Lost Memories of my Love

Part II : Change of Heart

Chapter 19 – Lost Memories of My Love

Ashleigh reached Deling hospital and pulled over in the car park. She left Rinoa's body in the car, hoping that a doctor or nurse could come out to the car instead of her carrying the body into the hospital. She did not want anyone to suspect that she was involved in the injury and possible death of General Fury Caraway's daughter.

Ashleigh rushed into the hospital; her horrified look still stamped all over her face. She was still was covered in Rinoa's blood, staining her expensive white suit that her mother had bought her for her twenty-first birthday. The hospital was busy and frantic, with doctors and nurses rushing in and out of emergency rooms in life-threatening situations, that nobody paid attention to Ashleigh walking through the corridors of the hospital, bloodstained and horror-struck.

After a little bit of wandering around, Ashleigh found herself in an empty corridor. A hospital bed on wheels lay in the hall with a white blanket on top of it. Ashleigh looked around to see if the coast was clear, and went over to the bed. She peeked under the white sheet and found a gruesome dead body in it, already beginning to smell foul. Horrified, Ashleigh withdrew her sight from it and looked around some more.

Nobody will have to know, she thought to herself. She doesn't need to … be alive. Do whatever it takes … right?

Ashleigh, deciding against her better judgement, was quick to act. She clutched at Rinoa's purse one last time and slid it under the white sheet, next to the dead body.

Now everyone will think she's dead when they see her ID with this dead woman, thought Ashleigh.

She was not guilty at all, she was just frightened. What was she supposed to do with Rinoa? She couldn't leave her to really die. She might not have felt guilty about everyone thinking Rinoa was dead, but letting her die … no, Ashleigh would have felt guilty all her life. She had to do something about it. Rinoa didn't have to live, hell, Ashleigh would've rather wanted her to just die already, but at least Ashleigh tried to prevent it from happening … and that was good enough for her.

At that moment, a nurse came walking down the hallway. Ashleigh quickly turned around and left before anybody spotted her. As she left the building, she saw the nurse wheel away the dead body that was meant to be Rinoa. She ran back outside into the car park and got back into Sera's car, glancing at Rinoa's still body in the rear-view mirror.

She drove away from the hospital and went to the person that she knew wouldn't have cared about what she did. Her father. She knew Seifer was going to be there, because he went to his father's to brag about how he was officially qualified to become a SeeD and had the next year to do the exam. Ashleigh did not care about Seifer, but she knew that Seifer would have been very determined to save Rinoa. She knew it all. She knew that he had feelings for his stepsister … it was so obvious. But she never said a thing; she just held her suspicions close … because Rinoa and Ashleigh were friends then.

Ashleigh shrugged the memory of her and Rinoa being friends off. She did not want to remember that … and she wasn't going to. If she was going to have a good life, she had to have no regrets. That was what her father always told her.

She pulled over on her father's driveway and ran towards the door, trying to keep a straight face. But it was just too impossible. Ashleigh was one hell of a good liar but she couldn't hide her fear this time. She was terrified. She knocked on the door, and was greeted with her father … looking extremely shocked.

"Ashleigh?"

Ashleigh burst into panic at that moment. "F-Father…! I … I…"

"Why are you covered in blood, daughter?" asked Ashleigh's father, looking at her suspiciously.

"I … father, I need your help," gasped Ashleigh.

The man looked shocked, but then looked angry. "You need my help? Why are you not running to your mother, then?"

"B-Because…" Ashleigh bit her bottom lip nervously. "Father, please … I think I killed Rinoa-san."

Her father's eyes widened in shock. "You mean General Caraway's daughter? Ashleigh, if you are found out…"

"Father, please!" she cried out in panic, "You … you used to be a doctor, didn't you? Please! You have to try to save her!"

"You cannot just show up to my house after five years of no contact and ask me to solve your problem," growled Mr Almassy. "Deal with your own dirty work." He was about to close the door on her, but Ashleigh held it open.

"Please … father…" Ashleigh was close to tears.

"Go home, Ashleigh Caraway," snarled Ashleigh's father.

"What's going on, old man?"

Ashleigh's eyes were filled with hope. "Seifer!"

As Seifer reached the door, he looked very surprised to see Ashleigh there. She was the last person he expected to be there.

"Ashleigh? What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Seifer.

"Seifer! Please!" cried Ashleigh, "Rinoa … Rinoa needs help!"

Seifer's hard expression suddenly turned into a concerned one. "Why? What happened?"

Ashleigh fell into Seifer's arms and burst into tears. "I … I think I killed her. Please, I didn't mean to."

Seifer pushed Ashleigh out of his arms in disgust. "Why do you sound so fricking sad? I bet you had every intention of killing her, don't come crying to me because you've done something wrong."

"Seifer, please, do you want her alive or not?" exclaimed Ashleigh, somewhat stalling. Maybe if she stalled on for long enough Rinoa would have been dead by then. Of course she wasn't thinking this exactly … but in the tiniest corner of her mind, she was hoping with all her might.

Seifer suddenly looked anxious. "What? You mean she's here?"

"Yes!" said Ashleigh hysterically. "She's in the car!"

"Why should I help you?" interjected their father.

"Please, father … I beg of you," said Ashleigh, "I promise … if you just try to help, I will never run to you again. I have never run to you in the past … this will be the first and last time. Please."

"You have to, old man," growled Seifer, "If not for her, then for me. For Rinoa."

The man narrowed his eyes at his son. Yes, Seifer was much more of a better child to him than Ashleigh ever was. And he promised twenty percent of his earnings as a SeeD when he became one…

"Fine … but I cannot guarantee that I will succeed," said Mr Almassy.

Ashleigh hurried to the car with Seifer and their father following. As she opened the door, Seifer's heart almost stopped at the state Rinoa was in. She was just lying there in her own blood, staining the leather seats of Sera's car. She did not move and her chest failed to rise and fall. He could have strangled Ashleigh to death for what she did, but he was far too worried about Rinoa.

The two men heaved Rinoa into the house. She was lighter than expected. They lay her on one of the beds in the house and the ex-doctor began to examine the unconscious young woman.

"What did you do to her?" demanded Seifer.

Ashleigh sat far away from them, just watching blankly as her father examined Rinoa. "I just … I was … I was drunk. I … ran her over…"

Seifer cursed out loud. "I have every intention of striking you down at this very instant. But my inner instinct tells me that I shouldn't…"

Ashleigh snapped out of her flabbergasted state and became aggressive again. "It's called a heart, Seifer, I'm glad you have one."

Seifer snickered smugly. "And look who's talking. Who's the one who did this again?"

"I told you, I didn't mean to!" That was indeed a lie … but if it got her out of trouble…

"Didn't mean to … yeah, my ass you didn't mean to," sneered Seifer.

"She won't survive."

The two siblings looked at their father.

"What do you mean, old man?" demanded Seifer.

"It's too late. She is suffering from internal bleeding as well as excessive external bleeding. She has at least five fractured bones … her brain seems to have stopped responding to her. She is still breathing, but only shallowly, her heart is going to stop beating soon and she is going to die."

Seifer cursed again. "Fuck this, there's still a chance! Don't just look at her, old man, do something about it!"

"Y-yeah…" Ashleigh mustered quietly.

Their father muttered something or other under his breath and went into the bathroom cabinet for some ointments and medicines, and other medical stuff. He came back and began repairing Rinoa's wounded body. He was once a practical doctor, one of the best in the country. He didn't need machines and modern day stuff; all he needed were his hands and his tools.

"Shut up," snapped Seifer, "Go home, Ashleigh. You've done enough here already. We don't need you here."

Ashleigh did not protest. She didn't want to hang around anymore anyway. "I only have one request. Please … don't tell anybody…"

Seifer stood up in rage and glared at his sister. "Don't tell anybody?" he hissed. "You're lucky I didn't tell anybody about all the shit you've been doing to Rinoa for the past five years. And now you're expecting me not to tell anybody about this? This is the last straw, Ashleigh Almassy."

Ashleigh narrowed her eyes at Seifer. "You can't tell anybody. It … it will ruin me…"

Seifer laughed hollowly. "It will ruin you? Where is that my problem? Take a look at what you did, Ash. Ash … my god, I just had awful flashbacks…"

"You don't seem to know that I know," said Ashleigh tauntingly.

"What?" snapped Seifer, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know you have feelings for dear Rinoa-san," hissed Ashleigh, "It is kinda of obvious…"

Seifer glared at her. "So?" he said in a casual tone.

"So … I can just tell mother at any moment," said Ashleigh, "Or father … General Caraway. I wonder what they'll think? I wonder what … her boyfriend would think? Hmm?"

"She doesn't have a boyfriend," said Seifer flatly.

Ashleigh smiled carelessly. "Don't be so sure, big brother. Don't be so sure. You assume too much, did you know that?"

Seifer grit his teeth. Stupid Ashleigh … stupid Ashleigh. Why did she want to rain on his parade so much? He didn't want anybody knowing that he had a thing for Rinoa … everyone would think too much. Rinoa would get a bad reputation, and so would Seifer. And if Rinoa really did have a boyfriend … then what was he going to think? He did not want people to persecute Rinoa … it was okay if people muttered thing about him, but Rinoa didn't deserve anything like that.

Damn … why does this have to be so hard, thought Seifer. But could he even trust Ashleigh? She was a damn good liar, just like he was. The whole fricking Almassy family was a family full of lying and cheating … they couldn't even trust each other. But lying and cheating put aside, Seifer knew that Ashleigh would keep her end of the bargain if he kept his. They will both keep each other's secrets and nothing was going to come from it.

As much as he wanted everyone to know that Ashleigh was a flaming bitch, he didn't need it. He had to wait for another time.

"All right," said Seifer finally, "I'll keep your secret if you keep mine."

"Deal," said Ashleigh, smiling smugly. She shook hands with her brother, sealing the deal. "And you won't ever hear from me again. You don't even have to live at the Caraway house anymore. You don't have to have anything to do with me or mother."

"Well, that's more than I bargained for," sneered Seifer. "So leave already. I don't want a mushy goodbye."

Ashleigh laughed weakly. "Same old Seifer. I'd hate to admit it, but I am really going to miss you."

Seifer rolled his eyes but couldn't help smirking. "Go on, get outta here."

Ashleigh got up and left with one last glance at her brother. For a second, they were both brother and sister instead of two kids forced to live with each other. The way that united them wasn't a good one, but both Ashleigh and Seifer had a feeling of satisfaction inside of her, believing that their quarrels finally came to an end. They disowned each other … and maybe in the end, that was the only way. Their relationship was beyond repair ever since Sera had become an actress, which was a good eighteen years ago. So, if you can't fix it, you'll just have to let go…

Seifer couldn't help but remember the times where he and Ashleigh did get along. It was as if the time never existed, but it was kept somewhere in the vast depths of Seifer's mind. Ashleigh would always look up to Seifer, especially when their parents sent them to Galbadia Garden because Sera was busy with her acting and their father was still a doctor at that time. Ashleigh didn't want to go to Garden because she didn't want to learn how to kill things. Seifer, on the other hand, was looking forward to it.

Seifer would always help his sister when she needed it. He was damn good at killing things, and Ashleigh wasn't. He would help her and was rather overprotective of her when it came to bullies. Ashleigh didn't want to make any friends at Garden because she hated it there so much. Seifer didn't really want to make any friends either, so the two of them stuck together.

It seemed impossible, but yes, there was a time where Ashleigh and Seifer got along. They were so close and they hardly ever fought. But then their parents called them back home again. Sera had changed – she was very famous and very wealthy. But she had resigned in the acting career to spend time with her children, which was when Seifer was about eleven years old. Their father had also changed. He was taking Sera's money to his advantage and began gambling all their savings away.

Sera, as infuriated as ever, did not leave the man; she in fact stayed with him just for the sake of her children. But she still hated her husband so much that she had to go as low as to stealing and cheating to earn everything back. Sera, never ever forgiving the man because he never ever once apologised, hated him … and then began to hate Seifer as well, when Seifer was annoying her so much to go back to Garden.

He had grown attached to the place and resented having to go back home. Sera then began to realise the resemblance between the son and father, and began to hate Seifer as well. She decided to give up on the boy and concentrated on Ashleigh, establishing a close bond with her daughter instead. Ashleigh grew further and further away from Seifer, and in time, she was becoming a lot like her mother.

She also began to hate Seifer and her father, for reasons even she did not know. She just did it because her mother did, and in her eyes, her mother always knew what was right. And ever since then, the siblings' relationship had been broken … the dispute only getting worse everyday.

"I never thought you two would ever make up."

Seifer turned around and looked at his father, whom he had forgotten was even there. He was sitting there with an amused expression on his face, turned away from bloody Rinoa.

"Is she going to be okay?" asked Seifer, not wanting to get into detail about Ashleigh.

Seifer's father shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not. I tried my best, son."

"Fuck you, old man, I always thought you were a better doctor than that," said Seifer angrily, walking up to the bed Rinoa lay in.

"Don't you talk to me in a tone like that," said his father warningly. "She's been in a critical condition for far too long. She's going to die. She is suffering from head trauma, so I suspect that she isn't going to be too bright when she wakes up."

"So what? She's not dead yet," hissed Seifer, narrowing his eyes down at Rinoa. He hated seeing her the way she was. He hated it so much. He wasn't going to give up on Rinoa, he was not going to just say she was dead and leave her to die. She wasn't dead yet, and Rinoa did not deserve to die.

"I tried my best," said the man.

"Well your best isn't good enough," roared Seifer, "That's what you always said to me, old man. I would always try my best, and it's never good enough for any of you. You're so fecking lazy, I know you can do better than this sad attempt. So hurry up and give this girl a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. I gave you one, didn't I? That's what Rinoa Heartilly taught me."

"You'd better be shouting me drinks for the rest of my life for this," muttered the old man, turning back to Rinoa.

Ashleigh stood in the bathroom, frantically scrubbing off all the blood on her new white clothes. She wanted no memory of this incident whatsoever … nor did she want anyone to find out what she did. She scrubbed as hard as she could, adding more and more detergent. The stains would not wash out, there was still faint crimson marked on her blouse.

"Ashleigh?"

Ashleigh's eyes widened in fear as the bathroom door opened. Sera had come back from her outing with Caraway. She stared at her daughter in shock and confusion when she saw what she was doing.

"Ashleigh? What are you doing?" demanded Sera.

"I…" What was she supposed to say? There were too many thoughts rushing through her mind for her to make up something on the spot. She couldn't hide it from her mother. Her mother had to know … there was no other option.

"Mother, I … I did a horrible thing," said Ashleigh quietly, squeezing her eyes shut as she threw the cloth into the bathtub. She opened her eyes and looked at her mother, the utmost fear in her eyes. "There is blood on my hands, staining my clothes and … and scarring me. I can never get rid of it, because it will always be there."

"What's your point?" asked Sera, her voice shaking.

"I … I…" Ashleigh sighed. "This blood on my hands … it's … it's Rinoa's blood. I killed her…!"

Sera stared at Ashleigh in even more shock. "What are you talking about? You can't have killed her. I refuse to believe that you killed her."

"I … I did, mother," whispered Ashleigh in shame.

"What possessed you to do such a thing!" cried Sera. "Are you mad, daughter? If anybody finds out that you did this…"

"I'm so sorry, mother," said Ashleigh quietly, "I … I was drinking while you were gone. And then Rinoa went to see Squall, and then … and then it was different. I remembered what you said to me … you said to do whatever it takes. So I took your keys and I followed Rinoa in your car … and then … and then I ran her over…"

Sera continued to stare at Ashleigh. "You are mad. If anybody finds out that you've drink driving without a license and killed General Caraway's daughter … you are done for. You'll be put in jail … disowned by your father … everything will fall."

"But … nobody knows…!" interjected Ashleigh. "I took her to the hospital with her ID and everything … everyone will know she's dead, but nobody will know how she died…" She wasn't going to tell her mother about going to Seifer and her father for help, or her mother would have murdered her.

"Ashleigh, you dear child," said Sera, shaking her head sadly, "You are a wicked, but wise girl. Your wisdom has rewarded you. You have Squall Loire to yourself."

It was over. Seifer's father finally was finished, saying that there was a slight chance of Rinoa's recovery. He left the house with two hundred gil for Seifer for his nightly visit to the pub. Seifer sat by Rinoa's bed, waiting for her to wake up and smile at him. With every second that went by, the tension grew. Seifer grew impatient. But he was going to stay by her side until the very end … something that her boyfriend was unable to do.

An hour passed by, and Seifer was getting restless. He stood up and stretched. As he looked down at Rinoa's tranquil face, he couldn't stand it anymore. All of her blood was cleaned up and she was wrapped in bandages at her chest and head. Her chest was rising and falling very shallowly … about one breath every five seconds. Seifer could not stand her seeing in that condition. He wanted her alive and happy again, the way she was supposed to be.

"Curaga," murmured Seifer, as the blue magic sparkled on Rinoa.

There was no effect. His father would have disapproved of using magic, as his father was a practical doctor, detesting magic. He preferred using scientific knowledge over magic.

"Curaga," said Seifer again. When there was no effect, he cast it again. "Curaga. Curaga! Curaga! CURAGA!"

When Seifer was out of magic, he sat down and went back to the drawing board. He sat there again, watching Rinoa just lay there motionlessly…

She stirred. Seifer shot up with a start, hope in his eyes. She stirred again.

"Cure!" said Seifer, casting one of the weaker curative spells on the younger woman.

Rinoa's eyes fluttered open, and Seifer could have jumped for joy. She tried sitting up, only to be met with a sharp pain in her chest.

"Rinoa!" said Seifer, getting up quickly. "Don't move … it'll open your wounds."

"Rinoa…?" said Rinoa, blinking feverously, laying back down on her back. "Who's … who's Rinoa?"

Seifer looked at Rinoa awkwardly. She couldn't have…

"Am … am I Rinoa?" she asked.

Seifer's mind was racing with his heart. She had lost her memory. "N-No," Seifer said at last. "You're not Rinoa…"

Rinoa looked at him weakly. Even if she was weak, she still was able to muster a confused expression. "Then … then who am I? What's my name? W-Where am I?" Her hand went to her forehead, feeling the bandages. "My head hurts. What … what happened?"

Seifer didn't expect this. There were too many things inside of him – the truth and a lie was trying to rush out at the same time, only they were caught and stuck in his throat.

"You're … you're Sierra," said Seifer, the lie getting out before the truth. "Your name is Sierra Hearten." He tried to think of the first name that came to his head. I'm so sorry, Sierra. "There was a fire at your house and … and you were badly hurt. You're at my house now, and I've been taking care of you."

"Where's my family?" asked Rinoa, worried, "Are they okay?"

Seifer swallowed the lump in his throat. "No … I'm sorry. Your parents were killed in the fire. You're the only one alive."

Fright clouded Rinoa's expression. "W-What? N-No! That … that can't be right. I want to see my family … please…" She tried to get up again, only to be met with the same pain in her chest.

"Don't move!" said Seifer, a little to forcefully. He collected himself and tried to remain calm. "I'm sorry, Sierra. Your … your family is gone now."

Rinoa squeezed her eyes shut, trying as hard as she could to remember the events of the fire. But she couldn't, she couldn't recall a thing. She didn't know her name, what she liked, her past, her birthday … she couldn't remember anything. "I … I can't remember anything." She put her hand to her forehead again. "Ugh…"

"Don't worry," said Seifer. "I'll … I'll help you remember everything."

Rinoa smiled at him. "Thank you. But … who are you?"

Seifer hesitated for a moment. "Marcel. My name is Marcel."

"Oh … are you my brother…?" asked Rinoa.

Seifer hesitated once more. "No, Sierra … I'm not your brother."

"Then who are you…?" asked Rinoa. "My doctor…? You're wearing a white coat…"

Seifer shook his head again. Things were happening too quickly. He was only thinking about what he wanted, his desires. He didn't think about the consequences at all, and he didn't know whether he was going to regret it or not.

"I'm … I'm your boyfriend, Sierra."