A/N: Thank you for the reviews, everyone! I hope I'm not dragging this on for too long ... but things are just starting to build up :P As for Zell and Min ... it's not really a big thing, I just wanted some relief in it to make it more interesting. And sometimes I will say Seifer instead of Marcel ... because Marcel is technically Seifer. The only time I would call him Marcel is if one of the characters are directly speaking about Seifer AS Marcel ... if that makes any sense. I hope that answers some of your questions :)

Lost Memories of My Love

Chapter 28 – The Orphanage

Ring, ring.

Rinoa squirmed at the sound of the telephone ringing. She was having such a wonderful sleep, and some person just had to ruin it for her. She waited for Min to get the phone for her.

Ring, ring.

"Min…!" Rinoa groaned out loud, hoping that Min would hear her from her own room or that whoever it was would stop.

Ring, ring.

Rinoa groaned again and buried herself under the warmth of the blankets.

Ring, ring.

"ARGH, fine…!" Rinoa got out of bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She limped out of her bedroom into the lounge. Damn it, are you happy! She picked up the phone and held the receiver to her ear.

"Hello," she mumbled, yawning.

"Oh, is that you, Sierra?" came Min's voice on the other end.

"Min?" Her voice was filled with sleepiness, but she the surprise in her voice covered the sleepiness entirely.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yes, Min, you woke me up … are you happy?" groaned Rinoa. She hated being woken up, regardless of whoever it was that had woken her. "Where are you?"

"I'm out, exploring Esthar a bit," said Min, "I was gonna go with you, but I remembered how much you hated being woken up."

"Gee, thanks for remembering," said Rinoa sarcastically.

"Well, I'm not going to be back for a while," said Min, "Thanks for understanding, bye!"

Before Rinoa could respond, Min hung up the phone. Rinoa blinked dully and put the receiver back on its hook. "Typical Min," muttered Rinoa through stifled yawns. She's probably hanging out with that Zell guy she met … oh well, she needs a man anyway

Glancing at the clock on the counter, she noticed that it was ten thirty in the morning. Seeing as how she was already up, there was no point in going back to sleep. She had a quiet breakfast which consisted of exotic Estharian cereal and an apple. She didn't feel like staying at home – it was much too boring on her own. She decided to get dressed and go for a bit of a walk.


"Yeah, there is something fishy going on here," said Irvine as the four companions were taking the elevator up to the office. They were discussing, with interest, Squall and Rinoa, and how Squall didn't flip out or go cold after seeing her. Zell was in fact troubled that Squall let him off so easy for being late. Selphie thought it was a good thing, but Quistis and Irvine were both concerned – and also found ways to argue with each other.

"Of course there's something funny going on," said Quistis, "I mean, after the meeting yesterday … I saw the two of them talking. And Squall was smiling, and laughing, and this Sierra woman was also smiling and laughing."

"But that's a good thing, right?" said Selphie.

"By the looks of it, but what if the reasons are bad?" said Quistis, "What if something's going on that we don't know about?"

"Quistis, why are you so worried?" asked Irvine, "It's Squall's life, he's a big boy now, he can make his own decisions. We have no right to butt into his life like this."

"Yes, I know that…"

"If he likes talking to women that look like Rinoa, then he can," said Irvine simply, "Who are we to stop him?"

"I'm not trying to stop him…"

"I mean, come on, there's nothing wrong with that—"

"There's a lot of things wrong with that," said Quistis, "What if he falls in love with her?"

"And why would he do that?" said Irvine.

"Um, hello?" said Quistis, "Have you taken a look at that woman? She is identical to Rinoa … she talks like Rinoa, she looks like Rinoa. I mean seriously … why wouldn't he?"

"Because he's over Rinoa," said Irvine shortly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Quistis threw her arms in the air in frustration as she got off the lift, "He's still so hostile, and cold, and mean…"

"He's also getting married," said Irvine, following Quistis.

"I don't believe he really loves Ashleigh," said Quistis flatly.

"Well believe it," said Irvine, rolling his eyes.

"I mean, come on, he's—"

"Guys!" interjected Selphie, stopping, "Can we please stop discussing Squall's personal life?"

Everyone else stopped as well.

"That's what I've been trying to say to Miss Trepe," said Irvine, irritated.

"I'm just worried about him," explained Quistis.

"Worried about who?"

Quistis and Irvine broke their death glares and looked up, only to find Squall standing there in his lovely suit and gunblade swung on his shoulder. His normally expressionless look was slightly adjusted as his electric eyes were filled with the slightest hint of interest.

"Oh, hey there, Squall," said Irvine, "We were just talking about—"

"Zell," said Quistis hastily, cutting Irvine off. "I'm just so worried about him. I mean, he's late, and he has an obsession with food, and…"

"Uh ... not here?" Squall offered.

"Yeah, that's right, right Zell?" said Quistis. She stopped and looked around, and laughed nervously when she found Zell wasn't there.

Irvine grinned nervously. "Hah, poor Quistis ... staying up too late again, huh?"

Squall nodded slowly.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" asked Selphie, steering the conversation out of the awkwardness.

"Oh, just going for a walk," mumbled Squall.

"But we were just going to—" Selphie was about to say that they were just going to see him in his office to 'body guard' him.

"Uh, you guys can have an early lunch break," said Squall, "You've been working so hard and … uh … stuff. Anyway, see you later."

Quistis, not believing her ears at all, quickly snapped out of her awe and called back for Squall before he left.

"Squall!" she turned around and ran up to him.

"Yes?" Squall looked at the blonde.

"I've got something to ask you," said Quistis, "Well … you know how I'm head of the recruitment…"

"Yes…" Squall nodded slowly.

"Well, you do know that Sierra woman and her partner, right?" asked Quistis, "Because, I certainly don't. I don't remember hiring them at all … do you know who did?"

"Uh, yeah, I do actually," said Squall, scratching the back of his head, "I kinda … hired them."

Quistis looked very surprised. "You did?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," muttered Squall.

"But … why?" asked Quistis, totally amazed. She didn't know what to think or say, or how to react to Squall's very unusual behaviour.

"Because I just did … they were in need of the money, and a job, and…" Squall trailed off.

Quistis knew immediately that there was more to story than that, and she had a faint idea of what the rest of the story would have been. She didn't ask, nor did she suggest anything, but kept her theories to herself.

"I see," said Quistis, before Squall could say anything else. "That's very kind of you, Squall. But do you mind telling me who you hire next time? I mean, I am in charge of recruitment…" This ought to get him fired up…

"Uh, yeah sure, Quistis … sorry about that," said Squall. "Anyway, I'll see you later."

Quistis blinked in sheer amazement. As Squall walked away, she weakly mustered a quiet "See you later…" and turned back to her companions, who looked just as shocked as she was. They all stood there; staring at Quistis blankly.

"Well I'll be damned," said Irvine, scratching the back of his head.


"…Really? How exciting!" said Sierra, staring out into the sunset horizon on Deling Bridge.

Seifer laughed. "You'd be amazed with anything, sis."

Sierra smiled. "But it's so thrilling … Garden sounds like such an exciting place. I would really like to go there some day, but…."

Seifer shook his head. "Don't worry, I'm gonna work hard, okay? Me, and my girl, we'll work really hard so we can pay our dues … and then we'll send you to Garden, where you can get a good education. Living in this dump won't get you anywhere."

Sierra looked at Seifer. "Thank you, Seifer. It means a lot to me."

Seifer grinned at the sight of Sierra's innocent face. Although she was seventeen, she still held the innocence of a ten-year-old. He wiped the dirt off her face and laughed. "Yeah … you've been working your teenaged butt off too hard…"

"Well, my mother's gone now … I have to support myself," said Sierra.

"That just sucks," said Seifer, shaking his head, "And she couldn't even get decent treatment…"

Sierra slightly frowned. "Actually, Seifer, she did…"

Seifer looked very surprised. "She did?"

Sierra nodded. "Didn't I tell you?"

"Apparently not," said Seifer sarcastically. "Please do tell. How could you afford professional treatment?"

"Well … I sold a painting," said Sierra, "A nice guy bought it from me for fifty thousand gil."

"Fifty thousand!" exclaimed Seifer. "Holy crap, I have to say that I am very proud of you."

"Thanks," said Sierra with a laugh, "But anyway. I used this money to pay for mom's surgery … it was just enough. But it was such a waste … I was too late, and mom's eye cancer was so bad that she required an eye transfusion."

"Eye transfusion?" repeated Seifer curiously.

"Yeah, she needed a new good eye," said Sierra, "Like a blood transfusion, or organ donor."

"I see," said Seifer slowly. "And she didn't get one, did she?"

"Well, I was going to give her my good eye," said Sierra, "But it costed way too much. The chemotherapy and all that was already consuming the whole fifty thousand gil, and she refused to accept my eye…"

"I would too," said Seifer, "I mean, your art involves your sight, you can't do much without your eyes."

"True," said Sierra with a sigh, "I just wish I was in time. And that I had enough money."

Seifer put his arm around her in comfort. "Don't worry. She's gone to a better place."

Sierra smiled. "Yeah … I guess."

"But I have a question," said Seifer, "Which marvellous picture was it that was worth fifty thousand gil? Deling by Night? Balamb Beach, maybe?"

"Heartily Angel," said Sierra softly with a smile.

"Heartily Angel?" repeated Seifer, "You mean … the one of Rinoa?"

"Yeah, that one," replied Sierra, "The one that I made for her and you enlarged. The two of them found it a masterpiece."

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Two of them? Who would buy … a picture of someone they didn't know?"

"Oh, that's right!" exclaimed Sierra excitedly, "It was this … man that claimed to know Rinoa before she left us. His name was Squall…"

Squall, thought Seifer, Where have I heard that name before?

"And he was with someone," said Sierra, "It was amazing. I even mistook her myself. She looked exactly like Rinoa … it was scary."

Seifer stared at Sierra. No … it couldn't be… "Really? Just like Rinoa, huh? Did she give you her name?"

"Yes, she did," said Sierra, "And that was even scarier. Her name was Sierra."

Shit. What the hell was she doing in Deling? With some guy I didn't know? Anyone could have recognised her … Sierra recognised her. I'm in trouble now…


Rinoa walked the busy streets of Esthar, looking around in awe. She definitely looked like a dumb tourist, wandering around and staring at everything. Her pale skin also suggested that she was from outside of Esthar. She noticed that she dressed differently to a lot of the people there … she was wearing a white v-neck sleeveless shirt with a blue denim skirt that came just above her knees, and flat-heeled sandals. Her hair was let loose that day, the air was cooler than usual and the sun was hiding away behind dusty grey clouds.

As Rinoa crossed the road and got to the other side, she found a familiar-looking black sports car parked on the street up ahead. She then noticed that she was outside the presidential residence. She didn't even notice that she was taking herself there … it must have been the only place in Esthar that she knew of.

Rinoa walked up the street and found Squall, leaning against his black car and eating out of a Chinese take-away box with chopsticks. The sight made Rinoa laugh.

"So you do eat," said Rinoa, approaching him.

Squall looked up at her and looked flustered. "You caught me."

Rinoa laughed. "And I thought SeeDs didn't get hungry, let alone the vice president of Esthar. And I thought someone like you would be eating in your lovely home with preppy food with your fancy chefs at a long table, with candles lit and heavenly music in the background…"

Squall rolled his eyes.

"I saw that," said Rinoa warningly.

Squall smirked. "Can't the vice president of Esthar eat Chinese food at his car once in a while?"

"Not at eleven o'clock he can't," said Rinoa.

"Oh, this isn't lunch … this is breakfast," said Squall.

Rinoa laughed.

"What are you doing here?" asked Squall, "You don't have work today."

"The real question is what are you doing here," said Rinoa, "Because you do have work today."

Squall snickered. "I'm on my lunchbreak. Or breakfast break. Whichever you prefer."

Rinoa smiled. "Break is good enough. And to answer your prior question, I'm just exploring Esthar. I'm not having much luck though, because this seems to be the only place I know of, and I don't find it fun to get lost in a strange, new country."

Squall smirked again, not being able to help himself. "I'll show you around, if you like."

Rinoa raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah," said Squall, "I do know my way around, y'know."

"No, it's not that," said Rinoa, "It's just … don't you have president stuff to do?"

Squall finished up the rest of his food and got into the car. "I'm on my lunchbreak," he said with a small smile.

Rinoa shook her head and laughed, getting into the car with Squall. She sat herself down and enjoyed the comfort of the car … she liked the cushiness very much, she wasn't used to it. As she got in, she noticed the gunblade lying in the backseat and thought about Seifer.

Squall started the car and began to drive. He didn't say anything, basically because he didn't know what to say.

"Nice gunblade," said Rinoa, breaking the silence.

"Thanks," mumbled Squall.

There was silence again.

"You're a SeeD, right?" said Rinoa, breaking the silence.

"Retired SeeD," corrected Squall.

"Okay, retired SeeD," said Rinoa. As Squall nodded, she continued, "So all you SeeDs know each other, right?"

Squall shrugged. "I guess."

"Do you know a guy … named Marcel?" asked Rinoa.

"Marcel…" Squall thought about it, searching his memory thoroughly. In all seriousness, Squall didn't remember the name of any SeeD he had met in his lifetime, besides his friends. "No, I can't say I do."

Rinoa nodded in slight disappointment. "Well, he's not really a SeeD … he was close to becoming one."

"…What happened?" asked Squall.

"He relinquished his position and moved to Trabia with me," said Rinoa, "Now he's just an instructor at the Garden…"

"I see," said Squall slowly, and dared to ask, "…Who is he?"

Rinoa smiled weakly, staring out the window. "My friend."

"Your boy … friend?" asked Squall, not believing he was saying something like that.

Rinoa laughed weakly. "Yeah. Basically."

Squall nodded, and somehow his mind reacted to this new information. He had the feeling that his emotions were going to come into play soon, and quickly shrugged them off before they could.

"Oh, all right then," said Squall casually.

Rinoa kept her small smile on her face. She looked at Squall. "So, when are you getting married?"

Oh great, the whole fricking world just has to know, thought Squall bitterly. "In six months," he said quietly.

Rinoa laughed softly. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," muttered Squall ungratefully.

"I'm invited to the big wedding, right?" asked Rinoa with a quiet laugh.

Squall smirked. But it was a fake smirk. "Sure … one more wouldn't hurt."

Rinoa giggled softly. "How ... wonderful..."

As the two of them drove, Rinoa would constantly point out interesting things on the street and enthusiastically want to know about it. Squall would answer her and give her a couple of side comments. They would also talk about other things … their pastimes, what they liked … many random things.

In his mind, Squall couldn't help but notice the similarities between 'Sierra' and Rinoa. He kept on believing that it was Rinoa who was next to him … but previous events told him that it couldn't have been her. He just had to accept it … Rinoa was dead, he was getting married to her stepsister, and this woman here was Sierra, someone who he saw as a good friend. After all, she could make him smile and talk the way that nobody else could … she was different to everyone else. She was involved with someone else, and so was he. They were friends.

"OH!" squealed Rinoa in delight, looking out the window, "The beach!"

Squall smirked. Rinoa's favourite place… He looked outside and was almost shocked to see that they were well away from the Esthar capital. He looked at the time and noticed it was three o'clock in the afternoon, and that his 'lunchbreak' was over a long time ago.

Rinoa grinned. "I've been living in freezing Trabia for so long … I've never been to a beach before! Can we go there, Squall? Pleeease can we go there?" She gave him an innocent face.

Squall smirked again. "All right."

Rinoa squealed in delight, and as Squall pulled over, she got out of the car in excitement. Squall reached into the backseat of the car and picked up his gunblade. As he did, he spotted Rinoa's old Blaster Edge just lying there. He tried to remember why it was there … and then remembered that he was doing a weapon analysis program for the Garden a couple of days back. Caraway had lent it to him the day he and Rinoa went to Deling.

Squall, shrugging his negative thoughts off his shoulders, picked up the pinwheel in his other hand and got out of the car.

"Hey, hold this for me, would you?" said Squall, giving the weapon to Rinoa.

Rinoa took the pinwheel in puzzlement. "Ooh … a pinwheel." She laughed.

Squall rolled his eyes in not irritation but amusement. "Hold on, I have to make a call to the office."

Rinoa nodded and turned away.

Squall pulled out his cell phone and dialled Quistis' number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, Quistis," said Squall casually.

"Squall?" came Quistis' voice, "Where are you? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea," answered Squall wittily.

"Where are you?" Quistis asked again.

"Uh, well about that," said Squall, "Sorry for having such a long lunchbreak. But … I don't think I'll be able to return to the office until late."

"Why?"

"Just having a bit of a break," replied Squall.

Quistis sighed. "All right, Squall. You could have called earlier to tell us, though."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, it's okay. Well, you deserve a break anyway … you've been working overtime for too long."

"Thanks, Quistis. Tell the others I said sorry … and tell Ashleigh I said sorry, too."

With that, the two of them said their goodbyes and Squall turned back to Rinoa. "Come on, I'll show you something."

Rinoa cocked her head in curiosity and followed Squall into the beach. The salty sea air replenished her and made her feel at ease. The sound of crashing waves and the calling of merry gulls rung in her ears. The sun was still hiding behind clouds and the breeze felt cool on her skin. As she walked on the soft sand, she smiled at the feeling. Going to the beach was like something completely new to her and she was as excited as a four-year-old on her first outing to the beach.

"Wow … how pretty," said Rinoa in awe. The beach was almost deserted, giving Rinoa a kind of lonely feeling. But knowing Squall was with her made her feel less empty.

"These tides are nothing," said Squall, shaking his head, "The biggest waves you would ever get would be at night. You should go to Balamb Beach one day … it's a thousand times better there."

"Will you take me?" said Rinoa innocently.

"Maybe."

Rinoa laughed. "How do you know so much about Balamb?"

"I attended the Garden up there," answered Squall. "I was raised there … I never knew my parents."

"…Really?"

"Yeah," muttered Squall, "I was in put in an orphanage when I was a kid. Then I was stuck in Garden and became a SeeD. You see that lighthouse over there?"

Rinoa nodded.

"That's the orphanage I grew up in," he mumbled.

Rinoa smiled. "Is there anyone there now?"

Squall nodded. "Yes. Do you want to meet her? My Matron … she still runs an orphanage here."

Rinoa nodded with a small smile. "I think it would be polite to say hello." She would have rather went for a stroll on the beach, but if there was a lonely woman living here, then she should have been polite and visited her.

The two of them walked up to the lighthouse in silence. Rinoa continued to enjoy the quietness of the beach. It was a very soothing change of pace compared to the business and loudness of Esthar and Trabia. She liked the fact that she could actually hear her own thoughts.

Squall knocked on the front door and simply entered after a moment. Rinoa followed his lead.

"Do you go here often?" asked Rinoa softly.

"Not since I became vice president," mumbled Squall.

"Hmmm? Who's there?" Matron came into the room and looked pleasantly surprised to see Squall. She looked the same as ever – long, brunette hair and a black housedress. She didn't look a year older since they first saw her.

"Hello, Matron," said Squall, bowing curtly.

"Squall, what a pleasant surprise," she said quietly. She looked over at Rinoa and recognised her right away, though she didn't say anything awkward about it. "Ah … and you've brought a friend. How wonderful…"

Rinoa followed Squall's lead and curtsied politely. "Hello. My name is Sierra…"

"Hmm … what a heartily name," said Matron, giving Squall an obvious hint of question. "Nice to meet you … my name is Matron, I run this orphanage…"

Rinoa smiled. "Hmm … but where are all the kids?"

Matron smiled mystically. "They should be coming on cue…"

"Matron, Matron! Who's here?"

About seven or eight young children ran from outside into the room, screaming and yelling in excitement and curiosity. Behind them trailed a vibrant young dog, barking in as much excitement as the children.

"We have visitors … remember Squall, who visits us sometimes…?" said Matron.

Squall smirked. He never liked the little critters constantly asking him questions, but whenever he visited the orphanage with Rinoa, she would make them a little more fun and make Squall a little more polite. But since Rinoa's 'death', he hadn't even once visited the orphanage.

Angelo, the vibrant dog, came rushing up to Rinoa and almost knocked her over. The dog began barking cheerfully and licking Rinoa in affection. Rinoa, in return, was very flattered and giggling wildly.

Looks like Angelo thinks Sierra is Rinoa too, thought Squall.

"Wah, Squall, it's been so long since you came here," yelled one of the girls with blonde pigtails.

"Squall, where're your friends?" shouted a boy holding a wooden sword.

"Is that your girlfriend you came here with a long time ago?" asked a girl who was holding a stuffed doll.

"Now, now, children," said Matron warningly, "Squall will talk to you all later. Go outside and play with Angelo."

"Angelo! Get off of Squall's girlfriend!" screamed the girl with the doll.

Rinoa laughed and sat up, ignoring the recent comments and stroking Angelo with the palm of her hand. "You're a nice dog, aren't you?"

Angelo yelped cheerfully in response.

The children, Angelo and Rinoa somehow made it outside and began to play with each other. Squall was left, emotionless, with his arms folded and eyes closed.

"So, what brings you here, young Squall?" asked Matron, walking to the counter and boiling some water to make tea.

Squall pulled out a chair from under the table and sat down. "I was just showing my friend around Esthar and came across here…"

Matron nodded in quiet response.

"I know what you're thinking," muttered Squall. "She looks like … Rinoa, right?"

Matron nodded again. "Indeed she does. Not to mention smell like her. And what a loss, Squall … I saw you at her funeral. You don't seem to be at all … distraught … right now."

Squall shrugged. "It's a long story. But … she isn't Rinoa. I'm accepting that."

"That's good to hear," said Matron. She brought out the two teacups and sat down opposite to Squall. "So … you do admit you once thought of her as dear Rinoa?"

Squall shrugged again. "I guess … I did. But I was stupid … I wasn't thinking straight. I guess I wasn't really over her yet. But Sierra … she's really helping me cope."

Matron nodded again. "Interesting."

There was silence between them as the two of them drank their tea. Squall didn't know what to say anymore … he forgot what it was like speaking to Matron about such an emotional thing. Matron, on the other hand, knew exactly what Squall was thinking. But she didn't spell things out for him.

"Are you happy, Squall?" she asked.

Squall looked up at her, nothingness reflected in his eyes. "Yeah," he lied. He didn't think of it as lying, but it was definitely a lie.

"Come now, be honest with me," said Matron, "Are you truly happy with the way things are? Are you happy with Ashleigh? Are you happy with your father? Your friends…?"

Squall looked into his teacup. "I guess I am. But you know me … I don't know what happiness is. Not anymore…"

Matron took his response into accord. "Fear not, Squall. You can control what you want, and what you need. Look deep within yourself … you will find what you are searching for."

Squall didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but nodded. He didn't care what she was talking about. It didn't matter. Happiness … he didn't deserve happiness. He didn't need happiness. He was fine the way he was. There was nothing wrong with the way he was living. He didn't need love … he was marrying Ashleigh, what else could he want? He wasn't in love with 'Sierra' … that was just a disturbing thought that he didn't want. He didn't want dramas, he didn't want traumas … he just wanted everyone to leave him alone. It didn't matter. He didn't matter. Nobody cared about what he wanted … nobody cared about him.

…Or did they?