What? You're back? Someone actually liked the book?
Wow, miracles do happen.
If any of you thought the previous chapter was preachy, I apologize. I can't resist drama at times.
Ironicly, I think my little brother's freak bunny attack on my fanfic actually boosted my R and Rs instead of destroying them…ironic, no?
You would not believe all the very nice people who reviewed me. Hooray!! I'm recognized! Anyway, any questions/comments/death threats in the future, my mailbox is open. Okay all you R and R ers, the followings just for you!!
Nkitty29: you are my first reviewer ever!!! Special kudos to you! Thanks a ton, and here's that chapter you wanted! Thank you again!
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler: Thank you!! As for the characters, you'll have to read. I already have them all picked out. Though I'm really glad you're into it. I hope you like this chapter!
Mifurey: Thank you for the review (and the smilies)!! I certainly will.
An unknown someone: I'm glad you liked it!! However, in honest confession, my brother would probably try to warp my fanfic with Tea more than lands of fuzzy bunnies. Or worse…Bionicles…
Nashida: Thank you for the R and R, and also for your support for the ongoing war of keeping younger siblings off of fanwork. Don't worry, I do the soda cans in my schools, so I've got a good upper arm.
But just in case, what kind of 'toys' are we talking about?
Well, what's left to say? Onto the craziness!!!
CHAPTER TWO
If I Only Had a Pair of Ruby Platform Straps
The house was violently rocking back and forth and around and around as Serenity clung to her bed, hoping she wouldn't get thrown off into Mother Nature's vacuum cleaner.
Ignoring the obvious fact that it's dangerous to stand next to a window during a tornado, Serenity walked over to a glass window and looked out to see all the weird things flying by her window, seeing all the weird things that were passing her by.
The winds of the tornado obviously had picked up many innocent people in its wake. Serenity saw all kinds of weird people fly by her door. She saw a local DJ, who's English was so terrible that many tune out of his station the second they here his scratchy voice, and so stupid that as long as he had his headphones on, he assumed he was still working, even though he was soaring around in a swivel chair.
The next thing that came by was another person who wouldn't care that she had been sucked up by a tornado; a High School English Teacher. She was used to walking around the halls listening to obscenities being screamed at loud volumes. The violent winds of the tornado were no different, except it was quieter. She was pacing around on a slab of linoleum hallway that got sucked up with her.
But by far the most disturbing thing of all was what came next; the extremely bad middle aged rapper.
"YO YO YO!!!!!!" screamed the middle aged rapper, standing behind those huge nylon record player things. "DIS IZ MC OLD WRINKLED GUY IN DA HOOOOOUSE!!!! AND DIZ IS MY DAWG, GOTTA LOVE IM, MINI-FRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The mini-fridge stood lifelessly next to him, the saner of the two.
"HALL-RIIIIIIIIIIIGT!!!!!!!" screamed MC Wrinkled Old Guy. "Today weez gonna ROOOOOOOOCK!!!!!!!! Dis is a rap about mah dawg dawgs!! NOW GIVE IT UP FOR RD TO THE HIZZAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! Amp dat sucka up Mini-Fridge!!!"
The background beat started, and MC Wrinkled Old Guy burst into horrible melody.
Her back is black and her fur is read
She's got a boney tail and an empty head
Cause she's RD to the Hizay, heck ya
RD to the Hizaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!
She mah commutes own red mutt
She's got a bone made of cone and a furry butt
Cause she's RD to the Hizay, heck ya
RD to the Hizaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!
Down in the hood we know she's all that
She's loved by the folks and harassed by the cat
Cause she's-
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" screamed Serenity, unable to take any more of the horrible song. She promptly lifted a chair with her bare hands and threw it out the window, knocking the rouge rapper out of the spiral and into parts unknown.
After that, Serenity looked outside once again to see another peculiar sight. There was a blond haired woman driving a Jaguar with the top down, peace signing her as she drove by in mid air. Suddenly, before Serenity's very eyes, the car morphed into a Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick, and the blonde haired woman was suddenly wearing witches garb.
"Now, I shall commit acts of evil!" The witch said.
"What?!?" Serenity yelled out the window over the wind. "I can't hear you!!!"
"I said, I'm going to commit acts of evil!!!!!" Said the witch.
"Come again????" Serenity yelled.
"GOSHDARN YOU!!!!!!" said the witch. "I SA-AID, I AM GOING TO COMMIT ACTS OF EVIIIIL!!!!"
Suddenly, a great, big red sign appeared behind the witch that said 'Ride Over'.
"DARN YOU ALLL!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the witch, and suddenly, everything went down. Faster and faster the house spiraled around and around and around, going ever faster down!! DOWN AND DOWN AND DOWN AND-
---ooo---
Here comes the Snow Queen!!!
Her Majesty in white!!
Queen of the winter-
---ooo---
Sorry. I forgot I tapped this over 'The Snow Queen'. Hang on, let me fast forward…any second now…come on YOU STUPID VCR!!!!!!!!!! Why did I let my mom tape that??? HOW DO PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS??????????? I DEMAND DVR!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I just needed to let that out. Back to the…
Hang on sec. I just remembered that this is a book, not a badly tapped video.
My bad.
---ooo---
CRASH!!!!!!!!
The house landed. Serenity was wondering where she was, hopping beyond all belief that it wasn't in Texas.
To make sure that when she walked out into whatever horrors awaited her, she took her security plush toy with her, an adorable kitty which she had named, Miss Fluffy-Kins. Her Mom was a Fluffy, her dad was a Kin. You know how it works.
Anyway, bravely hugging her stuffed-yet-cuddly calico, Serenity, very bravely, walked down the stairs. She slowly walked up to the front door, and stood in front of it for a few seconds for dramatic effect.
Then, she opened it.
She was in deep shock. The world around her was different. Way too different. Then she realized it. SHE WAS IN TECHINCOLOR!!!!!!!!!!!
But she was in Technicolor when she started out, so it was really less of a deal than I made it out to be.
However, the land itself was filled with bizarre plants, flowers, trees, yada yada yada.
"Ms. Fuzzy-Kins," said Serenity. "This doesn't look like were in the badly dubbed 4Kids series anymore."
Suddenly, twinkly music began to play in the backround. A cute little pink bubble began to float in the air, really small and distant at first, but then growing closer and bigger.
The colorful bubble floated closer and closer to Serenity, much to her shock. It landed right in front of her, a beautiful shade of rosy pink, and inside it stood a blond haired woman wearing a crown, strapless belly shirt, purple jacket thing, micro mini, and thigh-high boots.
"Alright," she said, still inside the bubble. "Are you a good witch or a b- hey, wait a sec!! How come this stupid bubble hasn't disappeared??"
She pushed her hands out, and the elasticy balloon thing stretched out with it.
"STUPID BUBBLE!!!" she screamed, hammering through it with the horned heels of her boots. She successfully popped the bubble, but out of rage, she was still trampling it to dust with her high heels. After her rage spat was over, panting, she regained her poise, and looked Serenity in the eye.
"Well," she said. "Are you a good witch, a bad witch, or a mediocre witch?
"Sorry?" Serenity asked.
"Are you a good witch, a bad witch, or a mediocre witch, because if you're dropping real estate on people who are just flying by, then you better be doing it on the light side."
"Well, to be honest, I'm not a witch at all. I'm Serenity Wheeler, from a badly dubbed, English version of a hit Japanese Anime, which makes my real name Shizuka Kawai, but we aren't going to get into that."
"Oh…kay," The woman said.
"Besides," Serenity said, "aren't real witches supposed to be old and ugly and full of warts and stuff?"
"AHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed many voices from behind the many oddly-colored bushes surrounding the two.
"What was that????" Serenity cried.
"Oh, it's okay," said Mai. "Those are the Munchkins. They're just acting stupid. You see, only bad witches are ugly. I am Mai Valentine, The Good Witch of the North, North-east, and I still want to know if you're good or not."
"I try," said Serenity.
"Is that the witch?" Mai said, pointing to the kitten plushie.
"That's a stuffed animal," Serenity said severely. "Wait a sec, did you say I dropped a house on someone?"
"Yep," said Mai, pointing to the house. There, underneath it, was a hideous pair of black striped socks sticking out from under it, and on their feed was a pair of bright red, six inch, platform strap shoes.
"That is the body of Celia, the Kinda-Okay Witch of The South-East," Said Mai. "She has been torturing this town for hundreds of years."
"Wait a sec," said Serenity. "If she was kinda-okay, then how was she torturing you?"
"Hence the term 'kinda-okay'," said Mai. "She mauled old men, stole candy from children, didn't put shopping carts in their proper location, harassed daytime television, and most of all, she wore those horrible striped socks with platform straps. I mean really."
"So…what know?" Serenity asked.
"Partying I guess," said Mai. "Now that you liberated their town from the witch-y menace, they'll probably throw some sort of wild party. Alright you losers, come on out!!"
With that, all the Munchkins popped their heads from all kinds of random places. They came out of bushes, trees, bush like trees, tree like bushes, housed, under rocks, local libraries, and general hiding places like that."
"Attention all Munchkins!" said Mai. "This is Serenity Wheeler, who comes from badly dubbed something, something or other. She killed Celia. Throw your stinkin' party."
"Alright!!" said a spiky haired short kid with blonde bangs and a six pointed head. "Nice to meet you Serenity Wheeler! I am YUGI MOTOU, WICKED, OPPRESIVE DICTATOR OF MUNCHKIN LAND!!! I RULE THESE PATHETIC YOCALS WITH AN IRON FIST!!!!!!!!!!"
"'Oppressive Dictator'?" a Munchkin said.
"We have government elections every year!!" Said another. "This is a Democracy!!"
"Not anymore!!" said Yugi. "That is," he said, twirling the upside-down triangle like medallion on his neck, "unless any of you want to do pitched combat with my terribly brutal and wicked powerful alter-ego!"
All the Munchkins shook their heads in panic, muttering a chorus of "no thanks" and "we're good".
"Okay!" Yugi said. "Then in that case, we need to have the dead-corpse-observer-person to make absolutely sure Celia the Kind of-Okay Witch of the South-East is really dead!!"
"She got mowed down by a house," said Serenity. "There isn't much outlook in her favor."
"Nonesence!" said Yugi. "Go on dude!"
Thus, the corpse was fully observed by highly trained professionals, who did numerous tests, autopsies, brain scans, pulse regulations-
Ha, just kidding. Some guy just kicked her foot. She didn't move a muscle.
"She's dead!" he called back.
"Then what are we waiting for?" said Yugi. "Break out the Barenaked Ladies!"
With that, from huge stereo systems that were paid for by tax dollars and could have been used for rebuilding roads and hospitals soon blared out 'Another Postcard With Chimpanzees'. Serenity then found herself floated across the hands of all the Munchkin people and carried to a horse drawn carriage made of solid imitation gold plastic.
"Let's here it for Serenity!!" said Yugi joyfully, handing her a huge bouquet of abnormally weird flowers and lollypops. "She shall be forever remembered as the liberator of our sorry excuse for a town!!"
All the Munchkins cheered, passing her up many gifts that were either made of flowers or candy…or helium. However, a burning question still ached in Serenity's mind.
"Wow," she said, as all the gifts were being passed up. "You sure seem happy that I just committed third degree murder!"
"You bet we are!" said Yugi. "That way when her boyfriend comes to turn us all into disgusting, charred, black splotches on the ground with his unbelievably strong powers, we'll have someone to blame it on!!!"
"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" screamed Serenity, but before she could say another word, with a small squeak, a huge explosion of green smoke billowed from the center of town. All the Munchkin people screamed, even though they knew this was going to happen. As the smoke cleared, a tall, silver haired man in a red dress suit and a witch's hat was looming around, one brown eye staring at Serenity.
"Who's that?" Serenity franticly whispered to Mai.
"Oh that's Pegasis, the Extremely Not Nice Witch of the West," said Mai.
"You mean warlock," said Serenity.
"Nope. Witch," said Mai.
"How 'not nice' are we talking?" Serenity asked.
"Oh, he's at least ten times meaner and twenty times more powerful than Celia," said Mai. "And boy oh boy does he look mad."
"Who dared to kill my girlfriend??" screamed Pegasus in a fancy-pants accent. "Was it you my pretty?" he said, pointing a very threatening finger at Serenity.
"Um…well…there's a funny story behind that…" Serenity faltered.
"SILENCE!!!!!!!!" screamed Pegasus, and a huge, shiny piece of thin metal-like stuff was waved back and forth in the background to make a thunder effect. "YOU MURDERED MY BELOVED!!! FOR THAT, YOU MUST DIE!!!"
"Don't you want the platforms?" said Mai.
"The platforms," said Pegasus with a hiss. "Yes, yes, the platforms. With them, I shall have all the power I need. Yes, all of it!!"
So, he walked over to the house that mowed down is late girlfriend to pull off the Ruby Platform Straps. As he reached out, the platforms disappeared, and violent violin music played as the socks suddenly dragged themselves in for the fear of Pegasus's touch.
"They're gone!!" Pegasus snarled. Then, her turned to see Mai stare triumphantly back at him with a 'nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah' kind of look.
"You did this!!" he yelled, stalking angrily over to Mai. "YOU FILTHY-"
"Ah, ah, ah," said Mai. Suddenly, Serenity felt herself suddenly grow half a foot taller, and she suddenly had a violent wobble from shock, which she needed to use Mai for to break her fall.
"Sorry Peggy," said Mai. "Serenity gets the platforms, you get nada."
"No big deal," said Pegasus. "I'll just blast her to bits here and now and take the darn things!!"
"You powers don't work her, remember?" said Mai. "All the cable signals screw it up."
"CURSE YOU TIME WARNER DIGITAL CABLE!!!!" screamed Pegasus. "Fine!! I'll just command my army of flying, fuzzy bunnies to take care of her good and quick!"
"They're at a baptism!!" said Mai. "Jeez!! Even I know that!!"
"Darn," Pegasus muttered. "Listen well then!! Somehow, I'll get my hands on those platforms, me and my flying fuzzy bunny hoard too!! I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!!"
"She's a plushy cat!!" said Serenity. "And her name is Miss Fuzzy-Kins!!!"
"FAREWELL YON IDIOTS, AND I MEAN THAT IN THE IRONIC, MOCKING SENSE!!!!!" said Pegasus. "NOW, I SHALL MYSTERIOUSLY VANISH!!!!! BWA HA HA HA!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!"
And as the smoke shot up, Pegasus continued to laugh at absolutely nothing, like all traditional evil villains do. However, he was so busy laughing that as the smoke cleared, he was still there.
"BWA HA HA HA!!!!" he continued. "BWAH HA- Oh darn it."
With that, realizing that everyone knew he was a fako, he just un-dramatically walked away.
"Oh great!!" said Serenity. "An evil fruit loop is out to kill me, I'm miles from home, and I'm stuck with these platforms! What am I going to do?"
"Don't worry Serenity," Mai said calmingly, helping her stand up straight on her new platforms. "I know a way you can get home in no time flat. Far across many lands, over wild territories is the great and powerful Wizard of Cuz!! He can help you get home, because he has powers beyond your imagination."
"Is he nice?" said Serenity.
"Oh he's very nice!!" said Mai. "And all you need to do to find him is follow the yellow brick road!"
She pointed to a spiral that was made of bricks on the ground. One part of the spiral was made out of red bricks, one was made out of yellow. Bricks I mean.
"Cool!!" Serenity said. "So…where does the other path go?"
"Target!!!" Mai said
"I see," said Serenity. "Can't you just give me a coach made from some kind of gourd and turn rodents or rats or whatever to take me to this wizard loser?"
"I could," said Mai, "and I could also become at the last minute a dark and evil witch of blood lust and pure chaos and use my sharp boots to run you through and make your body resemble a bowl of chunky tomato soup. Plus, you can't rip off three things in one sitting. That's just tacky."
"That makes complete sense!!" said Serenity.
"Serenity, don't ever let those platforms out of your sight. They contain powers beyond mortal understanding. The fate of this entire plan of existence is in your hands, and a lot of lives are depending upon your actions…but no pressure."
"Thanks?" Serenity asked.
"Alright then!" said Mai. "Goodbye Serenity!! I'm off to get a front row seat of the horrors that a twisted and devious authoress is about to put you through!! Bye-eye!!"
With that, Mai stuck her hand out in the air, and a taxi driver came down to pick her up. He rolled down the window.
"One fifty up front," he said.
"ONE FIFTY???" Mai yelled, pointing her magic finger at him. "CON ARTIST!!!!!"
With that, the taxi driver turned into a frog, and Mai threw him out the window. Then, she jumped in the front seat, started the car, and popped a wheelie at 120 mph, a police motorcycle hot on her tail.
"Uh…" Serenity said. "Well…I'll just be going then."
"Nonsense!!" said Yugi. "As you go, we must annoyingly chant 'follow the yellow brick road' as you leave!! It's an official rule."
"An official rule?" Serenity echoed.
"Yep!" said Yugi. "I warped the Legislative branch of our local government!! I can do that, being an iron fisted dictator and all. Wanna hear the law I made about eating strawberry pudding on Wednesday?"
"AAAHHHH!!!!!" Serenity screamed, running out, not being able to take the annoying oppressive dictator any longer.
"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!! FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!! FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK-"
Serenity was running as fast as she could down the yellow brick road. Suddenly, she tripped on her huge platforms and fell flat on her face. She needed to get up. The munchkins were gaining fast. She franticly scrambled up to her feet and ran screaming out of Munchkin Land, never to return again.
"Oh!" Yugi said. "I just thought up a new stupid law!! From now on, every person who falls from the sky wearing platform shoes must dance on a podium made of cheese!! Someone write that down!!"
---ooo---
And that was chapter two of our twisted tale! Wow, this one's even longer!!
Okay, I have a lot to rant about, so let's get started.
For the record, I was just surfing today, and I found out that someone else is doing another Yu-Gi-Oh/Wizard of Oz spin off. I am really, really, really sorry, and if you think I ripped you of, I am sorry a thousand times again. I suggest you read the other authors version of it. It's called The Spaz of Oz or something like that. Again, I am totally sorry, but I didn't rip you off. Really. I thought this up myself, and I didn't realize the idea was taken.
Okay, in case any of you are wondering about the 'RD to the Hizay' rap earlier, RD stands for red dog. You see, our family dog is red, not to mention kind of stupid, and one day when me and my mother were taking a walk, I started that really dumb rap just for the fun of it. When your dog is like mine, weird things pop into your head…
On another note, in our next few chapters, many characters in Yu-Gi-Oh are going to be seen in an out of character, and somewhat unflattering light. Some of the following may be considered a little, how should I put this, wrong and insulting to fans and such, but many of the characters I am going to portray I am a fangirl of, so no angry letters about either, please?
Also, I do not own the Barenaked Ladies, Time Warner Digital Cable, The Snow Queen, or Target.
Before I continue, I have one favor to ask all of you.
As you all know (unless your heads are encased in a block of cement) there has recently been a very bad, I mean really, really bad, I mean 150,000 people dead and climbing hourly, tsunami in many parts of Asia. It has wasted many countries such as the coast of India, Indonesia, and even the country of which I based my pen name on, Sri Lanka.
So, I have decided to start up a relief effort on FFN. If you want to join my hideous idea, here is what you must do!
Donate five dollars (just five dollars people! I certainly am!) to any of the
Actually, this one is optional, but it's really important! Spread the word! Start something similar in you school!! Ask your parents to donate five dollars too! Force your kid brother into a chokehold and threaten him that you'll hurl him from your third floor story window (or roof if your house isn't that large) unless he coughs up a five!! Believe me, it works. Spread the word all over FFN!!
Look, I know five dollars isn't much, but there are 10655 authors in the Yu-Gi-Oh section of this site alone. If we all donated five smackers, that's more than fifty thousand dollars going to help. I also read that five dollars buys an emergency medical kit that can help a person for up to three mounths!! So more than ten thousand people could be saved!!!
I'm not saying you have to, I'm not forcing you, but I think this could really help a ton of people. I'm sorry if you are bored out of your skull by the previous.
Now, a horrible look into our next chapter! WHILE I CACKLE MANAIACLY!!!
---ooo---
"Now, we must make our sacrificial offering to the great Blue Man, so he will keep our crops safe from famine and drought," said the weirdo. First, we must offer a $1.00 off coupon for Lucky Charms, to signify that the Blue Man keeps us alive with charity, sacridnicity, and marshmallow bits!!"
"Yes sir," said one of the clan people in a blue robe, offering the Lucky Charms coupon on the alter.
"Next," said the chief, "We must offer the sacrificial used tissue, to signify we are nothing but snot in the great big nostril called life, which the Blue Man has charitably given us!!"
"Yes sir," said another member, placing the tissue gently on the alter, then walking backward back to his spot in the circle.
"Last but not least," said the loon. "We must offer one blonde idiot to the Blue man, to signify…well, I'm working on that one."
"Oh snap!!" said a member. "Where are we going to find a blonde idiot? Everyone knows they're out of season!!"
"Hey everybody!!" said a blonde idiot. "My name's Joey Wheeler! Wanna see my really cool pimple??"
"The Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…" the cult members said, walking towards Joey Wheeler.
---ooo---
Confused? So am I!!
Anyway, R and R me please, or else, NO NEW CHAPTER FOR YOU!!!!
