Disclaimer: I do happen to own Ricky Hatter, but NOT Harry Potter. But this isn't a story about Harry Potter…okay, that's getting really old really fast. Oh, and have you ever tried clams? I would like to know what they're like if you have. Do they really make you horny? OH! Sorry, right the…thing and the story, yeah, yeah whatever…oh, and Hi Rachel!

Theses are some things you should know before reading this:

I have a really strong craving for powdered doughnuts

I like apple pie

If you would like your home re-carpeted, go somewhere else

You remind me of Ted Kennedy

And this story is about Ricky Hatter, NOT Harry Potter

Oh, and this chapter is called Three blind mice…for no reason at all, really.

One day the three sickeningly talented youths, Audrey, Ricky and Shawn were walking down to…um, Hogbutt, the uh, gardener, yeah! They went down to his shack and started talking to him and shit.

"Hey, Hogbutt?"

"Yes, Audrey?" said Hogbutt with his elegant British accent.

"Derrr, I have no personality! Hey Shawn, you suck!"

Shawn crossed his legs, which did practically nothing since his boner was so huge.

"Gaaaghh…" said Ricky, because he had a fork in his windpipe.

"Oh, Ricky you're so delightfully hilarious sometimes!" said Hogbutt.

Then suddenly everyone turned gay. Except Audrey because she was already a lesbo.

"Ricky, I love you!" said Shawn agonizingly sexily.

"I love you, too, Shawn!" said Ricky, grabbing Shawn and sticking his tongue down the guy's throat.

Audrey just sat there, normal as ever.

Hogbutt suddenly ran out the door in search of Vesuvius Snake.: he'd hid his secret passion for too long.

Then the principle, Bumblebee was making out with a teacher called Magnolia O'Leary. He then turned gay, and kept making out with O'Leary, because she is a man.

(Lola, La-La-La-La-Lola)

And then Joe and Jeff began making out with each other (because theatrical incest is fun).

And then Jenny came and sucked off Ricky Hatter 'cuz he's a girl (Je-rry, Je-rry, Je-rry).

And that doesn't make sense because I don't think it's physically possible to suck off a girl. Innyhoo…

Prof. Snake was sucking off Hogbutt and Joe and Jeff's older brother Waldo was making out with himself because he's a freak like that. And suddenly he had two faces.

I love having control like this!

And then Lord Oldyguy showed up and some more magical shit went down.

Oldyguy was like trying to kill Ricky and then he turned gay and made out with him and stuff. And then he killed him because it turns out Ricky was a girl!

And then Teach Jasmine showed up on the Frogsuck united…uh, trainline. And he was half mermaid so he had a fish instead of a cock. Get it?

Then whatsisbucket Jasmine started killing people with his tail (he'd like slap it over their face and asphyxiate them, it was cool)

And then some more shit went down and Lord Olgyguy went away until he came back and fucked with the Bronze Triplets some more.

The end…for now! Dun, dun, dun!

A/N: I am so sorry about that.