Do You Believe In Monsters?- Chapter 4- Garlic Flavoured Vampire .:Snort:. Egos!

An apology to all Teá haters, I was planning to stake her this chapter but I wanted to focus on Seto and Yami (Chapter 5, CHAPTER 5!). An apology to Malik and Marik, your scene is not in here but you get to drop your pants! So basically I'm apologising to everyone, I'M SORRY! I'm sorry I wrote 'So This Is Goodbye?'! I'm sorry I didn't make 'Cross Dressing, Alcoholic, Special K Bars! (Yeah, It's The Best I Could Come Up With!)' just one big orgy! I'm sorry I insulted my editor causing her to injure my leg. I'm sorry I'm too much of a wuss to ask guys out! I'm sorry I'm a book-worm who'd rather stay at home writing Yaoi fics than going out to wild raging parties where everyone gets boozed! I'm sorry I went out with the same guy around twenty odd times! (Why the hell did I do that?) But, I'm not sorry that I'm still a…I was going to say something but I don't think I will…

DISCLAIMER- Nope, I don't own it and I never will…unless DC66 will share?

WARNING- Nakedness! Vampires! Egyptian history! Blondes thinking! Normal crap, basically… .:turns to DC66:. Yes, yami, I do think! And before you have a heart attack, I'm going to lie down!

DC66- .:shrugs:. I don't think she's yet figured out that I've replaced her bed with cockroaches .:hears scream:. Oh, well, that changes everything then

SUMMARY- Finding out that peeps are vamps. In the mean time…nudity! .:happy squeal as she runs off to watch Marik/Bakura porn:.

DC66- .:has it live in front of her:. .:snorts:. Idiot

Please review. Pwease? Aftew you finis weeding? .:chibi eyes:.

(Joey)

Seth and Seto sat so close together that you'd think they're joined at the head! They poured over an original copy of Bram Stoker's 'Dracula'.

"So, it's been narrowed down to vampires and werewolves…lovely." Yami sighed. This was not going well, for him at least.

"Yeah, well, either way…we need to rub garlic on that…thing…" Rebecca shuddered as she pointed at his neck. "You, know…just to be safe. Vampires need a repeat attack for it to be final…" Seto cut her off.

"Teá's a vampire!" Everyone stopped. "Consider it…she was in human form, the next full moon is two weeks away, she had no reflection in the mirror, she was pale, the fangs, where she chose to bite him, how she jumped out of the window and landed on her feet…it all makes sense now!" Yugi fainted.

Everyone gawped. It made sense…the whore is a vampire, nes-meratu, one of the Un-Dead. She was now the spawn of a leech and a cannibal. She could now change into other…things, animals like the wolf and bat. But what caused her to become one? She had no marks, no signs…

"How come she's a vampire when she showed no symptoms, she ran straight into sunlight and there was no way that she could have become a vampire without another vampire biting her…" I pointed out.

"Not unless there's Shadow Magic involved." Bakura growled.

"Ah, yes. I remember that time…" Yami sighed. Everyone blinked.

"Care to explain?" Noah asked. Yami blushed.

"Dracula was a true story…well, Bram Stoker's one was…" Malik helped get the story moving…

(DC666 #Just adding myself in here because this one doesn't have a real narrator#)

"It all started when a sorceress lost her love. She summoned her Shadow Powers and somehow managed to bring him back from the dead." Yami officially began the story.

"His name was not 'Count Vladimir Dracula' it was none other than Osiris. Isis was powerful enough to track down his body and bring him back to life, Seth defeated him once again by cutting him up and spreading his body parts around Egypt. Isis knew the strength of her magic, she hunted down the pieces and arranged them to bring him back to life. Before Seth had a chance to find out, Isis had conceived a child, Horus, and had sent Osiris away. He travelled to Transylvania and built the castle by himself. There he lived for a long while, alone. Until, Dr. Van Helsing discovered him…" Bakura grinned. Seth blushed.

"Dr. Van Helsing was a pawn. I had inhabited the Millennium Rod for a good three millennia before he picked me up in a shop in Amsterdam. When I realised that he knew the whereabouts of my dear 'friend' I told him what I knew in exchange for my revenge by destroying him and his race, therefore, saving mankind." Everyone looked at him.

"Wait, rewind. We all know that you and the Pharaoh were cousins. We also know that Osiris, Isis, Seth and Nephthys were the children of Nut and Geb, meaning that they were all brother and sister. Nut and Geb were the spawn of Shu and Tefnut. They, in turn, were the children of Atum, the self created deity. Care to explain?" Seto raised an eyebrow at his and Yugi's yamis.

"Um…the writers of the show haven't researched enough?" Seth tried. Yami grinned behind him.

"Hey, according to legends, you blinded Horus, who in turn, castrated you…" He sniggered. "…No wonder you haven't had a girlfriend in a few millennia!" Everyone cracked up laughing.

"Fucking Ra! This authoress has done her homework and there's no way out of it…alright, you know how Horus' eye was restored with the divine spit of Thoth? Same deal…still, it doesn't explain why you haven't had one in a while… " Seth blushed. Atum raised an eyebrow.

"I'm gay with my hikari…So, Thoth restored your 'glory' for you? Dude…" He grinned. Dirty thoughts were brewing in his evil little mind…and overly large hair…

"No! He did not give me a strap on! I know the way your mind works, Pharaoh." Seth glared at said porcupine. Said porcupine then glared at not said authoress.

"Prove it!" Ishizu screamed out from behind a bookshelf. Everyone giggled then gasped as Seth did as asked…to prove that he actually had…one…he dropped his pants! There it was, staring at them.

Girls blushed and giggled, guys laughed and claimed that they were bigger than him. And so it began, the pants went down and the… .:giggles:. …yeah, well…you know…came out!

"So basically you pulled down your pants and let some ibis-headed freak spit on your crotch?" Mai giggled.

"Yeah, that was the deal. He spat on me, therefore, replenishing me and in return I had to do a century of public service for Ra." Seth explained.

"He spat on you? Don't you mean he gave you a blow job?" Serenity crudely suggested. Everyone blinked, they had never heard such filth come out of her mouth! Maybe she was related to Joey after all…

(Duke)

"I am bigger than you all!" Yugi screamed when he awoke. Seto looked down at him with an eyebrow raised. He wasn't bigger than them…he was the shortest of them all! Yugi then proceeded to join in the competition and dropped his already dangerously-low pants so they were resting around his ankles, much to the delight of his yami…

Everyone gasped…for someone so small, he had a huge…amount of self-esteem! (A/N- Heh, fooled ya, you thought I was gonna say something dirty! I think he may be related to Seto Kaiba…yeah, I went to say ego but…that's sort of slang for, heh…) I guess it matches his hair! Although, it was funny to see a midget drop his pants!

Rebecca suddenly grabbed Atum by the head, removed his bandage and started rubbing garlic butter on his neck! "Sorry, it's the closest I could find to actual garlic. Seto, your kitchen is huge!" She blushed.

"Try it at midnight, when you're looking for painkillers!" Noah grinned as he buckled his pants up, embarrassed that he had lowered himself to the level of the others.

The rest of us followed suit. It was getting cold…someone had turned the air-conditioning on, very high… .:cough:. …Rebecca Hawkins… .:cough:.

We decided that we needed a break, it was lunchtime and we were all starved! We sat down and gorged until we all thought we were gonna puke…except for Seto, he looked at the food and almost hurled.

Luckily the phone rang before Mokuba and Noah had a chance to strap him to a chair and force feed him…

(Noah)

When Seto left to answer it I went and tapped the phone line from my room. Mokuba came with me, what we heard shocked us…

'Kaiba-boy, the card worked?'

'Yes, Pegasus, it worked. It also worked on Teá.'

'I meant to tell you something…'

'What, that Teá would go mental, try to kill Malik, Marik and Atum, resist a Shadow Attack, bite Atum's neck, jump out of a second storey window to keep running when she hit the ground and leave us with no choice but to rub garlic butter on the Pharaoh's wound?'

'Uh…no…actually, I wanted to know if you knew what kind of thing she is?'

'She's a vampire. Why?'

'Cecilia is too…and I have a feeling you may become one…'

'FUCK!'

'Now, now, Kaiba-boy, no need for obscenities.'

'Fuck, the niceties, Pegasus! This is fucking serious! I could hurt people! Fuck, fuck, fuck…'

'Calm down.'

'Calm down? How can I calm down when I could turn vicious and kill all my friends in a few seconds?'

'All they have to do is to kill you…I see your point.'

'I know how they have to kill me too…stake me through the heart, cut off my head, shove my mouth full of garlic, put a crucifix over my heart, place me upside down in my coffin, seal it with the Host and dump it in a river! I've done my research. Or they could save themselves the hassle and just stake me and cremate me. Great…just fucking great…'

'Don't worry, I'm one too…'

The line went dead. Seto, Teá, Cecilia and Pegasus. What next? Or more accurate, who's next? We had to tell the others. And what about Atum…

Nanga, nanga, nanga, nanga, nanga, nanga, nanga, nanga, BATMAN! I mean, YU-GI-OH!

I have NOTHING to say at the moment. I wanna do a Random Moment but the one I wanna do is gonna be in the story…SCREW THIS! I'll do it anyway!

DC666's Version Of A Random Moment…(that will tie into the plot line)

Bakura, Malik, Seth and Atum looked extremely bored. Yugi, Ryou, Marik and Seto suggested they take a shower…mainly because they stank…

After finding out that four people do not fit in a single shower at once, not even at the Kaiba Mansion, they decided to take a bath.

Seth got the rubber ducky, Bakura adjusted the water temperature (they like their baths hot), Atum found the Bubble Bath and Malik…he brought the Shadow Powers…

Now, our dear Bakura has a slight phobia of ducks and duck-like animals/shadows/toys. Malik decided that this was a fine time to purge the dear fellow of his fear. So (like in the first few Random Moments from 'Family Fun') he used his Shadow Power of Mind Control on the rubber ducky, causing it to enlarge and flood the bath.

The Ra-damned thing then went to eat Bakura and almost crushed his head as he was lifted out of the bath, covered in bubbles. Malik laughed as his friend screamed in terror.

Suddenly the ducky turned…(authoress looks at colour wheel to find out what the opposite colour to yellow is)…purple and back to its original yellow. It let go of Bakura, whom then proceeded to run out screaming, still in the nude, no towel or nothing!

"You spoil everything, Pharaoh!" Malik growled.

"If the duck had have eaten him…damn…next time I'm staying out of things…" Atum climbed out of the bath and calmly walked out of the room after Bakura, not even bothering with a towel. He grabbed the Tomb Robber by the hair and dragged him back into the bathroom to continue being eaten by the ducky.

Everyone else looked on in wonder…Bakura…Atum…naked…GIANT RUBBER DUCKY! .:Static sound:. .:"Quack!":.

Note how I mentioned Bram Stoker's 'Dracula'. You now know the inspiration for this fic!

Also thanks to IcySapphire15 and daughterofanubis, you guys rule! Thank you! I tried to make you both happy, which was kinda hard so I put off killing her for…just over four chapters, (she dies early on in the chapter for you Icy!) I don't care if people don't like it, I'm happy.

And, Icy, I feel for Fuschichu, Elle (DC66) is my yami, mother, editor, friend, potential voodoo doll…anyway, which one of you is the yami? I also have a semi-hikari, she's in my grade at school.

Daughterofanubis, uh, I don't really know if he's outta the loop or anything so if he seems that way, sorry. I didn't mean to do that to him. Also, one of my friends is disturbed by the comment in your first review, 'I will love you forever!', I sort of agree with the guy so can you refrain from the loving for a while? I'm still coming to terms with my 'being single, desperate and very angry' status. ö.ö

.:Listens:. .:Sniffs the air:. .:Anxious tone:. …Now to DC66 for I fear the worst… .:Rubber ducky enters:. .:DC666 screams:. GIANT RUBBER DUCKIES! .:Cries:.

DC66- .:shoves DC666 into a shoe box and throws it off a cliff:. You lot voted for Random Smut, right? Well, I forgot to ask you for the couplings you wanted so I'm just gonna throw in this RyouxYugi piece that's gonna go in Family Fun for Everyone.

WARNING! This part is rated M, just to be safe. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE NOT-SO-GRAPHIC SEXUAL SCENES! Now, with that typed, 'Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?' Lol, gomen-nasaii minna-san. I'm not a .:wrinkles nose:. slut, unlike some people .:looks at the sluts in her grade pointedly:.

Ryou shut the door to Yugi's room with a soft 'click'. With skills passed on to him from his darker half, the white-haired teen silently made his way to his sleeping lover.

"Yugi-koi, wake up." He whispered into the mini duellist's ear, his warm breath tickling the smaller male's ear. When Yugi made no move to acknowledge him, Ryou slid out his tongue and began to massage Yugi's collarbone with it.

"M-mm, Ryou?" The tri-haired teen murmured sleepily, barely holding back a pleasured whimper.

"Hai, Koibito?" Ryou stopped licking the pale flesh before him and began placing chaste kisses along Yugi's face and neck. This time Yugi could not stop the pleasured mewls escaping from his lips. Ryou, however, could, and proved this by placing his lips against the smaller's in a graceful yet dominating kiss. Soft pink hands found their way up Ryou's grey nightshirt, and as the white-haired reincarnation pried open his lovers lips to taste the sweet insides of his mouth, Yugi ran a hand gently over his nipples. Moaning into the kiss, Ryou straddled the young light and broke the kiss, breathing heavily.

"You wanted to ask me something." He whispered huskily, his mouth millimetres away from Yugi's. Yugi looked up at him, eyes half-lidded with lust and desire shining in their normally innocent depths.

"Iie." He whispered back, pulling Ryou's head down so that their lips could meet once more. Yugi thrust his tongue into his koi's mouth, revelling in the moan of pleasure. Suddenly, he was made aware of his now too-tight pants. Groaning in unbridled ecstasy, Yugi thrust his hips up and began to rock them against Ryou's, making the older painfully aware of his arousal.

"Love you." Ryou panted, suckling on Yugi's neck. Yugi mewled softly and once again thrust his hips up to Ryou's.

"Stop teasing." He gasped out. Ryou smirked at him, licking his lips at the picture of the flushed Game King beneath him.

"Oh, that's not teasing love, this is." And with that, he got up and left the room, leaving behind a stunned and aroused Yuugiou.

END M-RATED STUFF!