Title: The Quiet Things

Author: Aeschylus

Rating: PG13

Spoilers: Emily episodes and Fowely stuff

Summary: Diana Fowely enters their lives. Scully faces her anguish of Emily's death and turns to other means of dealing with her pain.

Disclaimer: Nothing X Files is mine.

Feedback: email me at Notes: If you have seen the movie Thirteen a certain scene may be similar to a scene in my story. I wrote this before I saw the movie.

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The whole day Scully worried about what Mulder assumed the blood was from. She didn't know if she was more worried that he'd confront her or if she was more worried that he wouldn't.

She forced herself to eat a large lunch in hopes that it would defer his concern for her. The only good that did her was give her an awful stomach ache. He didn't even look at her the whole day. She could tell he was in deep thought and she was positive it was because of her.

When it was time to go they walked in silence to the car and she tried to keep even, steady breaths. He unlocked her door first and then walked around to his.

She sat down and clicked on her seatbelt, watching him take his seat. He toyed with the keys for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek. She knew it was coming soon.

He surprised her though, he put the keys into the ignition and they were off. He drove towards his apartment and it started to rain. The droplets pelted hard against the window and she watched the windshield wipers sweep them away.

When they arrived he turned to her to say, "Will you come up for a little while?"

"Yeah," she agreed, her voice strained.

They walked side by side to his apartment and when he lifted his key to unlock the door, they both noticed it was slightly ajar. They exchanged looks and reached for their guns. Mulder entered first and before Scully could see who it was Mulder lowered his gun and put it back in his holster.

He walked in a little further and she peered around him. Diana Fowely sat on the couch, flipping through a magazine.

"Diana," Mulder greeted her, moving to the side to show that Scully was with him.

"Hey, Hello Agent Scully," she said, smiling a thin smile at her.

"Agent Fowely," Scully managed to grunt.

"The light bulb blew out in here, that's why I'm sitting in the dark," she explained, standing up and placing the magazine on the coffee table.

"I'll get another," Mulder said, motioning for Scully to follow him. Good move because she was ready to bolt.

He reached into a cabinet and pulled out a box of bulbs. He lifted one and shook it close to his ear. He held his arm out to hand it to Scully and said, "Here, take this to her to see if it works."

She reached out and made the mistake of letting her shirt rise, revealing several cuts.

Glass shattered and she realized Mulder had dropped the light bulb. She stopped breathing and looked up into his eyes. His face had gone slack and his skin was pale white.

"Is everything ok in there?" asked Fowely.

"Fine, I'll call you later," Mulder managed to call out.

"Ok…" she said, sneaking a peek into the kitchen as she left.

When she shut the door, Mulder turned his attention back to Scully's arm, which was still frozen in an outstretched position.

"What's this?" he whispered.

She let her arm fall and said nothing. He grabbed for her arm and she screamed, not meaning to.

She felt him shaking against her as they struggled. Finally he had both her arms tightly in his grasp. She gasped in pain as his grip tightened on her wrists. Dropping one of her arms, he pushed her sleeve up.

He made a sound like a breathy "Oh.." and he backed into the counters, hand on mouth.

He breathed heavily, shaking at the sight of her arm. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them he saw that she had covered her arm back up with her sleeve.

He reached for the other arm and she tore away from him. He reached for it again and managed to grab her midway up the lower portion of her arm. This time she screamed in pain.

"Please," she begged, tears starting to stream down her face.

His breathing became quicker and harder and his eyes nervously darted between her face and her arm. He finally let go and pushed up the sleeve. It was the arm with seven cuts and he almost passed out at the sight.

He dropped her arm and a tear trailed down his own face. He backed away from her, their eyes connected. He kept shaking his head as if he thought it were all a bad dream. She wished it were. She didn't know what to say or do. She couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"Scully…" he finally choked out, still shaking his head.

This made her cry harder and she sank to the floor. He walked over to her and kneeled in front of her, his hands grasping her shoulders. He then sat next to her and pulled her closer with both arms wrapped around her.

He reached for her arm again and she sobbed a protest, trying to pull away from him. He rested his chin on her shoulder and she could feel his hot, unsteady breath in her ear.

"Shh…Shhhh" he whispered in her ear as he lifted the sleeve of the worst arm.

She felt him stiffen when he saw the cuts.

"No, please," she sobbed, turning her head away from his.

He raised her arm and brought his lips to the first cut. It was a small slit neatly between two veins on her wrist.

She gritted her teeth and told him no over and over as he placed soft kisses on each individual cut up her arm.

She kicked her legs and tried the whole time to pull her arm away from him. Once he was done he pushed the sleeve back down and put his mouth by her ear again. Her body shook with silent cries and grew too weak to resist anymore.

"Don't ever do this again. Ever." He whispered.

She let out a bitter chuckle and shook her head. He moved to the front of her again and took her chin in his hand and held her face tightly there. She was forced to meet his eyes. The same eyes she had looked into too many times to count. He looked into her eyes hard, jaw clenched.

"Ever," he said again.

She tried to move her face out of his grip, but he was relentless. His fingers caught her tears and they trickled down his arm, leaving hot trails on his cool skin.

"Stop resisting. You knew this was coming," he told her.

"I'm fine," she said, her voice shaking.

He let out a snort, anger flashing in his eyes. "You are not fine Scully. You aren't."

He lifted up her sleeve again with his other hand and then forced her to tilt her face down slightly to see her arm.

"You aren't fine," he said again.

She stared at her arm and the realization of what she had been doing finally hit her and she just broke down. She couldn't comprehend anything as she sobbed uncontrollably. Mulder scooped her up in his arms and carried her to his bed.

He placed her gently under the covers on her side and kneeled beside the bed, clasping her hands in his own. He kissed each finger and she cried harder with each brush of his lips.

"Scully…I'm sorry I don't tell you what goes on in my head. I'm sorry we don't talk. I'm sorry I didn't see that it was this bad. I'm sorry…"

He paused and watched her calm down a little at the sound of his voice. He let go of her hands and reached behind him to grab a box of tissues. He handed her one that she grasped in her hand and he pulled out another one to dab at her wet cheeks and runny nose.

He rested his elbows on the bed and continued, "You are the most intelligent woman I have ever met. You are the best friend that anyone could ask for. I'm sorry I never told you that enough. I'm sorry I have taken you for granted. I have. I'm not stupid. An asshole maybe, but not stupid. I should have listened to you, given you respect and the trust that you deserve and have always given me."

She couldn't look him in the eyes anymore so she watched his lips form each word.

"But Scully, don't you ever think that you can't come to me. Don't ever think that you have to…-to hurt yourself. I am always here. Always."

She nodded and said, "I know that… Mulder. I don't know how it got like this. I didn't mean…I don't know why. I…"

He nodded and murmured in a low voice, "It only takes one night of intense emotional pain and one time channeling your pain through something else to become addicted. You know that."

She nodded and whispered, "I knew better."

The rest went unsaid. They were good at that, not talking. This event proved that some things shouldn't be left unsaid while some can and should.

They talked through their actions. When he crawled into bed next to her and held her for the rest of the night, it said 'I care about you'. When he didn't answer his phone and it was her, it said 'you over her, always'. When he used his fingers to untangle her hair and pull back the wet strands that stuck to her face, it said 'I love you'.

Her soft sigh and small strokes of her thumb on his hand replied, 'I love you too'.