Serenity: Ha ha!! Guess who left the computer on again?

Joey: Oh!! Oh!!! This question was on Jeopardy last night!! GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!

Seto: NO!!! Shrilanka-San, you idiot!!

Joey: Seven!!!

Serenity: Anyway…since this story has gotten crazier by the second, and no one asks for what we think anyway, we took the liberty of bounding an gaggingShrilanka-San so we can answer all the nice reviews!! (She points to a chair where Shrilanka-San is bound and gagged, screaming through it for help)

Seto: Not that I care.

Serenity: I can't believe we got six!!! (Hugs Ms. Fuzzy-Kins) Here's to you guys!!

Meant2Live

Serenity: Thank you Mena, Toli, and Jesselda!! (Waves Ms. Fuzzy-Kins's paw)

Seto: We saw your update and, because of course, I'm introduced, it was completely and utterly amazing.

Joey: But I didn't get run over!! WAAAAHHHH!!!

Seto: You're a loser Mutt. And the song? Pure genius.

Serenity: As for your question on how evil trees can be scared of a four inch tall fairy-

Seto:-oh, come on!!! Joey's brain is the size of an electron, and I'm more scared of that fact every day!!

Serenity: I was going to say because it was just for all intensive and stupid purposes…but I like your reason better.

Joey: Can I have a dog Mommy?

Mifurey

Seto: See? I'm the most awesome character in this Anime!!

(Every other character on Yu-Gi-Oh suddenly appears, all with pitchforks and torches)

Seto: Uh…hey guys…(gives up any chance of reasoning and runs around screaming through Shrilanka-San's house being chased by everyone else)

Serenity: Aw, come on Seto! You're going to mess up the house!! (yelling over all the commotion) We're really glad you like this story, and we assure you, things aren't going to get any easier for Joey, me, Seto, and any other character to come!!

Joey: Yay!! I'm going to die!!

Serenity: Joey!! You don't die in this fic!!

Joey: Why not?? Come on, please?? PLEASE?????

Nkitty

Serenity: Yay!!! You're back!! Brother problems? Small world!!

(Seto is caught by the mob)

Seto: NOOOOO!!!!!!

Joey: Hi tooth fairy!!!

Serenity: (sweat drops) I can't believe he's here too…

Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler

Serenity: Are you kidding? I would love to be Sandie!! What part would Ms. Fuzzy-Kins play?

Seto: (beaten up) I'd hate to be Danny…though I would change my mind if I got to see the Mutt as a Pink Lady.

Joey: What a coincidence!!! My underwear's pink!!!

(Serenity and Seto both sweat drop)

Serenity: Joey, girls love men of mystery…don't share…

Joey: Why doesn't she do Pirates of the Caribbean and make my Orlando Bloom?

Seto: Why doesn't she do Gone with the Wind and make you a smallpox infested half dead corpse?

Joey: Yay!!!

Serenity: We have a very special part for Tea, but that's latter.

Seto: (flipping through a copy of The Wizard of Oz) The Tin Man doesn't fall in love in this story, right?

Serenity-Yu-Gi-Oh-fan-05

Joey: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! PANTS ARE HILARIOUS!!!!

Serenity: Again with the sharing thing Joe.

Seto: Oh, this psycho authoress is going to update, and I dread as the seconds tick away to such.

Serenity: We're so glad you reviewed!!! We'll keep at it!!

Anordin

Seto: And how can you find this funny??

Serenity: The great mystery of the Cowardly Lion is revealed!! That's probably been the biggest FAQ of this fic!!

(Joey dances around with a lampshade on his head)

Serenity: Okay, second most FAQ. The first is the question "When is Joey going to die?"

Shrilanka-San: (Evil voice) Well well well…having fun are we?

The other three: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Shrilanka-San: (Super evil voice) Get back in the story now, or else in chapter six, you all fall into a extremely active volcano…

(All three run screaming back into the story)

Shrilanka-San: Sorry about all that. Welcome back to the story, though I'm still a bit worried on why you like this so much.

Onto the craziness!

CHAPTER FIVE

If I Only Had the Ax of Insanity

Here in my Car,

Something, something else,

It's a really great song,

I used to know all the words

In cars Ba bum,

Ba da da

Bum, ba da, BA DA-

"JOEY!!!!" Serenity yelled. "Could you please play a song of which you know all the words to???"

"IN CA-ARS!!" Joey sung again.

While Serenity sighed to herself, wondering how the story got as far as it has, she heard a voice behind her that was familiar, yet so unfamiliar at the same time.

"What do you think you're doing?" said Seto, behind them, having finally caught up after his near death brush with the tree monsters.

"What do you mean?" asked Serenity.

"How come you and your plush and your mutt are going down the exact same road as I am?" asked Seto in a very angry tone.

"Well…we're heading to the Wizard of Cuz," Serenity said. "Joey needs brains and I need to get rid of these platforms and go home."

Seto just growled.

"Are you going to see the wizard tooth fairy?" Joey asked.

"It's none of you business you dog," Seto retorted.

"Well, if we're all traveling to the same place, we might as well travel together," Serenity said.

"Uh, no," Seto replied.

"Why not?" Joey asked.

"Because I hate both of you," said Seto.

"Look," Serenity said. "I don't see what's so wrong trying to stop each other from being k-"

Suddenly, all three of them heard a laugh of malice, icy cold, yet somewhat triumphant. All three turned to see where it was coming from, up a tree in interlocking branches.

There was Pegasus the Not-Nice Witch of the West. His brown eye glared down upon the trio, and he was heartily amused.

"Well, well, well," he said. "If it isn't the person who I wish to kill, the person who wishes to kill me, and…who the heck's that?"

He pointed to Joey, who was currently fascinated by his own left foot.

"Pegasus!" Seto snarled. "I'll never forgive you for what you did, and I've had just about enough of you as I can stand! You hand over my heart right now!!"

"Oh Kaiba-boy," Pegasus said, "as sad as I am to here you say such thing, I'm afraid you're not the thing that's on my mind. All I want know is the girl!"

"Uh, I have a name you know," Serenity said.

"Even so, I'm worried about her for now," Pegasus said. "I'm just in this all for the Ruby Platform Straps."

"Bring it on!" Serenity said.

"Not now little miss," Pegasus said. "When we have our battle, I want it to be one on one in the most torturous and horrid way possible. Plus it's too early in the story to kill you off."

"Oh…well…" Serenity said awkwardly.

"However, I can destroy something and leave a chilling warning foreshadowing the terrible events that are to come!" Pegasus said. With that, he conjured a huge fireball out of absolutely nothing, and then he blasted a hole mere inches from our heroes feet.

"YAY! GIANT DONUTS!!" Joey yelled in happiness, jumping into the smoldering crater. However, his pants promptly caught on fire.

"AHHHH!!!!" Joey screamed, rolling around the ground in pain. "THE GIANT DONUTS HAVE REJECTED ME!!!!!"

"Wow, that was random," said Pegasus. "FAREWELL!!!"

With that just like before, the evilish smoke shot up, consuming our fancy-pants villain. The smoke vanished, and Pegasus was gone.

"Ha!!" he said, his head poking out from behind a tree. "See? I did it! I disappeared completely…that…time. OH DARN IT!!"

Realizing he blew his own cover, he quickly darted away into the shrubbery around him.

"Joey!!" Serenity cried, running up to him, who was turning and writhing in pain. "Oh Joey! Are you alright?"

"No…giant donuts…" Joey managed to sob.

"Oh Mutt Boy," Seto said, tossing one of the apples he managed to snatch from their previous adventure. "I've got a nice apple."

"APPLE!!!" Joey cried with joy, instantly returning to complete health, soaring through the air, snatching the apple out of Seto's hand, and quickly tore into its juicy flesh like a person who hadn't had a decent meal in the past nine years.

"Um, not that I'm complaining, but I thought you hated us," Serenity said.

"Oh don't worry, I do," Seto said. "However, if Pegasus wants you so badly, then maybe if he comes after you, I can go after him."

"So…" Serenity said.

"So…oh…God, it hurts to say this," Seto started. "I suppose…I'm traveling with you two…but I still hate you…both of you…but especially the mutt…"

"HEY!!!" Joey said. "I AM NOT A DOG!!"

"Keep telling yourself that Rover," Seto said.

---ooo---

THAT NIGHT!! WoOoOoOoO!!!!

With a campfire in the center of them, the three settled down for the night, Seto as far away from the idiot two as possible. Joey happily munched on what few apples there were on the outskirts of Empersec. Serenity stared at the campfire, wondering if she would ever get home to her mom. Seto just watched the two, forbidding any memories of Pegasus and his heart to enter his mind. They would only distract him.

"Serenity, you look sad," Joey said, using up his usual second from every ten-thousand bites that he used to either breath or talk.

"I'm just a little homesick," Serenity said.

"Well…maybe a song will cheer you up!" Joey said happily.

"NO!!" Serenity cried.

It was too late. Joey promptly cleared his throat, and burst into semi-joyous rhapsody.

Here she comes again

When she's dancin' 'nieth the starry skies

She'll make you flip!

Here she comes again

When she's dancin' 'nieth the starry skies

I kinda like the way she dips

Bah bah bah bah bah

She's my BEST FRIEND'S GIRL

Bah bah bah bah

She's my BEST FRIEND'S GIRL

Uh oh, oh

And she-

Joey was pinned by an airborne rock.

"Quiet Mutt!!" Seto yelled. "Save some air for the useful animals!!!

"You're so mean tooth fairy!!" Joey yelled.

"At lest I'm not stupid Mutt!" Seto snapped.

"Pardon," Serenity said, "but can we just figure out who gets what watch tonight?"

"We get to watch TV?" Joey asked happily.

"No," Serenity said. "You just stay up."

"And?" Joey asked.

"And…watch for trouble," Serenity said.

"And?" Joey asked.

"And…that's it," Serenity said.

"That sounds boring!" Joey said.

"That's why we have to divide up watch time between the three of us," Serenity said. "So…who wants what?"

"I want ice cream!!" Joey said.

"No Joey!" Serenity said. "What watch do you want?"

"Ice cream?" Joey asked.

"NEVER MIND!!!" Serenity said. "Well draw straws."

"Do we even have straws?" Seto asked.

"Well, let's draw something," Serenity asked.

"Lets draw…how are we going to do this?" Seto asked.

"How about a Rock-Paper-Scissors match?" Joey asked.

"Wow Joey…" Serenity said. "That's actually a good suggestion."

So with that, our heroes each made fists, each on poised and ready to make the move which they believe could overcome all other moves. The count off was…counted off, and the three drew. Serenity chose scissors. Joey chose paper. Seto chose-

"Atomic bomb," Seto said, keeping his fist but keeping his thumb up in the air. "It incinerates rock, paper, and sissors. I win!"

"You twit!!" Serenity said. "There's no such thing as atomic bomb in rock-paper-scissors! No one said there is!!"

"No one said there isn't either!" Seto said.

"You big fat mean person!!" Joey said, rearing up to his full height. "I demand a re-do!!"

"I'll fight you for one," Seto growled.

"Fine with me!!" Joey said, winding up his fist behind him, firing all the strength he could at Seto. Of course, it missed, and it came swerving back at him at phenomenal speed to centrifugal motion.

So to make a long story short, Joey knocked himself out.

"That's pathetic on so many levels," Seto said, Joey lying unconscious on the ground. "Oh well, I win. I call first watch."

"I call second," Serenity said. "Well, looks like Joey gets third. Come on Ms. Fuzzy-Kins. Let's go to bed."

---ooo---

Of course, because he didn't trust the other two, Seto took all three watches that night.

---ooo---

THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER THE SAVAGE RITUAL WHICH MANY CALL…BREAKFAST!! WoOoOoOoO!!!

"So, how long does this road go anyway?" Serenity asked the two.

"In a cosmic sense, probably not that far," Seto said.

"And in a literal sense?" Serenity asked.

"Forever," Seto replied.

"When's lunch?" Joey asked.

"In a cosmic sense…" Seto began.

"Hey check it out!!" Serenity said, pointing to a sign on the side of the road. In very flashy, tourist-y text, thus was written.

Welcome to Aqueso

Home of the legendary cheese river and the cheese forest

"The cheese river and the cheese forest?" Serenity asked, puzzled.

"Obviously this territory is dependent on lame tourist attractions," Seto said.

"Aqueso…isn't that a pun off the Spanish phrase 'a queso', which means cheesy?" Serenity asked.

"I bet," Seto said.

"Uh…where's Joey?" Serenity asked.

She looked around, but Joey was no where to be found. He seemed to have vanished into thin air.

"Where is h…" she began.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! FLEEE!!!! FLEEEE!!!!!!!!" screamed many frightened locals. All were running for cover from some horrible foe. All of them appeared to be elf-like creatures, with long ears and modest clothing.

"What's going on?!" Serenity yelled over the complete chaos.

"I don't know!!!" Seto yelled back. "What do you think I am, psychic?"

"JOE-EEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!" Serenity called.

---ooo---

However, at that moment, Joey had little to no care about Serenity or Seto. The only fact that had glued itself to the wall of Joey's warped little mind is that somewhere there was cheese, and he needed to find it!!

Running like a mad beast blindly through the thick of the forest, Joey was completely berserk in his need for cheese! Stomping and bellowing, panting from both exertion, and the mental picture of that taste of soft, dairy-like goodness melt in his mouth, slide down his throat, get broken down by the digestive acids in the stomach, having the liquefied goo go down his small intestine while each nutrient is absorbed into the bloodstream and then-

Suddenly, he caught the scent. He could smell the chedder waft on the breeze. Without thinking twice, he charged toward it, tearing the foliage apart, until he saw it.

He made it to the legendary land of all that is cheese. He was in front of a golden river of Swiss, many a brae tree, mounts of cheddar silt pilled on the banks, blue cheese trees, Gouda grass, and so many other varieties of salty goodness.

"I wish everyone in the world could feel the joy I hold in my heart right now," Joey said, for a moment actually sounding smart. To make up for it, he ran over to the cheese river, throwing his head under. He came back up howling with delight.

"I HAVE FOUND MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD!!!" he yelled, his face wet with cheese. However, Joey's sub human instincts suddenly kicked in. He heard a rustle in the bushes, not violent, but there. He had a dark feeling. He felt he was being watched…BY FAN GIRLS!!!!

He quickly turned around, but no one was there.

---ooo---

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN WRIGHTSTOWN, NEW JERSEY!!! WoOoOoOoOoO!!!!

"You don't think…" said Sam, a very dedicated fan girl to Yu-Gi-Oh for the past three years, asked. She had logged onto to look for a power, thoughtful, overall entertaining story to enjoy during her precious free time. Unfortunately, she found this story instead.

"Nah," said Denise, another loyal fan girl, also a best friend to Sam. "That would make the author both psychic and psycho."

"Maybe she is…" said Sam.

There was a very painful silence.

"Let's read a different story!!!" Sam cried in front.

"Good idea," said Denise quickly.

---ooo---

"Hello?" Joey said uncertainly, out into the bushes where he heard the minor rustle. "Is anyone out there…cheesy?"

The bushes rustled even more. Suddenly, a young (handsome) man came walking out. With snow white hair, and huge brown eyes, and a…sweater, Joey know by pure blind instinct that he could only be-

"SANTA!!!" Joey said happily.

"I'm not Santa Mr. Soon-to-be-a-mangle-bloody-corpse," said the young man who was not a jolly elf, having a voice which was well weaved with a British accent.

"Bill Clinton?" Joey asked.

"No," the not-a-former-president replied.

"The muffin man?" Joey asked.

"No," the not-a-pastry-baker replied.

"Misty May?" Joey asked.

"NO!!!!" the not-a-kick-butt-Olympic-female-athlete said. "For you information, my name is Ryo Bakura."

"That's a funny name!" Joey said.

"Fine," Ryo said. "You may call me…your assailant."

"Okay Your Assailant!" Joey said. "I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!"

"That will make it so much easier to torture you," said Ryo, holding up a huge cheese wheel. "Cheese?"

"YES IT IS!!!" screamed Joey, soaring through the air and grabbing the cheese from Ryo AKA Your Assailant's hands. He then immediately began gorging on it as if he hadn't had a decent meal in four years, instead of four hours.

"I think I'm going to like you Joe…" said Ryo. With that, he reared back his head and did a five-minute-long laugh of triumph, tingled with gloating, and a few notes of all out psychoticness entangled in.

"Bless you!!" Joey said for his tradition second he used to either talk or breathe, before gorging on his cheese wheel again.

---ooo---

Due to sheer blind luck, somehow Serenity and Seto managed to pull themselves out of the huge, stampeding crowd of frightened elves. Panting from fighting there way through, they were leaning against huge oak trees to keep themselves collapsing from exhaustion.

"What…was that?" Serenity managed to gasp.

"Again, why do you ask questions I don't have an answer to?" Seto said. "The only way we could possibly know is if some random bystander ran by screaming what was wrong at the top of his lungs!!!"

"AAAAHHHH!!!!" a random, bystander elf screamed running by. "THE MYTHICAL AX OF INSANITY IS OUT SOMEWHERE IN THE LAND AND IF ANYONE HAPPENS TO FIND IT, WE ARE ALL DOOMED FOR ETERNITY!!!! IT'S GAME OVER MAN!!! WE'LL DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Hey, nice platforms."

"Thanks!!!" Serenity said.

"What in God's name is the Ax of Insanity?" Seto said.

"Oh now who's asking the questions we don't have an answer to?" Serenity said. "Well, something else should be thrown in to aide the plot device soon. The psycho authoress should provide one in a few seconds."

"Dudes!!" said a fairy elf with a huge skateboard, Linkin Park T-shirt, torn up, greasy black jeans, and a backward Patriots cap. "I heard you, like, need some information about the Ax of Insanity man!"

"Toldja," Serenity said.

"Uh…who are you?" Seto asked the fairy.

"Serenity, duh!" Serenity said. "Honestly, I thought Joey was the slow one."

"Not you! The Neo-Punk!!" Seto said.

"I'm the Mystical Guardian Generation X'er of the forest dude!" said the weirdo elf. "But my friends all call me Wil."

"Okay…Wil," Seto said. "What's this…Ax of Insanity?"

"The Ax of Insanity is, like, this ax that, like, makes you go insane," said the Mystical Guardian Generation X'er of the forest. "You see, my Mom got me it for Flag Day when they were sold out of the new Eminem CD at Borders. So then, since it was, like, dangerous, I kept it, like, locked away," replied the Genexer

"So…why is it such a big deal now?" Serenity asked.

"Well, I was, like, taking to this stream to, like, get it cleaned off, because my dad spilt coffee on it. Then this, like, caravan of traveling ice cream salesmen came along, and I, like left my ax for five minutes, and it, like, disappeared," said the Genexer.

"So, how insane to people become if they touch this ax?" Seto asked.

"Ever heard of the the Taipang Rebellion?" The Genexer asked.

"That bad?" Serenity asked.

"Naw, I was just wondering if you had," said the Genexer. "You see, I've got this Global homework, and I'm too lazy to look it up-"

"HOW INSANE?!?!!?!?!?" Seto asked dangerously.

"Dude!" the Genexer replied. "Why do you think all those Dudes were running and, like, screaming at the top of their lungs?"

"Seto, Joey's out there!" Serenity said. "He could be in big trouble!!!"

"So?" Seto asked. Serenity slammed her six inch platforms on top of his foot. This made Seto both hop around howling in agoney, but caused him to scream cuss in seven…wait, no, eight different languages.

"Please Mr. Mystical Guardian Generation X'er of the Forest," said Serenity. "Can you please help us find the Ax of Insanity before Joey does?"

"No way man," said the loser. "I'm, like, here for plot device only. Plus, I need to do that English homework I blew off. Okay, later."

With a small poof, the Generation X'er was gone, and the only thing that could save Joey was Serenity and Seto.

Five bucks says Joey's doomed.

---ooo---

Speaking of Joey, he was, at the moment, eating ten times his body weight in cheese, Ryo looking calm, almost fascinated, with such. For what was a grim silence other than Joey's vapid chewing upon his helpless victim curds, it was finally broken by Ryo.

"Joey," he said. "I have a confession."

Joey didn't pay attention. He continued to mindless gorge on.

"Joey, I'm not really Ryo Bakura," Not-Ryo said. "The real Ryo Bakura is a kind, cutsie, sickening sweet kid. He has almost no courage, and he spends his time baking cookies, knitting oven mitts for underprivileged telemarketers, and sewing cutsie, button eyed, decorative couch kitties."

Joey continued to mindlessly chew.

"I am an imposter," Not-Ryo said.

"Huh?" Joey said, using his second. "Did you say something?"

"More cheese?" Ryo asked, offering another cheese wheel.

"Yay!" said Joey, snatching it up and continuing his mindless scoffing.

---ooo---

Meanwhile, the other two were franticly searching the forest for Joey. The previous sentence is a complete lie. Serenity was franticly searching for Joey. All Seto was doing was thinking of ten places he'd rather be right now.

"A little help would be appreciated Seto!!" Serenity angrily yelled.

"A little silence would be very much appreciated Serenity," Seto snapped back.

"Look," Serenity said, giving Seto a very stern 'listen up' look, "I know this is hard for you, but you need to care about this! We can all be in huge trouble!"

"So we lost the stupid mutt," Seto shrugged. "Let the SPCA pick him up!"

"Seto," Serenity said, "can you honestly say you feel safe with the fact in your mind that Joey could have the Ax of Insanity right now?"

"What could a common idiot like him possibly do that can put us in that much trouble?" Seto asked

Wavy Imaginary Scenario Effects

The entire world was consumed in complete and utter chaos. Innocent civilians screamed and ran away from the terrifying beast that was completely destroying their peaceful town.

"WE'RE DOOMED!!" screamed a man, running in terror.

"HE DESTROYED MY HOUSE!!" screamed a woman, hiding in a grove of bushes, hoping the terrible beast won't see her.

"HE ATE MY UNDERWARE MAN!!!!" screamed another guy, hiding in a different bush for obvious reasons.

Suddenly, IT came. IT bellowed and roared, causing all to run and pray for mercy in ITs wake.

"MOO!!!" screamed Joey, jumping dramatically into the chaotic scene. Just for effect, he used his huge, double bladed ax to slice and innocent ice cream cart in half, making the streets run blue, purple, brown, and pink with artificially flavored dairy product carnage.

"MOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Joey bellowed.

His cheeks (facial ones) will forever be remembered stained with milky sugar.

Back to Reality Effects

"Okay," Seto said. "I guess I see where you're coming from."

"Thank you," Serenity said, continuing to look. In confession, Seto put minimal effort into the frantic search, but he doesn't have a heart, so really, this is a big step in the right direction for him.

Unfortunately, time was running out. If they don't hurry, all three will be in for a world of hurt. I should know. I write the story.

---ooo---

Back at the cheesy killing grounds, Joey continued to eat, even though his pants were splitting at the seams, and his shirt was stretching painfully across his middle.

The silence was once again broken by Not-Ryo.

"Joey, I have another confession," Not-Ryo said.

Joey didn't care.

"Joey, I am an evil spirit that partially dwells in the real Ryo's soul, partially in the Ax of Insanity," Not-Ryo said. "You see, I was tired of having a daisy-skipping pain ruling my vessel. So one day, he found the Ax of Insanity and wanted to use it to cut his Dutch apple pie, and then, using its psycho power, I took over his body."

Joey continued to eat.

"I am a three to five thousand year old Egyptian spirit," said Not-Ryo. "It is my one dream in life to release complete chaos on Earth."

Joey still didn't care, and continued to eat on.

"I want to watch ever person's damned soul howl in pain, screaming for mercy as they are dragged into the abyss…and to keep my Chia-Pet alive for more than a week. But that's a different topic."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"More cheese?" Not-Ryo said, holding up another cheese wheel.

"Yay!!!" Joey said, devouring the other cheese wheel.

"I know this is a lot to ask," said Not-Ryo, "but may I ensnare you in this tightly meshed, extremely scratchy, and overall painful ropes?"

"Yeah…okay," Joey managed to say, as he was quickly bound up by Not-Ryo to a particularly large cheese tree.

"Now Joey, I haven't had the fun of torturing people for the last three-to-five thousand years," said Not-Ryo with a grimly eager voice. "Do you have any friends/acquaintances/family members/people or items of personal value/travel companions I can DESTROY!?!?!?!?"

"Just Serenity and the tooth fairy," said Joey, beginning to chow down on the tree cheese.

Not-Ryo looked puzzled for a moment. As Joey continued to feed, he pulled out a pocket Dora the Explorer date book. He flipped through a couple pages that were scrawled over in ancient text. He came upon a particular page and read it through.

"Well that's weird," he said. "I thought I killed the tooth fairy off in 2084 BCE. Must be a mess up…oh well, this Serenity sounds like a piece of cake."

"Cake?" Joey asked hopefully. "Why?"

With that, Not-Ryo pulled out a pocked dictionary from his jeans. He also pulled out a pair of very distinguished reading glasses. He slid them on, and after flipping through a few pages, he stopped at one, cleared his throat, and began to read.

"Serenity, noun," he said. "Calmness of mind; even of temper; coolness; undisturbed state; composure."

"Huh?" Joey asked.

"I'll be right back Joey," Not-Ryo said, throwing the book and reading glasses aside. "I'm about to mercilessly kidnap your friend. I'll only be a few."

"Bye Your Assailant!" Joey said continuing to eat his cheese.

---ooo---

Well, there's your chapter!!

In case you are wondering, I own neither "Cars" by Gary Newman nor "My Best Friend's Girl" by The Cars.

Yes, I know that I am leaving you at a climax point, but hey, I am the all-knowing authoress, and I have full legal right to do that.

Now then, I'm sure a lot of you are wondering what the heck the Taiping Rebellion was.

A good spot of time ago, some Asian country (I think it was China) was ruled by a wicked despot of an empress. She was so wicked, she sent out many taxes to throw her entire country into poverty. All the commoners of her kingdom were pretty much starving due to the fact that their empress was throwing them into massive, paralyzing debt.

Well, I know what you're thinking. So what! The darn peasants just rebel!!

No, actually, because the empress thought of a cruel but smart way to stop it.

You see, to every peasant who wanted a good bit of silver, all they had to do was bring her the head of a rebel.

So naturally, all they people went out on massive witch hunts to find rebels so they could kill them and get enough money to feed their starving families.

The lives lost were millions, and millions, and MILLIONS!!!

I am not kidding! So next time, ask your teacher to discuss the Taiping Rebellion in class. Chances are he/she will either have no clue what you're talking about or tell you to turn to page blah blah blah and send an angry note home to your parents.

Oh well, I should get a lot of writing done, because next week is regents week!!! Oh yeah!! God's gift to freshman!!! One of the few we get!!

I get three free days off, I get three free days off, I get three free days off…

Alright, a premiere of the next chapter (like you people need one!). Here we go!

---ooo---

I decided to just eat you both," said Not-Ryo, dragging out a huge cauldron from a nearby grove of bushes.

"Why are you doing this?!" Serenity said in rage, as Joey continued to eat his cheese.

"Well, for seven reasons actually," said Not-Ryo. "One, I have an inbred killing instinct. Two, I'm under possession of the Ax of Insanity. Three, making you suffer long, painful deaths appeal to me. Four, I haven't had a decent meal in the past three-to-five thousand years. Five…I'm working on five. Six, fat boy over there looks quite tempting. Seven, I'm evil and I can do whatever I bloody well like!"

"Those are good reasons," Joey said.

Joey, Not-Ryo, and every reader in the audience looked at her as if she was crazy.

"Yeah, you're right," she said. "We're doomed."

---ooo---

Are they, in every way possible, doomed?

TO BE CONTINUED!!!