A/N: Thanks for your support! Well, the story isn't finished yet ... everyone thinks it's over, but really it's not! There's still a lot more to come :D As for those who are giving up on this fic 'cause it's too dramatic ... well ... thanks for your past support, it really does mean a lot to me :) Anyways, on with the show...
Lost Memories of My Love
Chapter 20 – Forgotten
Rinoa's death was a shock to everyone that knew her. When General Caraway received the phone call from the hospital … that one phone call, it seemed as if time had stopped. It was at work when he received the call.
"General Caraway here," the general said, pulling his car over on the road. Duty called after his outing with Sera. He had promised to make time with her, but unfortunately it didn't last long. He was already late as it was on the way to the office.
"Ah … sir," said the woman on the other end. Her voice was shaking in fear, not sure how the man would react to the news.
"Yes?" said Caraway, "Who is this?"
"My name is Bernadette, I'm a nurse from Deling City hospital," said the woman.
Caraway's voice faltered. "Yes? What business do you have with me?"
"It's … it's about your daughter, sir," said Bernadette hesitantly.
"Yes?" said Caraway, unsure of what was happening. "Please make this quick, I am a very busy man."
"Yes, yes, I'm sorry sir," said Bernadette quickly, "We tried to get a hold of you in person, but you seem to be out of the area…"
"Please get to the point, miss," said Caraway impatiently, glancing at his wristwatch.
"Sir!" said Bernadette tentatively. "Your … your daughter, Rinoa Heartilly, yes?"
"Yes," answered Caraway impulsively.
"Well … I don't know how to say this to you … but…" The nurse cleared her voice. "Well, she was involved in an accident…"
Caraway's attention perked. "Eh? What happened? Is she all right?"
"Well … no, sir, she isn't," answered the woman uncomfortably, "Your daughter is dead."
Caraway was silenced with shock. He wanted to yell into his cell phone and tell the woman off if it was a joke, but it couldn't have been. There was graveness in the woman's voice that told him otherwise. But how could something like that have happened? Rinoa was not the kind of girl who would blindly get herself killed. Dammit, there had to be more to this story.
"Sir?" said Bernadette quietly.
Caraway snapped out of it. He did not believe it. He refused to believe it. Dammit, he was beginning to earn her trust and her love again … and now this happened. How could it have happened? It was just … wrong...
"Y-Yes…" Caraway stammered, a lump forming in his throat. "P-Please … when did you find her? How did she … how did she…"
"W-Well," said the nurse, "We found a body in the emergency room. An ambulance didn't bring it to us. Nevertheless, we tried to aid the girl … but … it was too late. We found her identification with her, saying that the victim was Rinoa Heartilly. We later got a call from an Instructor Quistis Trepe, inquiring about a missing Rinoa Heartilly. She and her friends were there with her … but when they went to meet each other, she disappeared. There was nothing but a pool of blood left on the side of the road and a photograph. We believe that she crossed the road carelessly and was hit by a car. The driver must have gotten out of the car to assist her and brought her to the hospital." She recited the assumption as if reading out of a textbook.
"Carelessly?" spat Caraway, his anger rising. "My daughter is not careless. You must have it all wrong. Something else must have happened, and your assumptions are wrong. I would know better than to trust a public hospital, you people did not try hard enough to save my daughter."
"I … I'm sorry, sir," said Bernadette quietly. It was true; they didn't know that the so-called 'badly-injured-dead-person' was General Caraway's daughter until they found the ID, which was after the failed operations. The body was just a mass of deceased body parts; they had not bothered to keep the body and disposed of it because it was far too gruesome. If they had known it was one of the most important political figure of Deling's daughter, they would have gotten a more experienced doctor to operate on 'Rinoa's body'.
"I am going to see to it that your service gets what it deserves," spat Caraway angrily. As he hung up on the woman, his face fell to his hands as he wept … he wept for the departure of his dear daughter.
-
Squall did not pay attention to the reverend's words. He just couldn't believe that he was attending Rinoa's funeral. He never thought he would see this day. The mere thought made him shudder. Up until now, he had handled news of Rinoa's death well. He showed no sign of emotion whatsoever, unlike his friends.
Zell and Irvine were both angry about the whole ordeal. The two men couldn't stop cursing – they even cursed about it in disbelief, right in front of Squall, who tried to pay no attention. It would be then that either Selphie or Quistis would tell the two of them to shut up. Squall acted as if he didn't mind, but really, he did. He minded like hell. He knew he would never get over this. It was going to leave a scar inside him forever.
Ever since he heard it officially … those words … 'I'm so sorry. She didn't make it' … ever since he heard those words, he distanced himself from everyone. His mood always changed, it was like an on-off thing. But he knew he was not going recover from this. No matter what anybody said or did, it did not make him feel at ease.
Everything was going in fast motion. When he came back to reality, he found himself at Rinoa's gravestone, looking down on the tablet with disgust. This whole event … the mere thought of Rinoa being dead made him sick. It wasn't meant to be like this. This wasn't supposed to happen.
No one can see the future. There are no guarantees.
Rinoa's words popped into Squall's mind. Damn you, Rinoa, why do you have to be so right?
He kneeled down at the gravestone and laid a single blue rose next to it. Blue roses … they were Rinoa's favourite flowers. She would always be thrilled when Squall gave her blue roses. Hell, that wasn't very often … blue roses were hard to find. But her gleeful face would always bring comfort to his heart.
Squall was amazed when he noticed that there was nearly every single flower on the planet besides the blue rose. Didn't anybody know anything? There were hundreds and hundreds of people who showed up to the funeral, but they were all there to suck up to General Caraway. None of them were there for Rinoa, and that just made Squall even more disgusted with the damn world.
"Rinoa always loved blue roses…" The familiar feel of Quistis's hand fell on the commander's shoulder.
Squall stood up but did not turn around to face her. He didn't need this. He didn't want anybody saying 'I'm sorry' and feeling sorry for Squall. He didn't want their sympathy … it was Rinoa that needed all of that.
"Humph," muttered Squall, "It doesn't really matter now, does it?"
"Don't say that, Squall," said the instructor gently. "It will always matter. Rinoa may not be here with us physically … but she will always remain in our hearts. Don't try to forget about her, because I know you will try. The guilt that rests on your shoulders isn't really guilt, please remember that."
Squall sighed and turned to face his friend. Quistis stood in front of him in an elegant ankle-length black dress with complicated bits of lace. She wore a black rich woman's hat with a short black lace veil over her face. Black was not a colour that suited Quistis. Squall, maybe, but not Quistis…
"Does it really matter?" asked Squall flatly, "I might remember this guilt isn't really guilt, but I will never believe it. It was my fault that Rinoa ended up like this. If we didn't come back a day earlier … that driver wouldn't have been on the road. If … if we just let her come to the airport to meet us, then she wouldn't have had to come to the bridge. God, Quistis … this is all my fault…"
"Squall Leonheart, I don't ever want to hear that from you ever again," said Quistis sharply. "Blaming yourself will not do you any favours. This is all part of Fate's plan … things happen for a reason. Maybe Rinoa's death was not in vain…"
"Hyne, Quistis," growled Squall, "Enough with the Fate crap. I don't believe in fate. Fate, destiny … it's all a load of utter crap. Rinoa's death was untimely. She didn't deserve to die. If anybody was to die, it should have been me. Rinoa was pure … she was sinless. She had the arms of an angel, she had no regrets. But look at me … look at my hands. They are stained with the blood of others. I've killed so many since I was a kid … I am impure. Which one deserves to live, Quistis? Tell me, which deserves to live? I think Fate made a bit of a mistake, don't you think?"
Quistis shook her head sadly at her friend. "Please … don't dwell on this. Don't … Rinoa wouldn't want it like this. She would want you to be happy, to be free. Isn't that what you want, Squall? Things revolve around so quickly … you have a whole life ahead of you."
Squall tried so hard to listen to Quistis's words of wisdom. But it was much too hard for him, he couldn't bear it. There was a heavy burden on his shoulders … the burden of knowing that Rinoa Heartilly was dead because of him. Because of his selfish desires. He wanted to see her so badly … he wanted nothing but to be met with Rinoa's open arms. He should have been patient; he should have waited that one day. If he had done just that … then maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Quistis knew what was on Squall's mind. "Life isn't about could have, should have, would have. You could have, you should have, you would have … but you didn't. You can't change the past … look forward to the future … don't look back."
Squall shut his eyes, not bearing the pain anymore. He refused to let emotion consume again. He was not going to let his emotion out … he was supposed to stay strong. That was what Squall Leonheart did … he stayed strong. But it was too hard. Trying to hold it back would only prolong his pain. He knew this guilt was going to sit on his shoulders for as long as he lived … he was never going to move on.
Because Rinoa was the one. He was sure of it. She had done so much for him … she had opened his eyes and made him see things that were always there, that he was too blind to see. She had the key to his heart. She could read him like a book. She could make him laugh when the worst was in place. She made him feel … like him. So why? Why did it have to turn out this way? Was it some unwritten law that Squall Leonheart was meant to be miserable all his life? That everything he ever loved and cared about would some day slip from his very fingertips?
"Don't look back," murmured Squall, keeping his eyes closed. He turned back to Rinoa's grave one last time. The last time that he would ever look back.
Ever.
-
Exactly two years had passed since Rinoa's assumed death. Squall and the others headed back to Esthar. Squall wanted to head back to see Rinoa to talk to her about his becoming of president. Laguna had given a choice … to resume his position as president understudy and go back to Garden, or continue to stay in Esthar and become the vice president when he turned twenty-seven. Why twenty-seven? Laguna decided to shove a little humour into it and say that twenty-seven because it was a 'magical age', hoping that his son would give him a little credit for being 'thoughtful'. Unsurprisingly, it didn't.
The first thing that came to Squall's mind was Rinoa. He wasn't going to make a decision without her. She was an important part of his life … he wanted her approval of the whole thing. Squall didn't even want the position, but Ellone had begged him to do so. She thought that that way, Laguna and Squall's relationship would have become more father-son. Squall didn't see how that was going to work.
Despite Squall's thoughts against the proposal, he decided to fulfil the second option. He was going to take Laguna's place when he could. He didn't care anymore. He might as well have made some use of his life. There was no point in staying at Garden for the rest of his life when he had mastered the art of the gunblade over sixty million times already. He wanted to see how much he could surpass his father at doing the job. Squall was a natural-born leader … if he could lead an army of cadets, why couldn't he lead a country?
He was beginning to get over Rinoa's death. He didn't forget about her, he just stopped believing that it was his fault that Rinoa died. He just couldn't care less anymore … he just wanted to forget about her death, and remember her. He was moving on … with the help of his friends. Zell, Quistis, Irvine and Selphie were also working for the Estharian Embassy. In fact, they accompanied Squall nearly everywhere he went. They were his bodyguards and assistants, but most of all … his friends. He acts as if they don't mean anything to him, but they really do. It was Rinoa who taught him about friendship...
Rinoa, on the other hand, still believes the story that Seifer fed her. The two of them had moved to the Trabia City together. According to Seifer, he wanted to move to Trabia because the other continents were way too hot for "Sierra" to handle after the accident, which made no sense whatsoever, but really he just wanted to go there because he knew nobody would recognise her there.
This meant, of course, that he had to sacrifice his chance of becoming a SeeD, but it was well worth it for him … living happily with Rinoa was better than anything in the world to him. The two had to survive on their own by making their own money. Rinoa had a tiny business selling winter clothes with a friend she had made in Trabia. Seifer applied for a place as an instructor at Trabia Garden, but was still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, he assisted real-Sierra in selling her artworks once in a while and often worked for people who had dangerous requests.
"Five hundred gil!" said Rinoa enthusiastically, trying to sell her merchandise.
"Five hundred?" repeated the small woman disapprovingly. "Four hundred."
"This is real fur, ma'am," argued Rinoa, "Real fur would usually cost double of what I'm offering!"
"Four hundred," said the small woman.
"Be reasonable, ma'am!" said Rinoa.
"No deal," said the woman, shaking her head and walking off.
Rinoa stomped her foot on the ground angrily and hung the fur coat back up. She hadn't made a sale all week, which was surprising, because Rinoa usually pulled some pretty good sales off.
"Did you make any sales?" asked Rinoa's business partner, Min, as she came back from buying new merchandise later that day.
Min was about Rinoa's age – turning twenty-four soon. She had chocolate brown hair that was always tied in loose pigtails, and she wore the same faded blue jeans and cream turtleneck everyday. The two women were independent business people, who had developed their own unique and effective trading skills.
Rinoa slumped down into the chair she was sitting in with a frown. "No…" Rinoa quickly buried her face into her white scarf to avoid listening to Min's lecture.
"Sierra!" groaned Min in distress, dropping the new bags on the floor. "We've got to start making sales! We're starting to go downhill and eventually will go broke! Do you think Marcel will be happy?"
Rinoa buried her hands into her crème coat pockets. "I don't even want to think about what Marcel will say…"
"When is he coming back?" asked Min, checking the cash register.
"He's coming back from Deling tonight," said Rinoa, "As much as I'm excited … I'd hate to think what he says when he finds out how bad I've been doing…"
"Really Sierra, you've really been slacking off lately," said Min, counting what little money was in the register.
"Hey, why don't you try selling real fur coats to little woman for less than five hundred gil!" argued Rinoa stressfully.
"Okay, okay," said Min, "Hey, why don't you go home early? Wait for Marcel to come back?"
"But what about…"
"I'll take care of the store," interrupted Min, "Just go. Go!"
Rinoa grinned. "Thanks Min."
Rinoa grabbed her bag and buttoned up her coat as she began trotting for the bus stop. Seifer had gone to Deling for a couple of days to visit his little sister. Rinoa had never met this sister … well, not that she could remember, anyway. Seifer wouldn't let her leave Trabia without him because he was afraid of her getting hurt … and someone finding her.
When the bus came, she hopped on and handed the driver five gil for the fee. She usually had to take a bus home if Seifer couldn't pick her up. Rinoa really did love him. 'Marcel' had done so much for her … he informed her of her past, but she never ever did remember a thing. She went on believing everything that he had told her – from her favourite flower to her birthday, which was also false.
As she got off at her stop, she entered the building and waited for the elevator. She entered the elevator and pushed the button to the eighth floor of the apartment building. She waited patiently and listened to the soft hum of the machine. As she reached the eighth floor, she walked down the hallway to the block she and Seifer lived in.
"Marcel!" she said brightly as she entered the room.
Seifer was sitting at the coffee table, looking at some pieces of artworks. When Rinoa came in, he looked up and grimaced.
"It's about time you came, Sierra," said Seifer.
Rinoa put her keys down on the counter and sat down on the sofa next to Seifer, throwing her arms around him and kissing him on the cheek softly.
"Min let me off easy today," she said brightly.
"Well, I'll have to thank Min, wouldn't I?" said Seifer quietly. He leaned closer to Rinoa, about to plant a kiss on her lips.
Rinoa quickly turned away and tried to change the subject. She didn't know why … even though 'Marcel' was supposed to be her boyfriend, she never felt comfortable when he tried to get too intimate. It was just a reflex … when he tried to kiss her, she would quickly turn away and change the subject.
"Wow, you bought home more artworks," said Rinoa, leaning over and picking up the pieces of paper.
Seifer sighed softly at his failed attempt and shrugged it off. He turned back to the pieces of paper he was originally studying before Rinoa had come home.
"Yeah, my sister gave them to me," said Seifer.
"Oh, you mean the one in Deling?" asked Rinoa.
"Yeah," said Seifer, nodding.
Rinoa began flipping through each of the papers and canvases. "Well, we'll have to hang them up somewhere safe, wouldn't we?"
Seifer's expression suddenly became uncomfortable. "Actually Sierra … I was thinking of trying to sell them."
Rinoa looked at Seifer in shock. "What? Are you for real? But you always keep your sister's work!"
"Yeah … but we already have enough," said Seifer, "Look, our walls are covered with her artwork. I want to sell them."
Rinoa narrowed her eyes. "So is that what you're all about? So when you have enough of me, you're going to sell me?"
"That's not what I meant," snapped Seifer.
Rinoa glared at him and faced the front, showing that she was frustrated with him.
Seifer sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap." He slightly rolled his eyes, as the apology had hurt his pride.
"You've always been snapping at me lately," said Rinoa flatly, still not looking at him. "And don't think I didn't know that you rolled your eyes at that apology."
"Goddamit Sierra, you haven't let me finish yet!" said Seifer impatiently. "We're in desperate need of money. There hasn't been any crime lately, so I can't do anything for the people, and Garden hasn't gotten back to me about the instructor's position yet. Have you made any good business while I was away?"
Rinoa slumped down on the sofa as she sighed. "No … I haven't. I'm sorry."
Seifer tried not to yell and snap back at her by saying 'Ha, I told you so.' Instead, he sighed too.
"See," said Seifer, "If this keeps up, we'll be on the streets. We need money. Fast."
"All right, all right," said Rinoa finally.
She hadn't gone through any hardship since she came to Trabia until now. She didn't know if she'd pull through. But if she just knew what she had gone through before she lost her memory … she would know that a problem like this was nothing compared to it.
A/N: Okay, boring chapter. Just trying to introduce Rinoa's new life before I get back to the real plot. Thanks for the support :)
