A/N: Hi everybody! We're back with Chapter 6. This one's a little longer than we've been writing and we feel pretty good about it, so we hope you enjoy.
P.S.: Uh, we read the end of Chapter 5 again before we wrote this and wondered what we'd been smoking. Thus the end of Chapter 5 has been removed and this is much more in character, we feel.Enjoy!
The phone rang.
Don't answer it. Not now. It's almost over.
She wavered for a second. With the second ring her resolve broke.
Damn these hormones. "Hello?"
"Olivia?"
It was him.
"Oh, hi, Jim. Listen, now's not really a good time, I was just on my way out. Can I call you back-"
"You're going to the clinic, aren't you?"
Whoa. Careful, Olivia. "Well, actually…yes. I was."
There was a pause.
"You don't need to do this, Olivia. My lifestyle can support a child. I can take it and you never need to hear from either of us again. I promise."
"Jim…"
"No, hear me out. This is my responsibility too. Don't feel like you have no other options. One of them's talking to you right now! I feel like a terrible person to let you do this."
"Jim, you're not a terrible person for letting me do what I need to do!"
"But you don't need to do it, that's what I'm trying to tell you!"
"Yes, Jim, I do."
"Stay there. I'm coming over."
There was a click, and then a dial tone. Olivia hung up the phone in exasperation, grabbed her purse, and made for the door.
Then stopped.
Then shook her head at her own ridiculousness and grabbed the doorknob.
Then turned around and stared at the wall without seeing it. Every nerve and muscle in her body was screaming, Leave! Leave now! Don't complicate things!
She didn't move. Her hand compulsively clutched the strap of her purse as her mind wrestled indecision.
With almost feverish intensity, Jim Owens raced out of his apartment, nearly forgot to lock it, hurtled down the steps of his apartment building, and stumbled out onto the street, while trying to hail a cab. Shouldn't he just forget it? She obviously didn't want or need him there. And he sure as hell didn't want to be there. Or did he? It was his responsibility and he would not shy away from it. He was not his father. He stepped into the cab.
"Where to, mister?"
"Uh…" Jim struggled through the drunken memories of that night, trying to remember where Olivia's apartment was. Having a sudden epiphany, he gave the driver the address and added, "Step on it." He'd always wanted to say that.
Jim knocked on the apartment door.
"It's open." Her tone was unreadable. He walked in to find her sitting on the couch, her posture also inscrutable.
"Jim."
"Olivia."
"Look, um- I'm already late, so I don't really have time to discuss this. But really, it's not a big deal. Honestly, I just want this over." Olivia's tone crossed the border between patient and annoyed. "And you can't just swoop in and complicate things, dammit!"
"I don't mean to complicate things…it's just…well, whether I stay or go things are gonna be complicated now. And…I don't want to make things harder for you…but you have to understand that this…this affects me too. So of course, not only do you not have to do this alone, you can't."
"Don't tell me what I can't do," Olivia said, going for the door.
"You're right. I'm sorry. It's your choice…just…please."
"I'm not sure what you're getting at."
"I know I'm not making much sense. It's just…" Jim Owens sat down and put his head in his hands.
Reluctantly, Olivia crossed behind him and put her hand on his shoulder. "I've made this choice, Jim. What can I do?"
She'd given him an opening. "You can let me take it. I'll raise it by myself; you never need to think about either of us ever again."
"But do you know what doing this at all would mean for me in the short term? I can't do it."
"I know. But I can't not ask you."
She didn't say anything.
"But…whatever happens now, I don't have any regrets. And I still like you. A lot."
Just as Olivia was searching her brain to find something to say to that, there was a knock. Automatically she yelled, "Who is it?"
"It's me," she heard her partner's voice say.
"It's open."
The doorknob turned and Elliot stepped into the room, saying, "I was just in the neighborhood-"
He stopped short, not sure what he was seeing. An unfamiliar man about his age in jeans and a blue button-down was sitting in one of Olivia's chairs. She sat on the couch, looking slightly uncomfortable, and it seemed as if she just been about to go out. Elliot looked between them for a second, and suddenly it hit him who this must be.
The man who was the father of his partner's unborn child looked quizzically at her. Her eyes had locked with Elliot's. Snapping out of it, she said, "Uh, Jim, this is my partner, Detective Elliot Stabler. Elliot, this is Jim Owens, a…friend of mine."
Jim stood and moved over to shake Elliot's hand. "How's it going?"
"Hanging in there." He looked at his partner. "This a bad time?"
"No, no, it's fine."
"Well, I just dropped by to say hello. So, hello. I'll get out of here."
She stared at him, reproachful, knowing he had come to check in on her. He gave her a guilty grin. "See you."
Olivia followed him to the door. "Hey, thanks," she said in a low voice. He nodded once and shut the door.
Jim was watching her. "So he knows, huh?"
Exasperated, Olivia thought about taking a page out of Munch's book and making herself a tinfoil hat to stop everyone reading her mind.
"Yes, he knows."
"Is there…uh, is there anything…going on…between you?"
"Oh, God, no. We both have too many issues." She looked at the clock. "Oh, shit, I missed my appointment. Now I'll have to…"
She trailed off as they stared at each other. She didn't know what she had to do. And that was precisely the problem.
Keeping it would turn her life upside down. She couldn't let the rhythms of her life be interrupted. And how could she be a good mother if she worked all the time?
Elliot has kids, a voice in the back of her head said.
And Kathy could argue he's not a very good father, another voice responded.
But I don't think that.
We're different people. It might not work for me.
But how will I ever know if I don't try? Could this be my only chance to be happy? I've been working at this job for so long and so hard it's become my entire life. What would it be like to have a life outside work again?
It didn't work too well for Elliot.
But Kathy and Jim aren't the same person any more than Elliot and I are.
Jim…
Jim was watching her stare off into the distance, aware that she was probably experiencing a fierce inner debate. His inner voices weren't exactly quiet themselves at this point.
You've got to let her go. This is her life, her body.
But I'm partially responsible! I can't leave her with that burden.
She wants to be left with that burden! You're pushing her too hard. Back off.
I can't.
She said, "Jim, I-" and simultaneously he started, "Olivia, I-"
They chuckled awkwardly.
"You go first," he said.
So? Hope you liked it! As always, that small purplish box is waiting for your click. It's your turn; let us know what you think.
Love and kisses,
Jill and Ella
