Title: Don't
Author: AbayJ
Genre: Romance/Angst/Songfic/WIP
Rating: T-M
Disclaimer: I own nada, but if I owned General Hospital, we would have Jason BEGGING on his HANDS and KNEES to get Courtney back. SaSank and Jaxass would be stuck in Antarctica trying to find their way back to PC and ya know they wouldn't survive, KM would have to put on enough clothes to cover up her breast, that just wouldn't work!
Summery: Courtney and Jason wished they would have tried.
Author's Note: This is a WIP is basically a serious of songfics based on the same plot. Each chapter will have a song…and will be a songfic. I am not the best at updating requarly but reviews is one way to get me too.
Author's Note Two: All chapters except chapter four have been edited by my wonderful beta! Thanks Linda.
Chapter One: Don't
Courtney walked over to the door, knocking softly. Not wanting to be here, not wanting to face him or her. It hurt. Like someone was stabbing her heart with a knife over and over again. Did he ever feel like this?
Probably not. He had her, Hope, and everything she had never been able to give him. She still cursed the person that had said love was enough, it wasn't. It just gave false hope to people like her.
Knocking one more time, a little harder this time. If one of them didn't answer the door this time, she would leave. These papers could wait a day or two, right? She could have Carly give them to Jason. That way she wouldn't have to see Sam.
Part of her hated that woman. The woman who had everything she had ever wanted. A baby, a family, and most of all Jason. She had Jason's rings on her hand while hers were around her neck. She had Jason's child. She had Jason's love.
Don't... don't you wish we tried?
Do you feel what I feel inside?
You know our love is stronger than pride... oh
No don't... don't let your anger grow
Just tell me what you need me to know
Please talk to me, don't close the door
She had nothing. Nothing but a lonely bed and an even lonelier life.
She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the door creek open. He hadn't oiled the door yet, she thought to herself, not able to hide the smile. Then she looked up into hard cold blue eyes. Eyes that looked haunted and tired. It was like looking into a mirror.
"Hello Jason," she said softly. Proud of herself, she didn't let her voice crack and did not show the emotion that she didn't want him to see.
Would it ever get easier to see him? Would it ever stop hurting? Feeling her rings move against her breast like a silent answer, she closed her eyes.
Damn him, she thought to herself. It wasn't fair. He looked so good, even haggard. It took her hours to get to what she looked like right now and it wasn't even near close to what she used to look like when she had his love.
Hmmm, 'cause I wanna hear you
I wanna be near you
Don't fight, don't argue
Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away
Don't tell me to go
"Hello Courtney," his tone was dull, like he wished she was anywhere else but here. It dug the knife even further into her heart.
"I wanted to drop off the copies of Hope's adoption papers," she said, her voice cracking softly. She cursed herself for the slip. She couldn't let him see her pain. Not after what he had said at the loft during the blizzard. It was true, you could say more if you were silent and his silence had said everything she had needed to hear.
He was over her, she just wished she was over him. She wished that she could get past everything they had been through and fully move on like he had. She had thought she could move on too. With Jax. She had thought Jax would be her way of moving on.
She had been wrong though. Nothing had worked. But dammit, why had he been able to get through this? Get past the pain. Damn him, damn him to hell, she thought to herself.
"Uh….thanks but I think…I think you may want to keep them. Me and Sam might need to change a few things in them," he said softly. Opening the door wider, he let her step through. She looked around, not seeing any changes. It was just the way she had left it.
Don't!... Don't give up on trust
Don't give up on me, on us
If we could just hold on long enough
Hmmm, we can do it
we'll get through it
"What--what changes would those be?" she asked softly, turning around to face him. Her legs backed against the chair. Her arms crossed under her breasts, pushing the fullness up. She felt Jason's eyes on them before she saw him stare.
He had always said that if he had to pick a physical feature that he found most sexy about her, it was a tie between her eyes and her breasts. When they made love, he would spend so much time loving each breast. He would always tell her how beautiful she was. She closed her eyes against the memories. Dwelling in the past didn't help any.
Remembering only made the gaping wound in her heart hurt even more. It was like she was slowly adding salt to it before rubbing it in. She tried to not let her gaze fall from his eyes. She didn't want to look at his chest or how the t-shirt stretched over the wide expanse of firm chest. A chest that her lips had explored. A chest that her hands had stroked and gripped during the climax of making love.
Closing her eyes one more time, she decided that she couldn't do this anymore. She had to get out of here. He could come to her office where she could better control her emotions. Even if she had been fantasizing what it would be like to make love to him in a chair. Her swivel chair. Would it move around as she rode him hard?
Feeling her womanhood dampen she nearly screamed. She couldn't do this. Not now, maybe not ever. "Co--come to my office when you….when you are Sam are ready," her voice cracked with tears that she tried to swallow and couldn't.
Don't fight, don't argue
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go
Walking past him, she quickened her pace and the wide space grew even wider. Not wanting to touch his body against hers, knowing if she did, she might not be able to control what she felt or did. But she didn't get far. His hand curled over her wrist and pulled her close.
Her body slammed against his with a thud. Their thighs touching and her hands splayed across his chest. Gripping the t-shirt in her fist, she looked up and saw his blue eyes turn darker knowing her's also were.
Their lips were only a hair breath apart. All she would have to do is stand on her tiptoes to kiss the firm lips she had missed so much. "What are we doing?" she whispered. Her voice breathy and he only shook his head at her question and did what his body had wanted to do. His lips fell over to her, kissing her like he used to.
His tongue swiped across her lips before she opened her mouth. Letting him enter, his tongue tangled with hers. The warning bells in her head went off, but her heart was in the driver's seat and she continued to kiss him. Tangling her tongue with his. His lips hard, but his tongue gentle as he probed her mouth.
Don't pretend that it's okay
Things won't get better that way
Don't do something you might regret someday...
Don't!
Don't give up on me
Hmm, Don't!
(We can do it) We'll get through it
Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling his body even closer to her own. Feeling his moan vibrate in her mouth as his erection settled against her belly. Finally though, her brain found it's way to the front seat and she pressed against his chest, breaking the kiss. "I…we….I can't do this," she said in a rush, turning and all but running to the door.
What had she been thinking! He was married and not to her. He wasn't hers anymore. But didn't she wish he was? Didn't she want him to be hers?
That was a stupid question, of course she did, but they could never be. Not anymore, too many things had changed, she had changed, and Jason wasn't the same Jason she had fallen in love with. Not even close.
Don't fight, don't argue
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away, don't tell me to go
Don't! (Don't fight dont argue)
Don't give up on me
(Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry)
Say that that I'm sorry
(Just let me love you)
Don't give up on me
(Don't turn me away)
Don't tell me to go
She shook her head, her fingers trembling as she pushed the down button on the elevator, wishing it would hurry up. 'Why did you have to wear heels?' the voice said in the back of her head. If she had worn sensible shoes, she would have taken the stairs.
"Come on dammit," she said hearing the door opening, and she knew it was too late. He would want answers, answers she wasn't sure she could give him or even if he would want to hear them. But if he didn't, why did he kissed her? Too many conflicting emotions tore at her.
"Courtney don't, wait, please," he said, his voice hoarse and she turned to face him and she knew she was lost. His eyes glistened with tears and all the unsaid words she had wished he would have said in the loft during the blizzard. She saw her Jason, just a little bit of him, but at least now she knew he wasn't lost forever.
Don't!
(Don't fight don't argue)
Don't give up on me
(Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry)
Say that that I'm sorry
(Just let me love you)
Dont give up on me
(Don't turn me away)
Don't tell me to go...
Author's Note Three: Don't belongs to Shania Twain
