Angel muttered to himself as he walked into the Hyperion, shaking the demon goo off his arm. He hadn't found any sign of the demons that were after Anne and Connor, but he had managed to run into an eight foot tall Kulphor demon in a seriously bad mood.
He started towards the weapons cabinet to put away his sword when he noticed his office door ajar and the light on. He stopped, catching the scent of who was in there. Connor… He put away the sword then went to his office, frowning as he saw Connor behind the desk with a drink in his hand.
Connor looked up. "I hit your liquor supply. Don't really care if you mind."
"How much have you had to drink?"
"I don't know. But not enough."
Angel pulled a chair over in front of the desk. "Connor…"
"Please, no fatherly advice right now. I'm really not in the mood."
"Wasn't going to. Just going to ask you to pour me one." Connor looked at Angel skeptically for a moment before doing what he'd asked, sliding the glass across the desk. Angel gave his son a nod. "Thanks."
Neither man said anything for a while, letting the silence hang heavy in the room. Connor knew why his father was there now, why he hadn't gone up to join Cordelia in his bed. He wanted Connor to talk, wanted him to say what had driven him down here to the liquor cabinet. Normally, Connor wouldn't have cared one way or another about that.
But tonight he felt like spilling. He could feel everything crashing down around him, and it was too much to carry on his own. That coupled with the fact that he'd had more than a couple of drinks before Angel had shown up made him want to talk.
"Laura's leaving me. At least she says she is. Though I think she really means it this time. She's been gone longer than any of the other times."
"Other times?"
"She leaves when things get bad. We fight a lot. About her wanting children. About me not being enough of a man. She tells me I act like an animal."
Angel's expression darkened. He couldn't stand to think of anyone telling his son that, especially not after all the boy had been through. "Did you talk to her tonight?"
"Yeah. I called her about an hour ago. Figured I should tell her…"
"About Anne?"
Connor frowned. "No. About the kitchen. Yeah, like I'm going to tell my wife I've been sleeping with a sixteen year old girl. I'm sure that would help all our marriage problems."
"How bad are the problems, Connor? Why did she leave?"
"I threw a plate."
"She left because you threw a plate? At her?"
"No. It didn't go anywhere near her. And it wasn't just that…that's just what made her actually walk out the door. This time."
"How often does she leave you?"
Connor shrugged. "Depends. More, recently. She goes to her mother's to 'think about things.' Waits for me to call and beg her to come back."
Angel had always thought Laura's extended trips to her mother's were strange. After all, the woman lived all of about twenty minutes away. There wasn't a lot of reason to stay with her. But Connor had brushed it off time and time again like it was nothing. Just a visit. Angel wondered what else Connor had kept to himself about his marriage. "How bad have things been with Laura?"
Connor looked down, though Angel had caught a glimpse of the shame in his eyes. "Bad. I've been really good for the past couple of years. I haven't gone out at all. Haven't fought anything, not even when you asked me for help. I've gone to work, and I've paid the bills. I did everything she asked me except that, and it wasn't enough."
"What's 'that?'"
"She wants a baby."
That much Angel knew. He just didn't know to what extent it caused problems in his son's marriage. "Is that what the fight was over? With the plate throwing?"
"Yeah. I've explained to her why I can't. But she puts that with the part of my life she doesn't want to exist. She tells me to just be normal. To quit letting there always be something wrong with me."
"Connor, there's nothing wrong with you."
Connor looked up sharply. "Yeah, Angel there is. I'm just a fuck up."
"No. No. Connor, don't say that. Don't think it. You've come through some much, more than most people could even begin to handle, and you're still here. Life hasn't been fair to you, but it isn't your fault. It's not because of anything wrong with you."
"There has to be something wrong with me, Dad. I can't fit in anywhere. I can't feel anything. I don't even think I love my own wife. How can something not be wrong with me?"
Angel winced. His son was still so emotionally shattered, and he knew a lot of that was his fault. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're just not like other people. And if Laura's telling you otherwise, then she's the one that's fucked up, Connor. Not you."
"You're just saying that because you don't like her."
"I don't like her. I've never bothered to hide that. But that isn't really the issue here. She makes you miserable. Listen to what you're saying. You're with a woman that tells you there's something wrong with you? That you're an animal, not a man? Plays with your emotions by leaving you and waiting for you to beg her to take her back? It's no wonder you're not in love with her. She doesn't give you any reason to be."
"She's put up with so much from me, and all I've ever done is fail her."
Angel had disliked Laura from the moment he met her. But he'd never wanted to physically hurt her. Not until now. When he looked at Connor now he could still see the same boy who had turned to him with a bomb strapped to his chest and told him that he was dead inside. He didn't believe in his capacity to love and all Laura had done was reinforce that. Angel wanted to rip her throat out. "You didn't fail her. She failed you. She couldn't accept who you are, and she tried to change you into what she wanted. She never bended for you. All the problems in a relationship can't be one person's fault alone, and she certainly can't expect you to change everything about yourself just to please her. Especially if she won't compromise at all for you."
"What's there to compromise, Angel? It's not asking too much of your husband to tell him to stop fighting demons…"
"It is if it's you, Connor. You're a fighter. It's in your blood."
"No! I don't want this. No one can ever accept me this way, Angel."
"There's a woman upstairs who does."
Connor blinked. "Okay, now I know I've had too much to drink because it sounded like you just said…"
"That's because I said it. Although this doesn't mean I'm not really disturbed by the idea of you with Buffy's daughter, because I am. And I think you should…wait a while. But if anyone in this world is your match, it's her. Whatever you are, she is, too."
"That's what she keeps saying."
"It's true. Her father isn't quite as much of a vampire as I am these days, but…" Angel looked his son in the eyes. "Connor, I saw how you reacted when she was hurt. The fear and the determination in your eyes. You feel something for her."
"I…I do. It's really strong, Angel. It can't explain it. But just one look at her, and my whole world turns upside down."
"It scares you, doesn't it?"
"Terrifies me. It's too intense to be anything but dangerous."
Angel knew Connor was right there. But he also saw more emotion come from his son where Anne was concerned than he had in a long time—if ever. He wasn't sure what would be better for him, giving in or trying to play it safe, and he doubted Connor had any idea either. "Why don't you get some sleep? It's late—or early."
Connor downed the last of what was in his glass. "Yeah, I probably should. I don't think there's quite enough of this here to actually make me feel any better."
Angel sighed as Connor stood up. "Look, you probably don't want to hear this right now, but this thing with Laura leaving…it could be good for you. Even if you steer clear of a relationship with Anne, this could give you an opportunity to find something better in your life than the way you've been living."
"I don't know. I mean, I wasn't happy in my marriage, but I was settled. I could go through my routine, and I could make it from day to day. I wasn't falling apart."
"You weren't? Looks a little different from the outside, Connor."
"I'm going to bed. You were right about the me needing sleep thing."
"Yeah, okay. Good night."
"Good night, Angel."
Connor stood in the hallway outside of Anne's room. He knew he shouldn't go in. Spike was still in there, and the last thing he wanted to do was give Spike any reason to suspect that something was going on with him and Anne.
But he needed to see her, even for a moment. He really wanted to hold her, knowing that feeling her in his arms would make this all hurt a little less, but he was smart enough to know that wasn't going to happen. Not with her father keeping a bedside vigil.
Spike's eyes opened as soon as Connor walked into the room, and he set up straighter in the chair beside Anne's bed. "Is there trouble?"
"No. I was just on my way to bed and I…wanted to see how she was doing."
"She's fine," Spike replied. "She's stayed asleep. Breathing's normal and everything."
"Good. I was worried. That demon really did some damage."
"Anne's tough. She's a survivor. Girl's been through a lot, and she hasn't stopped yet."
Connor stepped closer to the bed, unable to keep himself back from her. He pushed back a bleached strand of her hair, letting it fall into the darker tresses fanned out over the pillow. "She is tough. She's like…a force of nature."
Spike glanced between Anne and Connor, a frown on his lips. "Yeah, she is. So I haven't heard much from you since you came back here. Angel says you're married now?"
"Uh, yeah," Connor said, pulling his hand away from Anne quickly. "Going on ten years now."
"That right? What's her name?"
"Laura." Connor looked over at Spike, noticing the strange way he was looking at him. He moved away from Anne, backing towards the door. "I should go to bed. It's really late."
"You do look like you need sleep."
Spike's expression had gone back to normal, and Connor resisted breathing a sigh of relief. He'd almost messed up there, making his feelings for Anne too evident in front of her father. "I'll see you tomorrow. Or later today…"
"Yeah. Good night."
"Night." Connor hurried out of the room and back to his own. He needed to find a way to stop this…
Anne's eyes fluttered open, looking over at her father. "Was Connor just in here?" she asked sleepily.
"Yeah. He came to check on you," Spike replied.
Anne smiled, even as her eyes drifted shut again. "I thought I felt him."
Spike's eyes widened at his daughter's half-asleep declaration. Connor's behavior a moment ago had seemed strange to him, too tender towards a girl he barely knew. And now what Anne had just said… Maybe if she said she'd heard him. They had been talking. Would stand to reason that hearing their voices would've pulled her momentarily out of sleep. But felt… That was something else entirely.
Spike shook his head. It couldn't be what he was thinking. That was insane. Anne was only sixteen, and Connor would know better. It was just his mind jumping to foolish conclusions.
He settled back into the chair. Yeah, that was all it was. Nothing to worry about at all…
Please, please, please review. This is me begging and pleading, etc… I'd really, really like to see some feedback for this fic.
