Disclaimer: If I owned Rurouni Kenshin, things would definitely be different, as this fic can attest.
A/N: I'm way far behind. Last chapter I failed to make any of the announcements I was going to!
First of all, I'd like to say thank you and congrats to my 200th reviewer, who I think is "Question Marks."
Also, I made a mistake in chapter 13's kiss count. Sano and Megumi have actually kissed four times in this series, not twice. So they win! (Sorry Aoshi and Kaoru, but you get silver prize!)
Lastly, and I'll remind you of this again at the end of this chapter and put it in my bio, due to…complaints, I'm going to be permanently putting this story under the Soujiro/Misao category, even though it seemed like the main pairing is more Naruku/Kenshin at this point. But for the sake of everyone being able to find this easier, it's now going to be permanently Soujiro/Misao.
Just one quick thing: when you see the whole line in italics, it's a flashback. I hope you'd be able to figure that out by yourselves, but to avoid misconception I'm just going to tell you.
Tanoshimu!
Chapter 16
Naruku: The Will to Live
-
Naruku sat still in the water, listening as water dripped from the spout. Outside of the bathroom she could hear someone rustling about, changing position from time to time. Whoever it was was on guard duty for her, making sure she didn't kill herself or climb out the window. Naruku didn't have plans to do either of these things, because frankly, they would both end in her being dead, which was not something she was particularly keen to achieve at that point.
The window was cracked open to prevent the room from steaming up, and from outside Naruku could hear a gentle whistle as wind caressed the trees.
Naruku curled her legs up against her bare chest, tucking her hands beneath her feet and letting her chin hover inches above the water. She closed her eyes slowly as she released her body from its tightly wound position and gently slid into the water. She dipped her head forward, submerging it beneath the surface.
Raindrops seemed to crash down against her skin as Naruku waited for Rokuro's sword to make its final blow on her. She was not accepting her fate as the loser, but merely yielding to the fact that fighting back would be futile. She had done enough of that already, when she had fought back against her friends, who kept her in her room for her own good. So she wouldn't get hurt.
So this wouldn't happen.
"For whom do you spill these tears?" Enizu asked, noticing the wetness on her cheeks was not solely because of rain.
Naruku didn't answer. She couldn't even look at him.
"For yourself, because you do not wish to die?" Enizu went on, mocking her. "For Battousai because you know he'll blame himself…or perhaps for me? Because no matter how twisted I've become, and no matter what I've done to you, no matter how much pain I cause you…you will always love me." This was said with a sickening chuckle.
Naruku's eyes were open at once. "Never!" she cried out in cold anger.
Almost immediately following her outburst, Naruku felt a harsh slap being dealt to her left cheek, causing her head to turn involuntarily. She gazed at Enizu out of the corner of her tear-filled eyes. He seemed enraged, but quickly calmed himself down.
"My dear," he said, his voice smooth like rich silk. "I should like to kill you for your impertinence. But I shall let you live…if you make it worth my while." Somehow, even over the pounding rain, Enizu was able to make his low, husky voice heard.
Naruku spat at Enizu's words, not caring whether it landed on him or not.
Enizu lunged at her, but this time he was stopped by the flat of Rokuro's sword as it swiftly struck Enizu's hand.
Enizu backed away from Naruku, glaring at Rokuro who stood behind her.
"Let's get this over with, Enizu," Rokuro rumbled, his voice very chilling.
Rain fell all around them as Enizu's eyes continued to burn into Rokuro's, but the latter did not seem fazed at all.
"Very well," Enizu said, shaking out his hand to rid himself of the smarting pain. His eyes slid back to Naruku, who was on her knees in the same position. "As I said…I can let you live. Join me in my vengeance once again. Or you can die here."
Naruku's voice was steady and sounded through the pounding rain. "I choose death."
Enizu did not look back at her. Instead he raised his eyes to Rokuro's again and gave a slight nod.
The next thing Naruku knew, Rokuro was holding a white cloth drenched in fumes against her nose and mouth. She wrenched her head away, refusing to breathe in.
"No!" she cried out desperately, hot tears stinging her eyes. She shook her head vigorously, trying to evade the cloth. "NO!" She struggled as hard as she could, twisting and pushing herself away.
But she soon found herself face down on the ground, the cloth pressed against her mouth. She continued to fight back, trying to roll herself away. Death was one thing…but this? This capture…Naruku could not submit herself to it.
"You will aid me in my revenge," Enizu began with delight. "Whether you want to or not."
Never. But she could not stop it. She could not keep herself from being captured, used as a lure for Kenshin. Or as a tool for revenge.
Naruku coughed violently into the ground, her lungs bursting from her effort to hold her one last futile breath. The stench of chemicals seeped into her system and she slowly stopped struggling, her movements becoming sluggish and weak. Her eyes seemed to dim and her struggle ceased as she lost consciousness. Her body lay limp and useless on the ground.
Startled, Naruku opened her eyes and realized she was still underwater. She could see strands of her auburn hair clouding the water above her. Her mouth formed into an'o,' letting a burst of air out which drifted upwards and disappeared. It was so quiet and dark beneath the water. Everything was muted and unreal.
Naruku was suddenly aware of a force jerking her up out of the water. A strong hand gripped her hair and yanked her up by it. Her lungs burned from lack of oxygen. She emerged with a splash from beneath the water, taking in a huge gulp of air. Her shoulders slumped as she sat back, her wet hair matted down her back and across her chest.
Slowly she turned her head to see who was behind her, who had dragged her out of the deafening silence. He was facing away from her, but Naruku recognized him to be Rokuro, the very same man she had fought earlier that night. The one who'd almost killed her at Enizu's demand.
She put a protective hands across her unclothed breasts and crouched down low, hiding all but her eyes behind the rim of the bathtub.
"I wasn't going to drown myself, you know," she told him matter-of-factly.
She heard a hoarse chuckle coming from him. Curious, she raised her head so that her chin rested on the brim of the bath.
"No," he answered, his voice muffled since he was facing away from her. "I'm sure your will to live is much stronger than that."
She lowered her eyes. "I can't tell if you're mocking me or not."
He started toward the door without another word.
"Wait," she said, folding her arms beneath her chin. "Where are you going?"
"In my experience," Rokuro answered, pausing in his steps. "Women don't generally like to have company when they aren't wearing anything." This statement was accompanied by another chuckle, which quickly turned into a hacking cough.
"Well…just…" Naruku couldn't think of a reason that she'd stopped him from leaving. "I'm scared," she said at last.
"Ah," he replied thoughtfully. "Always a good reason to have an enemy around when you are most vulnerable."
"Don't be like that," she snapped impatiently at his sarcastic words.
He started walking out again, but this time he paused in the doorway, still facing away from her. "I'll go get you some clothes."
Naruku couldn't bring herself to smile, but her mood felt somewhat less dreary. Tucking her chin in against her chest, Naruku immersed herself in the water, shivering at how cold it had become. She waved a hand lazily around underneath the water, awed at how graceful and slender it appeared to be. However, through sharp scrutiny she could see red scars marring the pale skin around her wrists.
Naruku tugged and gnawed at the thick rope that bound her hands, trying desperately to free herself. Ribbons of blood blossomed where the rope chafed against her tender skin. She sat in the traditional way for a young woman, feet tucked nicely beneath her. But this was not by choice. She glowered defiantly up at Enizu, who paced in front of her.
"I love this. Don't you? It's just like the old days," Enizu said in a chilling tone. "Do you remember?"
She remembered. She remembered being a slip of a girl, only fifteen and hopelessly infatuated. She remembered looking at Enizu through eyes that held only adoration.
"I remember that I wasn't tied up," Naruku said darkly, struggling with the ropes. They held fast to her protests.
"Yes, well," Enizu said with a wave of his hand. Then, suddenly, instead of pacing in front of her he had knelt down and was right next to her face.
"I do like this new dominance," Enizu said in a sinister tone. "This complete…control." His hand snaked behind her ear, brushing a few strands of wet hair away.
Naruku turned her head away in disgust, but Enizu's hand shot out and grabbed her chin, forcing her head back into place. He brought his other hand up and struck her across the face. The blow was so hard it made Naruku topple over and slam her already bruised face into the floor.
By that time she was crying. Huge, hopeless sobs escaped her, causing her whole body to heave as she wept.
She head a few quiet guffaws coming from Enizu as he came nearer to her tired body.
Naruku's whole body tensed as she wound herself into a tight ball, trying to protect herself from Enizu and his brutal violence. Grinning, he grabbed the back of her gi roughly, tugging her upwards until she was hanging down from his grip.
Naruku involuntarily arched back, clutching the front of her butter-yellow gi in hopes to keep herself covered. Enizu tossed her across the room, as if she were no more than a mere rag doll. She shrieked and Enizu delighted in the sound of her protest.
Naruku crumpled against the wall, just below an open window. Through it she could hear the endless moaning of the wind. She shut her eyes, wishing she could disappear into the wall so that Enizu could not see her, could not touch her. She put her arms in front of her for protection, but Enizu disregarded the helpless action.
He pushed her against the wall, lifting her upwards again. She made the decision to open her eyes, and as tears streaked down her cheeks she saw for the first time what was really in Enizu's soul. She could see only carnage in his eyes. Enizu was nothing but sadism and violence.
She cried out wordlessly, helplessly and desperately. Her whole body shuddered as Enizu harshly pushed her torso out the window, bending her body backwards.
Naruku's eyes rolled back in her head as everything became disoriented and dizzy. She was flying outside, her neck arched back and her head pointing towards the ground two stories below. She dangled from the window, Enizu's hands pushing her waist down against the window frame. And she could hear him laughing. Loud, insane giggles of glee. She whimpered, tears now racing down her face, splashing down from her eyes to the ground that lay too far below her. Her whole body was bitterly numb as she hung there, an intense wave of terror washing through her. Suddenly she felt Enizu's hands groping, heaving her back inside from the terror and turmoil that rested in her.She breathed in and forgot to breathe out.
He slammed her into the wall beside the window, his legs pushing against her hips, grinding her into the wood. She wailed as he slammed her head against the wall several times, rattling her head until she could not see. And then he simply let go, letting her drop lifelessly. He kicked her slumped form and walked off without another word or sound.
She felt the floor rushing her up at her even though she was not moving. Her head spun and something seemed to pulsate behind her eyes. Intense waves of sickness filled her body as she tried to focus.
She clutched her head, her abdomen, her knees, her chest, anything to feel herself again. Her hands clasped together, sweaty and clammy with the knuckles turning white. She felt like she could not hold onto herself enough, that she was just a mass, devoid of spirit or life. The more she tried to reach out the more she seemed to fade away.
Dark green eyes snapped open to a sharp tap on the door. Naruku gasped and covered herself quickly before Rokuro came in. He diverted his eyes from her, holding out a white cotton yukata.
"It was all I could find," he told her.
Despite his eyes being closed, Naruku kept a hand crushed against her breasts as she slid a lithe arm out to take the robe.
"Thank you," she mumbled sincerely.
Rokuro turned around without further comment.
Naruku bit her lip and quickly made a decision. She stood up from the water, letting it slough off her with a loud splashing noise. The window allowed some moonlight in and it illuminated her, making her pale white skin look like lotus petals. She hastily wrapped herself in the robe, tying the knot securely.
"You can turn around," Naruku told Rokuro as she wrung her hair out.
He did so and made no reaction to her appearance.
"You aren't like Enizu," she said quietly. "Because you didn't take advantage of me and you do not seek revenge."
Rokuro bowed his head, understanding the question that she had not yet uttered.
"So why do you do his bidding?"
"I am old, and no longer the man I once was," Rokuro began. "After the collapse of my clan during the restoration, I had to find a way to support myself using the only skills I could. Fighting and killing. I became a hit man, simply because it was a way to survive. My only way.
"But now I can no longer defend myself against enemies that I've made by doing my job. Comrades and family members of the people I've killed mercilessly come after me from time to time, but what worries me most is when my past employers come after me to do a bit of 'clean-up' so my service to them won't scratch their perfect reputations. I realized I could no longer defend myself against these people, so I had to find a company, a more powerful man with men who served him to do it for me. In return, I am a loyal servant."
He did not spit the words and his voice held no resentment, but Naruku sensed that Rokuro was not happy to be in situation. It was just something he had to do. She understood, too, that he told her simply because she was there. He did not feel he owed her something for listening, because he had grown out of needing consoling. Now his story was just something to say, something he told her just because she had asked. It had no attachment to him.
That made Naruku sad. It was his life, but it meant nothing to him. And yet, he did everything he could, even forsaking his principles as a human being, just to hold onto that life.
"Your will to live is strong," she told him, mimicking his words to her earlier. But she was completely sincere. "Stronger than your dignity."
Rokuro let out a short chortle and turned his head away from her, as if he was ashamed. "It is not a will to live," he told her, making his way to the door. "But the choice to die as I please."
-
Kenshin sat with his head bowed to the rain that drenched him. He clutched his dripping sakabatou as he leaned against the wall, eyes closed. He had left the dojo hours ago, hoping that his pure will and strength of mind would lead him to wherever Naruku was. To where Enizu was.
Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way, and Kenshin soon found himself crumbled in a dark corner of the street, getting splattered with rain as minutes dragged on. Kenshin realized that Enizu had given him no clues as to where Naruku was.
And this made no sense to the Rurouni. It was clear that Enizu wanted him to know that Naruku was kidnapped, but then, did he not want Kenshin to find her? Was his wish to let Kenshin waste away, day after day looking for her and slowly killing himself?
Kenshin lifted his head. Perhaps he wasn't far from the truth. Perhaps Enizu had given up trying to fight Kenshin, trying to prove how much better he was. Maybe all Enizu wanted now was for Kenshin to suffer.
Violet eyes closed once again. He could not let that happen. For Naruku's sake…he couldn't let it happen. With a jolt, Kenshin realized that in order to have his own wishes fulfilled, he would have to play by Enizu's rules.
Fine. I'll do it your way, he thought bitterly. I'll lie and hide myself, I'll find out where you are using your own devices. I'll do a million other things just to save her. And to defeat you.
He jumped to his feet, eyes wide. It no longer mattered that rain pounded around him on all sides. It no longer mattered that he was cold and tired and near the point of hopelessness. He shook his head.
No, he would not lie and cheat and betray. No. That was not Himura Kenshin. No matter what Enizu was doing, Kenshin could never do the same. No matter who's life was on the line. He knew no matter how frightened and miserable Naruku could possibly feel at that moment, she would never want him to sink to that level. Never. Because then what would she do? Escape from one act of wickedness just to watch her friend, her best friend, commit another? Kenshin could never do that to her. He could never do that to himself.
He started walking. Any direction, it didn't matter as long as he was still moving. On his way to finding her. He felt an unsurpassable surge of strength, something that reminded him of his first completion of the Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki. That something, he knew, was the impenetrable will to live.
A/N: Well, I may as well get right down to answering all of your wonderful reviews! You know how much I love them? Probably. But it's a lot.
No no no: I'd be surprised if…um, I forgot their name…the flamer came back. Sorry! Cliffhangers are kind of inevitable right now.
Zioncross: I always love hearing from you. I'm glad that you noticed that about Soujiro. He may, in fact, be a kind of double agent at this point. However, you are wrong about one thing, but I'm not telling what! Whatever the case, Soujiro's holding his cards very close to his chest right now…actually there's going to be a lot of him next chapter, so you'll probably be able to figure it out. As for Kenshin…I'm holding my cards close on that one, so you'll just see.
Genki Ninjagirl: You're very aptly named. Of course Soujiro won't kill them all! Blasphemy. But, you're in luck, next chapter will have a lot more insight as to exactly what he's up to.
Charming Woman: I'm glad you liked my rainstorm. It's lasted for…what, three chapters now? Haha. In any case, I'm glad you approve.
Anonymous Freak: Oh, don't worry about the flame. Really. Yes, Kenshin's leaving, but not forever.
Tenken's Amour: Aw, thanks!
Smiling Blue-Clad Wanderer's O: Enizu's beginning to doubt Soujiro, Kenshin's beginning to doubt Soujiro…you'll find out exactly why in the next few chapters. Thanks for being so enthusiastic about this fic…and for approving of the K/N pairing as well. Means a lot.
Rose Mary: I'm glad I've got you thinking. Thanks for the compliment…creative, eh? I like that. Well, I won't let it go to my head. Much.
Himura Kaoru: And don't we all? Yup, Soujiro's a tricky one right now. And Kenshin's just plain determined.
One and Only: I'm glad you liked the Aoshi/Misao! How you described it is pretty much exactly how I wanted it, so I'm glad it worked. I know. I'm starting to see a lot of details about Naruku and Kenshin that even I hadn't noticed before either! I think Kenshin is thinking along the same lines as you…
Insane Reader: I know, I'm sorry! I put it under Soujiro/Misao permanently now, so hopefully it'll make it easier for you.
Cathy Mark: I'm glad you think so.
Yuna: Yeah, I know. So complicated. Anyway, thanks!
Liem: I've missed you! I want to scream in happiness because of all the wonderful reviews you've left. You seemed to have enjoyed the Momoru sub-plot quite well, huh? (It was so fun, in a kind of sadistic way, for me to write it!) Misao's caterpillar fear is actually canon! She freaks out in Shingetsu village when she sees one…haha. I'm glad that Naruku is still managing to keep away from Mary-Sue stereotypes. Gosh! After all this time, I'm still managing to keep her all right. What do you think of her relationship with Kenshin, though? It's pretty precarious business, pairing an OC with the main character…sheesh. I'm glad there are so many quotes you like! I try.
Question Marks: I'm scared for Naruku too…tell me what you think of this chapter and her flashback of what Enizu did to her…jeez. Scary!
Thank you all again. Before I forget, and before I loose the nerve, I'd like to impress upon you to matter of constructive criticism. Now, I like being told"you're great", or "you rock" just as much as the next person, but what really gets me going and inspired is when people really inspect my fics. Tell me what's wrong with them. Tell me what, exactly, is right with them. Tell me what you thought of a certain part or a certain character—that really helps me grow as a writer. You won't believe how much.
I notice a few of you really are doing these things and for that I profusely thank you. For the others—thanks for even giving time to review, but next time you do please try and think about a few specific aspects of that chapter. If you decide to just leave an "update soon," well that's all right too, but it doesn't get me quite as excited to write another chapter or another scene as leaving a review pointing out why Misao's reaction is suitable, why Aoshi and Kaoru's interaction is cute, etc. (these are all hypothetical, of course.) Even (or especially) telling me why someone's actions were unsuitable, who was out of character and why,givingreasons why two characters could not be paired together or anything else.
Negative or postive, these are the types of things help me lots and really give me the spark I need to start on a new chapter, scene, or even a new fic!
Okay…thanks for listening to my looong and painful babble. I just wanted to get that out there.
As a reminder, the fic is now under Soujiro/Misao for all chapters. Thanks for reading.
