And still you return. Haven't you learned your lesson?

It's the way I changed the story summery huh?

No time for that. I got a fresh batch of reviews!

NKitty: Thanks again! Yes Joey's here, to fight through my sick, demented fantasies. This will not be pretty. However, I can't thank you enough for my reviews, no matter how hard I try.

Mufurey: Definatly the same for you. And quarters work! Quarters are good!

Well, blowing up characters isn't exactly in my sphere. However, making them suffer HORRIBLE FATES is very much in my sphere, so I'll see what I can do.

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler: Thank you SOOOOOOO much!! Half of your Christmas money? Wow, talk about generous!! You are truly cut above the rest!! Yeah, my school's really in high gear about it to.

I'm glad you laughed your head off too!! Nothing makes me happier!

As for the GBAs, I know how you feel. Last year my garden variety GBA nearly met an untimely end when my dog got a hold of it when she was teething. Luckily I came downstairs just in time. Oh well, one man's trash is another man's little brothers Christmas present (and it was pink…giggle). Oh well, I bought him a really nice birthday present to make up for it.

Okay, just in case any of you are wondering (which I'm sure you're not, I mean, come on), from now on, I will be updating chapters every Friday, because we're all winding down for the week and getting out of week long shell-shock. So, here's my way of making it a little better…just a little…

Oh Well. Onto the craziness!!!

CHAPTER THREE
If I Only Had the Knowledge of Intelligent Smartness

"Stupid yellow brick road," said Serenity angrily, once again getting up from falling flat on her face when she hit a crack on her six-inch platform straps. "What stupid powers do these things have anyway? The power to kill their owners? They just aren't worth it…"

Then, Serenity looked down the yellow brick road, and to her great dissatisfaction, there was a fork in the road. Behind that fork was a great cornfield, filled with…corn. Not to mention a bunch of crows that were having the time of their lives.

"Oh snap!" Serenity said, walking up to the fork. "Now what Miss Fuzzy-Kins? What are we going to do? Which way's Oz?"

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed a voice, with an odd, New York accent above her.

"YEEK!!" she cried in shock. "What? What's going on?"

"Who are you!? Who said that?" screamed the voice again.

"Sorry, sorry, my name's Serenity," Serenity said looking up to see who the heck was screaming like a baby. Their, tied to a huge pole, raised a good ten feet in the air, was a brown eyed weirdo with blonde hair. He was looking in every direction to try to find where the voice that introduced itself as Serenity came from…except down.

"Who said that?" he said in frenzied yet stupid panic. "Are you a ghost? Are you invisible? Are you underground? ARE INVISIBLE GHOST UNDERGROUND TALKING TO ME???? AHHHH!!!!!!!!! NO!! I DON"T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! I HEAR DEAD-"

"Hey!!" Serenity yelled. "I'm down here!!"

The blonde weirdo finally looked down.

"Oh, uh, hi," he said. "Have you seen any invisible, underground ghosts? One's talkin' to me!!!!!!!!"

"That was me!" Serenity said. "I'm Serenity. Who are you and what are you doing up there?"

"Uhh…I don't know!" the idiot said.

"You don't know what your name or you don't know what your doing up there?" Serenity asked.

"I dunno anythin'!!" said the idiot. "Ya see, I'm Joey, and I've got no brain."

"So you do know who you are!" Serenity said.

"I do?" Joey asked.

"Yes!" Serenity replied.

"Oh, uh, okay," Joey said.

"So how did you get up there?" asked Serenity.

"I have no clue!" Joey said. "Hey! Do you want to know how I got up here?"

"That's what I just…" Serenity said, here voice trailing off. "I mean, yes, yes I would. Could you please tell me?"

"YAY!!!" Joey said. "Okay, it all happened a long time ago! Years and years and years and-"

---ooo---

THREE DAYS AGO!! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!!!!!!

It was a quiet, yet steadily raining day in the corn field. The corn in the field had just gotten ripe with the fruit that Mother Nature had graciously provided. It was the seventh day after the seventh month, and seven days after the great harvest moon. Now, it being that day, which they had long awaited for a year now, the great clan of the followers of The Blue Man gather, the clan came to the land where there sacrificial offering to The Blue Man.

The followers were all farmers who wanted their crops to be protected from the crow menace, and they turned to the great Blue Man for help. The Blue Man was a deity of a local cult of which had been alive and well for the past three weeks. All the clansmen were clad in robes of blue, and all were chanting, "I do not fear the rain, for The Blue Man is with me, and the water will not touch me. I do not fear the rain, for The Blue Man is with me, and the water will not touch me…"

The men continued to chant as they came to the great, big, twenty foot pole which shot out of the ground. This was the alter to The Blue Man. The apparent leader of the group held up his hand, bidding the others to stop. They did.

"All hail The Blue Man!!" said the leader of the tribe in a dead, dry voice.

"All hail The Blue Man," the others murmured, all bowing their heads

"Brethren of The Blue Man," said the leader. "We gather here today to celebrate The Blue Man's mighty reign, and we beg him to protect our corn from the black scourges of the sky."

"All hail The Blue Man, we obey, we obey," chanted the other idiots.

"Now, we must make our sacrificial offering to the great Blue Man, so he will keep our crops safe from famine and drought and crows," said the weirdo. First, we must offer a $1.00 off coupon for Lucky Charms, to signify that the Blue Man keeps us alive with charity, sacridnicity, and marshmallow bits!!"

"Yes sir," said one of the clan people in a blue robe, offering the Lucky Charms coupon on the alter.

"Next," said the chief, "We must offer the sacrificial used tissue, to signify we are nothing but snot in the great big nostril called life, which the Blue Man has charitably given us!!"

"Yes sir," said another member, placing the tissue gently on the alter, then walking backward back to his spot in the circle.

"Last but not least," said the loon. "We must offer one blonde idiot to the Blue man, to signify…well, I'm working on that one."

"Oh snap!!" said a member. "Where are we going to find a blonde idiot? Everyone knows they're out of season!!"

"Yeah," said another. "They'll be totally sold out at Target!"

"Whatever shall we do?" said another.

"Hey everybody!!" said a blonde idiot. "My name's Joey Wheeler! Wanna see my really cool pimple??"

"The Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…the Blue Man has provided…" the cult members said, walking towards Joey Wheeler.

"Oh boy!!" said Joey. "I love slumber parties!"

---ooo---

THREE HOURS LATTER

"Alright Joey," said the cult priest, talking to Joey, who was tied up on the pole ten feet in the air with extremely tight rope. "Are you as uncomfortable as humanly possible?"

"Actually, it could be a little less comfortable around my legs," said Joey stupidly.

"Oh. My bad," said a cult member, bounding his legs tighter to the pole. "Now how is it?"

"Yay! I'm in pain!!" said Joey.

"All three sacrificial offerings have been made!!" said the Priest. "Blue Man! We offer these to you! Please accept our gifts, and protect our crops from all your stormy rage!!"

"Popcorn!!" Joey added.

All the rest of the group did a bizarre little cry of…whatever. Afterwards, they just got up and left.

"Hey!!" said Joey, watching as the robed freaks walked away. "Doesn't any of youz want to kill me for da Blue Man?"

"No," said a member not even turning back.

"Aw come on!!" Joey said. "You know you want to!!!!"

"Foolish idiot," said another member. "The Blue Man doesn't want dead sacrifices! You are in The Blue Man's hands now."

"Can I at least have a giant donut?" Joey asked, but it fell on deaf ears. All of the tribesmen left, leaving idiot boy all by his lonesome.

---ooo---

"…and that's why I still burst inta tears when someone mentions giant donuts," said Joey. "So 'owabout you Serenity? Whacha doin' out here in this lovely cornfield?"

"More than you apparently," said Serenity, watching the crows having a blast eating the corn. In the recent surge of corn surplus, the crows had made a small restaurant, and crow waiters served all kinds of corn based products to eager coinsures.

"I'm trying to make it to the Wizard of Cuz," Serenity said. "You see, I accidentally killed this kinda-okay witch, and then a nice witch gave me these platform shoes that are supposed to have great power. However, there's a much meaner witch who want them too, and his name is Pegasus."

"PEGASUS?!!?" Joey screamed in rage. "PEGASUS IS INVOLVED IN THIS?!?!?!?!?!?"

"You know him?" Serenity asked.

"No!!" Joey said. "But it begins wit a P and ends with and S and has an 'egasu' in the middle!! He's gotta be stopped!!"

"Em…right," Serenity said.

"Alright then!" said Joey. "Cut me down!! I haven't eaten, drank, slept, bathed, or even gone to the bathroom in the last three days!!"

"Ew," Serenity said. "What am I going to use to cut you down?"

Use the force Serenity. Use the force, use the force, use the force. USE THE FORCE!!!!

"Use the force…use the force…use-"

"STOP IT JOEY!!!" Serenity said. "That's kind of annoying."

"Sorry," Joey said.

"Well…desperate times call for desperate measures," said Serenity, walking up to the ropes. With that, using nothing but her own teeth and nails, she hacked and tore through those terrible ropes. She fought and fought and fought them, like a wild animal escaping from the hunter's kill. Finally, it snapped, and Joey fell like a stone to the ground, screaming like a girl in the process.

"JOEY!!" Serenity said, helping the poor kid up. "Oh Joey, are you alright??"

"Seven-thirty, why?" Joey said, getting up. "Woops!!! I've got a loose thread. Oh well, I'll just use my lucky pair 'o scissors that are in my back pocket that I can easily pull out to cut myself free if I got tied up to a huge wooden pole to be sacrificed!"

With that, Joey pulled out the scissors and cut off the loose thread on his shirt.

"You could cut yourself down all along?" Serenity asked.

"Huh?" Joey replied.

"That wasn't the smartest thing to do!" Serenity said.

"Yes," Joey replied. Then, he turned to see that Serenity walked down the road, picking one end of the fork in the road, deciding that it was the right one.

"Wait! No!!" Joey said, hurrying to catch up to Serenity. "Please don't go! I wanna come too!"

"I'm sorry Joey," Serenity said. "It's dangerous out there! I have to defeat Pegasus and his flying fuzzy bunny hoard. I don't want you to risk losing your life twice!"

"Oh please Serenity!" Joey said, throwing himself on his knees and begging. "I don't wanna be alone! I wanna be with a friend, and travel all over the place! You see, I'm onna quest!!"

"What kind of quest?" Serenity asked.

"You see, I ain't good at nuthin'!!" Joey said. "All my other friend say Imma loser! But not anymore! I'm onna quest for the Knolege of Intelligent Smartness!! That way, I can defeat whatever comes mah way, and become the smartest person on the planet! I'm going to get the most brainiest brains in the world!!"

"Oh Joey," said Serenity. "Well, I've got an idea! Why don't you come with me to the Wizard of Cuz? He's smart! I bet he can get you a brain!!"

"Really?" said Joey. "I'm not gonna be dumb anymore? I'm gonna get smaterer?"

"Well, you certainly can't get less," Serenity said. "What have you got to lose?"

"Yeah!!!" Joey said. "Besides, I can protect you from all the lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!!!!"

When he said "oh my", Joey leapt twenty feet in the air, then landed on his feet again. Serenity promptly burst out laughing.

"That…was so…funny!" Serenity said. "I guess you'd be a great travel companion either way. Come on Joey! Let's go off to see the wonderful Wizard of Cuz!"

"YEAH!!!!" Joey said, but he said it so loudly, that Serenity fell over on her ruby platform straps right on her face.

"Joey," she asked, pushing herself of the yellow brick road, "Could you please help me up and stop me from falling over?"

"Sure!" Joey said, holding her arm and helping her up. With that, he and her linked arms, and went off down the fork in the road, both wondering what weirdness was to come. Well, Serenity was, Joey was thinking about whether or not he took a shower this week.

---ooo---

Sorry for the shortness of the chapter. The next one will be of normal length and normally crazy somewhat entertainment.

Anyway, perhaps you don't care, but I got my idea for the whole 'Blue Man' tribe from one time when me and my family went off to Canada. One of the attractions there was called the 'Maid of the Mist' boat tour, which takes you really close to Niagara Falls, where you then get drenched in, well, mist.

Anyway, to try to protect our clothes from the massive drenchage we were about to receive, we were given these terrible blue, plastic bag like, throwaway raincoats that we got to keep as souvenirs.

"Man," I commented, putting mine on. "These look like cult outfits."

"They do, don't they?" my Dad said. "I am of the Blue Man, and he is with me, and I do not fear the water, for it shall not touch me…"

Yeah. Anyway, he also occasionally let out other such comments while we were on the tour, such as 'Hello brethren' to a boat of other people on tour passing us, and how he was so pleased to see 'so many fellowship to The Blue Man', and when he saw people on a different tour who were wearing yellow coats, he called them all 'misguided fools'.

I'm sure there are plenty of good people in Niagara who are still recovering from our visit in therapy.

Anyway, just for all of you, here's a look at what's coming up in our next chapter. VIEW IT IF YOU DARE!!!!!!!!

---ooo---

"Way to go Joey!" Serenity said angrily. "Thanks to your usual acts of BLIND STUPIDITY, we're going to be sacrificed to some stupid forest fairy."

"I'm Hungry!!" Joey said.

"YOU ATE TWENTY-NINE FORBIDEN APPLES AND YOU'RE STILL HUNGRY???" Serenity yelled.

"Yes," Joey said.

"Shut up!" said a tree monster, halting in front of a huge, dug out hole about thirty feet in diameter. It had hinges, and on those hinges was a huge, cage-like network of wooden framework, used to keep people in. The hole itself was twenty feet deep, and was guarded by three other tree monsters, each equipped with a deadly looking spear.

"Put them in with the other one!" said the tree monster who was holding Serenity. "Maybe if we're lucky, they'll fight!"

"'Other one'?" Serenity echoed, but before she could say another word, the two were thrown in, and the millisecond they did, the gate was thrown down and locked. They were trapped.

---ooo---

What horrors have our heroine and hero gotten themselves into? Knowing these two, God knows.

As for who's next on the insanity conga line…lets just say this story is still a LONG way from normal.

Oh well, you know the drill, R and R away!!