Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of the Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, or Lord of the Rings characters. Wish I did, though.

Artemis Fowl couldn't get to sleep. He had a horrible headache, and the Advil he'd taken hadn't worked. His parents were in France, and the only people in Fowl Manor were himself, Butler, and Juliet. Juliet was glued to the TV screen, watching some wrestling show, and Butler was completely conked out on a couch. The young genius kept on seeing these things on the side of his vision, but every time he turned to look at it, it was gone.

He finally decided to get on his computer and play chess, which usually put him to sleep very quickly. (The computer was that bad.) He had already checkmated the opposing king four times in ten minutes when a knock sounded on the door.

"Come in," he said wearily. His head was throbbing like heck, and he was tired, even though he found it impossible to fall asleep.

The door opened. Artemis frowned. No one was there! He got up from his computer and started for the door, but when he was halfway there, he was hit with a gust of gas, and he collapsed, unconscious, to the floor.

Goose-Goose grinned. They had their last contestant! She pulled out her checklist, just to be sure.

Juliet Butler

Domovoi Butler

Artemis Fowl

Holly Short

Foaly Centaur

Mulch Diggums

Harry Potter

Luna Lovegood

Aragorn of Gondor

Legolas Greenleaf

Gimli, son of Gloin

Wonderful! Now she could return to Omega! She dragged- what was his name- oh, yes, Artemis, out of the room, where her two sisters, Toast Blossom and Spoony, were waiting. "That's the last of the contestants!" she said cheerfully

"Wow, we made awesome time!" said Spoony.

"We? More like I made awesome time. All you two dorks did was operate the transporter," retorted Goose-Goose. "And I know that is such a hard job," she added in a sickly sweet sarcastic tone.

"It's harder than just opening the gas tankdragging the contestants out here!"

"Would you guys just shut your traps and get inside the retardedtransporter?" asked Toast Blossom, who was getting very annoyed by now. They stuck out their tongues at her, but did as she requested. Once they were all inside, along with the unconscious contestants, Toast Blossom said clearly, "Planet of Omega, Medium Rare TV Station, February seventh, 2005." With a great whoosh, they were there.

Stevie PotRoast was very annoyed at her three friends, the PanRoast sisters. (Goose-Goose and Company.) They had said they would return at 5:00, and at 5:01, they still had not arrived!"Lisa FryRoast!" Stevie shouted angrily. "Where the heck are those retarded PanRoast girls! Every show, they're late. Think they could come on time, for once?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Give them a few more minutes. I mean, they have to travel all over the world, in two different time periods, plus return to this planet that's in a different dimension. Remember, you're the one who gave'm the oldest transporter we got.It only travels a lightyear a minute, top speed. Our fastest can go four times asquick."

Jimmy, Stevie's younger sister, came into the room. "Lisa's got a point," she admitted.

"Fine! It's all a mutiny against me! Put down everything I say or do, and get me so discouraged that I'll let Jimmy be the host. I don't think so!"

Lisa and Jimmy were still looking at each other with confused faces when the transporter arrived. Toast Blossom got out first. "Heyyyyyyyyy!" she said with a big smile. "We're here, like, almost half an hour early."

"We Rockkkkkkkkkkk!" Spoony exclaimed.

"Oh, Stevie!" Lisa said in a sing-songy voice. "What was that about them being late? Apparently, you told them to arrive at 5:30."

"Did I?" The PanRoast sisters nodded at her. "Did I really say 5:30?" Nod, nod. "That was a mistake, and it wasn't my fault!" Lisa and Jimmy looked at her disbelievingly.

"Whose fault was it, then?"

"It was-"

Stevie was cut off by a groan from the transporter. Toast Blossom and Goose-Goose grinned. "The contestants are awake!" they said simultaneously. (A/N: Yea for vocab words!) Goose-Goose walked in, and the faint traces of "hello?" could be heard through the transporters thick walls.

Artemis looked around in confusion. Where was he? There was a stand in front of him, like the host of a show would use, and the words MEDIUM RARE flashed across a wall in neon lights. "And here we have our first contestant to wake up, Artemis Fowlllllll!" said a strangely high-pitched and female voice from behind him. He flipped around quickly, already devising a plan in his giant head to escape.

"Where am I?" he asked coolly, but Stevie (the one who had announced him) could hear the fear and perplexity in his voice.

"You're at the greatest talkshow in the entire galaxy, right here on Omega, MEDIUM RAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"This totally sucks."