Title: The Quiet Things
Author: Aeschylus
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Emily episodes and Fowely stuff
Summary: Diana Fowely enters their lives. Scully faces her anguish of Emily's death and turns to other means of dealing with her pain.
Disclaimer: Nothing X Files is mine.
Feedback: email me at Notes: If you have seen the movie Thirteen a certain scene may be similar to a scene in my story. I wrote this before I saw the movie
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They didn't talk all day. It was extremely hot in the basement office and Scully watched Mulder loosen his tie. It was lunchtime and he was indulging in a double cheeseburger that oozed heart attack.
She was playing solitaire on her laptop, an untouched yogurt cup next to her.
"Aren't you going to eat?" he finally asked, his eyes wide and questioning.
She jumped a little, startled by the sudden sound of his voice. She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat a little to say, "Uh, yes, I was just a little wrapped up with…-"
He interrupted her to say, "What happened to your hand?"
She froze, and glanced at her hand which had a bandage placed over her cut.
"Oh, I had a safety pin in my coat pocket and it cut my hand when I was getting my keys", she replied.
"A…safety pin", he repeated, nodding with each syllable.
She averted her eyes and looked back up a few moments later to find that he still stared at her.
He held her gaze for a moment and then returned his attention back to his lunch.
She dug her fingernails into her palm, the pressure causing her cut to throb under the bandage. She wished they could both snap out of it and break down the invisible barriers they built up so long ago. She wished he would say he understands why she was so upset and she wished she could approach him and have a normal conversation about their issues.
It seemed like he had no concern whatsoever when it came to her feelings about Agent Fowely. She felt pathetic for even having issues about it anyway. She couldn't get it out of her mind because she was trying to convince herself her feelings are justified.
Then his voice startled her again, "Actually, Scully, I thought you had a cut there a week or so ago, but it wasn't bandaged and was almost healed the other day".
How observant of you Mulder. Did you happen to notice my heart is ripped out and flopping around on your desk too?
"Well, Mulder, it opened back up last night after my bath", she replied, her eyebrow and voice lifting a notch.
He nodded, and seemed satisfied with her answer.
She was just being paranoid anyway. There was no way for him to know that she meant to do it. Or that she enjoyed it.
"Don't forget you have that autopsy scheduled in about an hour," he reminded her through a mouthful of burger.
"Yeah," she replied, chucking her unopened yogurt into the trashcan.
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She went through the autopsy with little interest. Seemed the woman died of a broken neck, plain and simple.
She pulled out her cell phone to call Mulder. It rang two rings before she heard it click and then a, "Hello?"
"Hello?" Scully said, frowning. It was a woman's voice.
"Agent Scully?" the woman asked.
"Yes…?"
"Here's Fox."
"Hey, sorry," Mulder said.
"Mulder, who was that?" she asked, her heart thudding.
"Di-Agent Fowely," he replied.
She was silent for a few moments, and then said, "The woman died of a broken neck."
She hung up and leaned against the wall, her sister's face flashing through her mind. She had lost so much to him, to this.
Without thinking she stalked over to the drawers and pulled out a clean scalpel. She clenched her teeth and let her heart open to all the agony she had been holding at arms length.
Grasping the scalpel she made one swift and deep cut on her right arm, just below the major veins in her wrist.
Panic came first, made her want to curl up tight and whimper.
Her knees grew weak and she almost blacked out from the pain. Stumbling over to the drawers she grabbed some gauze and applied pressure to her cut. She sank down to the floor and sobbed.
What in the hell was wrong with her?
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On her way back to the office from the autopsy, her mind swirled with disbelief. It was like someone else was inhibiting her body. This someone else was tugging and pulling the suppressed anguish from her soul. This someone else had magnified the pain, making it unbearable.
She swung by a gas station when her car gave a tiny beep indicating her gas was low. Walking slowly, she took her place behind a tall, burley man.
"A pack of Camels please," he told the Spanish man behind the counter.
The burley man paid and turned to see Scully eyeing the Nicorette patch on his shoulder. He smiled sheepishly and told her, "I've been trying to quit but my wife filed for divorce yesterday. It's the only thing that keeps me from turnin' to the bottle again. Cools the nerves."
She nodded and offered a small smile and watched him walk out of the door.
"Ma'am?" the man behind the counter asked.
She startled and mumbled a sorry, handing him a crisp bill from her wallet. In an exaggerated motion, Scully slid her gaze towards the lines of cigarettes.
"Actually, could I also have a pack of…Morley lights?"
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She had a nightmare that night. Her cancer was back but nobody believed her. She was growing weak and her time to go was soon, but nobody gave her a thought. She ran away from everything into a dark forest. Fog slithered, gray snakes along the ground. She continued thrashing and weaving through the thick mass of trees only to come face to face with an alien. His large, unblinking eyes narrowed and his hand lashed out, scratching her arm.
She awoke with a start and her chest heaved from her deep breaths. Her forehead felt sticky with sweat and her throat was dry and scratchy.
Her arm was stinging again. She cradled it and felt a pang of guilt. She was a doctor. She knew better. There was no reason for this.
Except…her sister died because of this man, she was barren because of this man, she had no outside life because of this man.
Because of this man… she almost died of cancer. And because of that woman that he chooses to trust over her, she obtained that cancer.
But that was nothing compared to the loss of her daughter. Emily's face flashed into her mind.
With a sharp intake of breath she shook away the thoughts, knowing that it wasn't his fault she stayed. It wasn't his fault period. It was her fault.
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There was a new case and she was on an airplane again. It was extremely hot but she refused to take off her jacket in fear that Mulder would notice the new wound on her arm. How could he not?
Scully could tell he wanted to say something to her. He kept wiggling around in his seat and shooting her quick glances. She didn't dare look at him.
When they arrived at the hotel later that day she went straight to her room and locked her door. She didn't even bother discussing the case with him. She just wanted to get it over with so that she could get back home to her own tub and her own bed.
She shed her coat but then quickly put it back on when there was a sharp knock at the door. She unlocked the door and swung it open to face Mulder.
"Let's go grab dinner," he said.
"I'm not hungry," she replied, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.
"You didn't eat lunch," he pointed out, his voice flat.
"I'm just not hungry, ok?" she said, getting angry.
She started to close the door but Mulder's hand stopped it, making a loud banging noise.
She jumped and stared at him, startled at his forceful and cold demeanor. He pushed it all the way open, causing her to stumble back a few steps.
She was in shock and said nothing.
"What's going on Scully. You don't eat. You don't talk. Talk to me," he said in a low voice.
She shook her head and turned her back to him.
He roughly turned her back to face him and cupped her chin. She angrily shook out of his hold and backed to the wall because it was the only place to go.
"Talk to you Mulder?" she spat.
He nodded, his face not giving away his emotions.
"I have nothing more to say to you," she said harshly.
He flinched and his face softened. He took a step towards her but she shook her head no.
Suddenly a cell phone rang, causing them both to jump. Mulder reached into his pocket and glanced at the name that appeared on the screen. She could tell by the look on his face that it was her. That it was Fowely.
"Goodbye Mulder," she said, and she went into her bathroom and locked the door, not giving him a chance to say anything more.
After her bath she returned to an empty room.
