It's Not Worth It

Chapter 7 – Land's End

- - - -

Roger was in an underground cave, completely alone. He couldn't make out any of the features of the cave clearly, and it was almost as though he was having trouble seeing...

The only sound that he could make out was the rush of water. Water everywhere, all around him...and suddenly he was engulfed by the water, and it threatened to drag him out into the river that ran through the cave...but it wasn't a river anymore, it was a raging ocean, and he wasn't in a cave anymore, he was lying down on a sort of wooden structure...

Roger opened his eyes. He was lying on his back on the deck of the SS Nu'a'upapa, surrounded by his friends, worried passengers, and even the captain himself! Roger struggled to remember what happened. He fell off of the railing surrounding the ship, he knew, and had landed in the ocean, but what then?

And suddenly he remembered his rescue by the mysterious girl he had met the night before, the girl who had no daemon.

He spotted her face, apart from the crowd. It was obvious that she was considered separate from everyone else, since no one approached her or even went near her. Roger remembered how the people of Olum'diaye had treated him when they first saw he had no daemon, and sympathized with her. He glanced around at his friends, then looked back at the girl, and it was as if he was seeing her for the first time.

He took in everything about her-dark hair, blue eyes, looked to be about his age. Of course, the thing that was most obvious about her was her lack of a daemon. She must've managed to hide that somehow, maybe by pretending her daemon was shy and hiding in her jacket pocket, or saying that her daemon was away whenever anyone asked her where it was. But then Roger remembered that most daemons couldn't go very far from their humans...

When she had jumped into the ocean to save Roger, she had left her jacket behind on the deck. And since she had felt no resistance from jumping off the deck, the passengers on the ship had found out she had no daemon. That must be it.

Roger was jolted out of his thoughts by Matt's voice. "Take a picture, it'll last longer! Jeez, we're over here worried about you, and all you can do is stare at that girl?" The girl in question jumped at his voice, then looked around and blushed when she saw Roger looking at her.

"Hang on, Matt, I could've sworn I've seen her somewhere before," Roger said somewhat annoyedly. Roger tried to place her again in his mind. Maybe I know her from school or something, thought Roger. And suddenly, he had it! About two years before Roger and his friends had found the window, there had been a disappearance at Roger's old middle school. In fact, now that Roger thought about it, it was during the Halloween party...

And the girl that had gone missing had dark hair and blue eyes...he remembered from the posters that had been put up around the school! Roger himself had even seen the girl in class a few times, but had never noticed her before. That must be it! The girl had found the same window that Roger had come through, and made a life for herself in the world of daemons.

"You okay?" Ryan's voice this time.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Roger impatiently. "But-hang on-do you remember that girl that went missing? When we still went to Anderson?" Anderson was the name of Roger, Ryan, and Matt's old middle school.

"Oh, yeah," said Matt. "They said she disappeared during the Halloween party, didn't they. Just like—us—" Matt began to make the connection. "Wait, are you saying that girl is Amanda Colbert? C'mon, just because that girl looks kind of like Amanda doesn't mean—"

"She has no daemon, Matt," explained Roger. "She wanted to talk to me—that must be why! She recognizes me from school! If it were me I would try and find anyone that I had known before I came into this world!" And Roger walked over to the girl, followed cautiously by Ryan and Matt. The crowd around him had begun to disperse as they realized he was all right, and the captain had moved on to steer the ship, muttering something about needing whiskey.

Roger had reached the corner of the ship where the girl was, but she just ran away, blushing furiously.

"I think she likes you, Roger," said Matt teasingly.

"Don't be stupid," replied Roger, "she's probably just embarrassed because she was the one who rescued me, and she knew me from school. I would be kind of embarrassed if it was me." As Roger said this he felt another weakness in his knees, like he was about to fall over. "And I've got to get back to the cabin, I think I still haven't gotten over that fall." After making his friends promise to bring him some dinner, Roger headed back to the cabin and fell asleep the instant his head hit the pillow.

As it turned out, Roger hadn't recovered from his fall into the ocean, and according to one of the passengers aboard ship, who claimed to be a doctor, Roger had a cold. It seemed more like pneumonia to Roger, but he figured that people in this world probably wouldn't know how to treat it anyway, and the herbs the doctor gave him made him feel slightly better, so he wasn't complaining.

Roger drifted in and out of sleep for the next few days, and whenever he was awake he was shaking with cold. Passengers that he had never even seen before brought him gifts-from small trinkets that Roger hadn't heard of to fresh catches of fish for lunch and dinner. Ryan and Matt continued to save him some of each of their meals, and although they complained halfheartedly, Roger knew they didn't mind at all, and was glad that he had such good friends.

Slowly Roger regained his health, and after about a week of the illness he could catch a glimpse of what he was told was Eireland when he found the strength to go up on deck. After a second week he was almost completely better, and now he could see the monstrous shape of England on the port side of the ship.

After they had been sailing for about two and a half weeks, Roger woke up early one morning to find himself full of strength. He had never felt so good before in his life! He decided to go up on deck and have a look around before breakfast.

When he reached the top of the ship he was shocked at what he saw. The ship's deck was covered in fog, and he could see barely anything. Hopefully the captain's instruments wouldn't fail, or the ship could crash!

Roger put himself together. The ship wouldn't crash. The captain had said himself that it had gone on many journeys without even a small crash. Relieved, Roger went to sit on the railing at the stern of the ship, and waited.

Before long he heard the sounds of other passengers stirring below him in their cabins. Soon he was joined by Ryan and Matt. Together they sat on the railing, Roger reliving his fall from that very spot only two and a half weeks ago. Mantra, Aura, and Callisto changed into seagulls and soared high above their humans' heads.

They watched as the passengers below them slowly came up to their end of the ship, congratulated Roger on getting well again, then headed off to breakfast. Roger felt kind of like a celebrity aboard the ship, and he basked in the attention until finally everyone but Roger, his friends, and the mysterious girl had vacated the stern of the ship.

Roger made no move to approach the girl again, as it was obvious that she didn't want to talk to him, so Roger and his friends decided they'd better head off to breakfast.

But before Roger could reach the middle of the ship, he heard someone cry out, "The captain's got Driftbreeze! Man the lifeboats!"

Roger knew what that meant, and turned to run for the lifeboats. But before he could reach one, he heard a sickening crunch, then the creaking of wood on wood. The whole bow of the ship had been totaled, and the parts that had survived were sinking fast.

Roger felt himself thrown into the air, although he was only partially aware of it. He landed in the cold ocean, shaken but not yet hurt badly. Roger felt a burst of adrenaline hit him, and he somehow found the strength to swim away from the now-sinking ship. He thought he saw Matt jump off the other side of the ship, but there was no time to take a look-the stern of the ship was going to land right on him when it sunk!

Roger spotted a small coastline in the distance and had begun to swim toward it when he saw Ryan and Matt a little ways away from him. They were supporting something between them, and looked to be okay.

They called out to Roger, and he swam to them. "Did-anyone else survive?" asked Roger testily.

"We don't know," said Ryan. "We felt the shaking and decided we didn't want to stay long enough to find out. Most of the people were in the bow eating breakfast, though, so—" He didn't need to finish. Roger understood.

Roger composed himself and asked, "What's that you're holding?"

"This," Matt replied, "is Amanda Colbert. She was knocked unconscious when the ship crashed, but we found her lying in the water."

"And you picked her up?" asked Roger.

"What were we supposed to do, leave her there?" asked Ryan. "We tried to wake her up, but it was no use. She'll slow us down a little bit, but we can still probably make that coastline." Ryan pointed in the direction that Roger had been looking earlier.

They began to swim toward the coastline, slowly but steadily. Eventually their daemons turned into dolphins and carried them in the direction of the beach. Night began to fall just as Roger, who was helping to carry Amanda, stumbled ashore. Roger and his friends laid her down in the sand, then began to talk among themselves.

"What are we going to do about food and shelter?" asked Ryan. "Our map and the gold that Jule gave us were left behind in our cabin on the ship."

"Well, we're probably not too far from Oxford anyway," replied Roger. "On the map Oxford is around the middle of England, and we're probably on the west coast. So if we get food-somehow-we should be able to make it easily. And it won't matter about having no way to get out of England—if we can get Will to close the windows, he can send us back to our own world, and we can call our parents collect or something and get back home."

"Well, I'm tired," said Matt. "I'm going to sleep." Roger and Ryan yawned and decided to do the same. As Roger drifted off to sleep he began to think about the ship again, and all the people who were eating breakfast. They didn't even know they were going to die—they had no warning—

It all came back to Will and Lyra, Roger decided. Their greed caused all those people's deaths...tore apart their families' lives...

- - - -

When Roger awoke the next morning, he was confused at first to where they were. Roger had subconsciously walked in the direction in which the breakfast buffet would be on the ship before he realized where he was, and once he did all the memories of the day before came flooding back. The wreck of the ship floating in the water—all those people's faces, frozen forever in time, calmly eating their breakfasts, unaware of what would happen to them seconds later...

Roger turned and began the short walk back to the lonely sandbar where his friends and he had camped the night before. He had some questions he needed to ask Amanda Colbert, if she was really Amanda. Unanswered questions, about the time she had been missing from Redwood, and what she had done in this world. Maybe she knew something about this world that would help them find Will and Lyra, or even Oxford.

By this time Roger had made it back to the spot on the beach where he had fallen asleep. He could see Ryan and Matt still sprawled in the sand, fast asleep. Something was missing, though...

Amanda Colbert was gone, and Roger didn't know where she was.

Roger quickly ran over to Ryan and started shaking him, then did the same to Matt. They both reluctantly came awake, and Matt vaguely grumbled, "What, the monkeys aren't coming until Thursday..." until he finally stood up and stretched. Ryan wouldn't get up and had to be prodded awake by a Labrador retriever-formed Aura. His friends looked at him questioningly, and Matt mumbled, "What is it?"

"It's Amanda, she's gone!" exclaimed Roger. "I...went for a walk...and when I came back she wasn't here. We've got to find her!"

"Calm down, man," said Ryan easily. "You just went for a walk, right? So maybe she did too. Relax, she'll turn up."

But Matt didn't look as relaxed. "Look, Roger, maybe we should look for her. I get the feeling anything can happen in this world..."

"Alright," Roger said, "let's split up then. Everybody remember where this spot is?" Ryan and Matt nodded. "Okay, then we'll meet back here in an hour, less if we find her. Agreed?" They nodded again.

"Okay," said Ryan. "Let's go."

Roger looked, really looked for the first time at the vast expanse of cliffs all around him. He was standing at the foot of a sheltered bay. Slightly eroded white cliffs stood to his left, and on his right was a gradual incline covered in trees. He watched Matt head to his left to comb the beach, and Ryan head up the rocky path to the cliffs. That left the forest for him; he headed in the direction of the path to the forest.

A half hour later, Roger had reached the top of the incline and was now searching among the trees. So far, however, he had had no luck, and he could hear the loud rumble of his stomach through the sounds of birds calling all around him. He hadn't eaten in a day, and he would've done anything for some food around then.

He gazed up at the canopy of trees above him and noticed that there were small red berries growing from their branches! Excited at the prospect of food, he turned to his daemon. "Mantra, could you turn into a bird and knock that down for me?" he said, pointing at a large clump of the red berries growing in a tree above him. His daemon nodded, changed into a bird that Roger hadn't seen before, and flew up to the berries. Mantra then swooped at the berries, grasped them in her talons, and dropped them at Roger's feet before flying back to him and perching on his shoulder.

"Not bad, Mantra," he said, impressed. She grinned (although this looked pretty weird on a bird), and Roger plucked a berry from the bunch. "What d'you think, Mantra, are these okay to eat?" he asked her, and without waiting for a response, plucked one into his mouth. Nothing happened, so he ravenously tore into the bunch of berries. Well, that's good to know, thought Roger, these berries are edible. Once he had finished and his stomach had calmed down, he continued on his search for Amanda, walking in different directions but leaving his daemon behind. If he got lost, Mantra could tell him which way to go.

She wasn't in the clearing on his left, nor was she straight ahead in a large clump of trees. The only place left was on his right, which led to some larger cliffs and inclines. Roger doubted that Amanda could have made it this far, but he set off again, telling himself that if she wasn't there he could go back and see if Matt or Ryan had found her.

Hurry up , said Mantra to him. It's almost time to go back.

Roger raced up the path to the cliffs that stood high above him, through the trees and out into a large opening. The path became very rocky now, and he could see, stretched far below him, the bay that he and his friends had spent the night in. The drop was very far, and if he fell, it would probably kill him...

Calm down, he told himself. Amanda could starve if we don't find her.

He continued up the path of rocky cliffs. There were no trees around him now, nothing but the smell of the ocean and the sunbathed cliffs around him. He could feel the gusts of wind in his face as he made his way to the top.

Okay , said Mantra, it's time to go back. Roger was about to agree when suddenly he saw a shape in the distance...

It was a person! And that person was standing at the top of the highest cliffs, which looked almost unreachable. But that wasn't right, Roger thought suddenly, because whoever that is got up there somehow...

Hang on, he told Mantra. I see someone. Make your way back and tell the others that I'm okay, and find out if they've seen Amanda. I'll try and reach whoever this is.

He felt Mantra's agreement and the sudden emptiness as she left the spot he had last seen her. He could feel something in the air in this place-not a physical quality, more like an electrical charge, like anything could happen there—and it gave him confidence. Now he had to try to reach those cliffs...

He climbed up the path until he reached the cliff next to the one the person was on. Now that he could get a closer glimpse, he could tell that the person was definitely Amanda. And he realized how she had reached the higher cliff—a series of rocks jutted out of the cliff in front of him, kind of like the rock climbing wall back in Redwood. Roger could climb it with ease-but he wouldn't die if he fell off the one in his hometown. This was real.

Roger started climbing shakily, moving his hand, then his foot, over and over again until he reached the top. When he finally made it, he pulled himself over the rock wall and found himself staring right into the face of Amanda Colbert.

"Hi," she said. "Just went for a walk..."

"What d'you mean, 'just went for a walk'?" asked Roger angrily. "You scared us half to death, we thought you'd died...or...something...wait, what am I saying? I sound just like my mom..."

Amanda giggled and motioned Roger over to the center of the cliff she had been standing on. "When I first went through that window behind our school into this world, I was scared to death. I managed to get a part-time job working in a restaurant in Olum'diaye, and while I brought people's orders they would tell me stories. You get a lot of adventurous types coming through Olum'diaye—they call it the gateway to the North—and I heard tons of legends. But one I heard most often..." She glanced around and pointed at the cliffs all around them. "...told of a mystic place called Land's End, on the southwestern edge of Brytain. One day we got a famous explorer in there, and he told me all about it in between courses. It seems that it strengthens people's spiritual energy."

"Spiritual energy?" replied Roger. "Well, I guess anything's possible in this world...you mean spiritual like your daemon?"

"I don't know," said Amanda. "But don't you feel that special charge in the air, too? Like the whole place is filled with electricity?"

"Yeah, I felt that!" exclaimed Roger. "So it's not just me...but I don't feel like anything's strengthened right now. I just feel hungry..."

"Yeah, you're right," said Amanda. "I don't know what we're supposed to do...sorry, you must think I'm useless, the way I lead you all the way over here and then don't know what to do..." She moved and sat down on the further away of the two rocks in the center of the cliff, her face in her hands.

"No, it's not your fault," said Roger. "I didn't know anything, you know more than me about this place..." And he automatically moved to comfort her, taking a seat on the other rock. "Look, you saved my life before. There's no way you're useless, you've done tons more for me than I have for you. All I did was try and find you...hey, I've done more stupid things on this journey that anyone, and I'm still okay."

Amanda looked at Roger and smiled slightly. "Thanks," she said. They just sat there for a while, staring at the scenery around them. The huge bay in which they had landed the night before stretched out in front of them, while on the left and right trees covered the huge white cliffs all around them.

And then at the same time, although it had been meant to happen since they were born, they touched hands.

Suddenly the cliffs and bay were shrouded in darkness. A huge storm was moving towards them—lightning struck between clouds, and the sky darkened to night, giving the storm a magical quality. Roger and Amanda stared at each other, fearfully at first, then more comfortably as curiosity set in. They stared at the storm, which was now directly above them. Suddenly they felt a great anticipation all throughout them, and just as suddenly jagged lightning struck them both. Roger thought that it must be hurting him, somehow, but he couldn't feel anything.

Roger and Amanda never took their eyes off of each other as the mysterious lightning drew them into the air, until they were level with each other but a few feet apart. Roger and Amanda felt a tingling all throughout their bodies, and suddenly a bolt of electricity formed between them. Roger's mind was flooded with thoughts—it was as though he was reliving his whole life, except in reverse. As the last memory came into head, he suddenly forgot it all, everything, except what was happening right then, the lightning and Amanda and the storm, and he was content with just that.

Roger could see an electrical field forming around Roger and Amanda. Suddenly a bolt of lightning shot from Roger straight at Amanda, and to his surprise he could see something similar happening to her. The bolt of lightning from Amanda hit him in the head, and suddenly a new set of memories replaced his old ones.

Roger didn't know how long Amanda and him stayed there, suspended in the air by the magical storm, reliving each other's lives. When he looked at Amanda he could see her happiness when Roger had a happy memory, and her sadness when something bad happened in his life. Roger did the same thing with Amanda's memories-loving the feeling the first time she rode a bike, her sadness when her grandmother died-until finally the memories ended and right now began, and he felt everything she felt and she could read his thoughts, and their eyes never left each other the whole time.

Finally, after what seemed like years, the lightning bolts reversed, and each person gained their memories again. Slowly they floated back down to the ground, and when their feet touched the ground Amanda raced towards Roger, and they shared their first kiss there on the warm rocks of Land's End, and it seemed like nothing would ever matter again.

Roger was jolted back to reality by a message from his daemon. Roger, hurry up! Ryan and Matt are wondering what the hell is going on.

Slowly, reluctantly, Roger and Amanda turned and headed back towards the spot on the beach where they had promised to meet up, wondering what to say to their friends.