Lost Memories of My love
Chapter 22 – Whatever
"…And we just request a little assistance from the existing Gardens to create a new Garden in Esthar…" Squall continued. He was with the headmaster of Trabia Garden, explaining his business. He was very well focused on the subject, but thoughts of Rinoa were rapidly running through his mind. During the previous night, he had finally come to his senses that Rinoa was dead. It was then that he was in doubt, but he didn't show it.
"I'm aware of that," said Headmaster Helena, leaning back in her chair. She was a typical Trabian - pale and thin with brunette hair. She was a little older than Squall by a year or two, and was acting headmaster while the real headmaster was ill. She was just as bitter and arrogant as Squall was. The young vice president never thought that there was anyone like him, but when he finally met someone just as cold as him; it annoyed him to the pits.
"What's in it for us?" asked Helena.
"Allegiance from Esthar," said Squall, getting more annoyed, "As you know, we have many skilled warriors. Garden is just what a noble country like ours needs."
"Allegiance?" repeated Helena, "And who exactly are you to make such a promise, Commander Leonheart?"
Squall tried not to roll his eyes. He wasn't going to blow this. "I'm in fact, retired commander of Balamb Garden and vice president of Esthar. SeeD, first class." He couldn't help but add a little more to make himself look better. He couldn't stand Helena's arrogance.
"Humph," said Helena, folding her arms. "Very well. I will have to discuss the matter with the headmaster first."
"What?" exclaimed Squall furiously; "I made an appointment with you last week. You are the acting headmaster, which means you have to act as the headmaster."
"Acting," emphasized Helena, "I can't make any rash decisions without the headmaster."
"Hyne, you are the headmaster," said Squall angrily, "If you make a mistake, then it's the old man's fault for putting someone so irresponsible in charge."
"If I am so irresponsible, then why am I here?" exclaimed Helena.
"Then make your god damn decision," said Squall bitterly. "I am a busy man, I don't have the time to be idling around here." True, but he just didn't want to meet that girl that looked like Rinoa … too many memories…
Helena thought for a moment. "All right. See me again in two days for the funds."
"Two days? Can't you make it one?" asked Squall.
"Do you want these funds or not?" said Helena sharply.
Squall sighed. "Whatever. I'll see you later then."
"Good day," said Helena.
Squall stood up and headed for the door, glad that he could finally leave. But as he got to the door, he couldn't help but think of the girl that looked like Rinoa once more. Oh, whatever. Something possessed him and made him turn around and ask about the Rinoa look-alike.
"Is there a problem?" asked Helena.
"I have a question … that's nothing related to my business," said Squall, walking back over to Helena's desk and sitting back down on the chair. He was completely ruining his professional image, but he didn't seem to care.
"Yes?" said Helena, blinking in confusion.
"Do you know this gir—woman?" Squall corrected himself from saying 'girl'. They weren't teenagers anymore.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He felt around in the back pocket of the wallet for the photo he kept with him at all times ever since the accident. It was the picture of Rinoa and Squall at the beach when they were both eighteen years old … Squall was slightly smiling with his arm around the beaming Rinoa. He would stare at this photograph for an eternity when he was alone and he thought of her. He knew it wasn't going to help him get over Rinoa, but he couldn't help it … he just couldn't…
Squall showed the picture to Helena and then put his elbows on the desk with his face buried in his hands, very unsure of the answer. He wasn't sure if in Trabia, everyone knew each other, but Selphie sure did. Half of him was hoping that Helena did know Rinoa, the other half wasn't.
Helena looked a bit puzzled at first. Maybe it was the fact that Squall was acting with something that had nothing to do with business. Or maybe it was the fact that Squall, the hard Squall that everyone found cold, was smiling with his arm around a girl.
"Uh … the picture is a little outdated, as you can see," murmured Squall uncomfortably. Six years had passed … of course they would both look different. A lot older, a lot more mature … but Squall still had his hidden boyish charm and Rinoa was still the cheerful girl she ever was. Well, he hoped so anyway. "But…"
"Yes … she does look quite familiar," said Helena, still looking at the photo. She tried to figure out where she had seen the girl in the photo before.
Squall raised his head at her answer. "She does?" he said, an obvious tone of hopefulness in his voice. He cleared his throat. "I mean … you do know her?"
"Well, I don't really know her," said Helena, still searching her mind for an answer. "I have seen her somewhere, but I can't recall…"
Squall could feel his heart beating in tension.
"Oh, that's right," said Helena, nodding and realising something, "She was with a guy who was applying for a job as an instructor here. Yes, I remember, she was with him when he came for an interview…"
"Really?" said Squall, trying as hard as he could to keep his cool, "Do you know … where I can find her?"
"Well," said Helena, leaning back on the chair, "I wasn't acting as headmaster at the time. I just saw him coming into the office while the girl was asked to wait outside … I was in the office that day and she approached me and we had a conversation…"
"And…?"
"And…" Helena tried to recall the events of the day. "We had a little bit of a talk … I think her name is Sienna or something…"
"Do you know where I can find her?" repeated Squall firmly.
"Yes … yes, I remember, she works at a clothing shop in East Trabia," said Helena, "But that's about all I can remember."
Squall picked up the photograph and his intentions were clear – he was going to look for this woman. "Thanks," he said to Helena politely.
"No … problem," murmured Helena. She cleared her throat. "Well, I'll see you in two days."
"Yeah, yeah…"
Rinoa sat at the counter, staring at the ticking clock. She still hadn't a single buying customer and let Min go home early for a change.
Almost five … I'll be free soon…Rinoa sighed. She decided to give up. Nobody was going to come, and that was that. She stood up and began to pack her bag until she heard the doorbell of the store ring.
She spun around at the arriving customer, hoping it was a buying one. She was disappointed when it was a guy who walked in … after all, she worked in a women's clothing shop. But nevertheless, he still might have been buying for a girlfriend or something.
She smiled as the guy came into the store, and found that he was extremely good looking. But then it hit her – this guy was the same guy that had tried to touch her chest the other day on the street. She frowned at him.
"You again?" said Rinoa, narrowing her eyes at him. "Are you stalking me or something?"
Squall smirked, but did not smile at her. Although he had to admit, that smile that she gave him brought back more flooding memories…
"I need to talk to you," said Squall.
"Right, talk," said Rinoa doubtfully, "And then what, huh? Mr Pervert?"
"You misunderstand me," said Squall, "I'm not trying to be a pervert or anything…"
Rinoa laughed hollowly. "Right, I'm sure you're not trying to be a pervert."
Squall was beginning to get annoyed, but didn't want to get heated up. "I need to talk to you."
"I have a business to run, I don't have time to talk," said Rinoa haughtily.
Squall looked around to find that there was no one in the store besides the two of them. "Uh…" He was going to say something about no buying customers, but Rinoa cut him off.
"Don't worry, the customers will come soon," said Rinoa with a proud smile.
"Well, how about I buy the whole store?" said Squall, reaching into his pocket for his wallet, "Will you have time to talk to me then?"
Rinoa stared at the huge amount of money Squall had in his wallet, as he flipped through the crisp notes.
"So … how much is all of this?" asked Squall, looking around.
"These are girls' clothes," said Rinoa, staring at Squall in a funny way.
"I never said I was going to wear them," said Squall. He handed Rinoa ten thousand gil note. "Is this enough?"
Rinoa stared at Squall as if he were mental. This had to be some kind of stupid joke. "I don't have time for your stupid games. I bet that's fake money or something anyway…"
Rinoa turned around and continued packing her bag, ignoring Squall completely.
Squall rolled his eyes. "This money is as real as you and me…" He decided to do her a favour and quickly slid the note under the cash register. Even if this wasn't Rinoa … he still wanted to do a favour for her. Out of pity, of course.
Rinoa turned around angrily. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded.
Squall just realised the other meaning to what he had just said. He seemed to be giving a bad impressions to her. He mentally kicked himself for being so bad with words.
"Nothing," said Squall, rolling her eyes, "Just don't worry about it."
"All right, I won't, so please leave," said Rinoa in frustration.
"Not until I talk to you properly," said Squall sternly, "And when you at least give me the respect I deserve."
"You don't deserve any respect from me!" spat Rinoa, picking up her bag. She walked towards the door and locked it so that it would lock on its own when someone closed it.
Squall went after her and grabbed her arm, not letting her go so easily. As much as she was being so disrespectful to him, he still wanted to know for sure that she wasn't Rinoa. He wasn't convinced. Not even the fact that she was dead convinced him. "Wait…"
"Don't touch me!" said Rinoa, snatching her arm away from Squall. She quickly headed out the door into the cold.
Squall ran after her, but quickly ran back to the store to close the door. The things I do for strangers…
Rinoa knew that Squall was still following her and kept walking at a fast pace. The bus wasn't going to come for another ten minutes, and she didn't want to wait around while he harassed her. She decided to go to the train station instead and maybe catch a train to Min's place to stay for the night.
Squall ran after her, pushing through the crowds. He was determined to find out for himself. He never even believed that Rinoa was dead anyway … something in him told him that she wasn't … and maybe he was right….
Rinoa went through the electronic gates after inserting her train pass through the slot and proceeded to the platform. She could tell that she was beginning to throw Squall off.
Squall frantically tried to follow Rinoa and headed toward the electronic gates. He didn't have a train pass and he didn't have time to purchase a ticket, so he did what anyone would do, and tried to jump over the gate. When he got to the other side, the warden at the gate was not pleased.
"You need to purchase a ticket, sir," said the man in the uniform, grabbing Squall's arm.
"I don't have time to purchase a ticket," said Squall, trying to keep his gaze fixed on Rinoa's back, which was slowly getting away from him. He reached into his pocket without breaking his stare and pulled out his wallet, handing the man in the uniform his credit card.
"Is this some kind of a joke?" asked the warden, staring at Squall.
"Just take the damn card!" yelled Squall. "Or do you prefer cash?" He pulled out a hundred-gil piece and shoved it into the man's pocket.
The warden let go of Squall and looked into his pocket, amazed. Squall quickly darted away from him and ran after Rinoa. By then, there was a train at the platform and Rinoa was nowhere in sight. Squall assumed that she had gotten onto that train, and boarded it.
He went down all the carriages, looking for Rinoa in every single seat. After searching three whole carriages, he finally spotted her sitting by a window with a young schoolgirl sitting next to her.
Squall walked up to the two seats. "Hey, do you mind if I swap seats with you?" he asked the girl.
The girl looked up at him, and Rinoa turned to look at him, narrowing her eyes in disapproval.
"Please don't, I'll pay you five gil not to," said Rinoa.
"Okay," said the girl, looking at Rinoa.
"Please do, I'll pay you a hundred gil," shot back Squall.
"Okay!" said the girl excitedly, looking at Squall.
Once again, Squall reached into his wallet and gave the girl a hundred gil. He was feeling awfully generous that day. The girl stood up and walked to the back of the carriage, sitting down in a vacant seat, while Squall sat next to Rinoa.
Rinoa simply ignored him and turned back to the window. Maybe if she ignored him things would help.
Squall found this gesture quite unexpected. He expected her to yell at him and tell him off, but she didn't. He didn't know what to do, so he just stared at the seat in front of him in silence. He wasn't going to be the one to start conversation.
Who is this guy? Why is he following me? Maybe he isn't some sicko who desperately wants me … maybe it's something else…
The guilt inside Rinoa was painful. The first time she met him wasn't so good, but he kept on pursuing her. He must have been someone important if he kept paying people to let him talk to her. He must have something serious to say if he had gone this far…
"Why are you pursuing me like this?" asked Rinoa, looking back at Squall.
Squall didn't look at her. He hadn't been this close to her since the first time he met her the other day. He wasn't go to look at her straight in the face…
"I told you … I have to talk to you," said Squall.
"Then … talk to me now," said Rinoa quietly.
Squall shook his head. "No … it's not something I can say in five minutes…"
Rinoa stared at the man before her in curiosity. There's something more to this guy … I can feel it…
"What do you mean?" asked Rinoa.
Squall sighed. "…What's your name?"
"Sierra," said Rinoa slowly.
I don't believe it… "Are you sure?" asked Squall, looking at Rinoa.
"Why wouldn't I be sure about who I am…?" asked Rinoa.
"Because…" Because you're Rinoa … you're my Rinoa…
Rinoa could read the hurt in Squall's eyes. It was funny … she hardly knew him (or remembered him) and could read him so easily…
"You don't have to say it," said Rinoa understandingly.
Squall looked back to the seat in front of him.
"What's … what's your name?" asked Rinoa.
I can't believe I'm hearing this from Rinoa… "Leonheart. Squall Leonheart."
The name didn't ring a bell in Rinoa's mind.
Squall looked at Rinoa again. "Listen, I'm sorry for all of this. But … I want to ask you of something."
"Hmm?"
"Please … meet me tomorrow," said Squall, "I want to take you somewhere."
"What?" said Rinoa in sudden shock, "Are you out of your mind, Leonheart?"
"I'm not going to do anything to you," said Squall reassuringly. "I need to … confirm something. You say you're … Sierra?"
Rinoa nodded.
"You're not … Sierra," said Squall, "You're not…"
"Oh, don't start this again," said Rinoa, "I am Sierra…"
"You're Rinoa," said Squall, "Don't you remember? Please say you remember … that you're Rinoa…"
Rinoa felt sympathy for him. "I'm … I'm sorry. I'm not the girl you think I am. I am truly sorry…"
"Then take a look at this," said Squall. He reached for his wallet at pulled out the photograph of Rinoa and him that he had shown to Helena. He showed it to Rinoa and watched the expression on her face.
At first, she looked somewhat confused. That girl … it did look like her, but in a much younger version… It can't be me; this looks like a time before I was in the fire. But then again it's also before I lost my memory … but it can't be me, I was with Marcel ever since I was fifteen … I don't remember any of this…
Rinoa shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't remember this … this isn't me."
Don't be sorry … you can't be sorry for me. "Then come with me tomorrow."
"To where?" asked Rinoa.
"To your hometown," said Squall, "To Rinoa's hometown."
"I told you … I'm not the girl you're looking for," said Rinoa again gently.
"What have you got to lose?" asked Squall, almost fiercely, "I'll take you to your hometown, and only until then can you say you're not Rinoa. Only until then…"
What had she to lose? Nothing. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go … that way she can finally prove to this man that she was not 'Rinoa' and he would leave her alone. He must have been in denial … a missing friend or family member that he has lost … maybe he's looking for her, and maybe she just looked like the person he was looking for…
"You're not gonna leave me alone until you're satisfied, huh?" said Rinoa with a sigh.
Was he really looking that desperate? Usually he would say 'Whatever' and get on with his life if he didn't get his way … but this was different … this was very different…
Squall shook his head.
Rinoa sighed again. She turned back to the window. Okay, whatever … I'll just go, so Leonheart can leave me alone… She noticed that the next stop was Min's suburb.
"This is my stop," said Rinoa, standing up.
"Are you coming with me tomorrow or not?" asked Squall.
Rinoa stepped into the aisle and smiled weakly to herself. "Okay, fine, whatever. I'll come with you … but only to prove that you're wrong!"
Squall snickered. I won't be wrong… "All right … I'll find you at the train station tomorrow morning. Be there."
"Oh, I will, Leonheart…" Rinoa walked down the aisle and got off the train, thinking about it all. I am not Rinoa … this guy is in denial … poor guy…
Squall was left on the train, also to think. She has to remember … she will remember…
