It's Not Worth It

Chapter 3 – Dæmons

- - - -

In Will and Roger's world, the first star sickness victims were beginning to wake up, and among them was Roger's friend Kyle Walker. He was a little groggy, but all his body functions seemed fine, and nothing was physically wrong with him. News crews from around the world gathered in that small hospital room to cover his awakening, but only a few were able to obtain interviews.

The first interviewer, CNN, asked a few brief questions about what he remembered about his fainting in math class. He replied that he couldn't remember anything, which was expected.

It wasn't until after the camera had shut off that the trouble started. The CNN reporters were trying to make small talk with Kyle to remove the anxiety that being on camera caused.

"Well, you should probably stay away from math for the rest of your life, then," joked one reporter.
Kyle, who had his math homework set out on the table, immediately began ripping it up, an indifferent look on his face.

"Hey, kid, I didn't mean it! Stop it," said the reporter, and Kyle stopped.

Nobody but the CNN reporter had noticed the unusual behavior, but the reporter realized that he may have stumbled across something bigger than he had thought.

"Stand on your head, Kyle," said the reporter, and Kyle did so perfectly. When told to stop, he did.

By then all the reporters in his room had noticed, and word quickly spread. When a few of the other Redwood High School students woke up, doctors confirmed that they all exhibited this strange behavior.

And so the world of America, dæmonless humans, and cinemas realized that the mysterious star sickness had to be stopped, or the human race may cease to exist.

- - - -

Roger and Ryan walked through the town square that they had seen through the window, supporting the unconscious Matthew on each of their shoulders. He saw each human he passed look at him strangely, as if he had no head, and the animals all of them seemed to carry with them crept inside their shirts as if they were scared at the very sight of him.

Roger asked one of the residents where he could find the town mayor, or leader. He was pointed in the direction of a large house on top of a hill. From there he was directed immediately to an old man sitting in a rusty chair.

"Welcome, child. What is it you need?"

"Excuse me sir, but everyone seems to think I'm weird because I don't have one of those talking-animal things. What are they, and where can I get one? I'm new in this town..."

"You're new in this world," said the old man.

Roger stared at him with a look of extreme surprise on his face.

- - - -

At around 8:30 in the evening in Roger's hometown of Redwood, California, a special announcement from the President was aired on every major news channel. It stated that the mysterious star sickness, which Redwood residents had already heard way too much about, had a strange side effect that wasn't even scientifically possible. It seemed to destroy its victims'—the President hesitated before saying it anyway—their souls. He assured his country that scientists had been searching for a possible cure for months now, and that one would almost certainly be found before any large portion of the human race could catch the illness. He also urged them not to panic and to go on with their normal lives. Nothing, most likely, would change.

He had little idea how wrong he was.

- - - -

The old man that Roger had found began to explain.

"Two young lovers came to this town on their honeymoon, and they brought with them a middle-aged woman, who seemed to be a very close friend. But what was unusual about the woman was that she had no dæmon."

At this point Roger interrupted, "Demon? You mean like the servants of the Devil? Wouldn't it be good not to—"

"No," said the old man, "I have never heard of that demon. But the dæmon I speak of—you're sure you've never heard of dæmons before?" asked the old man shakily.

"Never," said Roger.

"The dæmon I speak of is the physical embodiment of your soul, in animal form. dæmons are your companion for your whole life—your friend, advisor, conscience—they're the one thing that gives people their own free will. And you don't have one, yet you seem just fine. Just like that strange woman…I talked to one of the honeymooners—the girl, Lara was her name. Or Laura, I forget, she had a bit of an accent. And she told me that in the woman's world, dæmons were inside the body, not out. So the people went through their entire life without knowing their own souls. That would be terrible..."

"That sounds like my world," said Roger. "And I bet that woman was from my world, too. There must be other windows like the one I came through..."

"Most likely," said the old man. "But now it is your turn to act. I am the village shaman, Jule."

"Shaman? Kind of like a witch, then? Weird world this is…this doesn't sound like America to me."

"I could say the same about your world. And I have never heard of any America. But listen. There are whispers in the air, whispers of your name, and of a destiny for you. Nine years ago, destiny was supposed to be brought to an end, but was not due to the greed of the very people who were supposed to save us. Now it is your turn to put a stop to destiny, and to save the worlds from the terrible result of those young people's greed: the Driftbreeze. You may not have this in your world, but it is a mysterious illness..."

"...where people's souls seem to just drift away," finished Roger. "Star sickness...so it affects people everywhere. And you say this dæmon-thing is my soul? So star sickness kills my dæmon?
Then what about Kyle? And Jason? My friends who have star—sorry, Driftbreeze," he explained to a confused Jule. "What will happen to them?"

"I cannot forsee this," said Jule, "but I can at least guide you a little. In the northern reaches of our world there is a place known well by witches but almost completely unknown by humans. Some unholy power has touched this place, and witches use it for a purpose which I do not know. But to find your dæmon, you must travel through this place. This much I know. It will be terrible, and you will experience both physical and spiritual pain, but when you emerge you will have a lifelong companion, and she will be your guide in the adventure that you must go through."

"Physical and spiritual—but how do I get there?" asked Roger.

"Olum'diaye—that's our town--is very near the ocean—that's what makes it such a popular honeymooning spot. Travel to the west parts of this town, then book passage on a ship headed for Oferic, near the pole. From there head northeast for about 30 miles until you come to a mountain range in a circular formation. In the center of that range is a barren wasteland. This is the place that you are seeking." He handed Roger a map. "This map will help guide you as well. I have marked your destination on it."

"Thank you, Jule," said Roger. "I will always be grateful for your advice."

- - - -

So Roger began his adventure, which would eventually, he hoped, end with a happy reunion with his family and friends in his own world, a world that would not be plagued with star sickness once he was finished.

The scientists in Will and Roger's world came no closer to even figuring out what was the cause of star sickness, much less what the cure would be.

And Lyra and Will, oblivious to it all, continued their normal lives at their house near Jordan College in the world Roger was currently in, too absorbed in their love for each other to realize what was going on around them, and the disaster that only the bearer of the subtle knife could keep from happening.

- - - -

Mary glanced out the window with the spyglass one more time, but she knew anyway that it was true. She would have to tell Will and Lyra, and in doing so destroy their romance. And it would be so much harder now that they had been married so long...she should have told them earlier.

She should have warned Will against repairing the knife, should have stopped him from opening the window. If she had done so, it would have been so much easier. Now she even felt a little afraid of what Will would do. He was kind normally, but ever since she had met him she had felt that he was not one to mess with.

What she had seen with the spyglass for the past few days—the apparently dying dæmons, the Driftbreeze becoming stronger, and the Dust once again flowing horizontally instead of falling down vertically like it was supposed to. She could almost feel Atal in the world of the mulefa, crying out to the heavens. The seeds she had planted in the backyard of Lyra and Will's house, which had once grown strong, had withered and died, and she knew that it was happening in all the other worlds as well. Matter loved Dust, she had once discovered, and now it was being lost once again.

Well, it wouldn't be easy to break up a marriage that full of love, but she could do it.
She got up slowly and began to walk the fifteen miles to the Botanic Gardens. When she arrived, she ran to the bench where Will and Lyra were sitting, her alpine chough dæmon, named Tilim, fluttered behind her.

"Will, Lyra, I have something to tell you," she said gently. Will put his arm around Lyra, and they looked at Mary attentively.

"I hate to be the one to do this...but I have to tell you something important. The Dust is once again seeping out of the worlds."

"No!" screamed Will. "Not again! I won't lose her again!"

Lyra and Pantalaimon stood up quickly. "Wait," she said, "maybe there's something else we can do. Remember when we made that connection on the bench, before you came to my world for the second time? The angels said there is another way of traveling, 'like imagination, but much truer'. That must be it! We could try it more often, maybe eventually we could talk to each other, somehow..."

"Do you think I could bear that?" asked Will. "Being married to you for nine years, then having to settle for just seeing each other, maybe talking? No, there must be some other way! Damn it, Mary, why did you have to tell us? Didn't you think that we were content, not knowing?"

"Because people are falling unconscious out there on the streets all around you!" shouted Mary. "I watched through the spyglass, and people are losing their Dust! Their dæmons are falling unconscious! And is any love worth robbing people of their dæmons?"

"Maybe," breathed Will, "maybe ours is."

Grabbing Kirjava, he ran off out of the garden gates. Lyra followed timidly, the pine marten Pantalaimon on her shoulders.

"Well that didn't go too well," sighed Mary.

- - - -

Roger sat out on the deck of the Coral, watching the waves go by. He had been sailing for about a month now, along with several other people, and he immediately learned how terrible it was thought to be not to have a visible dæmon. He had gotten to know one of the less superstitious passengers (a retired seaman named Philip who had an albatross dæmon), and was told that wherever he went in this world, he would find dæmons.

Ryan, on the other hand, was getting seasick, and Matt was still unconscious, although slightly stirring, so both of them remained below deck as Roger obtained all the information that he could about their destination, and about dæmons.

"It's as natural to talk to your dæmon as it is to breathe," he explained to Roger, when he asked what people thought about talking to themselves. "We keep humans from doing anything that they may regret later. When Philip and I first saw you, we thought you was a ghast, or worse." This was from the albatross dæmon, and even though Roger was prepared to see dæmons talk, this was the first time one had talked to him, and he felt shocked all the same.

"I was told by a shaman that I was supposed to go to an area far in the north, known well by the witches," explained Roger, "and that was where I would find my dæmon. Do you know anything about this place?"

"Just rumors," said Philip, "about a place where dæmons would not go. So I don't know how you would find your dæmon there, but I would trust the shaman. Jule's always told the truth, and often he's conjured up a good wind to fill my sails when I would go on long journeys, or healed me and Astoria when he returned from them."

"So how are dæmons born?" asked Roger. "Are they just there when you are born, or do they appear to you bit by bit?"

"Well, my mother's dæmon named mine at birth, so I assume that they are 'born' along with you. But they just appear out of the air, rather than coming out of the womb," replied Philip. "You know, I'm beginning to think that you have a dæmon after all, separate from yourself. Because you're always so inquisitive, and you definitely have your own free will."

"Do dæmons eat? Or are they nourished when you eat?" asked Roger.

"Well, that's a hard question. dæmons do eat, that's for sure, but my Astoria hasn't eaten in a few months, and we're just fine. So dæmons can eat for pleasure, but it's probably not necessary. I guess what really nourishes dæmons is Dust."

"You mean like the dust on furniture when it's not cleaned? How can that nourish dæmons?"

"Not that dust. Don't tell me you don't know Dust...it was the main part of a huge Church investigation years ago. The General Oblation Board...well, nobody really knows what they did, but it concerned Dust, and it was terrible, that's for sure. They are particles in the air…the very basic particles, those that nourish consciousness. And dæmons are pretty much consciousness, your soul, so without Dust dæmons will wither away, and people will lose their free will."

Just then, the cry of "Land ho!" was heard from the crow's nest, and Roger knew that they had almost arrived in Oferic.

He climbed below deck to get his things, which consisted of pretty much what was left of the money and the map that Jule the shaman had given him, showing him where his destination was.

"So Ryan, do you want to come with me when I go through this place to find my dæmon?" he said to his friend.

"Of course I do. Don't think that I would just sit behind while you got a lifelong companion," Ryan replied jokingly.

"Seriously though, it'll be pretty hard. Jule said that there'll be physical and spiritual pain—"

"Don't you think I know that? When did you get to be so protective and serious about all this? I can take care of myself. And besides, I can't wait to see what my dæmon will be. I wonder if we can take it back into our world?"

"Alright," said Roger. Most of his friends were pretty stubborn, he'd forgotten that. After they had picked up their things, and found a spare stretcher to carry Matt on, they waited until the ship docked, then climbed out onto the docks of Oferic. They immediately found an inn, for they were tired, and their journey could wait until tomorrow.