Joseph sighed audibly as he leant back in his chair. He was trying to write up some security documents for Charlotte to file, but found he couldn't concentrate.
Moving from his desk to the double doors leading to the balcony, Joseph pushed them open so he could step out into the sunshine.
It was a beautiful spring day. Cool and crisp but the golden sun was warm on the skin. Closing his eyes, Joseph leant with his back against the banister, tilting his head back so his face caught the golden rays.
'My life is brilliant'.
Warm, so warm…and fresh to the senses. Spring was the only season Joseph truly enjoyed. It was such a fresh season with a tendency to fill the heart with hope as new life sprung up everywhere. Hope for the future, for love…hope for her…
Stiffening instantly, Joseph snapped his eyes open with annoyance. Why did she have to invade his every pleasant thought? Turning to look out over the gardens he sighed again.
Ever since he first laid eyes upon her, she had plagued his life. It didn't help that he saw her every day, had to watch her every day. Did she know how much she affected him? Did she know she was truly an angel?
'My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.'
Joseph turned towards the palace as he heard the music floating towards him from an open window. 'How ironic' he snorted to himself. James Blunt, the musician, had managed to create a song that perfectly depicted the situation with her.
Scanning the side of the expanse building, Joseph could see an open window with fine silky white drapes billowing in the breeze. It was just above and across from where he was lounging. The music appeared to be coming from there. 'Again, ironic' Joseph thought to himself as he figured out that it was her private quarters.
Watching the curtains shift and fly in the breeze, Joseph listened to the words of the song.
'She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan'.
What plan? Joseph had no plan as to how he was ever going to capture her love. He seemed to be caught in an endless cycle that was leading nowhere. He couldn't love another, and he couldn't love her. He would forever be lonely. Her husband was no longer a part of this world so she was 'free' in that aspect, but still Joseph had no chance… She was beyond his reach, across the ravine that was too far to jump.
Just then, the woman herself appeared at her window. She hadn't noticed him down below her, much to his relief. She just placed her hands graciously on the window ledge and looked out over her garden.
Joseph's breath caught in his chest. Never had he seen her so beautiful.
She was dressed in white, with her bright blonde hair carefully swept off her face. Her bright blue sparkling eyes were soft and emphasised by the white of her dress and the drapes billowing around her. She looked so angelic, so peaceful, so warm and bright as the sunlight set her aglow; truly a sight to behold.
'You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you'.
Joseph felt his heart sink as the words hit home: 'I'll never be with you'. No, he could never be with her. Even though they lived in the same building, were with each other every day, they were worlds apart.
She was just too far away, too far out of reach. But he would not stop loving her. No, he would love her for all eternity.
A frown creased his brow as he saw her pass a hand over her face. He had caught a look of deep sorrow before she had slipped her façade back on. Had he imagined it? Watching her closely once more, Joseph saw her take a deep breath with her hand pressed to her chest.
'Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
flying high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.'
As if a veil had been pulled away, he could see the sadness envelop her beautiful, peaceful features. Fighting the urge to run to her and hold her, Joseph watched in tense silence as his love battled with her emotions.
It was true; she had caught his eye when he had first seen her. He had believed, had hoped that they had shared a moment. He knew that moment would forever be a part of him, but was it mutual? Or did it mean nothing to her? Was her smile that lit up her eyes when she looked at him just a polite gesture? Or was she genuinely touched?
Joseph could feel his heart breaking as he watched a crystal clear teardrop slide down her porcelain face. He had to bite his tongue to stop himself saying anything that would break the silence, which would scare her away. Then there would be no reaching her; she would just withdraw even further into herself.
'You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you'.
The hopelessness of the situation was tearing Joseph up on the inside. 'She looks so clean and fresh on the outside' he thought to himself.
'But yet, looking closely, I see the stains…' was his last saddening thought.'La la la la, la la la la, la la la la laaaaaa'
Joseph could take it no longer. He had to go to her, he had to comfort her in any way he could whether she would accept him or not.
Slipping quietly back into his office, Joseph made his way through the palace corridors and up the staircase until he was standing outside her suite. Without knocking, he opened the door and quietly slipped in without her noticing. He felt rather obtrusive but she would have put on her façade and denied everything if he had announced himself first.
He watched her for a moment as she moved away from the window and began to pace the room. She seemed to be like a trapped bird in a cage, desperately trying to break out so she could spread her wings and soar into the sky. The music drifted through from the other room as Joseph's brow once again creased with concern.
'You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.'
Concealed in the shadows, Joseph was just about to reveal himself when he was startled by her voice.
"I can't take this anymore, Rupert. I can't stand this feeling of helplessness, of not being in control!" She spoke aloud to no one in particular.
"Just one look from him, one smile, and I'm standing there, helpless, and unable to breathe. I try to compose myself but it's as if I lose control of my body. I can't move! And I can't breathe!" She gasps, pressing her hands hard against her chest.
Gulping down air as if she's drowning, Joseph watches in tortured silence as she drops her arms to her sides where she clenches her hands into fists. Never had Joseph seen her so distressed, she was always so calm and collected. It ripped him up even more when he realised she was talking about a man.
"I feel so foolish as I stand there losing all train of thought! I forget what I was talking about and whom I was speaking to, yet…none of that seems to matter…All of a sudden he consumes my every thought and feeling…And I'm lost…" she finished with an audible sigh, standing helplessly with her arms dangling at her sides.
A spear through the chest would have been less painful. Joseph felt dead inside as the finality of her words struck him. She loved another man. He really had no chance.
'But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.'
As the song faded away and silence consumed the room, Joseph could no longer be in her presence. He somehow found the strength to turn towards the door and pull it open.
"Joseph".
Stunned and unfocussed, Joseph shut the door and turned towards the voice. She had caught him. But then…why had she not replaced her façade?
"Your Majesty" Joseph somehow managed to choke out. He was ashamed to realise that tears were burning just behind his eyes. Standing erect and staring hard at the floor before her feet, he blinked furiously to hide them.
"Joseph, look at me, look me in the eyes" she commanded quietly, voice soft and welcoming.
Slowly raising his eyes to hers, he was horrified to feel a tear escape and roll down his cheek. Not moving to wipe it, he just hardened his features and watched as tears also streamed down her face.
Knowing his voice would fail him, Joseph stood in silence as the woman across from him stood and watched him with a sad smile before making her way towards him.
Now directly in front of him, Joseph found he couldn't keep eye contact so dropped his gaze to the floor once again.
Feeling her hand on his face, he stepped back abruptly away from her, turning his head away to the side, closing his eyes. He couldn't bear to have her touch; it would be too much. Wasn't his heart broken enough? Couldn't she see what she had done to him already?
"Don't pity me" Joseph muttered, surprised he had found his voice.
"Do you pity me?" she asked, her voice sounding offended by his rudeness.
Confused, Joseph looked up, once again making eye contact. He couldn't play this game any more. He could no longer dodge around the issue. It either had to be dealt with or he would have to leave.
"Dear Joseph, how long have you been here listening to me?" the woman barely breathed out, looking into his eyes with concern.
Joseph swallowed dryly before choking out his words. Truth was the best in this situation.
"I've been watching you from my balcony downstairs, but felt I had to come to…to help in any way I could. You looked so sad…" he paused now understanding the situation more but still feeling so lost.
"And then when I heard what you said just now, I had to leave because it was none of my business" he finished with a whisper.
Once again feeling her hand on his face, Joseph closed his eyes, fighting the urge to either flee or wrap her up in his arms.
She cupped his cheek and Joseph noticed just how close she was. Building up his courage, he lifted his gaze until it was pierced by her own.
"But it is your business" she whispered, dropping her hand but Joseph caught it.
"I do hope you're saying what I think you are" Joseph whispered as he moved her hand towards his face. Spreading out her fingers, he raised them to his lips.
"Yo amor les" he whispered as he kissed her fingertips.
His heart soared when he saw the smile that spread across her face and caused her eyes to sparkle. He had been right. He was the one she was speaking about. He was the man she was so affected and taken by.
"Yo amor les, too Joseph" she whispered, her face barely inches from his, still covered with tears.
Reaching up, Joseph brushed the tears from her face and gently kissed her forehead. Closing his eyes, he leant his forehead against hers.
"Oh Clarisse" Joseph whispered, afraid his voice would break the spell.
"I have been wanting to hear you say my name for so long" Clarisse admitted with a shy smile, "Is that childish?"
"Not at all" he murmured, before lowering his lips to hers.
As their kiss deepened, Joseph felt the ice that had formed around his heart melt away. He knew that now there was no denying the love either felt for each other and that there was no turning back. Now she was in his arms, Joseph would not let Clarisse go alone in the world.
Pulling his head back slightly, Joseph opened his eyes and looked deeply into Clarisse's.
"I will never leave you, I swear for as long as I live I will be by your side. Both to protect and to love you; siempre" Joseph promised, clasping her hand with his.
"Siempre" Clarisse promised also, before claiming his lips once again.
The sound of footsteps in the corridor brought the couple back to reality. Joseph pulled back from Clarisse slightly as she wiped the lipstick from his lips and he wiped all traces of tears from her face. Moving away from each other, they couldn't break eye contact, even as a knock sounded at the door.
"I have things to attend to…"Clarisse began, trying to explain.
"I understand" Joseph said, truly smiling for the first time as he opened the door to reveal Charlotte, Clarisse's assistant.
Clarisse's gaze shifted from Joseph to the intruder of their privacy as the young woman began to speak.
"You have an appointment with parliament in half an hour, Your Majesty, and I have the documents you requested" the young assistant announced, completely unaware of what had just occurred between the two.
"Of course Charlotte" Clarisse smiled at her assistant, façade completely back in place, "Let us go down to my office, I shall meet you there in a moment".
"Of course, Your Majesty" Charlotte inclined her head before leaving quietly.
"Well, back to work then" Clarisse breathed, collecting herself together, "How do I look?" she asked with a questioning glance at Joseph.
Joseph smiled at her obvious look of concern at being caught in a weak moment. But then, she was the Queen so could not look weak in the eyes of her country people.
Stepping up to her, Joseph placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, breathing in her scent. Smoothing down her hair, then running his hands down her arms, Joseph stepped back.
"Vistoso" he announced with a broad smile.
Clarisse answered with a glorious smile of her own, nodding her head in acknowledgement.
"Gracias, señor".
As Joseph opened the door for her, he offered his arm. Wrapping her own around it, Joseph paused once again making eye contact.
"Siempre, Clarisse" he promised again.
His Queen answered by gently touching the side of his face with a loving smile. They both slipped their façade on as they moved down the corridor towards Clarisse's office. Both at peace within their hearts, the couple moved off in silence, words no longer necessary.
Words and situations can be turned around if one takes the chance and leaps across the ravine. Even when it seems too far, there will always be someone on the other side to catch you and pull you to safety.
Will you take the chance?
Fin