Disclaimer: I own none of the things I'm writing about, but the writing itself is still mine.

Author's Note: Well, I know this (or something like it) has been done before, but I didn't know that when I wrote it, so I think it's still original. I usually don't write in this style, but was inspired to by Limelight's The Not Quite Love Letters. Different pairing, different fandom, but the same idea. Her story is infinitely better than this will be, but no one said I couldn't try…

Ideally this will follow the events of HBP from start to finish. It begins right after Harry has just left school for the holidays. Some dates and events have been arbitrarily created to serve plot purposes, but they all fit with the canon storyline. The intent of this story is to focus on the growing relationship between Tonks and Lupin during the sixth book by examining things that JKR doesn't show her readers: correspondence within the Order, and journal entries of Lupin and Tonks, mostly.

Please review and let me know if I should continue.


Since You've Been Gone

Chapter 1: Lost

From the diary of Nymphadora Tonks

Saturday June 30th, 1996

I still can't believe he's gone.

That one thought, however simple, is suddenly the only one I have room to think. I guess it's an improvement over sobbing so hard that it's impossible to think; at least this way I can see. Not that there's much to see. I've been temporarily excused from Order work—most of us have, actually, but that's just Dumbledore's way of telling us there's nothing new for us to do. I swear, even if he died, he'd leave us lists of things to do, if there were things that needed doing, but now that...that...considering things, it figures that there's nothing to do.

I wish I did have work to do, but things have even been quiet at the Auror office. It makes me want to scream—Voldemort's back, finally everyone knows he's back, and there is nothing we can do about it. Nothing I can do about it.

And so I'm writing in this journal, for the first time since I was still in Hogwarts. The last things that were written in here were worries about exams. God, how I wish that was still all I had to worry about! Even after I got out of school, even when I was going through Auror training, that was nothing compared to this.

And I think, maybe, that it was nothing because he was here, and because if I needed to talk to him, I could.

But now the only way I'll see him again is in my dreams...

--------------------------------

From the desk of Mr. R. J. Lupin

Sunday July 1st, 1996

Dear Sirius,

I have just come to the realization that I'm writing a letter to a man who isn't alive to receive it. Some part of me says that's sad, but another part of me thinks that maybe there's something to this...maybe it helps the pain, at least a bit. I've never really thought about what I think about God, or the afterlife...but somehow, when I write this, it feels like you can hear me, Padfoot, and that makes things easier.

I still can't believe that you're not coming back. There are so many things I would have told you, if I'd known. I would have told you not to listen to Snape's gibes, first of all—you're braver than he's ever had a chance to be. I would have told you again how wonderful it has been to have you as a brother again for these past two years. I would have told you how excited I was, that night in the Shrieking Shack, to find out that you had not betrayed James, that you were not a murderer.

I had always hoped that the rest of the world would learn those things as well, always hoped that you would no longer have to be counted as a Death Eater by the uninformed. But you took it all in stride.

It is a cruel world we live in, where all of these things come to light now, when you're not here for me to say them to.

—Moony

--------------------------------

July 1st

Dear Order Members,

You are cordially invited to an engagement party for Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour, to be held on Saturday July 6th from 6:00 PM to 10:00 PM at the Burrow. Informal dress; food and music provided. Please send a return owl by July 3rd to let us know if you will be attending.

We apologize for giving such short notice.

Sincerely,

Molly Weasley

--------------------------------

Mad-Eye,

I'm assuming you got the note about Bill? That's five galleons to me; I told you they'd announce it before the end of the summer.

—-Kingsley

--------------------------------

Shacklebolt,

I'd give you the galleons, but I seem to remember that you still owe me ten from the poker game at Headquarters last weekend.

I assume you're going to this party?

—Moody

--------------------------------

Alastor,

Of course I'm going; it's not like we have much excuse for a party nowadays. It'll be good to get everyone's minds off of...things. Will you be there?

—Kingsley

--------------------------------

Shacklebolt,

What's with this "Alastor" business? Since when are we on first-name terms?

But honestly, Kingsley, do you really think Molly will let me miss it? You know she doesn't like Delacour--not that I blame her, doesn't seem the type to know how to resist even a common jinx. I'm coming prepared for potential fires. Molly will need all the support she can get.

—Moody

--------------------------------

Kingsley,

We couldn't help but hear that our dear brother Bill is finally tying the knot, and we were wondering...how did you do with the betting pool? (Great idea, by the way, we both wish it'd been ours.)

—Fred & George

--------------------------------

F&G,

Thanks for the compliment. Well, Moody lost, but I'm already out to him, so no new cash. Dedalus Diggle owes me some, not much, though; he was pretty close. Your father owes me a bit, though...he thought that Bill would have popped the question already. But I owe Dumbledore—he got it spot on. Though I think he might have used magic to help...

I'm guessing you'll be at the party?

—Kingsley

--------------------------------

Kingsley,

Well, seeing as it's our brother, and until recently it was our house, we're sort of required to show up.

Dumbledore might have cheated, but he can't've had a time-turner—I hear Harry & co. managed to smash the Ministry's entire supply. Unless he had one to start with...

Come to think of it, that could explain a lot of things.

See you Saturday.

—George (with Fred's input)

--------------------------------

From the diary of Nymphadora Tonks

Monday July 2nd, 1996

I don't understand this world. How can something so happy happen any more? It feels like nothing good should be able to happen again, not with him gone...

But I've just got a letter from Mrs. Weasley, saying that Bill and Fleur are engaged. To be married. They're having a party on Saturday. A party. He died less than a week ago, and now we're having a party.

It just feels wrong.

Wait—there's an owl tapping at my window. Probably one of them, trying to get me to come...

--------------------------------

July 2nd

Hey Tonks,

So are you coming on Saturday? I'd love to see you there—it'll be a nice chance to catch up on things. Please say you'll come, I really do want to chat with you!

—Emmeline

--------------------------------

July 2nd

Em,

I don't know—things are getting hectic down at the Auror office, I really should be doing work. I don't think I can make it, maybe we can chat another day?

—Tonks

--------------------------------

July 2nd

Tonks, stop the bullshit. I just talked to Kingsley, he says that the Auror office is as quiet as...well, as something really quiet, you know I'm not good with similes. You're just looking for an excuse to stay away. I swear, if you don't show up, I'll Apparate over there and get you over here myself. You need some company, girl! You are coming to that party whether you want to or not.

Don't bother replying, you'll just be tiring out your owl.

—Em

--------------------------------

July 2nd

Tonks,

Haven't seen you in a while, so I thought I'd drop you a note. Hope things are going all right with you.

Listen, I'm going to the engagement party on Saturday, and I'd love to see you there. Are you coming?

—Hestia

--------------------------------

July 2nd

Yes, Hestia, I'm coming.

--------------------------------

From the diary of Nymphadora Tonks

Monday July 2nd, 1996

I hate having friends.

So suddenly I've become Emmeline Vance's personal project, and she's enlisted Hestia Jones as well. No matter what I have to say they're determined to get me out of the house.

Part of me knows that I should leave. My small London apartment has been getting smaller lately, and darker...but I don't think I can face the rest of the Order. I know I can't face their stares and false-sounding sympathy. No matter how heartfelt, all condolences sound false.

It seems I'm getting darker, too. I woke up this morning with long, black hair that lies straight in curtains around my face, and dark brown eyes. I haven't changed appearance unconsciously since before I went to school...but somehow this fits my mood much better than bubblegum spikes. Mum would be happy—finally, I look my age. I wonder what Em will say when she comes to pick me up here on Saturday.

Maybe I should wear black, too.

--------------------------------

July 3rd

Molly,

Just a heads-up about your little party Saturday. I've convinced Tonks to come—well, more like bullied her into it, really—but I know she really doesn't want to. She's still really down and out over Sirius. I don't know what to say to her when she gets like that—I didn't really know Sirius very well. But I know she needs someone to talk to. Any ideas? She's being so unlike herself...

Thanks for your support and advice, you and I both know Tonks needs to snap out of this sooner or later, preferably sooner.

—Emmeline

--------------------------------

July 3rd

Emmeline,

Don't worry, I know the perfect person for her to talk with, and he'll be there on Saturday as well.

—Molly

--------------------------------

From the desk of Mr. R. J. Lupin

Wednesday July 4th, 1996

Dear Sirius,

Well, looks like you and James aren't the only ones capable of talking me into things I'd really rather not do. Dumbledore's just practically forced me to go to this engagement party at the Burrow on Saturday. He said in his owl that he had important Order business he needed to discuss with me in person, but I know it's really about the party. If the business was pressing, Dumbledore would just come over here now, when there aren't others around to get in the way or overhear.

But I suppose that if anyone could know what I'm going through right now, it's maybe him, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and not mention any of that. I don't know specifics, but I've heard from several different people that Dumbledore lost a lot of people who were pretty dear to him when he fought against the last dark wizard, Grindlewald. And it can't be easy for him this time around, either...I won't deny that he's lost people, that he's had friends snatched away from him before it was their time to go.

And yet, somehow, none of that matters. I hate this, Padfoot, hate having to look strong and keep on with business as though nothing's happened. Sometimes it helps, but other times, like today, it hurts worse than the full moon. Dumbledore may have lost people, but I know for certain that he's never lost a brother.

—Moony



So, what do you think? Is this worth continuing with? All criticism is welcome! Please review!