Disclaimer: I borrowed names, places, etc. from Ms. J.K. Rowling to serve as a medium for my dementia. I have taken great (very, very great) liberties with her work, and if such offends, I suggest you leave.

Warning: What you are about to read comes from a deranged mind with a love for J.K. Rowling's books and a distinct inability to take anyone or anything (including herself) seriously, except under the influence of certain controlled substances which serve to shove her rudely into reality. Said substances were not used in the making of this fan fic.

xoxoxoxo

Blaise staggered into the hospital wing in agony. "Madame Pomfrey, quick!" He collapsed onto a nearby bed.

Mme. Pomfrey hurried toward him. "My dear boy, what is it?" she asked in alarm.

"Eearg," he whined, clutching his head as though it might combust at any moment.

"What happened?" Mme. Pomfrey was truly panicked. She began checking his head for visible injuries.

Blaise grabbed her hand. "Obliviate. Quick. Hurry," he pleaded.

"I beg your pardon?" Mme. Pomfrey was somewhat baffled at this request.

"Please!" He began to bang his head against a wall. "Brain-" Slam! "Dirty!" Slam! "Bad-" Slam! "Mental image!" Slam!

"Oh, for Merlin's sake." She placed a cushioning charm on the wall to prevent Zabini from further injuring himself. Finding that his masochism was no longer effective, he curled into the fetal position and whimpered.

"Mr. Zabini, never do that again. Such behavior is for emergencies only," she scolded.

"This is an emergency!"

"Out!"

Blaise slumped out of the infirmary pouting. She didn't understand. And he was rather reluctant to explain; just saying it would be painful and embarrassing.

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Hermione and Ginny strolled down the halls of Hogwarts, jointly contemplating various forms of revenge, on both the Slytherins, and Harry and Ron.

"But Ginny, I can't do that!"

"Why not, Hermione?"

"It's like kicking puppies. Crippled puppies. With Down Syndrome," Hermione tried to explain to her best friend.

Ginny just laughed. "Puppies don't get Down Syndrome, you goose. And they're just boys. They'll get over it, after a few weeks of tears and a decade or so of therapy."

Hermione blanched.

"I'm just kidding," assured the redhead, eyes wide. "Honestly, girl, relax. You're way to uptight."

In retaliation, Hermione stuck her tongue out at Ginny, who shuddered at the sight of the silver piercing. "Eeeurg," she evaluated.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You sound like Harry and Ron. It's just a tongue ring. Anyway, so says the girl with a navel ring."

"Shhhh!" Ginny's eyes darted around the empty corridor in alarm. "Keep that down, Mione; if Ron or Harry overhear they'll have a fit. And at least it's not in my mouth."

"No, but wouldn't that be an interesting trick if you could manage it." Hermione sniggered, and Ginny's mouth quirked in a half smile at the mental image that was forming.

"Shut up," she said. "Come on; let's go find those crippled puppies."

xoxoxoxo

"Do you think Ginny's mad?" Harry asked his best friend. He threw a rock into the lake, narrowly missing the giant squid.

"Nah, it's probably just that time of the month," Ron replied disinterestedly, flipping through Witch Weekly.

"Maybe," Harry mused. "But what if - say, what's that you're reading?"

"Nothing." Ron hastily hid the magazine. "So, are you going to replace all the anti-bacterial stuff you stole?"

"Yeah. Maybe not Parvati's, though; she doesn't know it was me that took it. She still thinks she just lost it."

"She'll figure out, mate. Girls talk, and she'll guess," explained Ron wisely.

"True. I guess we're going to Madame B's Bath and Beauty next Hogmeades weekend." He didn't look too thrilled at the prospect, but the idea of every girl in Gryffindor after his blood was even less appealing.

"Excellent; I need some things," Ron absently said.

"What!"

"Uh, nothing." Ron stood. "Let's go; lunch is soon."

Harry shook his head and followed. There was something very weird about his best friend.

xoxoxoxo

Draco strolled down the hall aimlessly, whistling an indiscernible tune as he went. About ten feet before him, he spied Blaise trudging down the stairs from the infirmary.

"Hey, Zabini!" he called.

Blaise took one look at the blond, turned white, and ran.

"What's his deal?" Draco wondered to no one.

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Ron and Harry entered the castle in time to see Zabini dash by, muttering incoherently about blonds, trees, and bed sheets.

They looked at each other, shrugged, and continued to the great hall.

Living at Hogwarts for most of the past five and a half years had given them a great tolerance for oddities.

xoxoxoxo

"Ginny…." Hermione began hesitantly. "I just don't know…" She fiddled absently with a lock of curly hair.

The redhead turned to fix her friend with a stern look. "Hermione, it's the only way. You want them to leave you alone, don't you?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"Then roll with me here. The only way they'll stop pursuing you is if they believe they'll never have a shot in hell."

"They don't as is," Hermione lied, glad she had become rather adept at it. Causing mischief with the youngest Weasley had done that to her.

Ginny impatiently tapped her foot. "But they don't know that, and won't believe it until proof of it is right before their eyes." She paused. "It's this, or get married."

Hermione widened her eyes. "I'm to young to tie the knot! And who would I do it with?"

"Ron or Harry, take your pick. You know they'd do it."

The brunette turned a faint green.

"We also have to continue to give them grief about their relationship," Ginny continued.

"Their non-existent relationship," reminded Hermione.

"Minor detail." Ginny waved her hand unconcernedly. "As long as it's public, the truth is irrelevant."

"Ginny!"

"What?" she asked innocently.

Hermione shook her head. "You," she declared, "are too evil. I am ashamed, yet distressingly proud, to be your friend."

Ginny smirked. "Compliments noted and much appreciated."

"So glad."

xoxoxoxo

Ron was making his way rapidly (and sloppily) through his lunch and would've failed to notice the Great Hall suddenly fall silent were it not for Harry, who rather noisily dropped his fork in shock. He turned to the doors to see what the fuss was all about, and nearly dropped his own utensil in surprise. He quickly covered his eyes.

"That is not something I wanted to see."

He hazarded another glance and immediately wished he hadn't. It was still there, in plain view, his baby sister and his best friend snogging blatantly by the doors. Ron averted his eyes, and they fell on Harry, who was staring at the couple and looked incredibly angry.

"When I said make a good public impression," he ground out, "I certainly did not mean that." He stood, marched over to the two, and pulled them apart. He took each by the elbow and led them out, yelling about class and propriety all the way.

xoxoxoxo

Over at the Slytherin table, very different reactions were invoked in Hermione's admirers.

Blaise was hitting his head against the table repeatedly. No wonder she wasn't responding to his advances. She didn't swing that way. Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Draco, on the other hand was still staring at the doors. "Wow," he finally said. "That was hot."

xoxoxoxo

Kichou: I feel bad for Blaise, too; yet I must confess that such is my favorite and much implemented way to annoy a guy.

Twitchy-tennis player: Thank you! Hopefully the next chappy will be short coming, but I make no promises.

Fiona Mckinnon: Thanks xD I feel stupid for asking, but what's "PAMS" mean?

Excuse me Mr. Mister: Ha. Don't pretend to me you don't take joy in receiving weird looks. I won't believe it.

The girl trapped in a dream: I wish I could promise that the cracking up will continue, but sadly, I cannot. Right now I trying to figure out where to stick in my plot, which isn't all kicks and giggles (but it should be. Hmmm…) Well, it's sort of a plot. I think we're still in the duck fetus stage.

Anywho, thankies to everyone for your support and compliments! (I feel so loved xD) See ya next chappy, which is already in the making.

Also, at this point I feel I ought to reassure everyone that this is not a Ginny/Hermione fic. That little "relationship" is just way to divert Blaise and Draco's attentions. But alas, Gryffindors never really were very good at plotting.