressed.

"Everyone loyal to Dumbledore or Fudge was killed. Percy, Mad-Eye, Kingsley, and Fudge are dead, Harry, along with countless others."

"Wait," said Ron, jumping to his feet. "What do you mean Percy's dead?"

"I mean, Ron, Percy was working late last night and a Death Eater found him."

Harry clenched his fists in his lap. He'd been so sure that the dream hadn't been real. He was silent for a while, and then he said, "I'm sorry. Percy was your brother. You shouldn't have to deal with this but…" Unable to finish, he stood and walked out the back door.

He wandered for while, lost in thought, until he reached the edge of the pond that sat on the Weasley's property. He leaned against a tree and stared into the murky water.

Harry didn't return to the house at all that day. He remained out by the pond, thinking. As the sun started to set and the first stars of the evening began winking at the world below, Ginny went out and sat next to him in the grass. He was tossing rocks into the water and didn't seem to notice her arrival.

"Harry," she said tenderly. "Why don't you come inside?"

"I'm just not ready yet, Gin," he said, looking for more rocks to throw. When none were found, he put his hands behind his head and lay down to stare at the stars.

"They're bright tonight, aren't they?" Ginny said conversationally, mimicking Harry's position.

"Yeah. Ginny, how did you find me out here?"

"This is where I used to go when Fred or George got to be a little too much. I'd hide out here and no one could ever find me. Frightened Mum into a frenzy one time."

Harry didn't say anything.

"You know, it's not your fault," Ginny said as if reading his mind. She turned her head to look at Harry.

"I know," he said, still staring at the sky. "I just wish I could have done something."

"There was nothing you could do; nothing anyone could have done."

"But still—"

"No, Harry. Stop blaming yourself for this! You can't do anything about the past and that's what this is. There's only one person you can truly blame and that's Voldemort."

Harry stared at her. He sat up and hung his head. "I'm sorry about Percy. I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"See! There you go blaming yourself again."

"No, I'm not. I just don't know what to say to you about all this. I don't know how to help and that scares me!"

"Harry, you're already doing everything you can," Ginny said, taking Harry's face in her hand and stared into his green eyes. A shiver ran down Harry's spine but he stared right back. "You've been through more than anyone else I know. You've handled it better than a full-grown wizard could have and you're only seventeen. No one expects more or less than what you've given."

"Harry. Ginny. You guys had better come in. It's getting dark," came Ron's voice from across the lawn.

There was a sudden change of mood as they entered the cramped living room. Ron's eyes were puffy and rimmed with red and Bill sat with his head in his hands. They both glanced at Harry and Ginny when they walked in but neither said anything.

Harry looked a Ginny and found that she had started to cry. He sat and took hold of Ginny's hand. She squeezed his hand tight, and Harry didn't let go. He comforted her, because it was the only thing he could do.