Welcome to the Spira News! The News That's Too Screwed Up To Mean Anything!

Rikku couldn't save the chocobos. And why was there a chocobo standing in the doorway leading to Macalania Temple? I thought I saw Seymour with Yuna. I'll help Tidus kill him. I'll also tell Seymour to kill himself. The Ronso Tribe ate all the leftovers from Lulu's party. Wakka got injured in the last blitzball tournament. Again? Yes, again.

Where did the Flans go? Did they get out? 'Cause if they did... I guess Kimahri will eat them. Rikku! Rikku kicked Brother out and had her own party on the airship! She even sang a song! Here it is:

Frahajan cyhk so cuhkc

Uh dra cdyka, Uh so ufh

Frahajan cyet so funtc

Fecrehk drao fuimt pa raynt

E cyf oui csemehk yd sa

Fyc ed naym un zicd so vyhdyco?

Oui't ymfyoc pa drana eh dra lunhan

Uv drec deho meddma pyn

So mycd hekrd rana vun oui

Cysa umt cuhkc zicd uhla suna

So mycd hekrd rana fedr oui?

Syopa oac Syopa hu

E geht uv megat ed ouin fyo

Ruf oui cromo bmylat ouin aoac uh sa

Tet oui ajan ghuf dryd E ryt seha uh oui?

Tynmehk cu drana oui yna

Fedr dryd muug uh ouin vyla

Yc ev oui'na hajan rind

Yc ev oui'na hajan tufh

Crymm E pa dra uha vun oui?

Fru behlrac oui cuvdmo pid cina?

Ev vnufh ec crufh drah E femm

Dryd oui yna hu tnaysan...

You may ask 'What the hell is it?'... well, everyone knows that Rikku's been practicing 'Eyes On Me' in Al Bhed lately! Why would she do that? Oh well, it's better than Wakka singing... well, anything.

Well, I can't wait until Rikku's next party! Keep 'em coming Rikku! And in other news: former Kilika Beasts Deim has joined the Besaid Aurochs in order to be with her lover Larbeight. Ain't they a cute couple? What? They're not? Ur, vun lnoeh' uid muit...

The Luca Goers still won't give up that sexy Linna! Wakka wishes they would... then Wedge would have some company. Stupid Kyou... him and his mad passing skillz! Seymour still hasn't shown up. Probably scared of Tidus shoving a long, hard, water-filled Brotherhood sword up his ass... wait, that doesn't sound right... dammit, Tidus! You screwed it all up again! No! Not like that! NO! Get away from Yuna, you jerk!

Well, that's all for the Spira News. Till next time!

Oh, and Tidus: STOP STARING AT THAT DAMN GIANT MONSTER ARENA BIRD AND ATTACK ALREADY!

To Be Continued...