Lost Memories of My Love

Chapter 2 – New Family

Rinoa's mouth fell open, and she suddenly dropped her books with surprise. So many thoughts were already running through her mind at those mere words. Never had she expected such a thing from Caraway … maybe because she never wanted to hear those words. New mother. She never wanted a new mother … she never even hinted to her father she wanted one. No woman could ever have replaced Julia. The mere thought of having a new mother frightened her.

Sera looked alarmed, and quickly helped Rinoa pick her books up.

"Uh … uh … okay … then," said Rinoa quietly as she held her books tightly. "That's … that's a bit of a shock."

That was definitely an understatement. By no means was this a bit of a shock. Heck, it had to be the shock of a lifetime.

"Your father has told me so much about you," said Sera with a sweet smile. "I finally get to meet the famous Rinoa Caraway."

"Heartilly," said Rinoa in a sharper tone than she had intended. "Rinoa Heartilly." Hopefully, the statement would have pinned her point across perfectly.

At first, Sera looked troubled, but her troubled look turned back into a welcoming smile. "You seem like a nice girl."

Rinoa forced her confused face to turn into a smile. I seem like a nice girl, thought Rinoa. What has this man been telling her? That she was an angel who did well in her studies, always respected her elders and was polite?

"C-Can I talk to you … uh … dad?" said Rinoa, restraining herself from calling her father Caraway.

Caraway nodded, knowing exactly what his daughter was going to say. He moved out of the way as Rinoa stepped into the house. She ran upstairs and her father followed her up slowly, almost nervous with the conversation that waited beyond the staircase.

"I know what this is about," said Caraway as they walked into her room.

"And so you should," said Rinoa, throwing her bag and books on the bed, showing no emotion. She sat on the bed and looked up at her father with an impatient look. She tried to act calm and rational before she had an outburst.

"I know, I should've told you," said Caraway.

"How long have you known this woman?" demanded Rinoa, her anger rising too quickly.

"I've known her for ages," said Caraway. "A couple of years at least."

"And you never even told me that you've been seeing this woman?" said Rinoa furiously.

"She was just a friend then," explained Caraway. "She recently got divorced with her husband. She's been depressed since then … I thought I could help her."

"You can't just do that," said Rinoa, frustrated. "Every time a woman feels depressed, you can't just keep marrying them! What about … what about . . . what about…" Rinoa clutched at Julia's wedding ring that hung around her neck.

Caraway sensed what Rinoa was about to say. "Julia is gone, I know," he said, sitting down next to his daughter on the bed, "But I did this for you. I'm never around for you. You didn't have a mother … I wanted you to have a mother again. I wanted you to have a parent who could be there for you. You were so distant from me ever since Julia died. Rebellious, almost hating me. I thought…"

"So you thought that if I had a mother again that I would respect you?" said Rinoa. That one statement just made her even angrier.

Caraway didn't say anything, knowing that he had just made his daughter even angrier.

"How can you be so selfish?" cried Rinoa. "It's your fault mum died in the first place!"

Caraway looked shocked. "What…?"

"Yes, I know what happened that night," growled Rinoa, "Just because I was five didn't mean I was deaf … or stupid, for that matter."

"Rinoa, you clearly misunderstand…"

"No, I don't misunderstand anything," snarled Rinoa. "You … you were yelling that night. You told mum that she was using you … using you to get over her first love. You made her feel…" Rinoa thought back to that night her mother left, replaying her thoughts. "You made her feel sad." She didn't exactly remember what happened, but that was what Rinoa had always told herself.

Caraway gripped at the bed sheets, trying to keep his anger from rising. "You misunderstand me, Rinoa."

"Don't lie!" shouted Rinoa. "You made her feel sad so she left! I asked her why she was leaving and she told me she was only going for a while, to think about things … she said she would come back. She promised me. But did she come back, dear father? No, she did not."

Caraway's grip tightened on the bed sheets, his teeth clenching. He hated having this conversation with Rinoa. He always dreaded the very words that left her mouth. He always dreaded the way she left a sting of guilt at the back of his neck – it always did.

"And before she left, she gave me her ring … she gave it to me to keep until she came back," said Rinoa, closing her eyes, not bearing the horrible memories, "I didn't understand why she did … but now I do. She was ashamed, dear father. She was ashamed that you had said such poisonous words to her that she didn't want to hold onto a memory of you. And I don't blame her…"

Caraway was going to explode any moment. He would always let Rinoa have her way. He never wanted to argue or things would have gotten ugly. Sometimes he failed, and he would end up as angry as Rinoa – like father, like daughter.

"And so you left as well, father, you left for that damned job you had," spat Rinoa. "And then the nice policeman came. He asked me to identify the body of my dead mother from the car accident because you weren't around. Do you know how horrible that was, father? The last image I saw of her was her covered in 'red stuff'. I thought she was asleep, I thought she was asleep and I wanted to wake her up…"

Rinoa felt like bursting into tears of anger. She hated her father so much. She hated him with so much passion that she felt like killing him the way he killed her mother.

"And now you're expecting me to accept this … this woman as my mother?" said Rinoa. "How do you sleep at night, Caraway?"

Caraway stood up, his face already spread with rage. "Damn it, Rinoa, you don't understand. It was a hard day at work, I was darn right pissed off."

"That's what you always say," sneered Rinoa.

Caraway wanted to curse at his daughter for her ignorance. Instead, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit one up to calm his stress.

"Do you want to know why I was pissed off that day?" asked Caraway calmly. "I was with President Laguna that day. He found out his wife was dead, and that was when the whole Sorceress thing was in place. He found out his wife was dead and he had to leave his kid behind, he had to leave his son behind to do his job. Yes, that's right, he had to leave Squall at the orphanage."

Rinoa paused and reflected on Caraway's words. He had never told her this before.

"Laguna was going on and on about how his life was so bad," said Caraway, "I felt sorry for the man. Having to save the world from a sorceress after leaving his son behind and finding out his wife was dead … it had to be rough. But then he brought up Julia in the middle of the conversation and I just lost it."

Rinoa didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. She never knew. Why didn't he tell her? Why didn't he ever tell her? The mere mention of Squall made her freeze and think. She suddenly felt ashamed.

Both father and daughter were silent, aside from Caraway calmly inhaling and exhaling the tobacco.

"Have you ever thought about how Ifelt for a change?" asked Caraway quietly. "Don't think I enjoyed what happened. Don't think I wasn't in grief after your mother died. Don't think I wasn't sorry. I was as miserable as you were, Rinoa. I hated myself for it."

Rinoa didn't say anything. Her anger died down as she began to understand her father … for the first time in thirteen years.

"So I wanted you to have a mother again," said Caraway, "I want you to have what you couldn't have in your childhood. Because … I can't stand the pain anymore, Rinoa."

Rinoa remained silent. She wasn't angry anymore; she was just confused about what she wanted. What did she want?

"Is she nice…?" asked Rinoa quietly.

Caraway smiled. "She is a very pleasant woman. She recently quit acting … so she will be there for you."

"She's an actress now?" said Rinoa, surprised.

"Was," corrected Caraway. "I did this for you, Rinoa." He tried to make it clear.

Rinoa sighed. "I … guess. I guess it'll be nice to have a mother again."

Caraway smiled. "I knew you'd see it my way." He hugged his daughter.

Rinoa sighed and did not hug him back. Something in her wasn't as happy as she should've been.

Caraway let go and walked out of her room. He stopped at the door and turned around. "Finish unpacking and come down to meet your mother."

Rinoa nodded as Caraway closed the door. There was no point in unpacking; she was going to leave in two weeks again anyway. She just flopped onto her bed and took her hair out of the ponytail she was wearing. She kicked off her shoes and just stared at the ceiling for a while.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, she thought. Maybe having a mum again wouldn't be so bad. She must be nice … this was the man that married Julia.

After a while of just lying in bed, Rinoa got up and went downstairs. Caraway and Sera were in the living room, talking over coffee.

"And here comes my princess," said Caraway as Rinoa walked downstairs.

Rinoa was going to roll her eyes, but when she saw Sera, she simply smiled sweetly instead.

"Come and sit with us, Rinoa," said Sera, making space for Rinoa on the couch.

Rinoa obediently went to the couch and sat down next to her stepmother.

"So, you're a SeeD, are you?" said Sera. "What rank are you?"

"I finished my first rank," answered Rinoa.

"Oh, okay then." Sera smiled at her. Rinoa weakly smiled back. "Eighteen years old, hmm … you're at the age to find true love, aren't you?"

Rinoa laughed weakly.

Sera smiled.

"I'll leave you two girls to talk," said Caraway.

---

Ashleigh ate quietly, not looking at her father or brother at all. Her father was finally going to send her back to her mother after they found out she got married again. He wanted to take her and her brother after the school year, which was that day.

"Your mother can offer you a lot more than I can," said her father, "She's married a man with more than money than I do. She can provide more to you."

Seifer didn't say a word. He also ate quietly. He looked at his father, just sitting there, looking at his two children. He looked at his sister. She was trying to avoid any eye contact with the both of them. The fringe of her long amber hair fell on her bright blue eyes as she ate.

"I'll drop you off at her place," said their father.

The two teenagers said nothing and just kept on eating.

"You won't see me again after that," said their father.

Seifer would rather have stayed with his father than with his mother. He hated them both, but his mother treated him like utter crap. His father was an alcoholic who was also addicted to gambling. Seifer just wanted to get away from his whole family and live on his own. He recently got kicked out of Galbadia Garden because he was slacking off and was threatening to too many students. That was only because things were rough at home . . .

"Say something, god dammit!" Their father slammed his fist on the table.

Ashleigh jumped in surprise, but just kept on eating and ignored her father.

Seifer just kept on eating as well.

"If you aren't going to talk to me, I may as well just take you right now!" roared their father. He first grabbed Ashleigh by the arm and then grabbed Seifer.

Seifer snatched his arm away from his dad and just picked up his and Ashleigh's few belongings. He followed Ashleigh and his father outside to the car.

He pushed Ashleigh into the back seat of the car.

"Don't touch me!" cried Ashleigh.

He slammed the door shut. Seifer got into the car and threw Ashleigh's bag of stuff at her. He sat down and closed the door.

Ashleigh eyed him dirtily. Damn you, Seifer … how can you be so calm in a situation like this? She always found it annoying how Seifer would be so emotionless in times where emotion should have been shown. But then again, she would always feel jealous of it.

Seifer ignored her and just put his seat belt on. He didn't give a damn. Where he lived wasn't of concern to him, he was going to leave as soon as he finished his Garden course. Living with his parents was just the cheap way out – but living with his parents also had its price.

Their father slammed on the gas pedal and drove away from the house.

Seifer looked out the window and said goodbye to the place he grew up in.

---

"So, is there a lucky man in your life?" asked Sera with a smile.

Rinoa kept that weak attempt of a smile on her face. "Well..." She was going to say Squall was this 'lucky man' but at that moment, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get that," said Sera. "Excuse me for a second."

Sera got up and opened the door. "W-W-W-What…?" Her voice was filled with utter shock.

Caraway came down from his room upstairs.

"Who is it, Sera?" asked Caraway.

"I-I-I-It's..."

"Oh mother, I missed you so much," said a girl's voice.

Rinoa got up and walked to the door in curiosity. Her father did as well.

Two teenagers stood at the door. One was a girl with long, wavy amber hair. She was wearing faded denim jeans and a short-sleeved pink shirt that exposed her chest region. She was nicely tanned, and her eyes were piercing blue. But it was her eyes that scared Rinoa … something about them made her look threatening, like a scorpion.

The other was a guy. He had flaxen hair and was wearing a long white trench coat, and was holding a gunblade. He was leaning against the wall, away from the other girl, not even looking at what was going on.

"Why are you here?" asked Sera, shocked. "Who brought you here?"

"Father took us here," said the girl, "He ... he's sick of us. He doesn't want us around anymore. So he took us here." She began to cry, and hugged Sera tightly.

Rinoa saw the other guy roll his eyes.

"But I'm glad that I get to stay with you, mother," said the girl through sobs.

"Erm…" Sera let go of the girl. She looked at Caraway, not knowing what to do or say.

"Are these your children, Sera?" asked Caraway.

"Y-Yes … their father doesn't want them anymore," said Sera.

"Oh, well if that's the case … they're both welcome to stay here with us," said Caraway.

Rinoa blinked. More strangers in the house?

"Oh, thank you kind sir!" said the girl happily. She ran to Caraway and threw her arms around him.

He patted the girl on the back. "It's quite all right. And no 'sirs' please; you can call me father … or dad, or whatever you're comfortable with."

"Oh, thank you father," said the girl, letting go.

"Yes … well, why not all of us come on inside," said Caraway. "It's very cold out here."

The girl headed in excitedly. She eyed Rinoa and just pushed past her. Rinoa stumbled backward and quickly regained her balance. The other guy headed in after them. Everybody sat down on the sofa in the lounge, but Rinoa wasn't sure what her purpose there was.

"And what would be your name, young one?" asked Caraway.

"My name is Ashleigh," said the girl. "I'm seventeen years old, not that young."

"Oh, you're one year younger than Rinoa then," said Caraway. He pointed to Rinoa.

"Then you are to call Rinoa big sister then, Ashleigh," said Sera.

Rinoa looked unsure at first, but smiled sweetly when Sera and Ashleigh looked at her. She stuck out her hand to Ashleigh.

"Nice to meet you," said Rinoa nicely.

Ashleigh just gave her a dirty look that only Rinoa could make out. Or maybe she was imagining it. But Ashleigh shook hands with her anyway and reluctantly said, "You too … Rinoa-san."

"And what about this young man?" asked Caraway, pointing to the other guy.

He looked uninterested and did not answer.

Sera cleared her throat.

The guy still did not answer.

"That's Seifer," said Sera, giving him a look.

"Oh, I see," said Caraway. "I see you have a gunblade. First class in Garden, are you?"

"Yeah," was all Seifer said.

"Ah, excellent," said Caraway. "Almost a SeeD. I think you'll get along with Squall."

Seifer didn't ask who Squall was.

"I'm in Garden too," interrupted Ashleigh.

"Really?" said Caraway.

"I only started last year," said Ashleigh, "It's my second year now. But everyone at Galbadia Garden thought I was pretty good for a beginner."

"Oh, just like Rinoa," said Caraway happily. "You and Rinoa are going to get along just fine."

Rinoa smiled again, but Ashleigh just gave her a dirty look again.

"I think you two will have to share a room as well," said Caraway. "And Seifer can have his own room. Our house doesn't have enough bedrooms, I'm sorry to say, most of the rooms are filled with junk."

Share a room with this chick? He didn't even ask if it was okay yet, which it obviously wasn't. Rinoa was horrified on the inside. She was not used to sharing things, especially with a stranger. But she tried to be polite and simply smiled.

"Then I think I'll go to my room now, thanks," said Seifer. He went upstairs without another word.

"I think you'd better show him his room, Rinoa," said Caraway. "And while you're at it, you can show Ashleigh your room."

Rinoa nodded without saying a word. She ran up the stairs after Seifer, who was pathetically looking in all of the rooms to see which one was his.

"Um, it's this one," said Rinoa, pointing to the spare guest room.

Seifer eyed Rinoa and just went into his new room without saying anything. When he brushed past her, a shiver ran down Rinoa spine. Something about him made her feel … strange. It was an uneasy feeling, but it didn't seem bad.

"And where's my room?" Ashleigh asked from behind.

"Oh ... our room is over here," said Rinoa. She led Ashleigh down the hallway to her room.

Rinoa was glad that it was tidy that day, besides all bags and books left on the bed. Her room looked atrocious sometimes, given the right circumstances.

"There's only one bed in here!" said Ashleigh in shock.

"Oh ... then I guess until Caraway gets a new bed, one of us will sleep on the floor," said Rinoa.

Ashleigh didn't say anything.

Rinoa sighed, but then smiled meekly. "I'll sleep on the floor then."

"Okay then," said Ashleigh. She pushed all of Rinoa's stuff on the floor and put her bag on the bed. She sat on it and began bounced on it just a bit.

"This bed is so hard," said Ashleigh. "But it'll have to do."

Rinoa shifted her eyes in annoyance, but just cleared the stuff that Ashleigh pushed off the bed. The girl was already beginning to annoy her, and it had only been fifteen minutes since she walked through the door.

"You don't have to worry about calling me big sister," said Rinoa, setting out her sleeping bag on the floor. "Just call me Rinoa."

"Why would I call you big sister?" said Ashleigh. "You're only one year older than me."

I'm glad you see it my way, thought Rinoa.

Ashleigh sat and looked around the room. Her eyes landed on Rinoa's wardrobe, which happened to be open. She gasped and ran over to the wardrobe. She looked through all the clothes.

"Oh my gosh, these are such beautiful clothes," said Ashleigh, amazed.

"I'm glad you think so," said Rinoa, looking up. "Well, you know what, you can wear them whenever you want. Take whatever you want whenever you want."

She never even wore those clothes. Caraway would always try to buy her love by buying her clothes and things, but it never worked.

"Really?" said Ashleigh excitedly.

Rinoa nodded with a smile. "Sure thing. We're … we're sisters now, aren't we?"

The words left a dry taste in Rinoa's mouth. Sisters … she never thought she would see the day when she would call someone her sister. She was almost afraid to.