'Why?' she turned to him as the door slammed behind them, separating them from their staff who had watched their retreat with unconcealed fascination. He just stared at her. It was a simple question that she asked but he couldn't begin to formulate an answer.
'It was what he deserved' he replied eventually, unable to look her in the eye and see disappointment burning in their depths. He knew it wasn't what she would want him to do. He knew that she just wanted to forget all about it and pretend it had never happened. His hot-headed rage had taken the choice out of her hands. Suddenly he felt like he was as bad as Zubin.
'It was what he wanted' Connie retorted, exasperation in her voice, tears in her eyes 'thanks to you the entire ward knows what he did to me. Thanks to you he knows that what he did affected me, that he destroyed me. Thanks to you he's won'
'Won' Michael repeated, unable to understand the tangent that the conversation had taken. Surely Zubin had 'won' the moment that he forced himself upon her. No matter how brave she was or how strong her front surely he would know the effect his actions had upon her. The only way Connie could reclaim any kind of victory in this twisted battle was to ensure that Zubin received the punishment that he deserved and she seemed unwilling to do that. It was something that Michael had never truly understood, although he could hazard a guess at her reasons for not wanting to report the attack.
'Yes' she took a deep breath, preparing to explain herself but resenting every word she uttered in an attempt to justify feelings that she felt she really shouldn't have to justify. Especially not to Michael. 'rape isn't about sex, it's about power. When Zubin raped me it was about him proving that where it mattered he was more powerful than me. He wanted to prove that he could break me…' she trailed off as the tears started, streaming down her face before she could stop them. Tentatively Michael moved forward and placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping to comfort her but she brushed it off and turned her back to him and gazing out of the window, suddenly finding the car park fascinating.
'I'm sorry' he murmured to her back, hoping she would turn back to him. She didn't. Instead she took a deep breath and began to speak again.
'Why do you think I came back here today Michael?' her voice was suddenly harsh and icy and she turned back towards him and gave him a look that he had never seen before. Or at least never received before. It was a look of disgust. A look that said that she didn't think he was worthy of her valuable time.
'Because it's your job' he replied quietly. One look at her face told him that this was the wrong answer.
'I could get a new job' she snapped 'I could walk away from this place and never look back. I came back because I wanted to show Zubin that he couldn't beat me. That he isn't better, stronger or more powerful than me. That he hasn't broken me' she started to rant and he released a quiet 'ah' as he realised quite how angry she was. When he had confronted Zubin in the lift he had told him that Connie was distraught. He had told him just how much his actions had affected her when all she wanted was for him to think that she had continued with her life. She didn't want him to feel guilt at what he had done; she wanted him to feel disappointment that he hadn't achieved his ultimate aim of destroying her.
'and do you know what you did? You told him that he'd won. I thought you knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't want that but now I don't have the choice. Another little piece of power taken from me but when it's you taking my control away' she shuddered slightly and his guilt intensified 'that feels worse than anything he could possibly to do me'
'I'm sorry' he repeated again and she turned away, gazing down at the car park for a long time before she turned back to him with unshed tears glistening in her eyes.
'I'm sorry Michael' she paused for a moment 'I don't think we can come back from this'
'I'm sorry' he repeated for a third time as she threw open the office door and stood like a sentry, clearly waiting for him to leave. For a moment he considered refusing to go in favour of staying and apologising to her until she was forced to listen but he knew that she would hate that so instead he slunk away to his office to avoid Zubin and lick his wounds.
