Lost Memories of My Love
Chapter 12 – Departure
Rinoa banged on the door, crying so hard, yelling for someone to let her out. But there was no answer – and she didn't even know why she expected one.
She slid against the door of the closet and cried to herself quietly. Why were they so horrible to her? Why did they do this to her? What did she do to deserve all of this? She tried to be nice. She tried so hard to be nice. She never had a real family before ... and she knew now that she definitely didn't want one. She always wanted a mother. Her mother.
Rinoa gripped at Julia's wedding ring, hanging on the chain around her neck and closed her eyes.
I'm going to miss them, thought Rinoa, I won't even get to say goodbye...
She heard the sound of the front door opening, and then the sound of a car speeding off.
And they're going to see Squall, thought Rinoa, Why? What's wrong with them? They don't even know Squall. Are they doing this to make me feel bad? Nobody can be that evil, can they? Why do they torture me so badly? What's wrong with me that they don't like? Why?
She had the urge to blow the door down, but she had no magic on her. No helpful magic, anyway. Angel Wing? Rinoa thought about it. Being a sorceress had its advantages ... but she wouldn't be able to control her actions. And that was something that she did not want.
So she sat in the closet. There was nothing else for her to do.
---
"Where's Rin?" said Selphie impatiently.
Quistis glanced at her watch. "Our flight leaves in an hour."
"When did you call her?" asked Zell.
"I called her over two hours ago," answered Quistis, "She said she was coming."
"Maybe she's not," said Irvine.
"No," said Squall, "She's coming. She is coming."
You have to come, Rin, thought Squall, It'll be the last time I see you for a while...
"Call her again, Quistis," said Squall.
Quistis nodded and pulled out her cell phone. She dialled Rinoa's home number.
Back at the Caraway house, Rinoa heard the phone ring several times from the closet. As it did, she started banging on the door, as if there was somebody out there to pick it up.
"Please ... please!" Her dark hair clung to her face as she stopped hitting the door, admitting defeat yet another time. It had only been a couple of minutes and she was already a mess, already in tears.
After several rings and no answer, Quistis hung up.
"There's no answer," said Quistis. "She's probably heading here now."
"Hey look, it's Rinoa's lil sis," said Irvine.
Squall looked up and saw Ashleigh and Sera heading towards them. If they were there, then Rinoa had to be coming.
She had to be coming.
"Then Rinny should be coming too," said Selphie.
Ashleigh ran towards Squall and the others and looked at them sweetly.
"Hey, Rinoa's lil sis," said Zell.
Ashleigh ignored the fact that they couldn't even remember her name.
"What are you doing here?" asked Quistis suspiciously.
"Oh, I heard you guys were leaving," said Ashleigh, "And I just wanted to say goodbye."
"That's nice," said Irvine, "Where's Rin?"
Ashleigh frowned. "She's not coming."
"What?" said Squall, as if something had just woke him up. "Why?"
His ears listened to Ashleigh's words but his mind wouldn't. She is coming.
"She ... um ... had other stuff to do," said Ashleigh.
"Huh?!" said Selphie, surprised.
"Yeah, right," said Zell. "Where is she ... really?"
Ashleigh mentally kicked herself for believing that they'd buy it, but she stuck to her story. It was stupid to suddenly just change the reason completely.
"I'm serious. She did have other things to do. It ... it was important."
Quistis eyed Ashleigh suspiciously. "I called her a while ago. She said she was coming."
"And what could be more important than us?" demanded Zell.
"Well ... she changed her mind," said Ashleigh slowly.
Nobody seemed to believe her.
"I'm going to try calling her again," said Squall. He pulled out his own cell phone and dialled Rinoa's cell phone.
Ashleigh bit her bottom lip nervously. "She won't answer."
Squall ignored the girl's statement and waited patiently for an answer, but there wasn't any. He hung up the phone and sighed, only to be given a sweet smile from Ashleigh.
----
Rinoa was so miserable that she began singing to herself.
"Oh did you ... ever know? That I had mine ... on ... you..."
She would always sing her mother's song whenever she felt sad. The memory of Julia was enough to make her feel better. It always helped her, but this time, it didn't.
"Darling, so share ... with ... me ... your love if you have enough..." Rinoa closed her eyes, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "The tears ... if you're holding back..." Her voice began to tremble. "Or ... or pain if that's ... what it is..."
She buried her face in her hands. "How can I let you know...?"
How, Squall? How? How can I let you know...?
Suddenly, in the corner of her eye, she saw the tape recorder she and Squall had used so long ago. She stopped singing and remembered she had hid it in the closet to avoid Ashleigh finding it.
She looked up and grabbed the tape recorder, just staring at the simple machine's features ... inside it held a small, but precious memory to her. She ran her fingers over the speaker softly. The feel of the object brought back a sudden jolt of cheeriness in the atmosphere that day, that night.
She hesitantly pressed rewind and waited for it to stop, and she pressed play, wondering if just listening to the voice of Squall would make her ever so cheerful, or just sad ... pained that she wouldn't be able to see him again.
"Okay ... so, umm, me and Squall are driving home right now. We just came back from the beach. Today was really fun, 'cause we got to hang out with Selphie, Irvie, Quisty and Zelly and get really wet. I stole Squall's ring and ... umm..."
"I got it back, thanks to my cunningness," said Squall with a bit of a laugh.
"Yeah, that's it!" said Rinoa cheerfully.
"Rinoa's fallen asleep," said Squall.
"No I haven't!" cried Rinoa.
Squall laughed. "Okay, but Rinoa looks really cute when she's asleep."
Rinoa giggled. "Squall is very open and cheerful and fun for some reason today."
"Aren't I always fun?" asked Squall.
Rinoa laughed. "It's so dark outside now!"
"And little Rinny is afraid of the dark," kidded Squall.
"No!" cried Rinoa.
"Of course not. Little Rinny is my strong girl."
Rinoa giggled. "Okay, that's enough for now – I'm turning this off! Bye Squall!"
"Bye Rinoa," said Squall with a laugh.
Rinoa pressed stop and closed her eyes, remembering that day they went to the beach. It felt as if it was yesterday they had fun at the beach ... all six of them together, just at the beach and innocently having fun ... forgetting their troubles and just acting like normal teenagers having a good time. They needn't have to remember all their abnormal lives, the burdens they had to carry since childhood. They would just stay together, together as friends, as family.
Family. That word always brought shivers done Rinoa's spine, ever since Ashleigh and Sera came along. And then there was Seifer ... the young man she danced with, trying to make him feel cheerful. He did seem innocent to her. He reminded her of a one-time Squall, cold and distant and 'cool'. Maybe one day she would make him open up to her as she had made Squall.
One day...She pressed rewind on the tape and listened to it again, and she kept listening to it over and over again, keeping her memories close. Listening to the tape made her feel a lot better...
One day...The words clouded her mind again. One day, she would get away from all this madness. She will get away from the joke she called her family. One day she will leave her troubles behind, and just be with the ones she loved. The ones she truly loved.
"Hey, Rinoa."
Lost in her trails of thoughts, Rinoa had forgotten to press stop after the last 'Bye Rinoa.' Intrigued, she wondered why she had never heard this part of the tape before.
"I'm in your room now."
Rinoa's eyes widened, wondering when on earth Squall could've entered her room.
"I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me."
Rinoa smiled weakly.
"But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you. You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too."
Rinoa's weak smile became stronger.
"But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."
Rinoa was frozen with astonishment. Squall actually admitted that he loved her? He had never, ever done that before. He had never said it straight out ... I love you. But she had never asked for it, nor did she ever expect something like that from him. And at that moment, she had to see Squall.
The house phone rang again, and Rinoa felt so frightened that they had already left. She started banging on the door, hoping against all hope that somebody was out there.
"Please ... please! Let me out..."
The phone stopped ringing, and Rinoa stopped banging. She sat back down again, a teardrop rolling down her cheek.
----
"Our flight's leaving in forty-five minutes," said Quistis.
"Where is she?" said Squall, beginning to get worried.
"Maybe she's not coming," said Irvine.
"She's not," said Ashleigh quickly.
"She is," said Squall for the millionth time. "She is coming."
---
"Darling ... so there you are," Rinoa murmured to herself, clutching the tape recorder in her hands, "With that look on your face ... as if you're never ... hurt ... as if ... you're never ... down..."
Rinoa had resumed singing, but as she thought about the actual words she sang, the pain in her heart only pierced her even more.
Rinoa heard footsteps outside. Were Sera and Ashleigh home already? That would have only meant Squall had already left...
"...Shall I be the one ... for you...?"
Suddenly, the closet door unlocked and swung open, making Rinoa fall backwards because she was leaning against it.
Seifer looked down at her, a look crossed between disgusted and astonished.
Rinoa's heart raced. If it was Seifer who was home ... that meant that there was still hope for her.
Oh, sweet hope.
She stood up and brushed past Seifer quickly without a word, stumbling as her legs felt like jelly. She slipped on her boots and grabbed some money on the counter. She held onto the tape recorder tightly and ran out the door, signalling a passing taxi.
Please, I hope it isn't too late... Dear hope, don't fail me now.----
"The next flight to Esthar departs in thirty minutes," the voice over the PA system said. "All passengers please forward into terminal three."
"Oh ... I'd better go now," said Ashleigh, "Have fun in Esthar."
Where is Rinoa? That was the only question running through Squall's mind.
"You'd better leave before it's too late," said Sera.
Squall looked up at the stern woman. He wasn't going to leave. He wasn't going to leave without seeing Rinoa ... not yet.
"Okay," said Squall, just to get her to leave.
Sera smiled. "Stay safe."
Sera and Ashleigh said goodbye and headed for the escalator.
"So ... are we going to leave yet?" asked Irvine.
"No."
I'm not leaving without seeing her.
----
Rinoa looked at the clock on the dashboard of the cab. She hoped it wasn't too late. Squall, don't leave ... please don't leave.
"Please ... can you hurry a little?" said Rinoa, urgency in her voice.
"Sheesh, any faster and I'll kill us both," said the cab driver.
Rinoa held onto Julia's ring, her fist clenched tight. Please.
---
"The next flight for Esthar leaves in fifteen minutes. All passengers please head for terminal three."
"Squall, we'd better leave," said Selphie, "We're going to miss our plane."
Squall sighed. He didn't want to leave, not until Rinoa came. But it looked like she wasn't going to show up. What could possibly have happened? Was Ashleigh telling the truth?
Not show up? Why would she not show up? She had to have a damn good reason to not show up...
"I'm sorry, Squall." The commander felt Quistis's hand placed on his shoulder softly.
Sorry? She said it as if Rinoa definitely was not going to show up. But he knew he was in denial. How he hated denial, that awful feeling that throbbed in his head.
---
The cab finally reached the airport. Rinoa gave the driver three hundred gil, telling him to keep the change.
She rushed into the airport and looked around the airport for any sign of Squall and the others, but she didn't find any. She looked at the huge screen in the middle of the place and looked for the next flight to Esthar.
"Ten minutes!" she gasped to herself, her heart racing. She looked around for terminal three, but had no clue where to start looking in the huge airport. She had never been to an airport before, which only made matters worse.
"Excuse me, can you tell me where terminal three is?" Rinoa asked one of the staff.
"Terminal three ... go up that escalator and head right, then go up the elevator and you'll find yourself at terminal three."
"Thank you," said Rinoa.
She rushed off to the escalator, pushing past all the people there with quick 'I'm sorrys' and ran up the escalator, squeezing through all the idle people blocking the whole pathway.
Ashleigh and Sera were on the opposite escalator, heading down, and Ashleigh saw Rinoa rushing up the other escalator.
"Mum! She's here!" said Ashleigh.
"Who?" asked Sera.
"Rinoa!" gasped Ashleigh.
Rinoa ran across the marble floor, stumbling again, and ran for the elevator, but the security guards were roping it off.
"W-What?" gasped Rinoa, "Are they ... are they gone?"
"Yes, ma'am, the flight to Esthar is arriving very soon," said one of the security guards. "The last passengers just went up to terminal three."
Rinoa stared at the elevator, breaking a part inside. She had missed them ... she had missed them all by a minute.
Why? She had been too slow. If only fate had slowed down for her.
Sera and Ashleigh watched Rinoa stare at the elevator in shock, satisfied that she had missed her friends.
"Let's go, Ashleigh," said Sera.
----
Squall stood in the elevator, leaning against the wall, listening to the humming of the elevator.
Why didn't you come? He was so damn sure that Rinoa was going to show up. He kept checking his cell phone ever five minutes, just in case she had tried to message him or call him, but there was no sign of attempted communication at all.
No messages, not picking up the phone, not calling, not coming ... what happened? What could have possibly happened to stop the sorceress from coming?
"DAMN, I left one of my bags on the other floor!" said Zell suddenly.
"Zell!" said Selphie, annoyed, "The plane leaves soon!"
"Hey, it wasn't my fault! I put my bag down so I could eat, and then Quistis was telling me to hurry up so I just stuffed the rest of my hotdog in my mouth and came up here," said Zell defensively.
"You're such a nit, Zell," said Irvine, rolling his eyes.
"Now, now, kids," said Quistis, "Don't fight. I'll just message the guy at the terminal to wait a second for us."
The elevator came to a halt. Quistis pushed the down button and pulled out her cell phone, tying away with quick fingers, and Irvine and Selphie groaned in annoyance.
Squall didn't care. His mind was still fixed on Rinoa.
As the elevator came to a halt again, the doors opened and everyone got out. Squall was the last to get out, and as he did, he stared at the marble patterns on the floor.
"Rinoa!" said Irvine in surprise.
Squall looked up immediately, his heart almost stopping, and found Rinoa on the other side of the rope on the floor with her knees huddled up to her chin, her eyes closed with a clear look of sorrow.
I knew she would come.
At the sound of her name, Rinoa opened her eyes and spotted all her friends in front of the elevator in a group, looking at her.
Rinoa stood up and ran towards the rope, smiling weakly.
Quistis smiled. "Go on, Squall."
Squall walked up to the rope and stared at Rinoa. He could tell she had been crying.
"Why are you crying?" asked Squall, wiping the tear on her cheek with his gloved hand.
Rinoa sniffled and kept smiling. She held up the tape recorder and pressed play to Squall's message he had left.
"Hey, Rinoa. I'm in your room now. I know when you hear this and when you find out, you're gonna murder me. But you know ... I just wanted you to know something. I'm a bit of a wuss for not saying this to your face ... but you know I'll always wait for you. You're my strong girl. And I'll try to be strong for you too. But ... I don't know. By saying this ... do you think I'm weak? I'm still a teenager now, I'm not that old ... and maybe I'm not at that age to know it yet ... but I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I mean you. I don't know what it is ... is it ... love? But ... if it is ... I just want you to know ... that I love you. And ... I hope that you love me too."
Rinoa stopped the tape and pressed record. "I love you, Squall," she whispered into the recorder, and pressed stop.
Squall smiled. And he just didn't want to leave. More than anything in the world, he wanted to stay with Rinoa, stay with his love.
Rinoa wanted to push down the rope and stand right with Squall, but she knew she couldn't. She saw him, and that was enough for her. He was right in front of her, in the flesh, and she returned his given love. She knew that if she couldn't tell him, she would have died ... and anything could happen in four years.
"I'm sorry I'm late," said Rinoa, another tear rolling down her cheek.
Squall wiped her tear away again. "You're here, aren't you? It's enough for me." He didn't even need to ask why she was late; he was just so overwhelmed to see her one last time.
Rinoa held his hand against her cheek. "Please don't go ... please don't leave me..."
Squall's smile remained on his face. "It's only four years."
Another tear fell from her eye. "Four years is a long time..."
"Love will always return," said Squall.
Rinoa smiled. It made her feel so much better...
"I have something for you," said Squall. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring ... it was an exact duplicate of his own Griever ring.
Rinoa beamed at him. "I've always wanted a ring like this..."
Squall leaned over and opened the chain around Rinoa's neck. He slid Griever next to Julia's ring, and leaned over again and closed the chain for her. He leaned his forehead on hers, looking straight into her deep eyes.
Rinoa looked down, because she knew that if she looked at Squall, then she would have had an emotional outburst.
"You won't forget about me, right?" said Squall quietly.
Rinoa couldn't resist. She looked up, straight back into Squall's electric blue eyes.
"Of course I won't," whispered Rinoa.
Squall put his arms around Rinoa, the last time he would put his arms around her for four years.
Rinoa put her head on Squall's shoulder and cried silent tears, dampening his jacket. She put her own arms back around Squall, leaning over the rope.
Squall pat her hair soft her gently, sensing her sadness. He really didn't want to leave, especially leaving her all alone like this...
"I'll be waiting for you," whispered Squall.
Suddenly, the others came up to the couple.
"Don't hog her!" cried Selphie.
Rinoa looked up at her friends and smiled. Squall let go of her to let the others say goodbye.
"Rinny, we'll really miss you!" said Selphie.
"Esthar won't be the same without you," said Irvine, tipping his hat at Rinoa.
"Yeah," said Zell. He lowered his voice. "Why not just sneak on the flight with us?"
"Zell," said Squall warningly, but he wished she could have...
"Sorry, Commander," said Zell, standing up straight.
"Take care of yourself," said Quistis with a warm smile.
Rinoa smiled weakly. She was happy to have friends like them. If only they didn't have to leave...
"The next flight to Esthar departs in five minutes. Last call for passengers in terminal three."
Zell ran over to the elevator, picking up one of the bags beside it. "We'd better hurry."
Selphie stuck her tongue out at him and followed Zell, pushing the button of the elevator madly.
Irvine tipped his hat at Rinoa one last time, and followed Selphie and Zell, as the elevator doors opened.
Quistis smiled at Rinoa one last time, a reassuring smile, and headed into the elevator.
Squall leaned over the rope and whispered into Rinoa's ear. "I'll come back ... I promise."
Rinoa closed her eyes, and kissed Squall on the cheek softly.
Squall smiled at her and turned around, walking to the elevator slowly. All five of her friends stood in the elevator in a neat line, looking at Rinoa. Squall was in the middle, with Quistis and Zell standing to his right, and Irvine and Selphie to his left.
Selphie was waving wildly, whilst everyone else waved calmly. Squall, however, didn't wave at all. He stared at Rinoa with the softest eyes she had ever seen; with the most comforting smile anyone could ever give her.
Slowly, the elevator doors slid closed, and Squall was the last person who was visible to Rinoa. The metal doors fully shut in a second, and she couldn't see them anymore.
And she knew they were gone.
