It explained a few things, like why she had both arms, how Alucard could tell her part of the story, why she didn't have any residual pain from the silver bullets…
As much as it made sense, though, Seras didn't want to accept the thought that she wasn't a real person anymore; that she was just a walking talking piece of Alucard?
No.
"Where's Lilith now?" she asked dully. She was aware of Walter sitting quietly beside her. He hadn't taken his arm away from its place around her waist, but he made no move to get closer or to distance himself from her.
"Answer your own question," Alucard replied acerbically and smiled in the face of her glare.
Seras held the glare for a moment before abruptly standing and leaving the room.
"She's going to her, isn't she?" Walter asked, rising and joining Alucard, who put an arm around his waist.
"Yes. And she'll probably be back soon with more questions." Alucard looked briefly annoyed before he smiled and pulled Walter against him, sliding his hands up the other vampire's back. "How do you want to spend the time until she gets back?"
Seras walked through the hallways of the deserted mansion. There were no humans here, but somewhere, under the building, she could feel a presence. Her only excuse for not noticing before was her focus on the story Walter and Alucard were telling her – the story of the deaths of everyone around her except Alucard's.
Even her own.
No.
She turned a corner and stared at another empty hallway lined with doors. Why wasn't there a sign somewhere, This way to the Mother of all vampires. Or at least, the mother of most vampires. She chose a door at random and left it standing open on an empty billiard room.
No. She still felt like herself. She still didn't want to do everything Alucard did. She still mourned the deaths of the humans in London. She wasn't changed like Walter.
She tried another door and walked down the hallway it revealed.
Is it really that bad? she had asked.
That depends. To me? No, it's not that bad. I've seen and done worse and laughed while doing it. To you? With your delusions of humanity? It is probably that bad.
Yes, it certainly seemed that it was that bad.
There had to be some other explanation.
Seras tried the door at the end of the hall and growled to find it locked. She was not in the mood for more obstacles. With a silent apology to the ghost of Sir Penwood, she pulled the door off its hinges and found herself in what had to be a ballroom.
He is as real a person as you are. Alucard's private words for her earlier.
Crossing the ballroom was eerie. When was the next time this huge room would be filled with light and laughter and the warmth of human beings? She tried a door on the opposite wall and found a short corridor that led into the kitchen.
Or her question, I've already survived whatever it is, right? No wonder Walter's response was so equivocal, You've already gotten through the experience.
She'd gotten through the experience but not survived it?
A quick search of the kitchen revealed what she'd been looking for – cellar stairs. She stared at the darkness below and started down the stairs. As an afterthought, she flicked the switch that turned on the lights and regretted it almost immediately. The stark utility of the space revealed below her was unsettling in a way she couldn't explain – even utter darkness was preferable.
Are you sure he didn't do anything to change you? You act different. Wasn't that the crux of her worry? Walter seemed so different. If what Alucard said were true, would he mess with her head and make her act like Walter?
When did you ever see me with someone I was close to? She hadn't, but she found it so difficult to imagine Walter close with anyone the way he had demonstrated with Alucard.
Then again, she hadn't been able to imagine her parents being as close – physically – as Walter and Alucard seemed to be. Maybe it was the same problem of imagination.
She snorted mirthlessly imagining Alucard in a paternal role. Not unless it in was a family prone to incest.
The young woman came out of her thoughts to focus on the matter at hand; she could feel it – power beating against her skin. Alucard had been right; it made her want to run both away from and toward the source of the power. What would happen to her in Lilith's presence? A female soul that was an extrusion of a male body. It didn't seem too bad so far.
That any of what Alucard told her was true made her anxious. She wanted proof that Alucard and Walter were lying, not that what they told her was true.
At the back of the cellar was another door.
Seras hesitated in front of the door and wondered what was on the other side. A root cellar? A wine cellar? A storage closet? It really didn't matter what it had been; what it had become was a chapel housing a goddess.
Steeling herself, she opened the door and faced the truth of the story. A closed coffin lay on the floor in the center aisle of a spacious wine cellar. Every step closer to the coffin came with greater effort until she stood over the box and opened its lid to regard the heavily bandaged and contorted figure inside.
"So you're Lilith."
Upstairs, Alucard and Walter waited for Seras to return, occupying themselves quite enjoyably until Alucard pulled away from Walter. "She's on her way back. Are you going to bother with clothing?"
"Don't rush the girl." Walter pulled a face at the interruption and concentrated on his clothes. At least he didn't have to try to concentrate on the maintenance of the shadows that formed his clothing all the time. He had a feeling he'd probably end up nude at inopportune moments if he did.
By the time Seras arrived, both Alucard and Walter were fully clothed, if intentionally disheveled. Alucard insisted, saying there was only so much he was willing to shelter her, even now.
"It's all true, isn't it?" She hugged herself and looked at the two men.
At a mental urging from Walter, Alucard went to Seras. He paused, and at further urging from Walter, put his arms around her. "What reason do I have to lie?" He didn't mention that he could prove it by reclaiming her body from her; the idea was to show her that she was an individual, not drive home the fact that her individuality was an illusion.
"Why don't I remember anything? And why did I wake up here? I don't even know how long it's been since this happened." Seras dropped her hands and held them away from her body, unsure what to do with them when Alucard embraced her. Finally she put them around his waist and leaned against him, resting her cheek against his chest. "What happened to my mind?"
Alucard's voice rumbled under her ear when he answered. "You were damaged. I'm not certain if it was Lilith, or going InBetween unprepared, although I think it was likely a combination of both. Your memories were fragmented, scrambled even."
Alucard had tried waking Seras with those broken patterns still in her mind. It had been… unfortunate. He'd forced her consciousness down again and stripped all of the memories starting at her first time InBetween through her death and aborted awakening. The first few tries had not been successful. Alucard had been forced to rebuild much of Seras' mind, and the memories of the events after the catboy first took her InBetween would forever be unreachable for her.
But before he could take the time to experiment to rebuild a functional Seras, he and Walter had assisted the humans in their final extermination of Millennium's vampire battalion. "It has been three months."
Seras' arms tightened around him. As much as her rational mind said that Alucard and Walter were telling her the truth, she just couldn't bring herself to believe what they were telling her. Three months had gone by? She could believe that more easily than she could believe that she had failed so completely in her duty to protect both Pip and Integra.
"What did you do to me? Why did it take you three months? Did you change me like you did Walter?"
Alucard gave an exasperated snort. "The only thing I did for Walter, other than give him a life and body again, was to dull the trauma of what Millennium did to him. He needed to be able to function in battle. Other than that, he – and you – are unaltered."
"Dull the trauma?" Seras looked incredulously at Alucard. "No offense, Walter, but you seem more than dulled." He seemed like an entirely different person, was what he bloody seemed like.
Walter drew himself up into an approximation of the man she had known before and gave her a cool look. Since he had been the one who seemed to keep taking her side during the storytelling, Seras felt embarrassed to have challenged him that way. It just… he just didn't seem like the same man.
"I hardly think that you are the right person to judge what I do or do not feel."
Come here, Walter. Walter raised an eyebrow and approached the two. He eyed Alucard's hand warily when the vampire held it out to him.
"I'm not certain I want to do that," he said after a pause.
Afraid, Angel? Alucard wiggled his fingers at Walter, beckoning.
"Honestly, yes."
Seras twisted around to look at Walter, only catching his half of the conversation. The outstretched hand made it easy enough to guess what the tenor of Alucard's half was. His arm tightened around her when she began to pull away from him.
"I am tired of your doubts and veiled accusations," Alucard said, holding her firmly in place. "And I'm done indulging them. We have a direct way to put them to rest."
"Wait!" Seras said when Walter reached to take Alucard's hand. "Just one more question." She continued when Alucard nodded. "How many times have you done this – given bodies to souls like this?"
"Including the two of you, twice. I have given bodies to the souls I command, but I have never given them autonomy. They were always extensions of my will. You two are different." Integra would have been the first, if he'd been able to.
"Why?"
In response, Alucard stretched out and caught Walter's hand. Enough pretending.
When Alucard finally allowed Walter and Seras to pull away, neither went far. Seras rubbed her hands down her arms again and looked at the floor.
"Now," Alucard said, giving absolutely no external indication of any of the emotions Walter and Seras had felt from him. "Stop lying to yourself and asking pointless questions. You know our hearts–"
"For lack of a better word," interjected Walter and grinned shakily at Alucard's flash of annoyance. He was still off balance from the prolonged experience of shared emotions, but he'd taken a lot of shocks in his life and had practice at bouncing back.
"–and we know yours." He finished.
And hadn't that been what Seras had been frightened of the first time? Not just knowing how Alucard and Walter felt, but knowing that they knew how she felt – lonely, scared, tired, and so many more things, including attracted to both of them. What kind of person were they going to think she was?
Then she realized how stupid a question that was, since she knew both of them felt the same way.
Maybe this empathy thing wasn't all bad – she would never have to accuse either man of not knowing how she felt. But… Seras had a feeling that things were going to get hairy when the shock of everything they had just told her wore off.
Still, having these two around and actually caring about what happened to her would probably help. Even if they were two of the most unlikely sources of comfort she could have imagined. She thought she could get used to it, though.
She'd have to put it to the test, scientifically, of course.
So much for my maiden attempt at AxS. I know that this fic is flawed. I'm afraid it's just an incredibly difficult pairing for me to write, but for my friend Oscar Rose's birthday gift, I gave it a shot. What a surprise that my Walter fetish had to insert itself as well. I hope you enjoyed the read. If you have any quibbles with plot or characterization, let me know. I honestly do appreciate concrit, and I get far too little of it.
