A/N: Thanks for the reviews, everyone. I reached 300 reviews ... I'm so proud of myself :D In answer to Shootski's question, yes the orphan-type girl's name is Sierra, but was always Sierra ... Rinoa's fake name is just Sierra because Seifer said the first name that came to his head, which was 'Sierra'. Hope that answers your question. And updates may be a little slow, because I have school tomorrow ... sigh ... but nevertheless, enjoy this chapter ... don't worry, Rinoa will remember soon :D

Lost Memories of My Love

Chapter 29 – His Return

Squall finished talking with Edea and went outside without a word. There, he saw the children speaking with Rinoa, who was sitting on the ground, stroking Angelo affectionately. She seemed very happy and so did the children.

"Sierra … you done here?" asked Squall.

Rinoa looked up at Squall. "Oh Squall, we were just talking about you…"

Squall raised an eyebrow.

"Yup, that's right," said Rinoa, nodding. "Fiona's going to marry you one day." She pointed to a little girl who was holding a doll. "Isn't that right, Fiona?"

Fiona nodded enthusiastically. "That's right. But Sierra wouldn't let me."

Squall smirked. "And why's that?"

Rinoa smiled mysteriously and looked at Squall. "Because I told her … that Squall is already getting married to another nice woman. And … that nice woman … must have done something so good in her childhood to win the heart of a young man like Squall. Something … very good…" She trailed off in thought, keeping her eyes on Squall.

Squall didn't know what to say. Rinoa's words … they made him feel somewhat guilty. Was that her intention? She did see him cry over the death Rinoa, whom he once did love … she saw the way he acted about it. Was she rubbing it in his face that he was being hasty by marrying another woman, despite the obvious hints that he was not over Rinoa?

Squall found his voice. "That's right…"

Rinoa kept her eyes fixated on Squall, with mystic eyes and a mystifying smile. She was snapped back to reality when Matron called the children back inside. They said quick goodbyes to Rinoa and Squall, and galloped into the house once again like wild horses. Matron came out and bid them farewell.

"Thank you for dropping by," said Matron, "The children loved you."

Rinoa stood up. "It's no problem."

"Come, Angelo," called Matron, doing a gesture with her hand.

Angelo didn't seem to respond.

"Go on Angelo, I have to go home now," said Rinoa brightly.

Matron put her two fingers in her mouth and whistled. "Angelo!"

The dog's ears perked up, but she didn't want to return to Matron. She wanted to stay with Rinoa, her real owner. Squall found this amusing.

"Angelo." Rinoa bent down at pet the dog's head affectionately. "I'll come back soon, okay?"

"She seems to like you," said Matron, with a small smile.

Rinoa laughed. "Well, I'm a dog's best friend. Go on, Angelo. Go to Matron." She pointed to Matron.

Angelo's ears perked up and seemed to respond to this. She got up and walked back over to Matron, sitting herself down on the ground again, her tail flapping cheerfully.

"Thank you," said Matron.

They said goodbye, and as Squall and Rinoa left, Angelo began barking furiously. Matron held the dog back to avoid it rushing after Rinoa. As the two of them walked back onto the beach, Rinoa laughed in amusement.

"Cute dog," said Rinoa, "I wish I had a dog like her."

"Angelo isn't really Matron's dog," said Squall.

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Squall, "She once belonged to Rinoa."

Rinoa was silent at first, wishing that she didn't say anything. She was so damn sure that she was able to get through the day without a mention about her being like 'Rinoa'. But, it turns out she was wrong. She looked at Squall, who happened to look casual about the mention of his ex-girlfriend.

"I guess she likes you so much and listens to you because you smell like her and stuff," said Squall.

Rinoa smiled dully. "Wow … how great." Is that the reason why everyone likes me? Because I'm like 'Rinoa'? Well that sucks … why does this Rinoa chick have to be so much like me!

Squall sensed Rinoa's discomfort and decided to quickly change the subject. "I wanted to show you something before we left."

"Hmm?"

The two of them did not walk back to the car, but somehow ended up on the sandy shores of the beach. Rinoa wondered what Squall could possibly have wanted to show her. She stopped walking when Squall stopped walking and looked at him in curiosity. The wind was teasing, whipping his hair around. Rinoa pulled her jacket closer to herself and noticed that she was still holding the pinwheel. It suddenly clicked to her that she remembered seeing this very pinwheel at Caraway's house in the shrine-like cabinet dedicated to Rinoa. This only lowered her spirits even more.

"Does it have something to do with Rinoa's pinwheel?" asked Rinoa, almost bitterly. And I thought this guy was over thinking that I was the love of his life … looks like he's just being sick and using me as a substitute. Bringing me to her dog, giving me her weapon … hell, I guess I was wrong. The sicko just can't get over her, can he? I wonder how his fiancée must be feeling … sheesh. What a bastard.

Despite the fact that she thought less of Squall at that moment, she did not have an outburst, nor did she leave. She wasn't sure why.

Squall was surprised that she knew whom it belonged to, but didn't show it. "Well, yeah, it has something to do with the pinwheel. I just wanted to teach you how to use it."

"Well, maybe I don't want to learn how to use it," said Rinoa flatly.

Squall didn't say anything, but did look mildly surprised.

"And maybe I didn't want to come here," said Rinoa through gritted teeth, "And you know what? Maybe I didn't want to take your crummy job, if I knew that you think I'm going to like you and bring comfort to you, just because I'm like your 'precious Rinoa'. Well guess what, buddy? I'm not, so accept it." She handed back the pinwheel to a flabbergasted Squall with force, and began to walk away in anger.

Squall, still mortified with Rinoa's reaction, collected himself and followed Rinoa.

"Wait, Sierra," he said, "I didn't mean to … upset you. In any way."

"Yeah, well guess what, you did," said Rinoa bitterly, stomping away.

"Wait." Squall grabbed Rinoa by the arm. What the hell is wrong with me … I'm not supposed to care…

Rinoa rolled her eyes and turned around. She was about to yell, but stopped when she saw a genuine concerned expression on Squall's face. "What? What is it you want from me, Leonheart?"

Nothing. You don't want anything. She wants to be snappy then let her be snappy. I give her the opportunity of a lifetime and she's throwing it away. It's not your fault. Let her go, she doesn't mean anything to you. Ditching his inner voice, he continued trying to sort things out.

"I know it must be hard to accept the fact that … people think you look like Rinoa Heartilly," said Squall slowly, "But you do … and it might take a while for people to get used to it."

Rinoa stared at him in disgust. "Why did you drag me out here, all the way to Esthar? I thought at first, I must have some kind of talent … I must be good for something. But when I came here and met you, I was a bit doubtful. But I pushed my doubt aside thought that you had already accepted and already gotten used to me. But how incredibly stupid I was."

Squall was beginning to get annoyed. "What? What did I do? I didn't do anything to you."

"Well, you see me as Rinoa, you sick bastard," spat Rinoa. "I'm Sierra."

"Hey, Sierra," said Squall, beginning to fire up, "I admit, I might have thought you were Rinoa at first and acted like it. But what did I do now? I treat you like a human being; I treat you the way you want to be treated. Hell, I even made an effort to be nice to you. But do I go moping around, telling people how Rinoa-like you are? Do I call you Rinoa? Do I compare everything you say and do to Rinoa? What the HELL did I do?"

Rinoa looked outraged. "Hah, well for one thing, you dragged me out to the beach, probably where you used to hang out with your little girlfriend all the time. You take me to her dog and claim that I smell like her. You give me that thing and want me to use it. That is pretty comparative, if you ask me. And oh, you made an effort to be nice to me? Since when do I need your respect? "

"Since I even gave you this stupid job," spat Squall, "There are plenty of other decent people in this world that I could've hired, but I hired you."

"Oh, right! And why did you do that again?" said Rinoa, throwing her arms in the air in frustration. "Hmm, let me think. Oh, that's right, so you can see me everyday and compare me to your beloved Rinoa."

"Hah, whatever," said Squall, rolling his eyes, "Compare you to Rinoa? You're nothing like her. Rinoa … hell, she wouldn't be so snappy all the time. She wouldn't expect her way all the time." In his heart, Squall knew he was just messing with himself. Rinoa was exactly that. "She wouldn't cry over something trivial. She was a nice girl. She was … a strong girl…" Squall narrowed his eyes, fury wisping in his expression.

Rinoa glared back at him. "Oh, yeah. I'm nothing like her. What ever happened to … 'you look like Rinoa, you talk just like Rinoa, and you even play like Rinoa … how can you not be Rinoa'?"

"That was before…" Squall murmured.

"Before, right," said Rinoa, nodding in doubt, "Then why did you hire me again? I don't believe I got an answer for that."

"Out of pity." Squall looked away and sighed. Arguing with her was like arguing with Rinoa … it got him nowhere. He looked back at Rinoa, who still looked outraged. She was trying to think of something to say back to him.

"I don't want your pity," she hissed at last.

"Then I won't give it to you…"

Rinoa broke her angry glare and cocked her head in confusion with the light response Squall had given her. "…What…?"

Squall sighed again. "I won't give you my pity. You don't need it. You probably have your own life … you don't need this life here in Esthar. You can leave if you want … I had a suspicion that this was the way it was going to turn out. But I really thought … pssh, forget it."

Rinoa slightly softened. "You thought … what?"

Squall turned his head away, hiding his expression. "I really thought … that with you around, I could finally forget about my life with Rinoa and focus on my life with Ashleigh. Because … after the events at Deling … you made me feel the way I did before she died. You reminded me … what it was like to be loved … and I've been neglecting everything – my friends, my family, Ashleigh … and with you around, I remember what it's like. You make me … realise how important they are. Just like Rinoa … but I know you aren't … Rinoa..."

Why the hell am I saying this? This is the second time … she just has to know everything … she just has to make me slip and spill. What is it with her? She gives me a feeling that Rinoa is still alive…

"You make me feel like Rinoa is alive," said Squall, not believing he just said what he thought.

Rinoa actually understood what Squall was saying. She could see the seriousness and pain in his eyes when he told her all of that. She sighed, and accepted what he said. She didn't want to argue anymore. She moved slightly so that she could see his face properly. At this, Squall turned back to face her and looked at her straight in the eyes, ready for her to yell again.

To his surprise, she didn't.

"Because she is alive … she's alive in you," she said gently, "Stop saying that she's dead … she's still alive inside of you, in your heart, and in your mind. When she was alive in body, she gave you her heart. But when her body died, her heart didn't. You still have her heart … and her heart is what makes me you feel her. It's not me at all. It's just that I remind you of her … and my reminding you makes you remember that you still have her heart. So don't throw it away, okay? Don't waste it … she gave you her soul before she died … don't disappoint her by forgetting about it…"

Squall looked into her eyes, full of sincerity and concern. Her words did reach him; he took what she said seriously. And maybe it wasn't the fact that 'Sierra' was so similar to Rinoa … maybe she was right…

Of course, 'Sierra' was Rinoa … but they didn't know it. They went on, continuing to believe each other's words. Their words were never so wrong, but in a way, they were right. And at this rightness, it is how the belief that Rinoa was truly dead sunk in.

"I'm sorry I burst out like that," said Rinoa, "I didn't mean it."

"No … I'm … sorry for snapping back," said Squall quietly.

There was silence between the two of them.

"It is kinda fun," said Squall at last, lifting up the pinwheel.

Rinoa laughed and gave in. "All right, all right … I'll learn how to use the stupid thing. But only because you said it was fun, Leonheart. If it's not … you owe me a trip to the ice cream parlour."

Squall smiled vaguely, and the two of them headed back to the beach. Squall handed Rinoa back the pinwheel, and taught her how to put it on. Finding the weight of the weapon lighter than expected on her one arm, Rinoa felt pleased with herself. She never thought of herself carrying a weapon.

"All right … now, stretch your arm out like this," said Squall, demonstrating with his own arm.

"Like this?" Rinoa imitated him.

"Yeah. Now you clench your fist, rotate your arm about ninety degrees … and pull back with a certain amount of force, depending on how far you want it to go … like this…"

Rinoa copied what Squall showed her, and was unsuccessful. The flying edge flung out of its compartment and flew straight down into the sand. Rinoa cracked up at her failure as she collected the edge and put it back in its place.

"Well, that was fun!" said Rinoa with a giggle.

Squall smirked. "You have to put your arm straight when you shoot it out. You're pointing too much to the ground." He demonstrated once again, this time holding Rinoa's arm the right away and making sure her posture was correct. This time, she was more successful. The edge flew straight ahead and made a three-sixty turn, coming back at a fast speed.

Rinoa screamed and thought that it was going to come back and chop her into tiny pieces, and ran away from it, causing it to land in the sand.

Squall snickered. "You have to catch it again, Sierra. Come up closer to it and let it fly back into the compartment. It won't hurt you if you do it properly."

"What!" exclaimed Rinoa, "It's very likely that I won't do it properly…!"

"You'll be fine, come on," said Squall encouragingly.

Rinoa laughed and picked up the flying object, placing it back into the compartment. She sent it flying into the air, and when it came back, she ran up to it and let it fly into its place. She squealed with delight and did find this game very amusing.

"See, you did great," said Squall, taking his hands out of his pockets and applauding.

Rinoa giggled and did it again. And again, and again, and again, and again. She would fail sometimes, but she would get back on her feet and try again.

"You were right, Leonheart, this is fun!" said Rinoa happily.

Squall smirked. "Yeah…" He cleared his throat. "You know what one of the most amazing things I had ever said was?"

Rinoa looked at him curiously. "What?"

"That love…" He paused, remembering not to mention anything about 'Rinoa'. "That love is like that Blaster Edge."

Rinoa laughed. "Yeah, that's amazing! Who would have thought, love comes from a weapon of mass destruction…"

Squall snickered. "That's not what I meant. Shoot it one more time."

Rinoa did as he said, but failed to catch it. She retrieved it from the sand and shot it one more time, that time catching it perfectly.

"You see?" said Squall.

"Uh … no, I don't," said Rinoa slowly.

"Love … it always returns," said Squall, "You fired the pinwheel with such an amount of force. The first time, you couldn't catch it … you missed getting your love back. But the second time … you made it go so far and so strong, but it still came back … and you caught it. That's the same deal with love…"

He remembered the time when he first explained the same thing to Rinoa, before heading off to Esthar.

"Make sure you remember it, okay? That love will always return…"

He couldn't have been more wrong in his life. Love didn't return to him … the Rinoa he knew and loved was not going to come back. He would often tell himself 'love will always return' when he was in doubt … but he just seemed like an idiot to feel that Rinoa was going to come back to life. He did, as he had said to 'Sierra', miss love coming back to him. And he felt like killing himself.

"Make sure you remember it, okay?" Squall squirmed at this line. You don't remember at all, Rinoa … I'm looking at you right now, I'm telling you what I told you six years ago … but you don't remember … you said you would … why can't you? Then he realised that he was doing something that he wasn't supposed to be doing. I mean … I have no right to be thinking that. I'm not looking at you, Rinoa … I'm looking at … Sierra… And that was the final judgement. With this, he finally accepted that Rinoa was dead.

"Oh … that's beautiful, coming from someone like you," said Rinoa with a smile.

Squall returned the smile. "Yeah, it is, isn't it? Sierra…"

Rinoa is dead. And the thought doesn't hurt anymore.


That night, Rinoa sat in her apartment alone that evening, eating microwaved soup in front of the TV in her pyjamas. Min still hadn't returned from her outing yet, but the quietness wasn't so scary to Rinoa anymore. It gave her an opportunity to think.

Leonheart … it feels like I know him. And this feeling … it's so familiar. When I'm with him, I'm myself, but I'm more of myself … I feel happier, in a way, even if he can be a bit of a jackass sometimes. But it feels like I've known him for so long, longer than three months. He's so similar to Marcel … oh damn, don't tell me I'm falling for him?

Rinoa felt her heart beating at the thought.

No … I can't be falling for him. It should be he who is falling for I. I mean, I'm the one who looks like his ex-girlfriend, right? He used to think I'm her … he told me that I remind him of her, and that I'm helping him get over her … come on, as if that's not the most obvious hint in he world. He so likes me.

She was ignorant of the fact that Squall had mentioned all those other things, and even said so himself that she wasn't like Rinoa in any way at the beach. In a way, she was trying to convince herself that Squall liked her, even if she acted as if she didn't want him to like her.

Oh, who am I kidding … I am falling for the guy … NOOOO!

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

Now who could that be?

Rinoa put her bowl down on the coffee table and threw her robe over her pyjamas. She opened the door, and to her complete amazement, Seifer was standing there. Same old Seifer … with the white trench coat, and the gunblade, and everything…

"Marcel!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "What are you doing here? This is … Esthar!"

Seifer grinned sheepishly and hugged her back. "Aren't I allowed to visit my favourite girl in the world?"

Rinoa laughed and let go of him. Her thoughts about Squall and her feelings for him completely disappeared at that moment. I don't have feelings for Leonheart … I love Marcel… "Of course you're allowed! But … how…?"

"Well, I took the train," said Seifer, "It was one helluva long ride, let me tell you that. Nice place you've got here. Am I allowed to see it?"

Rinoa giggled. "Of course you can. Welcome to my humble abode." She stepped back into the house and Seifer followed her in, taking in his surroundings. Rinoa sat down on the sofa and switched off the TV as Seifer sat down beside her.

Seifer leaned back and put his arm around Rinoa, pulling her closer. "So, what have you been up to, my dear?"

Rinoa smiled. She didn't realise how much she missed Seifer until that moment. His company brought comfort to her. "Working … and seeing the place … it's all good. How long are you staying here for?"

"Not long," answered Seifer, "I just need a break from Garden."

Rinoa stared. "Really? Why?"

"Because I'll miss you too much!" said Seifer, poking her. It was that, and the fact that he was worried … worried that someone will convince her that she was really Rinoa and not Sierra. He had to watch over her and protect her from getting hurt … it was he who should tell her who she really was. But he didn't have the heart to say it … not just yet.

"Oh, you," said Rinoa, shaking her head with a giggle. "You shouldn't be thinking about girls when you're at work!"

Seifer laughed. "Well, that's easy for you to say. I bet you don't even think about guys."

Rinoa giggled. "You don't know that … and besides, I do."

"Really?"

"Really!" Rinoa laughed. "Where will you be staying?"

"Hmm … well I don't know," said Seifer, thinking, "Am I allowed to stay with you?" He grinned again.

Rinoa laughed. "Sure, of course you can! But there are only two rooms … I'll have to share with Min. Or I can share with you, if you like."

Seifer laughed. "Sounds great."

Rinoa laughed.

And the two of them stayed up all night, talking and laughing. They both forgot about their troubles … it seemed that with just each other, they didn't have to worry about anything. But how was it supposed to end? Seifer couldn't keep Rinoa's true identity a secret forever, and Rinoa still didn't know whom she had feelings for…