Chapter 3: Happiness's End

From the desk of Mr. R. J. Lupin

Sunday July 7th, 1996

Dear Sirius,

Well, I went to the party. I guess it wasn't too bad. I actually had a nice talk with Tonks. She's missing you, too—I think she was glad to have someone to talk to about it. I know I was.

It's interesting—she's always seemed so much younger than us, so much more carefree, but I saw a different side of her yesterday. She was almost...quiet. Serious.

I know that if you can hear me, you're laughing, but yes, I did just say that: Tonks was serious. She'd traded her usually short, spiky hair in for longer, more subdued brown curls. I don't remember what exactly she wore, but it was subdued as well. It was sad to see her like that, but in a way talking to her has helped me understand that I'm not going through this alone. Knowing that someone else feels the same has somehow made the pain more bearable. I thought you'd like to hear that, and know that your cousin's thinking of you as well.

—Moony

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July 7th

Remus

I just wanted to say thanks for talking with me last night. It really helped, being able to get some of that stuff off my chest. Hope things are better with you, too.

—Tonks

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July 7th

Tonks

Glad I could help. I'm doing well, though it looks like I'll be leaving at the end of the summer—Order business. It was good to see you.

—Remus

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The Daily Prophet — Wednesday July 10th, 1996

Death Eaters Attack!

In an unprecedented show of force, the group of You-Know-Who's supporters styling themselves as the "Death Eaters" have attacked and killed a witch by the name of Emmeline Vance. Ms. Vance, who lived alone in her small London flat, was found dead this morning.

Muggle authorities were alerted to the crime by the Dark Mark hovering over the building. As far as our reporters have been able to discover, the Muggles believed that the mark might have been a sign of disrespect towards their current Prime Minister, who stands for reelection next month. Upon investigation, however, they found the body of the former Sub-Regulator of the Greater London Floo Network. Their memories have since been modified.

Ms. Vance appears to have been murdered through use of the killing curse after she refused to reveal information to the Death Eaters under pain of torture. Further information will be published when it is acquired. Please contact the Auror Office if you have any clues as to the whereabouts of known Death Eaters, or if you sight possible Death Eater activity.

Ms. Vance's parents were contacted, but declined to provide the Prophet with a statement.

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From the diary of Nymphadora Tonks

Wednesday July 10th, 1996

Damn it all to hell.

When Sirius died all I wanted to do was cry; now, with Em gone, I suddenly can't. Sorry, Em, the tears are all gone, I've used them all up and now I don't have any left to spend on you. You annoyed the hell out of me and made me leave my comfort zone, but you were my friend! You might have pissed me off, but never because you were wrong.

And so in your absence all that I can do is write mild swear words (because despite what people might think, I don't like swearing—you hear that, mum?) and try to fill the silence with something, since I can't muster up tears.

That's one hell of a pathetic declaration.

But really—what sort of world do we live in? When I was at the Burrow for the party, the Evening Prophet came. Charlie started reading it, and I overheard Ron ask him, casually, "Anyone we know dead yet?" And I can't help but thinking, what kind of a world is this? Where a sixteen-year-old can say that, in such a manner, sounding casual about it because he's really probably serious but doesn't want to let it out since it's not good to cry in front of his mum? Hell, when I first joined the Order, first learned the truth that Voldemort was back, I wished that I could be a kid again, ignorant and happy. But now it looks like even kids don't get to be kids any more. All of us have to play adults, whether we want to or not.

Part of me says that Em was an adult, she made her decision to fight with the Order, she knew that it could cost her more than a few extra hours of her weekends. But the rest of me says screw that, she was an adult, and a competent witch, and she should have been safe within her own home.

These are dark and desperate times...but even the pain is welcome, in a sickening way, because it means that I'm one of the lucky ones who's still alive to feel.

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July 10th

Tonks

Look, I know you don't want to talk to anyone, but please, you need to leave your apartment! Yes, I know you're in there, even though the door's locked and you're not letting me in despite the fact that I've been standing out here for about an hour trying every charm I know to get it open. I figure I'll have it open soon enough, though…you could just let me in.

I know this is tough for you, but did you ever think that maybe you're not the only one who spent the morning crying their eyes out? That maybe I could want someone to talk to, and that maybe I'm coming to you because you knew her almost as well as me?

Just think about that.

—Hestia

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From the personal weblog of Kim Delaney, aspiring novelist

7/10/96 1:04 PM

Urgh. Trying to write and not succeeding. There is a general fuss going on in the apartment next door and I cannot concentrate! First, someone was pounding on the door for about an hour, and muttering weird things that even I could hear. I thought that maybe it was a break-in attempt, but she kept shouting like she knew the girl—Tonks, I think her name is—so I guess it was a friend or something?

There was a lot of noise, and I almost just stuck my head out the door to yell at the stupid people responsible for such a god-awful hullabaloo when I heard the door open, and then suddenly they were both crying… Geez, I don't think I want to know what was going on up there. They sounded like two people in a really big fight.

I'm just hoping it wasn't some kind of lovers' spat.

Well, at least it's quiet now and maybe I can get back to really writing.

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From the diary of Nymphadora Tonks

Wednesday July 10th, 1996 (later)

Hestia just left. I was being a real prick and not letting her in, but she sent an owl which managed to get in through the chimney (darn wizarding pets and their resourcefulness) and made me feel guilty and stupid so I let her in. I'd almost forgotten—it seems funny to write this, but it's true—that she was just as much Em's friend as I was. Maybe even more, as she pointed out.

We hugged, we talked, we cried, we remembered. And somehow it was easier to not have to do it alone. I'm realizing it's always easier to have a friend.

And this just makes me see how damned unfair the whole thing is. Everyone in the Order—they're all really my friends, the ones I know at least. And they're going to be the first ones to die. The ones we need the most are putting themselves in danger daily. The only thing more frightening to me than writing that is that I know I'm one of them. Talking with Hestia made me think of a lot of things. I don't know if I could have done what Em did, withholding information under pain of torture, but I know that I'd try. Because the Order is bigger than any one person; we're all just a cause, really, and it's a cause I believe in. I don't know what's worse: that Em died, or that she won't be the last death.

Or that anyone, even me, could be next.

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July 11th

Dear Order Members,

The mood's been rather dismal of late, so we decided it was up to us to lighten things up! For those of you who were aware of Kingsley's betting pool, we are beginning something similar, but on a much larger scale. Bet on who you think the next Order couple will be! Bets will be kept anonymous, and for the safety of possible relationships, they shall not be publicly revealed. (We wouldn't want people getting together just to win money; that'd be wrong!) We can be reached at our Diagon Alley premises.

—Fred & George Weasley

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Friday July 12th

Howler sent to Fred and George Weasley

Number 94, Diagon Alley, London

HOW DARE YOU SEND OUT A NOTE LIKE THAT? DIDN'T I TEACH YOU ANYTHING? SOMEONE VERY DEAR TO US ALL HAS JUST DIED AND YOU'RE STARTING UP A BETTING POOL? I'M ASHAMED WITH YOU, BOYS!

AND DON'T THINK I'LL KEEP DOING YOUR LAUNDRY AFTER THIS!

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Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes Shop Log

July 13th

Sold a dozen more Skiving Snackboxes. Business booming even with more than a month to go before students go back to Hogwarts.

Tested new line of Shield Cloaks—need to perfect the extension of the charm. Possible need for Shield Shoes?

In other news...

Order Couple betting pool going well. Several people seem to be making joke bets. Operation "Cheer-Up" appears to be working.

But of course we won't be sad if we make some money off if it, so here's the current pool:

Ron and Hermione: 3 bets

Dumbledore and McGonagall: 1 bet

Kingsley and Hestia: 1 bet

Snape and his mother: 1 bet

Lupin and Tonks: 1 bet

The last one is odd—especially since the bet was placed by our mother, and after she had chewed us out for starting this...needless to say, we'll be watching those two.

We weren't going to count the bets on Hermione and our brother, since they're not really in the Order, but we just got so many of them...



Author's Note:
I'm back! (Though you probably realized that already.) I'm really interested in how you liked this chapter. And I also suppose I should explain/apologize for the not-very-romantic subject material. Over all, this is a romance between Lupin and Tonks, but I'd also categorize it as Angst, and Drama at times as well. Unfortunately they only let me pick two genres! The thing is, I want to show the natural progression of their relationship, from its beginnings to the end of HBP with the Hospital Wing scene. This is still just the beginning—summer isn't even over yet! So I ask you to please be patient and wait for the romance to develop. In the meantime, hopefully I'm managing to be at least somewhat funny.

Oh, random question: what do you all think of Tonks's nextdoor "neighbor"? I'm going to use her to narrate some things later on, so I figured it was a good time to introduce her. I think I like her—you've gotta throw a muggle into the mix, it makes things more interesting!

Please, I sometimes spend hours working on these chapters. If you've read this far, it doesn't take much longer for you to review and tell me what you thought! I return the favor.