Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in the story below, blah, blah, blah. These things get boring. Oh! I do own Lisa, Spoony, Toast Blossom, Goose-Goose, Jimmy, and Stevie! Kinda.

Chapter Two: Randomness and Why-ness

Medium Rare had started only two years ago, with Jimmy and Stevie PotRoast as the hosts. The show was basically interviews with stars from Omega. (The planet the aliens live on.) Every once in awhile, they have a Special with all kinds of famous people from Earth, in the past and present. Their three technicians, Goose-Goose, Spoony, and Toast Blossom PanRoast, take the pride of the Omegians, a transporter, to earth and travel through time and space to retrieve their guests. Lisa FryRoast is an alien who is the show's coordinator, and she arranges for the guests to come. (A/N: Just telling you this because I got a review that said the first chapter was confusing, so I'm just clearing it up a bit. By the way, all of the aliens who work on the show are female.)

"Now, Artemis, there are lots of little children watching this show, let's keep the language to the minimum."

"This totally sucks," he repeated.

"Now, Arty," said Jimmy, changing the subject. "How does it feel like, to have ruined so many lives? You are a liar, a cheater, and a con artist. What do you think about your life, personally?"

Artemis could tell that this freako alien wanna-be thought of him as an absolute criminal. Well, he supposed she was right. Mostly. Completely. "Whose life have I ruined, may I ask?"

"Take a look at this poor fairy," said Stevie, gesturing behind him. At the word fairy, Artemis jumped and looked around. It was Holly! "What the he-"

"Language, Arty!" Jimmy reminded him.

Now that Artemis was turned around, he could see who else must have been taken from their homeland. On one side of the transporter, there was a short, red haired man with a grizzly beard, a tall, slim one with long blonde locks, and a strong-looking, average height one with brown hair that fell to his shoulders. In another heap were two figures- a slim teenage girl with dirty blonde hair and another teenager that looked like Harry Potter. (It's not like Artemis liked the books, he found them to be quite infuriating and immature, and he hadn't gotten past the first chapter of them.)

Near the door were Juliet and Butler, and where Holly was, there was also, to his surprise, Foaly and Mulch!

None of the captives but Holly had even stirred. (She was just opening her eyes.)

"D'Arvit!" she cursed, feeling for the gun that wasn't there.

"It's quite alright," said Artemis, strolling over to where she lay. "They've got us at some kind of talkshow, and we're the guest stars. They're quite harmless, I believe."

"You believe!" said Holly, infuriated. "What the heck are we doing in this dunghole!"

"You're guest stars, I'm Toast Blossom, and we're filming!" said Toast Blossom, (obviously) still smiling like a clown. (As always.)

Now the other guest stars were waking up, rubbing their heads in confusion and pain. (The gas gives you quite a headache, remember the Advil that didn't work? Artemis was breathing in traces of the gas used for Butler and Juliet.) Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn tried to take out their weapons, but found they weren't there. Ditto for Luna's and Harry's wands, Butler's gun, and Juliet's lipstick tube. (It wasn't a weapon; she just wanted to touch it up.)

"Ah, all of our guests have awakened!" said Stevie happily, diverting her attention from Artemis and Holly for the moment. "Now I think it's time for some… Trivia of Terror! I'd like all of you to line up against the wall and face me. Why, it seems like Mr. Legolas Greenleaf is first! Now, Legolas. Can I call you Lego? No? Anyway… Legolas, today we have a trivia question that I think will knock your socks off! It's from a book that was written in the 1900's, and since you obviously weren't alive then, it's impossible for you to get it!"

Legolas was looking very uncomfortable at the loss of his elvish bow and his two swords, but he nodded nevertheless. "Okay. You have twenty seconds to answer this question. And it is… From the popular Earth series Lord of the Rings, who is Isildur's heir?"

Legolas looked at Aragorn, then back at Stevie. "Aragon of Gondor," he said in his absolutely awesome British accent. (A/N: I love Orlando!)

Stevie looked incredibly dumbstruck. "That's… correct," she said, almost reluctantly.

The lights on the set started flashing, and the song 'Celebration" came on at the loudest possible volume from the speakers. Everyone was too busy covering their ears to hear the next question. Once the music lowered (took you long enough, Goose-Goose), Jimmy started reading it. "And here we have Juliet Butler, a bodyguard, all the way from Ireland, Earth! Now, Juliet," she said, getting more serious. "This question will be very hard. We have found that only the male contestants can answer it."

"Bring it on!"

"What wrestler won the 2002 worldwide championship, in Hong Kong, China?"

"Ace Rodriguez, more commonly known as the 'Cyclops'. He trained since he was six, and since then has won more than six major championships. His child is Bobby Greg, he was married to Freida Norman, but they're divorced now, and his address is 3424…"

"Well, it seems that we have a smart bunch of guest stars on this show!" said Stevie in a fake happy voice (you could tell that she was absolutely boiling inside) before the song 'Let's Get it Started' started playing, at an even louder volume than before. "Goose-Goose!" Stevie screamed. The volume lowered.

"Now, we have Luna Lovegood, strait from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" Jimmy exclaimed. "Now, Luna, don't be disappointed if you don't answer this right. No one in the history of this gameshow has. Here it is… in what country can you find the endangered Crumple-Horned Snorkack?"

Luna's eyes were shining. "Sweden!" she said happily. "I've got pictures right here, too…"

Luna was cut off by an earsplitting scream from Jimmy. "Why! Why! Why did you pick these people who know the answers to everything? Whyyyyyyyyy!"

Stevie was still trying to calm her when the lights went black.