It's Not Worth It

Chapter 6 – Falling

- - - -

Lyra looked in amazement at the alethiometer, still wondering how it could have spoken to her without her asking a question. She knew from Mary Malone's story that the alethiometer was powered by Dust, or angels, and although she knew that the angels could probably speak to her without her first asking a question, they had never done so before until now. Why had they chosen now to speak to her this way, and what did it mean?

Before she could ponder the meaning of what had just happened further, the alethiometer's hands began to move again. Shocked, she stared at the instrument and felt the understanding seep into her, just as it had done all those years ago when she was traveling from world to world and star sickness was nothing but a bad dream.

Listen now, Eve, said the Alethiometer, because our time is short.

What do you—

As we know, we are Dust, angels, bene elim, Watchers, shadows, whatever you wish to call us. A year ago some of our kind were flying between the worlds when they were pulled into one of the openings that now hang in the air.Lyra was puzzled. The alethiometer had never done anything like this before. She had always asked a question, and she had received an answer, simple as that. Never before had she carried on a conversation with it, and she hadn't even thought it possible, to tell the truth. Now she replied to what the instrument was telling her—

Why are you speaking to me like this?

Because we have to tell you this, said the angels, before we all are pulled into the abyss. With us rests all consciousness, everything that makes humans separate from animals. We are what makes you sentient, aware. Without us you are nothing, and you will all soon perish. Now you must listen." The angel paused for a second, then continued. There are three friends that have strayed from their home world. They come from your husband's world, where there are no daemons.

They have come to stop star sickness and close the windows. We feel your pain, and the pain of your husband, but it must be done, or eventually all humankind will perish. Either some evil person will use those who have been stricken with Driftbreeze and make them do his or her bidding, or eventually everybody in all worlds will become ill with Driftbreeze, and without anyone to tell you what to do, you will die of thirst.

So our final warning to you is this. These three people, these friends, must close the windows. Your husband will have to-

Suddenly the needle on the alethiometer flicked quickly to the left, then was still. Lyra realized what had happened—the angels had been drawn into one of the windows that Will had made, and lost from the world forever.

Lyra threw herself onto her bed, exhausted from that much reading of the alethiometer, and fell asleep.

- - - -

Roger was standing in an open field, surrounded by huge trees with large seedpods growing from them. Some distance away a village stood, and Roger thought he could see a herd of creatures some way off to the side. A man with a rifle silently moved in the distance, but he was getting closer, and Roger decided to try and move out of the way. As soon as he turned right, however, he saw two young people sitting in the grass a few feet away from him. They had brought a picnic lunch with them and appeared to be searching for something as they ate, the way they were looking around them. They ate slowly, clumsily, as if something was distracting them greatly. Roger recognized him from his other dreams—William Parry and Lyra!

Will ate the bread unmovingly, glancing around him. Finally, though, Lyra began to speak. "Will—" she said, and put a red fruit to Will's lips. Wow, thought Roger. She either wants to bed him really badly, or Will's got a thing where he can't eat red fruit without the help of others...

The former was quickly confirmed when Will and Lyra began to kiss deeply. They began to whisper together softly, then they kissed again, but deeper, and Roger strongly suspected that there was some serious tongue involved.

Now Roger understood how difficult it would be to separate Will and Lyra, and he feared for his life. Obviously they had been very in love. Roger understood how hard it must have been for them, parting forever after just falling in love. But that doesn't give them the right to cause such pain, thought Roger suddenly. The images of Kyle and Jason came to his mind, and he promised himself that he would close the windows, no matter how hard it would be. Roger quickly remembered the man with the rifle, and turned to look in his direction, but he was gone. In fact, Will and Lyra were gone too—and he didn't seem to be in a field anymore...

Roger woke up to find the rain pouring loudly outside his window. He looked around him confusedly, then remembered where he was-in his room inside the Oferic Inn. His friends and he had spent the previous day traveling back to the port city, and were exhausted when they arrived back there. Roger had expected the journey to be a long one, given the time it took them to travel across the endless blizzard, but the journey around the blizzard was many times quicker than the journey through it. I wonder what kind of spells the witches put on that place, thought Roger.

"We were going to wake you up, but we heard you mutter something about-er-someone wanting to bed someone really badly, and something else about red fruit..." said Ryan embarrassedly.

"I had another dream about Will and Lyra," said Roger. "They were definitely in love, so Mantra and the others were right-it's going to be very hard to separate them."

"But we have to do it, right?" asked Matt.

"Yeah..." said Roger slowly, then more determinedly, "Yeah! Or else the whole human race could get star sickness..." Mantra nodded her ermine head, then groggily transformed into a calico cat. "The ferry doesn't leave until five," said Roger, "so I guess we could spend the time looking around Oferic. After all, it isn't often you're in another world!"

Roger, Ryan, and Matt spent the rest of the day looking around the large port city of Oferic. They passed fishermen casting their nets into the water, the busy port with large ships coming in and out at all times, and finally reached a sort of town square. Roger went into one of the stores, which looked a lot like a souvenir shop, and purchased a picture of a man and his daemon standing under the Aurora Borealis, with "Oferic, New Gesketechuan: Gateway to the Pole" written on it with a few of the gold coins Jule had given them for their journey.

"I bet that'll surprise anyone who doesn't believe our story," said Roger jokingly to his friends.

"Good idea," said Ryan. "I know you're just joking, but it might actually come in handy. I mean, I wouldn't believe our story if it was just told to me."

"We're going to end star sickness," said Roger. "Don't you think that will make a difference to whether people believe us or not?"

He and his friends split the remaining gold coins between themselves to use in their own world (Roger assumed correctly that they would be worth a lot of money) and continued their walking tour of the city of Oferic, stopping only to buy some lunch from a diner near the docks, until finally it was time to head for the ship to take them to England.

Roger and his friends walked slowly to the docks, looking at the city around them and wondering if it was the last time they would see it. I hope I will live to come back here, Roger thought. Suddenly Roger felt the huge weight of responsibility on his shoulders. I'm the world's only hope, I have to get Will to close the windows. His daemon Mantra, in Arctic hare form, reached out to his mind and comforted him.

Look, Roger, we're going to do it! Mantra thought to him. Will and Lyra saved the world, and they wouldn't want to see it just die off again.

"I guess you're right, Mantra," Roger whispered and looked around him. They had reached the docks! "Our ship is over there," he said to his friends, pointing directly to their left.

The ship he was pointing at looked incredibly run-down. Pieces of netting littered the deck, and the name "SS Nu'a'upapa" was barely visible on the side of the ship. There was no captain in sight, although many people had already boarded the ship. The others, however, didn't look nearly as concerned as Roger, Ryan, or Matt did; on the contrary, they looked like they had done this a million times and were even used to the Nu'a'upapa's meager looks.

As the three friends climbed aboard, they saw a man emerge from the captain's quarters. He had a long beard, and his hair looked like it hadn't been cut in ages. He smelled strongly of whiskey, and Roger had a strong suspicion that their ship would sink before it even left the Oferic docks. "Welcome aboard!" cried the very drunk captain. "Now, you wouldn't think it to look at her, but our Nu'a'upapa is a very sturdy ship." Many people, who had obviously traveled on the ship before, nodded in agreement. "And although I may seem like I've had a little to drink, I have been making this voyage all my life, and never before we left have I gone without whiskey. And our ship has never crashed!" This received some applause from the gathered crowd. Roger began to feel a little better about the coming voyage, and even got up the courage to sneak into the captain's quarters during the captain's speech and get a bottle of whiskey for him and his friends.

"And if he asks, it's Matt's fault," joked Roger, and Ryan nodded his head and laughed.

"Well," said Matt, "if we're going to save the world we might as well live it up before we do. Cheers!" Matt took a swig from his bottle of whiskey, then immediately spit it out. "Sick!" Matt cried, but a few minutes later he tried again, and managed to force it down without choking, just as Roger spotted some teenage girls walking by their part of the ship. "I'm off," said Roger, spitting out the bit of whiskey that was in his mouth. "Don't wait for me!"

And so it was that a partially drunk Roger left his friends to flirt with some girls, just as the SS Nu'a'upapa left Oferic harbor bound for Southampton, Brytain (as it was known in Lyra's world).

Lyra slept alone in her bed, while Will slept downstairs on the sofa. She had told him that she "needed some time to think" about what to do, but in reality her decision was already made. Her night was plagued with dreams of the alethiometer, and of angels being pulled into the abyss.

And the Subtle Knife, at the heart of it all, rested safely in Will's sheath at his belt, and he wasn't about to give up Lyra for anything.

- - - -

Roger opened his eyes slowly, painfully, and glanced at the clock in his room. 11:30. Well, Ryan and Matt have already had breakfast, he thought. Roger rubbed his hand across his face. There was something sticky there—lipstick! Well, maybe something good came of the night before. Roger couldn't remember anything.

He chanced a glance outside of his cabin, but quickly poked his head back in...he didn't remember sunlight being that bright before. So, this is what it feels like to be hung over, Roger thought. He groggily dragged himself in front of the mirror in his cabin. His hair was sprawled all over his face, his eyes looked sunken into his head, and, worst of all, there was a red slap mark across his face, and Roger still couldn't remember where he got it.

At least I have time for a shower, thought Roger. Since he had woken up so late, he had missed breakfast by a few hours, and lunch was still maybe half an hour away. Roger stumbled sleepily into the shower, and emerged slightly less tired, though still sensitive to light.

Roger opened his cabin door once again, but this time stepped out into the bright sunlight. He shielded his eyes and looked around him-lunch was just being laid out on the deck, and Ryan and Matt were standing by the railing, looking greedily at the food before them.

"Hey, what's up?" he called to his friends.

"Lunchtime!" Ryan yelled, beckoning Roger over. "I'm starving! Man, you look terrible," he added.

Matt, meanwhile, looked at Roger proudly and said, "Where were you last night? You came back into our cabin at about three in the morning, with lipstick on your mouth and a slap mark across your face. So you must have done something right and something wrong last night..."

"Shut up," said Roger, "and pass those rolls, I haven't even eaten breakfast yet." Roger's stomach was growling loudly, and he was feeling weak, although that could have been due to the hangover.

After Roger and his friends had eaten, Roger moved with the rest of the passengers to the railing on the stern side of the ship and looked at the waves below him. Aboard the Nu'a'upapa, with nothing around him but endless sea, Roger's quest suddenly seemed insignificant. Roger had to remind himself that the fate of the world depended on him succeeding, and if he failed he might never see the ocean again, before he came back to reality.

Mantra changed into a seagull and playfully skimmed the waves, and Roger was filled with the elation that his daemon was feeling. A sense of freedom, of the power to do whatever he wanted, without any consequences...

Roger turned around and headed back to the middle of the ship to try and find his friends. On the way, he passed a group of girls, and one of them glared at him angrily as he passed. Roger couldn't think of any reason that a girl would be angry at him...unless she was the girl that slapped him last night. As the mysterious girl passed him, he felt a sense that he had met this girl before, and not just the night before—in another world, his world. She seemed to be someone he knew from his past...but Roger couldn't remember where he could know her from.

Roger headed back to his friends. As soon as they saw him coming, they stood and moved in his direction. "Roger, there you are. Some girl was looking for you. She wanted to speak to you..." Matt trailed off, in hopes that Roger could explain what the girl wanted.

"I don't know what she wants any more that you do, Matt," Roger said confusedly. "I don't remember anything from last night...why's she want to talk to me anyway, I passed her earlier and she only glared at me."

"So you met her, then?" asked Ryan. "And she didn't say anything to you? Weird...anyway, we were thinking about going to the other side of the ship to watch the waves. What do you think?"

So a somewhat annoyed Roger turned around and headed in the direction he had just come from, this time with his friends and their daemons in tow. Once they had reached the railing, the only thing that separated them from the deep blue sea around them, Roger and his friends leaned over and stared at the waves, while Mantra, Callisto, and Aura all changed into dolphins and played in the ship's wake.

After a while, though, they got bored, and Matt pushed himself up onto the railing. "C'mon guys, there's a much better view from here. Unless you're scared, of course?"

Roger and Ryan exchanged a glance, then climbed up after Matt. Roger, filled with the playfulness and daring of his dolphin daemon, stood up on the railing to watch the daemons play in the water. "Careful Roger," said Matt. "Even I wouldn't take that risk..."

Suddenly jolted back to reality, Roger began to sit down.

It happened slowly at first, and there didn't even seem to be a reason for it. Maybe it was the excitement of his daemon, or remains from his hangover, or even a combination of both. But whatever the reason, Roger suddenly found himself falling from the railing.

At first Roger didn't even realize what was going on. But Matt's screams quickly brought him out of his stupor, and Roger had just enough time to call out to his friends before his head smacked into the water.

He was immediately hit with one of the large waves that came from the ship's wake, and his mouth filled with water. Choking, he barely managed to come up for air before he was pushed under again, this time with more force. He was almost unconscious when he felt a pressure underneath him. Suddenly, he found himself above the water, pushed upwards by his dolphin daemon.

Ryan and Matt watched in terror. They knew that when Roger's strength failed, his daemon's would also. They almost moved to tell their daemons to help Roger, but suddenly the taboo came to their minds and they were revolted at even the thought of it. Matt moved quickly to throw Roger a life preserver, while Ryan ran quickly to tell the captain to turn the boat around to pick Roger up.

Roger himself was almost unconscious by this time, and he could feel Mantra's strength fading as well. He saw a life preserver plop into the water next to him, and made a grab for it, but it was too far away, and Roger definitely didn't have enough strength to swim over to it.

Sorry, Mantra , He thought to his daemon, and surrendered to the power of the ocean.

Roger was barely aware of another presence in the water next to him. He found himself pulled above the water, and suddenly he was moving in the direction of the life preserver. He glanced weakly at his rescuer, and was shocked to find that it was none other than the girl who had glared at him earlier!

Roger was partially unconscious by this time, and so he didn't fully register what was different about this girl. But the gasps up on the deck confirmed his thoughts. Roger barely had time to let the thought run through his mind before he blacked out-

This girl had no daemon!

- - - -

"It stopped working, I swear!"

"Hang on, slow down-what stopped working?" asked Will.

"The alethiometer!" Lyra cried. "I was reading it earlier, and as I was leaving the room, the needles started to move by themselves!"

Will had spent hours watching his Lyra read the alethiometer, and never before had this happened. "What did it say?" asked Will uncertainly.

"It said-it said, 'Don't tell your husband!'" Lyra responded.

"Don't tell me what?"

"Well, I can't tell you, can I?" asked Lyra. "Look Will, we have to close the windows, and go back to our separate worlds! Don't you see? Just because we want to be together doesn't mean the world has to suffer because of that!"

"But do you really think we'd be any better off in our own worlds?" asked Will in a calm voice that Lyra was growing to hate. "I mean, when we were apart from each other for those years after I found Kirjava, we couldn't even think about anything but each other. How are we supposed to build the Republic of Heaven without each other, Lyra?"

"How can you sit there, and be so--so calm, while the world is dying around us?" Lyra was screaming now. "Don't you care, Will?"

"I guess I care about you more," Will responded truthfully.

"Well, that's your problem then!" shouted Lyra, and stomped upstairs to the bedroom that, until recently, she had shared with Will.

And Lyra began to formulate a plan...