Chapter 2: Enjoying the Festivities

From the diary of Nymphadora Tonks

Saturday July 6th, 1996

Dear Sirius,

I don't know how well this will work, but I've just talked to Lupin, and he suggested that I try writing you a letter. At first it sounded funny—it still does, I'll admit—but at the same time it does make some sense, and I thought I'd give it a try.

I miss you. I don't think it's fair that you had to go, but I guess life's not fair.

I don't really know what to write, but since I'm taking some of Lupin's advice, I might as well take all of it and tell you normal things, things about my day. I didn't really do much, until tonight. Bill and Fleur got engaged, and so they were having a party. I didn't really want to go, but Emmeline made me come.

Well, I guess the party could've gone worse. I tried to get out of it, by not coming, but true to her word Em Apparated over here and made me go with her. I think she was a little shocked by my appearance—I guess I haven't really felt much like bright colors, since you've been gone.

"You're wearing that?" I distinctly remember her asking, eyeing me. "It's an engagement party, not a funeral."

She realized what she'd said a moment after she'd said it—Em's never been the most tactful, and not used to watching her words—but by then it was said, and it was hard for me to keep from tears. That's one of the many things that's bothered me—we never could give you a funeral.

But I went and changed, anyway, both my clothes and my hair, settling for something less depressing. As harsh as Em can be, I know she was right. People aren't supposed to be sad at parties.

So we Apparated over to the Burrow (though I'll admit to a very strong compulsion to go somewhere else entirely, like maybe just to the next room in my flat). I could hear the promised music in the form of a Weird Sisters song playing in the back yard, but could not yet see the promised food, which I had been even slightly looking forward to—Molly Weasley's cooking wasn't something I wanted to miss, though I could have done without the company it drew.

And there were a lot of people there, both from the Order and otherwise. All the Weasleys except for Percy (even Charlie had managed to get a few hours off), Kingsley, Hestia (as promised), Mad-Eye (one hand clutched tightly about his wand), Remus Lupin (looking sad and shabbier than usual), and surprisingly even Dumbledore himself.

Everyone talked for a while, but I just stood on the edges and listened. Conversation feels too normal. But still, I think I get what Em and Hestia meant; I really haven't been myself lately. All through dinner I still listened, hoping that the chatter and occasional laughter would stop feeling wrong.

It didn't, not quite, but it was a little better. Everyone was acting pretty much normal, which helped; I'll admit, it was nice to be around people who knew and even understood the reason for my silence.

Dinner ended, and I was going to leave, but I found Molly Weasley in the kitchen, waving her wand furiously and directing soaps and towels to clean the various dirty dishes. I asked her what was wrong, and got a great long answer about how Bill and Fleur were never going to last, and how Fleur was a silly girl who only cared about the material things, and didn't she get some say in who her own son married? And then, horror of horrors, she said she'd much rather have me as a daughter-in-law.

Fleur must be worse than I'd thought.

But I took it as a compliment—that was really the only possible response, given Molly's mental state—and tried to leave, before the subject switched to me.

Unfortunately, in my haste to exit the kitchen, I managed to knock into one of the ceramic bowls that was busy cleaning itself above the sink. Predictably, the bowl off-balanced and fell to the floor with a shatter.

Also predictably, this occurred just as Remus Lupin walked in the door of the kitchen, which meant that we all got splattered by a bowlful of soapy water.

I must have said something like "I'm sorry!", but I think it came out as a bit of a squeak—I haven't been using my voice much lately.

"That's all right," said Molly, as she waved her wand and the pieces of the bowl rose up into the air, knitted back together, and then settled softly onto the counter. "Why don't you two go on into the living room, I'll just finish up cleaning and then we'll all have a nice cup of tea." And, with her usual motherly authority, she ushered us both back the way we'd come from.

When Molly Weasley tells you to do something, you do it, so Lupin and I both walked back into the living room. It was at about this point that I realized I was all wet down one side, and sporting several bubbles. I blushed and muttered a drying charm under my breath, looking up just as Lupin did the same.

Something about the look on his face as he did so made me want to laugh—even covered in soap bubbles, he'd managed to look dignified—but the sound came out strangled. I haven't laughed in a while, I guess.

An overly quiet silence settled over the room. Everyone else was outside again, talking and listening to music, so the house was practically empty. But after a moment Lupin started talking to me. I'd almost forgotten, what with everything going on, that he'd known you better than I had; probably better than anyone still alive had.

God, how I hate having to say 'had,' in the past tense.

But it made me feel guilty, and like a child again. Here I've been these past weeks, practically sobbing my eyes out every chance I get, and I barely even knew you compared to him!

I've got a new respect for Remus, though; far from treating me as self-centered (though I was, simply focusing on my own pain and not thinking of anyone else's), he actually talked to me like...well, like I was an adult. I mean, I know that I sort of am an adult, but I'm not used to acting like one, or being treated like one.

But as I was saying, we spent a long time in that living room, talking. Mostly about you, actually, but about other things, too—Order business, the War. And somehow it felt all right to talk. It even felt like I could have cried there, in front of him, and not been embarrassed or ashamed.

The strange thing was, throughout the entire conversation, I never felt the need to cry...

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July 7th

Molly,

How did you get Lupin to come?

—Emmeline

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July 7th

Em

I didn't; Dumbledore did.

—Molly

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July 7th

You got Dumbledore in on this?

—Em

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July 7th

He got into it himself. Actually, having the party was slightly his idea...

—Molly



Author's Note: I was slightly surprised by the number of people wanting me to continue this fic. Eleven reviews in two days! I already had this chapter written when I posted the first, which is the only reason it's coming up this soon. (And yes, it's short, but it didn't feelright adding more on to it.)I was going to wait, but…please don't hate me…

…I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I've finally decided that I'm going to take a one-month self-imposed hiatus from fanfiction, starting after I post this.

There, I said it.

The reason for this, in short, is that fanfiction has become a distraction that I don't think I can afford. I am currently working on writing an original novel, but it seems that I always find some excuse to put off writing it. Many of my excuses come in the form of fanfiction. I have decided that I enjoy the "instant gratification" I get from posting a new chapter and seeing a bunch of review alerts in my inbox, and that it's caused me to forget the possible gratification that will come a long way into the future when I finish my novel. This is an experiment designed to remind me why I started writing in the first place: for myself.

I will probably still write fanfiction during this hiatus of mine, but I will not post anything for a month at least—perhaps more. I'm sorry to disappoint anyone, but I've come to the decision that I have to put my original work first. I hope my loyal readers will understand, and that new readers won't be scared away. I thank you all sincerely for your patience and support. If there is anyone who would like to be alerted when I'm up and posting again, just leave your e-mail in a review and tell me you're interested.

Thank you for reading all of this! Cyber-cookies for anyone who actually read it through! (Especially for anyone who read it through and doesn't hate me.)

Reading Redhead

Please, don't let my annoyingly long A/N keep you from reviewing this chapter! I promise I won't do it again if you review and tell me what you thought of the chapter, which was really the important part, anyway.