A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews, everyone! Wow ... almost 100 reviews, that's a real accomplishment for me! Hehe ... well, thanks everyone, and for your requests for a real bitch fight ... don't worry, you'll get it soon. Not this chapter, but soon. I just have to make Rinny suffer a little more XD

Lost Memories of my Love

Chapter 15 – Changing Seasons

For the rest of the summer, Rinoa spent her days cooped up inside the house. Seifer left the day he threw Rinoa's letter off the balcony and didn't come back again. Ashleigh and Sera kept an even closer eye on Rinoa. The sorceress tried to take no notice of it, but it was hard. She found it so depressing that her only company was the two people she hated the most.

Hated? Yes, of course she hated them. She wanted to kill them … she wanted so badly to just kill them. But she knew she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had joined Garden to be stronger, to be more confident. Her intentions were never fulfilled … Rinoa was still afraid to harm any other living being. Even if it was Ashleigh and Sera, she couldn't bring herself to hurt them.

Nobody deserved that.

As much as she thought that they did deserve it, she knew quite well that they didn't. Nobody was naturally evil. Nobody is pure evil. There was always a reason for bitterness. A battered past, a bad experience … there had to be something Ashleigh and Sera must have been through something to make them act the way they did to Rinoa.

Or maybe it's just me, thought Rinoa.

The summer disappeared and the school year began once again. As speculated, Rinoa was alone. She knew most of the people at the Garden, and just about everyone knew her … partially because she was known as 'Commander Leonheart's girlfriend.' But nobody invited her to hang around with them, nobody asked her if they wanted to study with them, or train with them … it was like a curse. She figured it was because Squall wasn't around to set things straight, to get people to treat her properly.

But that wasn't the problem. The problem was, nobody was treating her as anything. It was as if she wasn't there, as if she didn't exist. Strangely, Rinoa didn't mind. She preferred to be alone … she couldn't have replaced her friends. Squall, Quistis, Zell, Irvine and Selphie were her only friends … they knew her the most. She could never establish a bond with them as she did with anyone else.

So Rinoa stayed alone. She remained invisible; she didn't want anyone to notice her. Occasionally she would pay her respects to Headmaster Cid, and Edea, if she was there. But the couple was just people she knew and respected … she couldn't talk to them they way she talked to her friends.

The more Rinoa stayed alone, the more she preferred to be alone. She stayed at Garden most of the time, not bothering to go out anywhere else. There was nowhere else to go. When she saved up enough money, she would try to ring Squall and the others, but only to be reminded that she no longer had her cell phone and the number she tried to ring was wrong.

She would write letters to Squall and send them via the Garden mail. She never got a reply. This was because Ashleigh and her friends would always break into the mailbox and steal all of Rinoa's letters. Rinoa didn't know this, of course.

Rinoa would visit Seifer when she felt she had to speak to someone. She tried to do this when his friends, Fujin and Raijin weren't around, but that was very rare. She wasn't allowed into the boys' dorms anyway, but whenever she saw him around alone, she would approach him and say a little 'hello' and leave moments later. Talking to him kept her sane.

The year dragged by very slowly. Rinoa spent so much time studying, that she aced her exams. The only thing she wasn't so good at was the practicals – she was still hesitant with them. Ashleigh had exceeded Rinoa's grades in the practical exams, but she didn't mind.

The school year came to a close. Rinoa was amazed that she had lasted so long alone, without anyone's help. Before she decided to take the train back to Deling, Rinoa walked to the beach shores of Balamb with her one suitcase of things.

The afternoon was a sunny one. The warm weather gave her taste of the coming summer's climate … and it also brought back a memory from the past. The feel of the sun, soaking in her skin made her remember the day she had fun with her friends at the beach a year ago.

Rinoa walked on the rocky crags alone, setting her suitcase on the ground. She stood on the rock, a lone figure in the distance. She wanted to have the beach all to herself, because she knew the next day, students from Garden would be flooding into the beach to celebrate the beginning of the vacation.

She stared off into the ever-going ocean, spreading across the horizon. She listened to the silence overpowered by the crashing of the ocean waves and the calling of merry seagulls. The ocean, crystal blue, was elusively calling out her name. She could hear between the crashes of each wave her name being called out to her, beckoning her to jump into the water.

Rinoa closed her eyes. The sound of the waves was mesmerising, almost hypnotising. Falling into the vague trap, she found herself jumping in the water, expecting a cool tinge of adrenaline overwhelming her. But it wasn't as she expected. The water was cold … icy cold. It stabbed her like a thousand needles pricking at her skin. Suddenly she was submerged underwater. She couldn't breathe. She tried to swim up, but the ocean pushed her down, not letting her get out.

"Rinoa…"

She screamed out Squall's name when she saw the man up ahead, in the water, standing on the sand bed. He was looking at her, smiling. He motioned for her to come closer to him, to get to him.

"Rinoa…"

But she couldn't … her body was frozen. She screamed out his name again, but there was no sound. The next thing she knew, she was choking on her attempt to breathe. It felt a dagger had slit her throat.

"Rinoa…"

The world turned black.

"Rinoa!"

Rinoa's eyes opened with a start, her heart racing with the wind. The first thing she saw was the world as she had left it. She was standing on the rocks again, looking out onto the horizon.

What was that? The hallucination was terrifying. She had pictured her own death.

"Rinoa…?"

This time, Rinoa turned around slowly, her heart still beating at high speed. To her surprise, it was Seifer that was standing before her, wearing a genuine concerned expression.

"S-Seifer," she stammered.

"Are you okay?" asked Seifer, "I called your name a couple of times and you didn't answer me."

Rinoa didn't know it, but she was looking terrified. "I … I'm sorry. I'm fine."

Seifer looked suspicious. "Are you sure?"

Rinoa recovered from her shock. "What are you doing here?"

Seifer suddenly looked flustered. "Uh … well, I'm…" He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "You're going to miss your train."

Rinoa raised an eyebrow. "Since when were you concerned about me?"

Seifer avoided her eyes. "Well … I'm your brother, of course I…"

Rinoa smiled. Then laughed. "What's the real reason why you're here?"

"Well…" After a bit, Seifer looked at his stepsister again. "I got my semi-SeeD qualification today." He held up an elegant certificate, which Rinoa recognised straight away.

Rinoa beamed at him. "See, I knew you'd do it!"

She was always encouraging him to go for it, to try his hardest to become a SeeD. She knew it meant a lot to him. She knew he was such a proud person that he wanted to prove himself. As much as she despised the way SeeDs lived their lives, she was sure that this opportunity was all the troubled young man had.

"I've got three years left," said Seifer pessimistically.

"But it's a start, isn't it?" said Rinoa brightly. "You have to tell Sera."

"What, are you crazy?" said Seifer, staring at Rinoa wide-eyed.

"Why not?" asked Rinoa.

"Firstly, I hate the woman," said Seifer bitterly. "Secondly, the woman hates me. Thirdly, I see no reason to tell her."

"Oh come on," said Rinoa, grabbing Seifer's hand in both her own encouragingly and pulling on it slightly, making Seifer even more flustered. "She'll be so proud of you that she'll earn all respect back for you."

"Doesn't mean I'll respect her," said Seifer smugly.

"But she'll be so proud of you!" said Rinoa encouragingly. "She should be honoured to have a SeeD as a son."

"Trust me, Rin, she won't care," said Seifer.

Rinoa shook her head, refusing to believe Seifer. "I'm pretty sure she'll be really proud. Come on, I would be proud of my son if he's an almost-SeeD."

"But you're different," argued Seifer.

Rinoa shook her head again. "I don't care. Come on, we'll miss the train." She picked up her suitcase and dragged him across the beach, leaving her memories behind … just for the time being.

---

Rinoa expected the worst when she went back to the Caraway mansion. The house was like a prison to both Seifer and Rinoa – but at least Seifer was allowed to leave whenever he wanted. Luckily for Rinoa, he had decided to be kind enough to keep Rinoa company for most of the summer.

As Rinoa finished unpacking her things, she saw Seifer walk past her room. Putting her suitcase aside, she ran out the door after him and caught him before he went.

"Where are you going?" asked Rinoa.

"Out," answered Seifer simply.

"To where?" asked Rinoa, "You're not leaving me here alone, are you? Please don't go back to Garden without me … I'm going to go mental here."

Seifer shook his head. "I'm going to the city."

"Deling?"

"Uh … well, yeah," said Seifer, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're not going out for booze, are you?" said Rinoa suspiciously.

"No…"

Rinoa put her hands on her hips crossly. "You said you wouldn't drink anymore."

"I'm not going out to drink," said Seifer, annoyed.

Rinoa kept her suspicious look on her face, half-heartedly believing him. Then she smiled, forgetting about her worry of him going out to drink. "Tell Sera about your achievement first, then I'll believe you."

"What?" said Seifer, "I thought I told you that she wouldn't care."

"If you're telling the truth about not going out to drink, then tell Sera that you earned your qualification," said Rinoa.

Normally, he would have just walked out without receiving Rinoa's consent. But he had made such a bond with her over the past two years that if he did leave, then he would have a horrible feeling of guilt stuck in the back of his mind.

"…Fine," groaned Seifer, "But I'm telling you, she won't give a damn."

Rinoa beamed at her stepbrother excitedly. She ran into his room and took down the framed certificate, hanging on the wall nicely. The two of them headed out onto the back porch where Sera sat, exfoliating under the warm sun with her bathrobe on and her hair wrapped in a towel.

Sera heard the backdoor sliding open, but she paid no attention to it. She kept her eyes closed, soaking up the heat relaxedly.

"Go on," muttered Rinoa, pushing him towards Sera.

Seifer didn't budge. He really didn't want to talk to his mother.

"What is it?" asked Sera, already knowing who was there without even turning around.

Rinoa cleared her throat. "Seifer has something to tell you." She handed the certificate to Seifer, pushing him encouragingly towards Sera.

Seifer groaned, not saying a thing. He was sure Sera didn't care. He didn't even know why he listened to Rinoa anyway.

Because you always listen to her, a voice in his head said, and she always listens to you.

"What is it?" snapped Sera, still not looking at them, "Please make this quick. I don't have time to talk to you two."

Oh, no time at all … she's sitting out here doing nothing, for Hyne's sake, thought Seifer.

"Seifer!" hissed Rinoa threateningly.

Seifer groaned. "I … I earned my semi-SeeD qualification this year." He handed the certificate to Sera.

Sera didn't say anything, nor did she accept the document.

Rinoa frowned slightly. "Aren't you … going to say anything?"

Sera still didn't say anything, still keeping her eyes shut, as if the two of them weren't there.

"Sera…?" Rinoa narrowed her eyes.

"I told you," murmured Seifer.

"Your son is close to making it as a SeeD," said Rinoa informatively.

Sera, annoyed, opened her eyes. She sat up and looked at her two children. "What do you want me to say?"

"Well…" Rinoa didn't want to point out the obvious.

"I'm proud of you," hissed Sera bitterly, "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Don't say it to me, say it to Seifer," said Rinoa defensively.

"That is the last thing I want to say to him," said Sera sullenly. "Because … I will never be proud of this … this person."

"He's your son," said Rinoa, trying to keep her temper under control.

"My son? Hah. He is a sad excuse for a son."

Seifer rolled his eyes. He knew something like this was going to happen. He couldn't care less.

"I don't understand how you can say that," said Rinoa sharply. "He has worked hard for this. The least you can do is to be happy for him."

"For this?" Sera grabbed the certificate. "I don't care. He is so much like his pathetic father, he should work hard. Be happy? He is making up for years of…"

Rinoa knew Sera was lost for words. "Years of what?"

"Years of inconvenience," said Sera. "Years of suffering. Years of having to tolerate another version of his father. Worked hard for this? Well that's jolly good for him." She threw the frame onto the ground with an immense force, making the frame shatter into a million shards of glass.

"I'm out of here," said Seifer, shaking his head in disgust. He didn't bother picking up his certificate. He just turned around and left.

Rinoa narrowed her eyes at the evil woman. "Why can't you just accept it?"

Sera turned around and went back to do what she was doing before.

"Why can't you just accept that he is doing something for himself, proving himself?" asked Rinoa. "You're so … selfish."

"Don't tell me what I am, missy," said Sera warningly.

"So what if he's like his father?" asked Rinoa, ignoring her last remark. "He's not your husband. He is your son. Why can't you love him like your son?"

Sera didn't say anything. Not because she was speechless, because she didn't care.

Rinoa shook her head in disgust. She leaned over and picked up the piece of paper, kicking through the shattered glass. She went through the back door, giving Sera one last dirty look, until she retreated to her bedroom. She walked in and headed for her small cupboard, the only thing in the house she had control over. She sat on the floor, reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver key; the key to her most scared and cherished belongings.

As she opened the doors, she took a good look on every shelf. There were only three shelves in the cupboard. On the top shelf sat three picture frames. One of them was of her, Julia and Caraway when she was four years old sitting at the piano. Rinoa's innocent brown eyes looked into the camera with the sweetest smile on her face. Next to her sat Julia in casual clothing with her arm around Rinoa. On Rinoa's other side sat Caraway, out of uniform. He was smiling, a common feat that occurred back in those days.

Rinoa smiled weakly. She remembered the day the photograph was taken. Julia was teaching Rinoa how to play the piano and Caraway would watch. Rinoa kept on crying because she was always messing up. But Julia was patient and kind about it … Julia kept saying 'Never give up, never give in. Be strong and keep trying.' Rinoa always kept these words in her heart. As she grew older, she realised that Julia was not only talking about playing the piano – she was talking about life. Rinoa would always look at the piano in the den of the Caraway house and remember Julia's words … and she would play her mother's song, which kept her memory alive.

The second photograph was of her and all her SeeD friends. They were in front of Balamb Garden, posing for a picture for the yearbook. At this time, Rinoa was not a part of Garden and she had requested a copy of the photo in colour. All her friends were out of uniform, which didn't make Rinoa look like the odd-one-out. She stood in the middle of the picture, as she was one of the shortest in the group. She smiled sweetly, huddling up tight so everyone else could fit in the photo.

On her left stood Selphie with her arm around Rinoa also, winking mischievously and smiling brightly for the camera. Next to Selphie stood Irvine with his arm around Selphie, wearing his flirtatious grin.

On her right was Zell, doing the peace sign with one arm, and with the other, he had his arm around Rinoa with his infamous grin on his face. Next to Zell stood Quistis, her body tilted at an angle with her arms folded sensibly. She wore her mysterious smile, which also happened to be her reassuring one.

Next to Quistis was Squall, his gunblade swung over his shoulder, looking tough. He had asked to be put on the side. He hadn't even wanted to be in the photo, but everyone was harassing him to be in it. He was the only person who was not smiling. He wore the carefree, firm look on his face that he always wore.

In front of Rinoa sat Angelo. She missed Angelo so much. When she had decided to go to Garden, she was forced to give Angelo away because nobody was able to look after the dog, as Garden policy didn't allow pets. Rinoa hated to give Angelo to some person she didn't know, so she gave her companion to Edea. Edea had reopened the orphanage, and Rinoa knew that Angelo would have been a great companion to the children there.

This memory was particularly important to her. These were the days when Squall was heartless, cold and distant … but also the time when they were together the most. Not in Garden, but all over the world, travelling together and going on wild adventures. She enjoyed these times with her friends the most … she didn't have to worry about school or anything else. Just worry about her friends.

The third picture was of her and Squall together. The photograph was taken the day they went to the beach. Selphie was excited about the whole day and had taken a million snapshots of the day. However, she made two copies of a particular photograph … and that was the one Rinoa was looking at. The ocean wind was blowing her hair vigorously that day, as it had with Squall's. Rinoa was leaning her head on Squall's, and he had his arm around her. Rinoa was smiling her sweet, innocent smile that consisted in every photograph that stood on her shelf. Squall was also smiling … he was smiling a small smile. Rinoa hadn't made him smile that day … he had smiled on his own, which brought joy to her heart.

All of these photographs were held precious to her. Every person in every picture was important to her. But … all of them were gone. Julia was gone, Angelo was gone, her friends were gone, Squall was gone … even the Caraway she once knew was gone. But in all of these photographs, somebody had their arm around her. This mere fact made her feel secure … feel loved. She wanted to feel somebody's arm around her … she missed the feeling so much.

Next to the photo frames was the tape recorder that held Squall and Rinoa's messages. She reached over, picked it up, and played back the whole tape. She smiled after every sentence that was said … she couldn't help but feel happy, remembering every word that was spoken.

'I love you, Squall.'

Rinoa closed her eyes and clutched the tape recorder tight. She repeated the words in her mind over and over again. Never had the words meant so much to her. Never had the words been so true…

She stopped the tape and put it back on the shelf. She then began to rummage through the rest of her cupboard. There were stacks of photo albums, all of which she looked through carefully, staring at every picture and remembering all the events. She didn't miss one photo, replaying every memory in her mind. There were folders of papers … her mother's piano sheet music. Rinoa hadn't played the piano in so long … she promised herself she would some time soon.

After half an hour of reminiscing through her possessions, she remembered why she was in there. She picked up the picture frame of that held the photograph of her and Squall and slid out the picture and placed it on the shelf. Picking up Seifer's certificate, she carefully placed it in the frame.

Rinoa picked up the photograph of her and Squall, staring at it for an eternity. At long last, she decided to put it back on the shelf. She didn't want that photograph to be framed. She wanted it to be left open, left free. She didn't want it protected like her other ones … because it did not need to be protected. Her mother's spirit was always with her, her father was usually close to her. Her friends will always be her friends, no matter what happened. But what of Squall and her? Their romance needed to be free, their memory's armour had to be lifted. Not to be wounded, but to become stronger.

Rinoa closed her cupboard gently. She rarely went into the cupboard … some memories were good, but some were also painful. The more she looked at them, the more she yearned for them … it made her feel broken inside, made her feel incomplete and weak. She needed to put aside what she didn't have and look forward to what she was going to get.

She picked up Seifer's newly framed certificate and made her way to his room. She hardly entered his bedroom, if never at all. The room was extremely tidy – maybe because he was hardly in there. Everything was in its place; there was nothing that stood out. Rinoa made her way to his bed where all the nails were hammered in. She kneeled on the cushy surface and hung the certificate up, making sure it was perfectly straight.

Feeling her task was finished; she got off the bed and was about to leave, until something caught her attention. In the corner of the room was Seifer's desk, with a pile of books stacked up. Beside it was a pile of papers … bright pictures. Out of curiosity, Rinoa sat herself down at his desk and browsed through the pictures.

They were beautiful artworks – all hand-drawn and painted. Some were on normal pieces of paper, others were on canvases. The scenes of the pictures varied – some were of the landscape, some were of particular places in Deling, some were black and white pictures of Seifer looking smug. Rinoa was awed with the realism and detail in every picture; she had never seen anything like it. In the corner of every picture was a small 'S'.

"What are you doing?"

Rinoa jumped in surprise. She turned around and found Seifer at the door.

"I was reframing your certificate," answered Rinoa.

Seifer didn't say anything at first. "Okay, thanks. Now … do you mind getting out?"

Rinoa turned back to the artwork in her hand. "Did you draw these?"

Seifer, deeply flustered, walked quickly towards Rinoa and snatched the papers off her. "No, I didn't…"

Rinoa smiled. "You don't need to be embarrassed, they're really good!"

"I didn't draw any of these," said Seifer, frustrated, "Please leave."

Rinoa didn't believe him. "All right, all right." She got out of the seat and walked out of the room, leaving Seifer alone.

He's way too proud

---

The summer turned into autumn, and the autumn turned into winter. Before Rinoa knew it, the winter turned into spring, and the summer came once again. The seasons were changing slowly, but they also seemed quick in a way. Rinoa passed the course with flying colours, once again making her father proud of her.

One sunny morning of the second summer, Rinoa was pegging up the laundry. Her number of chores had increased dramatically over the time, Sera making her do loads of work every time she came back for vacation.

She hummed to herself as she pegged up all the washed uniforms that she had washed herself. She was beginning to like doing chores. There was so little to do in the house that she had resorted to entertaining herself by doing work. It wasn't all that bad after a while.

Seifer sat on the balcony of his bedroom, watching Rinoa peg up the laundry in wonder. He didn't know why he was watching her … he just felt like it. The way she worked interested him … the way she flipped her hair, the way she played with her chain … everything about Rinoa suddenly became interesting to Seifer.

"You having fun there?" asked Seifer.

Rinoa looked up at him and smiled. "The time of my life."

Seifer interpreted her tone as a sarcastic one. He decided to cheer her up a little – doing so much work couldn't have been the time of her life. He went inside and picked up some of the artwork Rinoa admired on his desk.

He took the top piece of paper, a black and white sketch of Obel Lake. He folded it up into a paper aeroplane and yelled out, "Heads up!"

Rinoa looked up in confusion, and before she knew it, a piece of paper was heading her way. It landed in the laundry basket. She ran to the basket and picked it up, unfolding it and smiling in pleasure.

"It's beautiful!" she called out.

Seifer grimaced as he picked up the next picture – it was a charcoal drawing of Deling by night. He folded it into a paper plane and threw it into Rinoa's direction. She followed it and picked it up, admiring the beauty of the artwork. Seifer then began throwing countless numbers of artwork into Rinoa's direction. Rinoa cheerfully chased every floating piece of paper and caught them, putting them all in a neat pile by the laundry basket.

The last picture was thrown. The light breeze blew it further than usual, leaving Rinoa chasing far off into the back of the garden. She finally found it under the over-grown hedge that she was going to prune later … along with another mysterious piece of paper.

Rinoa reached under the hedge for the other piece of paper, her arms becoming itchy. As she retrieved it, she opened it up and immediately recognised it … it was Squall's letter that Seifer had thrown away a year ago.

Heart racing, Rinoa knelt on the soft grass and began to read it. She was amazed that it was destroyed by the weather – but then again, it was under the shelter of a hedge the whole time.

Dear Rinoa,

How are you? Esthar is pretty good, but it's no fun without you. Laguna is well; he's been giving me light-hearted lectures about this and that, and Esthar, and history and some other stuff that I can't even remember. I don't feel under pressure … yet. I know I'm going to have to face a lot of hard decisions in the future with this whole president thing.

I met up with Sis the other day. She's very well; she's also under study with Laguna 'in case anything happens'. I would rather give the role of president to Elle, but 'I'm Laguna's blood-son so it has to be me.' The others are training the Estharian troops, which is a bit creepy. Zell being in charge of something equals disaster. Quistis is doing a good job though. Apparently they're all going to be 'bodyguards' for the president.

Anyway, enough about Esthar. How are you? I've been trying to contact you for ages. Whenever I ring your house, your stepmother picks up and tells me that you can't come to the phone, and then keeps talking about your sister. I've messaged you about a million times on your cell phone but I never get a reply. I've also tried ringing your cell but it's either off or nobody answers. Is everything okay?

Oh, and I forgot to tell you. Laguna's recently changed the presidential residence phone number for security reasons. I've been trying to call you and tell you that it's changed, but as you can see, I've failed miserably. The number is on the back of the letter, by the way.

Anyway, we really miss you, Rin. Please keep in contact. And don't forget about us.

Squall.

There were a million thoughts and feelings running through Rinoa's head at that exact moment…