Disclaimer: I borrowed names, places, etc. from Ms. J.K. Rowling to serve as a medium for my dementia. I have taken great (very, very great) liberties with her work, and if such offends, I suggest you leave.

Warning: What you are about to read comes from a deranged mind with a love for J.K. Rowling's books and a distinct inability to take anyone or anything (including herself) seriously, except under the influence of certain controlled substances which serve to shove her rudely into reality. Said substances were not used in the making of this fan fic.

xoxoxoxo

Draco backed away from the window with a smirk. Silly Granger thought she could hide from him. He gave a sinister cackle, which was cut short by swearing as he tripped over Crabbe's teddy bear.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon one's perspective), Blaise entered the dorm room just in time to see Draco crash gracelessly to the floor at the hands of the pink stuffed muggle toy.

"No need to bow at my entrance, Draco. We are friends, you know." Blaise stepped carefully over the other boys' possessions that littered the floor, and reached out to assist the blond. "Hair color really showing today, eh?"

Draco swatted Blaise's hand away and climbed to his feet unaided. "Shove it, Zabini. What are you doing in here, anyway?"

Blaise rose an eyebrow. "I could ask the same of you."

"I'm admiring the view," he answered haughtily. After all, it wasn't entirely a lie.

The dark haired boy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Admiring the view, eh? Say, you wouldn't happen to know where Hermione is, would you?"

"I'm not her babysitter." Draco shrugged and tried to act nonchalant.

"Now I know you know where she is," Blaise accused.

Draco glared at him. "How dare you insinuate that I would tell a lie!"

"Where?" was the short reply.

"Up a tree," Draco shot back sarcastically, knowing with that tone, Blaise wouldn't believe it. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have other matters to attend to." He attempted to sweep dramatically out of the room, and would have succeeded were it not for a small stumble over someone's ballerina diary.

"Not a word," he threatened. And quite needlessly, for Blaise was content with snickering.

xoxoxoxo

Draco trotted down the front steps towards the lake, soothing his bruised ego and ignoring the strange looks he was receiving.

"Its okay, man, you're still cool. No one but you could pull a stunt like that and still look dead sexy. Don't let Zabini get to you; you, Dashing Draco, are the man."

He stopped at the base of a tall tree, took a deep breath, and looked up.

"Good afternoon, Miss Granger," he greeted her, putting on what he thought was a suave, debonair expression.

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Dear Merlin, Malfoy, what is it now?"

"I have a request," he replied smoothly. "Would you-"

"Request denied," Hermione interrupted, and returned to charming her drawings.

Draco dropped the James Bond act and pouted, looking rather adorable when he did so, Hermione couldn't help but note. "You didn't even listen," the blond boy whined.

"Nor do I intend to."

"But if you would just-"

"No."

"I just want to-"

"No."

"But what if I-"

"No."

"Do you hate me?"

"Yes."

"Damn." He frowned. "You were supposed to say no again."

"I'm not on auto-pilot, Malfoy; I actually pay attention to what I'm saying. Sorry to disappoint." She began a new drawing; this time the ferret/human creature was being tossed to and fro by the giant squid.

"Auto-what?"

"Never mind. Muggle thing," she explained.

"Damn muggles," he muttered, but she heard.

"For Neptune's sake, Malfoy, are you just incapable of saying anything nice to anyone?" she exploded, meeting the end of her patience with the Slytherin dope.

"Yes!" he defended, looking insulted.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Uh…." A blank expression crossed his face. "Er… you have nice…um…ankles?" he tried.

She buried her head in her hands. "Malfoy…just…leave. Just go away."

"Under one condition." He smiled slyly.

"What," she said through gritted teeth.

"Go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend," Ferret-boy proposed.

Hermione couldn't believe her ears. He was either not serious, or not sober. "Go to Hell immediately, and leave me be."

"C'mon, Granger, you know you want to," he wheedled.

"I have a better idea. You leave under this condition: if you do, I won't hex you into next Thursady. Mmk?" She pulled out her wand and pointed it at him.

He gulped nervously. "Fair enough. But you'll come around. They always do." And then he dashed away before she could retaliate.

"Asshole," she commented.

xoxoxoxo

Blaise cracked the main doors of the castle to watch Draco stroll across the grass to a tree near the lake. He appeared to be conversing with the branches. "Always knew the Malfoys were a weird bunch," he muttered to himself.

He closed the door and began to walk away, then froze as his mind collected the image of Draco talking to a tree and the boy's earlier words, added two and two, and arrived at . . . seven? No, that can't be right. Maybe the Malfoy moron was sane.

He turned back to the door and swung it open just as Draco dashed by him. "It's, uh, raining," he offered as weak explanation.

"Sure," Blaise replied. "and Malfoys never lie." But alas, Draco had already vanished from sight. Shaking his head, stepped out the door into bright sunlight, and meandered down to the tree Draco had been conversing with.

"Afternoon, Miss Granger."

xoxoxoxo

M-McKnight: Thanks; I hope it turns out better than my first attempt. And no, they aren't dating, Harry's just being an ass. Not for the sake of being an ass; but sort of the older brother/ parent thing - my father and older brother feel the same way about my wardrobe as Harry does about Hermione's. See?

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Southern Gaelic: 'Tis the first chapter. The plot has yet to develop. Sort of like how a human fetus looks like that of a duck early on.

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Jackalope hunter: Thanks oodles for the compliments xD See above for the reason behind Harry's controlling-ness. It makes sense, really. And thank you for your condolences; feel free to send flowers.

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LadySnake: Thank you for the encouragement, and I appreciate you sticking with me from Goth Princess to here. Let me know if I stray to far from the original idea. Also, what do you think of the new title?

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engelslovesmarx: Thank you; I'll update as frequently as my limited attention span will allow xD

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Excuse me Mr. Mister: Lol, not an LP fan? That's okay; when I wrote the original of this it was my favorite band, but they've lost quite a bit of their appeal. I didn't feel like changing it. To be honest, my current faves aren't the greatest either. My favorite music is whatever has lyrics matching my current mood. -shrugs-

PS: At 16, my taste in music is allowed to suck xP

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Fire Sorcerer: Thanks. Again, can't promise frequent updates, and frankly, I prolly won't finish this summer. But I'll do my best.

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Peace out, y'all; see ya next chappy.