For your love

Chapter 9

I didn't even bother calling him. Jesse, I mean. What was the point? I call him and he's supposed to just show up without question after he only just dumped me? I wish!!! Besides, if he were going to show up, he'd be here by now. That's the thing with Jesse; he tends to show up when all I've done is think about calling him.

Or at least he used to. After the whole dumping me thing? Yeah, not so much.

I really needed to talk to him, though. It's not like I could actually go through with this without asking him what he wanted. This was his life, after all. I couldn't decide for him, not with all Paul's threats. It wasn't my place. I mean, how much would it suck for him if he finally got his life back, and poof, it was gone again? Yeah, how about, a lot?

Surprisingly though, when I asked Ellie what she thought about the whole thing, she said not to worry about it! Like this wasn't something I needed to worry about! Oh no! Don't worry about that Suze. It's only a life and death matter for your (would be) boyfriend!!!

Nope, nothing to worry about there.

But apparently Ellie's got it all under control. Not that she'd actually tell me how she had it under control. No, she couldn't possibly do that now, could she? Does she actually think a simple 'you'll see' will make me feel any better?

Damn those ghosts and their crypticness!!!

So anyway, Ellie said she'd fill both Jesse and me in after I'd spoken to him. Then she just went and dematerialised.

And this girl claimed to know how I feel. I am so sure.

I decided that the best way to get Jesse to come to me was for me to get Father D to ask him to. After all, if Jesse wouldn't listen to Father Dom, then who would he listen to?

I picked up the phone and dialled the number for the rectory. After a few rings he picked up and I went, "Father Dom, it's Suze! Listen, I really need to speak to Jesse. Can you tell him to come over? Because he'll listen to you. And It's totally urgent!"

I was quite proud of my plan. I was totally expecting to be talking to Jesse in no time flat. And then we'd get to hear from Ellie about how everything was going to be all right. Only then, Father had to go and ruin it by not co-operating. "I'm sorry Susannah. I know that you miss Jesse but you must understand that you are making this harder-"

That was something I totally did not need to hear right then.

"Yes, I know that. But this is really really important. So if you could just tell him it's about Paul…"

That would get him over here. I knew it would. Now, if I could just get Father D to tell him.

"What about Paul? Maybe I could help."

"Trust me Father D," I said, "you can't. So can you please get Jesse for me? I really wouldn't ask if it wasn't an emergency."

I guess he was thinking about it because he didn't say anything for a while. Then he said, "Alright then. But it had better be important because-"

You wouldn't think I had just spent like the entire phone call telling him this would you?

"Yeah, I know," I interrupted, "I'm just 'making it harder for him than it already is'."

I waited for a while for Father D to ask him, half expecting him to come back and tell me that Jesse refused to see me. But, to my surprise, about a minute later Jesse materialised right next to me. Father D came back to the phone and I thanked him then hung up.

"Susannah, are you alright? What has Slater done?"

Jesse was looking very worried about my well being for someone who had just dumped me, but I actually thought it was very sweet. The being worried part, I mean. Not the dumping me part.

I smiled, "I'm fine. I just really need to talk to you, that's all."

Jesse looked relieved but then he said, "About what?" looking slightly unsure about whether or not he should stay.

Gee, thanks Jesse. Am I not worth it unless I'm hurt or something? That's what I was thinking, but, of course, I didn't say it out loud. What I said was, "It's… just…" then I sat down, not really sure on how to continue. "You might want to sit down," I told him, "It's a long story."

Jesse gave me one last unsure look then sat down on the window seat. I hugged my knees wondering how he was going to take this. Well, there was only one way to find out…

I started off with when Ellie first came to me, and then told him everything from there. And do you know what? I think I actually managed to talk with pauses between each word. I'd made an extra effort to make my speech understandable. I totally did not need to have Jesse laughing at me this time. And he didn't. His face was completely expressionless. As usual. So I wasn't sure how he was taking all of it.

When I had finished the room went silent for a few seconds then Jesse said, his voice giving no more away than his face, "Why didn't you tell me before now?"

I wasn't actually expecting anything more than that to tell you the truth. What are you supposed to say to something like what I'd just told him? Other than 'Why didn't you tell me sooner?' I mean.

A kiss would have been nice though.

"Um," I said, "When exactly? This is the only chance I've had to tell you. The idea was to get this finished before Paul found out."

Jesse didn't say anything. I guess he was kind of shocked from what I'd told him. I don't blame him really.

"This is what you want isn't it?" I asked, just to be sure. I mean, it was up to Jesse, after all, not me.

I needn't have bothered, though. Jesse looked completely shocked that I'd asked. "Of course it is!" he came over and sat next to me then said, "How can you even doubt that?"

I looked down at my knees. I hadn't wanted to, like, offend him or anything. "I don't know. I guess it's just, you know, because of yesterday…"

I looked up slowly until my gaze met with his. He was giving me a kind of sad look. I think mine must have matched. I mean, you'd be sad too if you found out a way to bring your dead boyfriend back to life and then someone told you that they were going to stop it from happening. I guess Jesse must have been feeling the same way, only from his point of view, not mine.

"Susannah," he whispered. He lifted up a hand and gently touched my cheek, making my skin tingle. Then, in a voice as soft as his touch he said, "I love you."

Just like that.

I was surprised to realise that this was the first time he'd said those words. We'd both known it but had never actually admitted it to each other. Well before last night in my case.

But for some reason, it didn't make me feel any better. The fact that he's just properly admitted his feelings for me didn't change anything. We could love each other all we wanted, but if we couldn't get this to work then we could never actually be together. And we both knew it. Jesse put his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest, tears beginning to well up in my eyes.

After sitting like that for a few minutes Jesse said, "Querida, we have to go for it."

I looked up at him, startled, "But what if-"

"Then I'll just be a ghost again," He said, as if he thought it was simple as that.

"But-"

"I can't move on, querida, not while you're here. We have to give it a try."

I just looked at him for a few seconds, and then I nodded.

A/N: I have no excuse for taking so long with this chapter. But I'm really sorry. I'll try and update faster in future.

I don't really feel well right now. I was off all week with a really bad cold, then I came into school (still not feeling well, might I add) and I had to have TWO injections!!!! The nurse didn't even think I was sick enough to not have it (I'll show her after I die in hockey tomorrow). It's not fair that one little prick that hardly hurt when I had it done can kill so much a few hours later. It's on the side I sleep on and all. I feel sorry for the lefties.

Anyway, so now I've done ranting I'll thank my reviewers:

Angel From Fairyland: Lol. Are you better now? I'm sure they'll all be fine. I don't really know what's going to happen after this. I've got the basic outline of the story worked out but I had all the chapters up to halfway through this one written in a note pad. Now I've got to start the rest of the chapters from scratch. And I'm not really sure what's going to happen in them. Just bare with me. And keep reviewing!

Flonshoe: I hope the suspense wasn't that bad. You know, with me taking so long and all. Oh well, I'm back now. Thanks for the review!

Chloe: That review really confused me, you know. Oh well, keep reading. And reviewing.

Moi: Thank you. Sorry for taking so long though.

DancinSweethart: Hmm… he is a meanie isn't he? But I love him anyway. Keep reading!

Emily: Aww that is so nice!!! Thank you. Although there is a lot that could be improved, it's just the stuff that I'm not very good at. So I'm glad you like it the way it is.

RidgelandHater: True, he was being evil but he doesn't suck. He's sound. Sound as a pound. Er.. ignore me…

Sweet-shortey: beams Thank you. I'm glad you like it so much. Keep reading.

Nikki007: Thanks! Keep reading.

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