A/N: Yay! is up again! Sorry for the major delay, the people wouldn't let me update -.- So in this period of time I've written three chapters, ready to go whenever. I've also been editing the first couple of chapters ... I read them over and I've noticed that they are extremely EMPTY. So I fixed things up, changed things, added things, took things out so it wouldn't look as bad as before. Anyway, here we go! And thanks for your reviews, I'm really appreciating them!

Lost Memories of my Love

Chapter 13 – Alone

Rinoa stood behind the roped area for another ten minutes, bending on the floor with her knees huddled to her chest, just staring at the elevator Squall and her friends just left in. It was as if she expected them to just suddenly come back down and throw their arms around her and stay. But it didn't happen, and she knew it wouldn't.

Rinoa stood up and clutched onto Griever and Julia's wedding ring, never letting go of the platinum bands. She walked outside to the airport, taking her sweet time. Her eyes ran dry of tears once she stood up and left. Squall's words were glued in her mind, not ever escaping her memory. And never would she let them.

'Love will always return … I'll come back … I promise.'

Rinoa signalled for a cab and slid into the vehicle silently, with a quiet 'Deling' in answer to the driver's question. She gazed out the window, watching the world go by. Already the world seemed different. Already she had felt alone in the world.

Is this what it's like to feel alone? Rinoa pondered. The girl had never experienced loneliness before – she always had someone to lean on. When she was a little girl, she relied on her mother. When her mother died, she relied on her father … for a short time. After that, she relied on her fellow Forest Owls. And after that, she had relied on her SeeD companions, along with Squall.

And now, she had nobody. She didn't want to rely on anyone, she wanted to be independent. But those thoughts just contradicted her own words … 'Everyone needs someone to lean on.' Those words were never so true. Those words never haunted her … she always had someone to lean on.

Nobody could have ever understood her then. Nobody could even think about how Rinoa was feeling. How was she feeling? Lonely, upset, and most of all … disorientated. Caraway didn't even know her, even after claming so. Ashleigh and Sera were definitely out of the question. Seifer…

What about Seifer? He seemed to be alone as well, besides his Garden friends. But he didn't always have Fujin and Raijin. At home it must have been difficult for him – but she didn't know the whole story. Maybe she should get to know him. After all, he didn't seem so bad. The reason why he acted the way he did was because of the way things were at home.

---

Seifer put his gunblade and the book he was meaning to retrieve from the house. He couldn't help but grab a slice of chocolate cake that he had spotted Rinoa making the night before for her friends but never actually got to give them. Seeing as how it was his birthday that day, he felt it only fair to receive some form of gift.

The cake tasted horrible and he was somewhat happy for Squall and the others for not having taste the awful piece of work. He spent ten minutes trying to wash the dreadful taste out of his mouth until he heard the door open and the sound of Sera and Ashleigh's footsteps came clicking on the wooden floorboards.

Seifer cursed silently for not getting out of the house sooner, and now he had to face the two witches from the east.

He took a chance and tried to slip past them, unnoticed with his gunblade swung over his shoulder and the book in his other hand.

"What are you doing here?" demanded Sera when she saw Seifer in the house.

"I forgot something," mumbled Seifer, without looking at the woman. He headed for the door without another word, but Sera had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him in front of her, not satisfied with Seifer.

"You come back here, then you stay here," said Sera sharply.

"I don't want to fricking stay here," growled Seifer.

"So is that what you use this place for?" demanded Sera, "A place to keep your things, and if you have nowhere else to go then you come here?"

"Basically," said Seifer carelessly, only to find that his arrogance was rewarded with a slap across the face. The mad woman was on a roll that day.

"How dare you," said Sera furiously, "How dare you be such an ungrateful swine? You are so much like that man I married."

Seifer smirked, not showing any weakness. "You mean that bozo, Caraway?"

Sera smacked Seifer across the face again in anger. "There really is something wrong with you."

Ashleigh snickered. She was used too used to the scene before her and decided to just retreat to her room.

Sera's outbursts didn't anger Seifer one bit, only amused him. He always found it amusing when she was angry with him, and he would play a game with himself to see how long it was until the woman decided to either give up or doing something that was supposedly horrible.

"That makes the two of us," said Seifer.

Outraged, Sera grabbed Seifer by the ear like a mother trying to discipline a misbehaved child, and dragged him to the infamous prison known as the Caraway closet.

Seifer cussed at Sera and was close to stabbing the woman with the gunblade, but even he knew it was wrong to murder his own mother over something so stupid.

Sera opened the closet and snatched her son's book off of him and threw it aside. Seifer dropped his gunblade in confusion, and Sera pushed him into the closet at this stage.

Seifer cursed even louder that time, as he banged his fist on the plywood, only resulting in a strong pain in his hand.

"You come back to this house then you stay at this house," said Sera in triumph, locking the door.

Seifer heard Sera walk away and he began swearing some more in anger.

"Firaga!" Seifer roared, focusing his energy on the wooden door.

The door burst into flames, however it didn't break down.

What the hell is this house made of? Seifer thought to himself. Is the crazy old dude afraid someone might steal from his closet?

Seifer swore aloud one more time before reluctantly admitting defeat and sitting himself on the floor as he did once before.

---

Rinoa walked into the house after wiping her feet on the doormat outside. As she walked in, she found Sera unplugging the telephone from the socket.

"What are you doing?" asked Rinoa, concerned.

"What does it look like?" snapped Sera, winding up the cord.

"Why are you disconnecting the phone line?" asked Rinoa, more forcefully.

"I'm not disconnecting it," said Sera, picking the machine up. "I'm moving it to my room."

"Why?" asked Rinoa.

Sera didn't seem to be annoyed by Rinoa's questions. "So you can't use it, of course."

"But…!" Rinoa tried to protest, but the words never came out. If she wasn't able to use the phone then she wouldn't be able to even communicate with Squall.

"You'll be distracted from your studies," said Sera simply.

"How so?" cried Rinoa.

"You'll be talking to the Loire boy," said Sera.

It took a while for Rinoa to figure out who the 'Loire boy' was.

"Squall?" said Rinoa. "He's leaving for four years! I can't not talk to him…"

"Then the Loire boy will be distracted," said Sera, "He's learning to be president of a country for Hyne's sake."

"How do you know that?" demanded Rinoa.

"Don't think I don't know anything, Rinoa, sweetie," said Sera, her words poison. "I know everything about you. You and the Loire boy."

"Stop calling him that!" said Rinoa, her anger rising. "His name is Squall. Squall Leonhart."

Sera ignored Rinoa and just headed up the stairs with the telephone in her hands.

Rinoa wanted to scream out loud until the walls bled. Instead, she slumped herself on the couch and sighed deeply. She was going to find a way to get the phone back. She couldn't just prance into Caraway and Sera's room whenever she wanted – that was suicide, and they kept the door locked most of the time as well.

Out of the corner of her eye, Rinoa spotted a gunblade on the floor near the closet. She stood up in curiosity and examined the gunblade, memories of Squall already flooding through her mind. She picked it up and held on the hilt, gripping it tightly until her knuckles turned white. As she picked it up, her other hand ran down the cold metal of the blade. It was pretty clean for a gunblade – there were hardly any traces of blood on the weapon and she could see her reflection in the metal.

Rinoa's trail of thought ended as she looked up at the closet. The door had been locked, and she knew immediately that someone was in there.

Seifer.

Rinoa unlocked and opened the door, peering inside. In the dark, Seifer was already glaring right at her with bitterness crystal in his eyes, as if he knew she was going to come. The young man did not say anything; he just stared at Rinoa like a hawk guarding her eggs.

"Don't you want to get out of there?" asked Rinoa.

Seifer didn't answer at first. "Apparently, I have to stay at this house if I decide to come back."

Rinoa could tell he was referring to Sera. She knew the tone well.

"Well, at least get out of the closet?" said Rinoa gently.

Seifer had his arms folded across his chest. He didn't remove his eyes from Rinoa at any stage.

"I prefer to stay as far as possible from the woman who apparently had given birth to me," snarled Seifer.

Rinoa understood how he felt. She did not argue, instead she handed him his gunblade that he had left outside.

Seifer snatched the weapon from Rinoa's arms without a word and sat it beside him.

Rinoa didn't withdraw from the closet. "Do you know Squall?"

Seifer snickered. "You mean Commander Puberty?"

Rinoa was almost afraid to answer.

"He's a joke of a SeeD," retorted Seifer, "And so is Chicken-Wuss Zell, his so-called friend."

"Hey," said Rinoa defensively, "Those jokes happen to be my friends."

Seifer smirked. "So I guess you're expecting me to take it back now, huh?"

"Why don't you have a go at becoming a SeeD if you're so jealous."

"Jealous?" outcried Seifer. "That's a good one. Apparently I have to be at this Garden for another four years, and only then can I qualify as a SeeD."

"So you are going to try out?" said Rinoa curiously.

"I never said I wasn't," countered Seifer.

Rinoa smiled. Something about him just made her smile. She just found it amusing to see him try to act so cool all the time. It might have worked a lot of the time, but she just found people like that amusing.

Seifer rolled his eyes, disguising his confusion for the reason why Rinoa had smiled.

"If you don't mind, I'd rather be alone right now," said Seifer.

"Alone, alone," said Rinoa, shaking her finger at her stepbrother. "You're the same, aren't you?"

"What?" snapped Seifer, "I'm not the same as anyone."

Rinoa giggled, flashbacks of Squall's same attitude coursing through her mind. "And I don't understand how you and Squall don't get along."

"No you don't, and you don't need to," said Seifer coldly. Leonheart and I have a lot in common … we're the same people from different worlds, thought Seifer. "Now please get out of my sanctuary."

"Sanctuary?" asked Rinoa curiously. "Funny place to set up a sanctuary."

"You'd be amazed how many times I've been locked in a closet," retorted Seifer.

Rinoa laughed and gave in. "Okay, I'll leave you in your little sanctuary." She stepped out of the closet, but peeked in once more. "Oh, and thank you, Seifer."

Seifer looked at her in a strange way. "What? I didn't do anything."

"Sure you did," said Rinoa, smiling, "You let me out of the closet this morning. I had a really important place to go to…"

Seifer scratched at the back of his head. "Well … I left something in the closet. I had no idea you were in there." That was a lie. He had seen the closet locked and he knew immediately that someone, Rinoa, was locked in there. The closet was never locked unless somebody was in there. Why he let her out, he didn't know … he just felt that he should have.

"Well … thanks anyway," said Rinoa, closing the door, leaving a little of it open for Seifer to have some light and some air.

She looked at the clock on the wall and noticed it was almost dinnertime. It was then that she felt hungry all of a sudden – the rush of events that day had kept her away from eating anything.

Rinoa took off her boots and put them on the shoe shelf on her way to the kitchen. Glad that it was unoccupied, Rinoa microwaved herself some lentil soup and sat at the counter, eating quietly. The hot taste on her tongue made her shudder strangely. The day was a rather cold one and the night air only made it colder.

The room was so silent that she could hear the clock ticking. Once she had finished her soup, she washed her bowl, her mind clouded with daydreams. After she finished washing up, she decided that Seifer must have been hungry.

He can't live in there forever, she thought, and I don't think he's getting out of his sanctuary any time soon.

Rinoa decided to make her stepbrother some hot soup and a glass of water. As she closed the refrigerator after collecting the cold water, she noticed on the calendar pinned to the fridge that it was Seifer's birthday.

What a way to spend your birthday, thought Rinoa.

She decided to give him some of the chocolate cake she had made the day before for Squall and the others but didn't end up giving them. She opened the fridge again and took no notice that one slice was missing.

She walked back to the closet with the tray of food in her hands and opened the door carefully, only to find that Seifer already had his eyes fixed on Rinoa.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone," said Seifer.

"I just thought you'd be hungry," said Rinoa, walking through all the coats that hung up. She bent down to eye level with Seifer and handed him the tray of food. He did not accept her gift.

"I'm not hungry," said Seifer, brushing her away.

"Come on, you have to eat something for dinner," said Rinoa. "Skipping meals is bad for you."

Seifer didn't say anything.

Rinoa just smiled and placed the tray down next to Seifer on the floor. "Promise me you'll eat. Lack of food makes you weak."

Seifer didn't say anything and waited for Rinoa to leave. The girl got up and was about to leave, but she stopped, turned around and smiled warmly.

"Happy birthday, Seifer," she said quietly, and left before he could say something witty to her.

Amazingly, Seifer did not want to say anything witty. He was merely surprised that somebody actually remembered his birthday – Rinoa was the first person all day to wish him a happy one. Not even Fujin and Raijin remembered it, let alone knew it, and how Rinoa knew was a complete mystery to him. Then he remembered … when they first met, Rinoa was trying hard to make conversation with him and asked him when his birthday was.

Seifer smirked at the memory, and at the fact that Rinoa had actually bothered to waste her breath on him. Ashleigh and Sera probably knew his birthday but just didn't bother saying a thing to him – that was how it was for the past fourteen years.

He looked at the tray of food beside him. The smell of soup wafted into his nostrils, and it was then that he remembered how hungry he was. Without hesitation, Seifer grabbed the bowl of soup and started eating it as if it were his last meal. He then spotted the slice of chocolate cake on a plate and a small card beside it saying 'Happy birthday – Love Rinoa.' Seifer decided to pass on the cake having experienced the taste beforehand. Instead, he slipped the card into his trench coat pocket, not really knowing why he did.

---

Days had passed and Rinoa was still trapped in the prison she called her home. Caraway had made her stay at home for the rest of the summer because she had hardly spent any of the previous year with her family. She hated staying at the place, because the reason why she hadn't stayed the previous year was because she didn't want to spend any time with the family in the first place. Then again, there was nothing left for her at Garden anymore. She joined Garden so she could be with her friends. And now they were gone.

It was as if wherever she went, there was nothing for her. She always felt like breaking down and crying at night when she thought about how little she had, but crying wasn't going to give her anything.

Days turned into weeks, and Rinoa had heard no word from Squall whatsoever. Sera always kept her door locked and her cell phone had a call bar for international calls. She wasn't allowed outside, Sera and Ashleigh always made sure that she was in the house at all times. Both mother and daughter would watch her like a hawk and stalk her around the house, just to make sure she wasn't up to something.

She wondered why Squall didn't write to her – he said he would when he could. Rinoa had spent so much time writing letters to Squall and the others. She would sit in her room for hours, writing page after page after page, trying to keep her work out of Ashleigh's sight. She never had a chance to mail them though, as she would always be locked inside her own house.

Seifer was a little better off than Rinoa was. After a week, Sera couldn't stand him being in the same house so she kicked him out. The young man left without hesitation and went back to Garden. He would often come back to the house for some unknown reason, but Rinoa didn't care – she would cease the opportunity for some company, even if he wasn't the most pleasant person on the planet. She learned to get used to his sarcastic retorts and she could hardly notice them after a while – because there were hardly any.

Rinoa learnt to trust her stepbrother after a while. She didn't know so, but she felt she had a unique bond with him. She asked him to mail her letters for her and he would say he would, but little did she know that he never ended up doing so. For two months she expected a reply of some sort, but she never got one.

After two months, Rinoa had earned a little bit of money. She would live off borrowing money off Seifer and promising that she would pay him back, but he would only give her so much as about ten gil. Aside from that, she would pick up even a gil that was just lying around in her house. After two months she saved up thirty gil, and she was planning to blow it all on making an international call to Squall. It would have only bought her about a twenty-minute conversation, but it was well worth it to her.

One night, she woke up at three in the morning and glanced over at Ashleigh's bed. She was sound asleep, and Rinoa decided to use the chance to call Squall. Quietly, Rinoa slipped on her boots, grabbed her cell phone and her saved up money. She looked over at Ashleigh's bedside table, where her key chain sat, the moon reflecting on the metal. She crept over next to Ashleigh's bed and leaned over the snoring Ashleigh, grabbing the keys quickly. The bundle of keys clinked together briefly, causing Ashleigh to stir.

Heart racing, Rinoa held onto the keys tightly, ensuring that they wouldn't make another sound. When Ashleigh started snoring again, Rinoa took it as a sign that she was fast asleep again.

She walked down the stairs silently, her heart beating fast … she did not want to get caught, or it would've been the end of her. She reached the door without detection. She held up the bundle of keys and began trying every single key in the keyhole, cursing the fact that Sera had changed the lock on the door.

Finally, one of the keys fit. Rinoa turned the key and opened the door as quietly as she could, and sneaked out of the house, closing the door gently. Her heart soared when she found herself out of the house successfully, and she ran down the street and walked all the way to the shopping mall street to look for a payphone.

The streets of Deling were crowded with cars and people, even at three in the morning. Rinoa managed to slip by all the homeless and drug addicts who wandered the roads. They always seemed to frighten Rinoa.

Running as fast as she could, Rinoa embraced the night. She had forgotten what it was like to be outside. She gazed at the sky, watching the stars wink at her and the moon illuminate the darkness. She let the noises of the outside ring through her ears – the sounds of sirens wailing, dogs barking, cars braking, crickets chirping … she memorised each noise of the night time so she could play the music back in her mind when she was shut up in her room again.

At last, she reached the shopping mall street. As a bus departed, it revealed a telephone box that was lit up, like a sign from heaven. Esthar time, it had to be around four o'clock in the afternoon, which was good news for Rinoa.

She crossed the street and walked up to the booth and put in the whole thirty gil. She searched through her contact list on her cell until she reached Laguna. She punched the numbers in along with the area code, country code, and all the rest of it. Finally when she was done, she waited for an answer from the other line.

It had to be a long ten seconds until she realised that it wasn't ringing. Then, there was an answer.

"We could not connect your call." It was a prompted machine. "Please check your number and try again."

Dazed, Rinoa put the receiver down and retrieved the coins that came out. She shoved them back into the slot and this time dialled the number carefully, checking every digit as she pushed it.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

Rinoa bit her bottom lip nervously and tried again, being very careful to copy the exact number. She was only greeted with the same message.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

She tried again. And again. And again. And again. But she had no luck.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

"No," Rinoa murmured in the receiver, "No … no."

I have the right number, thought Rinoa, I'm sure of it. Squall gave it to me himself. Hell, Laguna gave it to me himself.

"We could not connect your call. Please check your number and try again."

"God … no. Please … no."

Rinoa slammed the receiver back into its pace and collected her money. She admitted defeat. Again.