CHAPTER 6 MARTIN
Ruthie and I took the twins to the park today. It was great, we had fun. I have to tell her. I don't know how much longer I can go on without her knowing. I saw her go into the backyard to talk to Lucy, I heard her say that she was going to tell Lucy who it is that she likes. I wish so much that it is me.
I sit there for several minutes just thinking about how happy she and I would be together. I feel from the bottom of my soul that we are meant to be. I know that I'm only 17 and I'm too young to be thinking about marriage, but I think Ruthie and I would have a very happy marriage. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have to tell her, and soon. Finally not being able to take it anymore I pick up the phone and call Mac. "Hi is Mac there?"
"This is Mac."
"Hey Mac, this is Martin. I need some one to talk to. I'm going to tell her tomorrow… I'm going to tell Ruthie that I want to be her boyfriend. I'm really nervous."
"I knew you'd come around eventually. How are you going to do it?"
"That part I haven't figured out. But I know that I have to tell her. I can't go on without her at least knowing."
"Knowing what, that you like her?"
"Mac, I don't just like her, I love her. I think she's the one for me. I want to be married to her, and have children with her, and grow old with her. I've never met anyone like her before. No one has ever clicked with me like this before."
"You're in love with her? I didn't know it was this serious. You have to find a way to tell her and soon, before it's too late."
"What do you mean too late?"
"Martin, don't you remember she really likes a guy our age. If she tells him before you tell her, you might not get the chance to tell her." I forgot about that. Why did he have to remind me that she likes someone else?
"Thanks for reminding me, as if I didn't have enough pressure telling her already. Now I have to worry about her still liking this other guy. Why does this have to be so difficult? I hate growing up."
"I know man, so do I. As wussy as it sounds, being a teenager is hard stuff. Feeling things that you never have before, not knowing what they mean, and not knowing what to do about them."
"I know what I have to do, I just don't know if I have the strength to do it. What if she doesn't want me?"
"Martin, if you keep asking yourself questions like that you're never going to tell her. You're going to tell her. So just think positive, she's going to say that she likes you too."
"Do you really think so? I hope so much that is the truth, but I'm not so sure. Why would she go on talking about the guy she likes if she likes me too?"
"Maybe you weren't supposed to know that she liked anyone. Plus she doesn't keep going on about it, people keep on bothering her about it… you in particular. Didn't you say that you overheard her telling Lucy about him?"
"You know what, I hadn't even thought about that. You're right; I wasn't even supposed to know about this. That does make me feel a little better. You're a good friend Mac. I'm going to tell her tomorrow. I'll let you know the turn out. Bye." I hang up the phone and my hand is shaking. I've never been more nervous in my entire life.
I walk downstairs and into the back yard. I see Lucy going into the garage toward the apartment. I hurry after her. "Lucy I have a question."
"Okay Martin, go ahead."
"There's this girl that I really like, and I'm going to tell her about my feelings tomorrow. But she likes another guy, should I still tell her? I don't want to hurt her."
"Yes. She deserves to know the truth. Even if she still picks the other guy, you have to take every chance in the world that you're the one she wants to be with. You deserve the chance to be with her too. Don't hold back because you're afraid of what may happen. 'Courage is not the absence of fear, but the decision that something else is more important.' I heard that once in a movie."
"So you think I should tell her no matter what?"
"Yes, Martin. You're a good kid; you deserve to be as happy as everyone else. I know you're life has been pretty rough so far, it's not fair sometimes. But this is you're chance, don't take it for granted."
"Well thanks, that's really nice of you to say. I will tell her tomorrow." I start walking toward the exit, but she stops me.
"Martin, can I ask you a question?"
"Yes, it's the least I can do for you after all of the great advice."
"Is this girl you really like Ruthie?" The blood from my face drains and I feel light headed. I hold my mouth agape and she just continues to stare at me. How could she possibly know that?
"Yeah… it is. Did Kevin tell you? He promised me he wouldn't tell anyone."
"No, Kevin didn't tell me. I've kind of thought you did for a while now. Martin, believe me, as much as rejection may hurt regret hurts even more. That feeling in the back of your head that life could be different, that nagging voice telling you that you're a fool, always questioning what could have been… it's not fun."
"I know that. I really do, but sometimes being afraid is so much easier. I know that I have to tell her, the hardest part of everything won't be telling her though. The hardest part will be if I pour my heart out to her and she chooses him over me. Just thinking about is about enough to have the heart of me."
"Martin, I know in my heart, she won't choose him. You're the one she wants to be with, even if she doesn't know it yet. Any girl would be so lucky to have you, so start believing in yourself."
"You know Lucy, you're very wise. I know where Ruthie gets it now."
"Thanks Martin. You're really sweet." I start to walk down the stairs and another bout of uncertainty washes over me. I turn back toward Lucy.
"But what if she still thinks of me like a brother? She's supposed to be like a sister to me."
"But, Martin, she's not your sister and you're not her brother. Let me tell you, she's never thought of you like her brother, she's always thought of you like a friend."
"I've always thought of her like that too. She is my friend you know, one of my very best friends."
"I've heard that's a good place to start a relationship."
"You've given me the confidence to do this. It's getting late though; I'm going to tell her tomorrow. Thanks Lucy, you're a good friend too. Oh, and Lucy I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anyone about this."
"Don't even worry about it Martin, my lips are sealed. Good luck tomorrow." With that I leave the apartment and go sit on the back porch. I sit there for several minutes by myself thinking about how I'm going to tell Ruthie. I want it to be something she will always remember; I want it to be perfect.
I finally decide on my course of action. I know exactly how I'm going to tell her, if I can muster the nerves.
To be continued…
Author's Notes:
Chapter 7 should be up in a couple of days
