Shri: BWA HA HA HA HA!!!! (with Ryo, Seto, Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and Joey puppets) DANCE MY PUPPETS!!! DANCE!!!
(Looks out and sees the audience)
Shri: Uh sorry. (Throws puppets away) Welcome back to another heinous chapter of my story! I am joined today by my very own, FAIRY FRAT BOY!!!!
(Huge, fat person with a t-shirt with Greek letters and strap-on wings and a Patriots cap sits next to her, chewing on a huge buffalo wing)
Shri: Fairy Frat Boys are just like Fairy Godmothers, except they're a lot less attractive, smellier, and do nothing but raid your fridge and wise crack.
Fairy Frat Boy: You're ugly. (belches)
Shri: Anyway… first may I say welcome back one and all!!
Fairy Frat Boy: And you've gained weight.
Shri: Ignore him. ONTO THE REVIEWS!!!
Meant2Live
Shri: Thanks again guys! GO AWAY ALREADY!!!!
Fairy Frat Boy: Not until the reviews are over (belches)
Shri: Alright! You wouldn't believe how happy I was you reviewed! And I loved it when you showed some of your favorite parts! Here are some of mine:
"That's a funny name!" Joey said.
"Fine," Ryo said. "You may call me…your assailant."
"Okay Your Assailant!" Joey said. "I'm Joey Wheeler, and I gots no brain!"
"That will make it so much easier to torture you," said Ryo, holding up a huge cheese wheel.
Shri: …and…
"You big fat mean person!!" Joey said, rearing up to his full height. "I demand a re-do!!"
"I'll fight you for one," Seto growled.
"Fine with me!!" Joey said, winding up his fist behind him, firing all the strength he could at Seto. Of course, it missed, and it came swerving back at him at phenomenal speed to centrifugal motion.
So to make a long story short, Joey knocked himself out.
Shri:…and-
Fairy Frat Boy: You're stalling you fool!! Get onto the rest of the reviews!! (belches)
Shri: FINE!!! I'm still a little upset at myself for choosing the exact same characters you did. Oh well (sigh) again, I'm sorry for stepping into your territory.
Fairy Frat Boy: Shut up you baby.
Shri: I don't deserve to be your rival! And everyone out there, I highly, highly, highly suggest you read theirs as well. It's called The Wizard of Domino High. READ IT!!
Fairy Frat Boy: Stop being a mope you baby.
Shri: You know, if I didn't realize that you were telling the truth, I'd slap you. But GOOD LORD, I don't want to kill Mena! She's a great fanfic writer along with Tori! I guess you really can die laughing. And yes, Joey does need a smart wife…of course, she'd have to be dumb to date him in the first place.
NKitty
Shri: Great to see you again! And you pretty much described all the characters to a tee.
Fairy Frat Boy: You don't have perfect teeth (belches)
Shri: I am so glad you're enjoying the story! If you like Bakura, you're going to love what's coming up next!! Let's just say…it's not what you'd expect from him.
Mifurey
Shri: (laughs) Indeed! I would never wish Joey's singing upon any soul.
Fairy Frat Boy: You have a bad taste in music.
Shri: Anyway, I pretty much took all of my favorite songs and ruined them by making Joey sing them. Though, in honest confession, that is how I sing 'Cars'.
Fairy Frat Boy: Badly.
Shri: GO AWAY!!!
Yamiko Yakou
Shri: Thank you! I read your author profile, and I loved it! POWER TO SINGLE WOMAN!!! I AM NOT A BARBIE DOLL!!!
Fairy Frat Boy: Ain't that the truth.
Shri: I SAID BEAT IT!!! Anyway, I hope you continue reading…to see Serenity kick more butt.
Fairy Frat Boy: What about the others.
Shri: Yeah…them too…
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler
Shri: Yay! Great to see you again girl!
Fairy Frat Boy: You have no writing talent.
Shri: Yep, that's our Joey! Gotta love him! Even though…ya know…
Fairy Frat Boy: He has your intelligence?
Shri: Enjoy this upcoming chapter as I exorcise my Fairy Frat Boy. And someone find Serenity-Yugioh-fan05! Onto the craziness!
CHAPTER SIX
If I Only Had a Plush Toy
PREVIOUSLY ON 'THE WIZARD OF CUZ'
"More cheese?" Not-Ryo said, holding up another cheese wheel.
"Yay!!!" Joey said, devouring the other cheese wheel.
OH…KAY…BACK TO THE STORY!!!
Meanwhile, the other two misguided adolescents were still on the utterly useless search for Joey. Lying again. Serenity was searching, Seto was gripping.
"I've had just about enough of this as I can stand," Seto said. "I am not going to stand another minute our searching for a stupid mutt. I have much better things to do with my life!!"
"But Joey could get killed!!" Serenity said. "And…my bet's you don't care…"
"You're psychic…" Seto said.
"Oh, come on!!" Serenity said. "He at least tried to save us!! That has to count for something!!'
"Emphasis on the word 'tried'," Seto said bitterly.
"You know, I'd take no brains over no heart anytime!!" Serenity said offensively.
"I suppose you both have something in common," Seto said.
Serenity was quite mad, and more and more did she wish she had just dragged Joey through the forest of Empersec without letting him know there were any apples whatsoever. At that moment, she spotted something. Shishkabobed on a protruding twig of a tree, there was a little piece of cloth.
"Hey!" Serenity said. "That looks like Joey's shirit! We're on the right trail."
"Yippee," Seto said sarcastically.
"I'm sorry," said a voice above the two. "I'm afraid the idiot belongs to me."
Up in a nearby tree, there stood Not-Ryo, arms crossed, Ax of Insanity slung under his belt.
"Keep him," Seto said.
"Wait a sec!" Serenity cried, spotting the ax under Not-Ryo's belt. "Is that…"
"This?" Not-Ryo said, rubbing his index finger across the metal surface of the ax head. "Why yes. This is the Ax of Insanity."
"You've got the Ax of Insanity AND JOEY?????" Serenity cried.
"Yes!" Seto said happily to himself, so Serenity couldn't hear.
"Actually, I do," Not-Ryo said. "But I like things in pairs. So-o, hold still!"
With that, he threw a net down, which quickly ensnared Serenity before she could escape. However, in one, last, desperate throw, she hurled Ms. Fuzzy-Kins away from the net, saving her. However, she was not so lucky. She was then dragged off by Not-Ryo, who jumped down from the tree and pulled her away.
"AAHHHHH!!!" she screamed. "SETO!!! HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!"
As Serenity was dragged off, Seto mentally regrouped. He made his decision. Then, boldly and heroically, he-
"Oh well," he said, turning around and walking away.
---ooo---
"I'm back stupid boy," said Not-Ryo, dragging Serenity in his net.
"Hi Serenity!" Joey said. "Want some cheese?"
"What are you going to do to us?" Serenity said boldly, being bound to the same tree as Joey by Not-Ryo.
"Well, I thought about it for a while," said Not-Ryo. "At first, I was going to gut you both like fishes-"
Serenity looked repulsed.
"-then I was going to beat you both until you bled to death-"
Serenity shivered.
"-but then I decided to just eat you both," said Not-Ryo, dragging out a huge cauldron from a nearby grove of bushes.
"Why are you doing this?!" Serenity said in rage, as Joey continued to eat his cheese.
"Well, for seven reasons actually," said Not-Ryo. "One, I have an inbred killing instinct. Two, I'm under possession of the Ax of Insanity. Three, making you suffer long, painful deaths appeal to me. Four, I haven't had a decent meal in the past three-to-five thousand years. Five…I'm working on five. Six, fat boy over there looks quite tempting. Seven, I'm evil and I can do whatever I bloody well like!"
"Those are good reasons," Joey said.
"Don't worry Joey!" Serenity said. "Seto will save us!!!"
Joey, Not-Ryo, and every reader in the audience looked at her as if she was crazy.
"Yeah, you're right," she said. "We're doomed."
---ooo---
Speaking of him, Seto was…walking. Yeah, just walking. The guilt of not caring that the only two people who even talked to him for quite a bit of time were about to be killed by a homicidal psycho. Or at least it didn't yet.
"HEY YOU!!" said a voice behind him. Out of slight curiosity, Seto turned around to see the dead man who yelled. No one was there.
Not really caring, he turned around.
"Hello?" the rude voice said again. "Are you deaf, blind, stupid, or all of the above? I'm talking to you pall!!"
Seto turned around again. He still couldn't see anyone behind him. He looked right, he looked left, he looked forward again. Now he was finally convinced that all of the terror the lunatic who wrote this book threw him over the edge.
"DOWN HERE YOU IDIOT!!!" yelled the voice. Seto looked down, only to see the cuddly, cute Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.
"Oh, I'm nuts," Seto said to himself. "I'm hallucinating that Serenity's stupid doll is talking to me."
"I'm a plush toy, thank you!!" said the plush kitty. "Look here smart arse!! There are two perfectly good people out there who are about to get wasted, and you can just strut around like an idiot saying 'Oh look at me! I'm Seto Kaiba, I've got no heart! I apparently have no gut either!!!'"
"What the-" Seto started.
"Do you need me to say it slowly?" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. " Yooouuuuu neeeeeeeeed tooooo goooo baaaack aaaaaaand heeeeeeelllp theeeeeeeeeem."
"Look you," Seto said, pointing a very threatening finger at the cuddly plush toy. "You are an inanimate object! You can't think, talk, or yell at me! Now shut up and obey the laws of physics!!"
"Make me skinny boy!!" said the plushie. "Besides, I am, part time, your conscious!!"
"My conscious?" Seto asked.
"Yes, that thing!!" said the plush toy. "Believe me, we really had to get the heavy artillery when it came to you!!!"
"How thrilling," Seto said, turning his back and walking away. However, he saw the plush toy suddenly float in mid air right in front of him.
"There you go defying the laws of physics again!!" Seto said angrily.
"So I'm telekinetic, what's your problem?" said the plush toy. "Look pall, I have three reasons that you should go back and help the other two. There's a business reason, personal reason, and a really good reason!"
"I-do-not-care!!!" Seto syllabled out.
"Okay," said the floating plush toy. "The first reason is because Pegasus won't want smack out of you unless Serenity's alive-"
"Well I'll just risk it," Seto said angrily.
"The second," the plush toy said, drawing out her long, sharp, kitty claws, "Is that I'll knock eighty years of your life expectancy if you don't!!!"
For a point, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins hooked one set of claws into the front of his shirt, and using the strength of ten plush toys, yanked him to eye level.
"Oh yeah," Seto said sarcastically. "I really sweat you and your stuffing!!"
"Really?" the plushie said. "Then let me as you this. If it was your heart back there, would you just walk away?"
Seto was shocked. He gave the plush toy a look so dangerous that it could burn a hole through an oil tanker.
"How do you know about that?" he asked darkly.
"I'm a telekinetic plush toy smart one," replied the plush toy. "What's the matter? The truth hurts huh?"
"Alright, alright, alright!!!" Seto said. "I'll save the loser two! I won't like it, I will loathe them for doing it, but I will!! There!! Are you happy!?"
"It's a start," said the plushie. "Okay, now, we need the ultimate tool to succeed against an evil psycho."
"A fool-proof plan?" Seto asked.
"No! Don't be stupid!" Ms. Fuzzy-Kins said. "We need…DRAMATIC BACKROUND MUSIC!!!"
With that, the plush toy pulled out a huge boom box, and from in, the theme song to "Mission Impossible" blared.
"I thought my idea kind of made sense," Seto said, turning around to find the two losers who got themselves caught by an albino maniac with an ax.
---ooo---
Speaking of the two, they were currently watching over the inner conflict of Not-Ryo as he tried to figure out whether to make them into stew, or simply soup.
"Well, I suppose soup is better for you," he said to himself, chopping up carrots in the water. "But then again, I've been dead for quite sometime, so I might as well live it up. But then again, I'll never keep my size eight if I just go eating stew. But then again, if anyone calls me fat…well, ya know. But is that rude? Should I move my life in a new direction instead of running through anyone who ticks me off? Is that tacky, or just classic? And would people call me a wussy-girl if I didn't do such? Then again, I can always run them thr-oh yeah, I can't if I move my life in a new direction…"
"Why not just make chunky soup?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Not-Ryo said happily.
"JOEY!!!" Serenity yelled. "Rule number one of surviving out in the wild is never offer a cannibal cooking tips!!!"
"I'm not a cannibal by nature," Not-Ryo said, "I just don't look the opportunity horse in the mouth."
"You don't have to eat us!!" Serenity said. "I mean, I've heard people are really gamey! I mean seriously, we'll eat anything!!! And we are absolutely loaded with cholesterol and net carbs!! WE ARE NOT PART OF A HEART HEALTHY DIET!!"
"I am dead," Not-Ryo said. "The last thing I really need to worry about is my heart."
"Oh come on!!!" Serenity said.
"Cheese?" Joey asked.
Not-Ryo tossed him a wheel, which Joey caught in his mouth since his hands were tied up.
"He's just fattening you up!!" Serenity cried.
"Yay!!" Joey said in a muffled voice.
Suddenly, behind the trees, the "Mission Impossible" theme song was heard, and at the exact same moment as the final note hit, Seto burst through the undergrowth, looking very angry.
"Yay!" Serenity said. "We're saved!! I hope!!"
"Alright!" Not-Ryo said. "It looks like for lunch I've got the soup course and the fish course!"
"I'd shut up and find better insults if I were you Casper the Dimwit Ghost," Seto snarled angrily.
"You're right!" said Not-Ryo. "You look like more of a Lean Cuisine!!"
"Oh, you are so clever Mullet Man," said Seto. "Look, let the idiots go, or I'll be forced to yank out ever strand of your freakish pale hair!!"
"Aww," said Not-Ryo. "I knew they meant something to you!"
"Yeah, many sleepless nights," Seto said. "But between the hatred I have for you and I have for them, yours greatly surpasses."
"And why?" Not-Ryo said. "Because I've got prettier eyes than you?"
"No, because you kidnap innocent idiots AND you're wearing a tacky sweater!"
Suddenly, Not-Ryo's eyes were filled with tears.
"Tacky?" he managed to choke between a sob. "NOBODY CALLS MY OUTFIT TACKY!!! DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Yay!! A fight scene!!" Joey said, pulling out a bag of cheese popcorn.
With that, Not-Ryo threw the ax at Seto, and while barely missing his head, he did manage to clip off a small bit of brown hair, then dug itself in a tree behind Seto.
"Ha!!" Seto said, pulling it out. "You missed, and you gave me a dangerous weapon! How do you fell now?"
However, Seto got kicked in the stomach, throwing him back into the same tree, causing him to drop the ax, and for Not-Ryo to regain control of it.
"Well," he said, watching Seto flinch in pain as he twirled the Ax of Insanity around, "now that I have my ax back and caught you off guard, quite well. Now it appears that you are unarmed."
"Not quite," Seto said, and from his back, left hand pocket, he pulled out a huge oar, with a fancy, hand-fitting handle.
"Oh wow!" Joey said. "That's the Oarzac 5000!! With its slim design, light weight, easy to grip handle, and availability in seven different designer colors, the stupid tooth fairy is guaranteed victory!!"
A PRODUCT OF OARCO
OARCO!! FOR ALL YOUR PADDLE BASED NEEDS!!
AVALABLE AT TARGET, WAL MART, K MART, OR AT ANY OARCO SUBSIDIARY
(Illegal in some states. Side effects include itching, rash, headaches, irrational thinking, being loathed by your family, being dumped by your boyfriend/girlfriend, heart failure, and sudden death. Not to be taken if you are an idiot, wearing platforms, or alive)
"On guard!!" Seto said angrily, drawing out his Oarzac.
"Whatever!" said Not-Ryo, drawing out his ax.
And so the epic clash began!! How they fought!! Weapons clanged against each other, no one seemed to have the upper hand. This was truly a fight to the death!
Meanwhile, Serenity was simply watching on in terror.
"Joey, we have to get out of here!!!" she cried. "Oh, I can't stand these stupid ro…"
Then, the idea fairy hit Serenity hard with her mystical wooden mallet.
"Joey!" she cried. "Do you still have that pair of scissors in your pocket?"
"Cheese?" Joey asked.
"Joey," Serenity said sweetly. "If you get the scissors out and cut us free, you can have all the cheese you want!"
"YAY!!! CHEESE!!!" Joey cried. With that, a few hacks latter, the ropes had fallen at his sides, and he and Serenity were free.
"Joey, you did it!!" Serenity said. "You saved us!!"
"CHEESE!!!" Joey yelled, dive bombing into the cheese river.
Back at the fight scene, the two were still facing off, and they had locked together each other's weapons, and they had the very traditional act of getting eye to eye and saying a catchy one liner.
"It seems we are evenly matched," Seto said, straining to keep his oar from not collapsing under the ax.
"Your outfit doesn't match your skin tones!!" Not-Ryo said, and since Seto was the one who talked first, he did a complete whirligig with his ax, knocking the Oarzac out of Seto's hands, sending him spiraling to the ground.
"Alright," Not-Ryo said, laying his ax-head painfully close to Seto's throat. "Any last words before I hack off your head and turn it into a decorative lawn ornament?"
"Can I have about, say, ninety years to think it over?" Seto asked.
"Nice last words," Not-Ryo said, holding his ax blade high. "DIIIIEEEEE!!!!!"
Suddenly, flying like a juggernaut out of the forest to save Seto's sorry hide, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins flew through the air, throwing herself on Not-Ryo's face. This blocked his vision, and in shock, he dropped the ax on the ground.
"Oh, you stupid cat!!!" Not-Ryo screamed, throwing her angrily to the ground. However, when he turned around to pick up his ax, Serenity had one huge, red, ruby platform on top of the Ax of Insanity.
"Please?" Not-Ryo asked, but Serenity crushed the ax under her foot.
"Well that's not good," said Not-Ryo, and with that, he promptly fainted.
"Are you alright?" Serenity asked Seto.
"Yeah…fine…" Seto said, getting up.
"Oooohhh…" Joey said, lumbering in terrible pain out of the cheese river. His was so fat that you'd think he got hit by a school bus. Heck, he was the SIZE of a school bus! "I shouldn't have eaten that last cheese…"
POP!!
Suddenly, with a poof of smoke, Wil appeared like all magical whatsits do.
"Oh man!" he said. "You totally wasted it!!"
"Oh…yeah…" Serenity said, looking at the broken up ax. "Sorry about your Ax of Insanity."
"Not the ax dude!!" Wil said. "The ax is able to reassemble itself instantly, see?"
With that, the ax began to pull itself back together magically. All the mangled parts straightened out, and put themselves back in their correct places. Everyone was both awed and creeped out.
"But look at my mom's favorite tree!" Wil said, pointing to a tree with a huge ax mark sticking in it. "She's gonna totally kill me!"
"Sorry," Seto said, reaching into his pocket. "Will a one hundred cover it?"
"A ONE HUNDRED!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Serenity screamed.
"Yeah wh- oh pardon," Seto said. "Did I say one hundred? I meant….a five!!"
"Do you have, like, one of those pretty gold Sacagawea coins?" asked Wil. Seto pulled one out and gave it to the weirdo's outstretched hand.
"Rightous!!" He said.
"Huh…" poor Ryo said, getting up with the worst headache in history. "What…huh?"
"OH NO!!" Joey screamed.
"HE'S BA-A-ACK!!!!!" screamed Serenity. All three got in really cool karate-start-up positions, when suddenly, violently and evilly, Ryo yelled-
"A PLUSHIE!!!" he cried, picking up Ms. Fuzzy-Kins and squeezing him tight. "Oh, you're so cute and soft!! Oh, who's a cute plush toy? Oos a kwute plushum??"
Everyone sweat dropped.
"Uhh…" Serenity said.
"I'M SO CONFUSED!!!!!" Joey cried.
"Isn't that the truth?" Seto said.
"Dude, like, he doesn't have the ax anymore!!" said Wil. "He's not, like, insane now!"
"AHHHHH!!!! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?" Ryo screamed in his extremely cute British accent, hugging the little plushie even closer to his body. "ARE YOU WITH SCOLAND YARD??? DO YOU WANT TO DICECT MY BRAIN?? NO!!! PLEASE!! I'M TO YOUNG TO FILE AN INSURANCE CLAIM!!!!!!!"
With that, he lay sobbing in fear on the ground, everyone doubly sweat dropping.
"To a point," Serenity finished.
"PEANUT BUTTER!!" Joey sobbed, collapsing and also bawling on the ground.
"IF ANYONE SHEDS ANOTHER TEAR BY THE TIME I FINISH THIS SENTENCE, I WILL PERSONALLY SNAP OFF THEIR OWN RIGHT ARM AND JAM IT DOWN THEIR THROAT!!" screamed Seto.
Ryo instantly stopped crying, but not understanding a word Seto said, continued to sob.
"Yes!!" Seto said happily, rolling up his sleeve.
"SETO! NO!!" Serenity yelled. "HE'S AN IDIOT!!!!"
"Darn!!" Seto said, arm falling loosely at his side.
"Let me guess," Serenity said with a sigh. "You have no courage, and you're on a quest to find the Wizard of Cuz so he can give you some."
"Oh no, YOU'RE PSYCHIC!!" Ryo sobbed in fright. "Please don't zap my brains!!"
"Look, none of us are going to hurt you," Serenity said. "Well, Seto might try, but we won't let him. That's Joey, he doesn't have a brain-"
Joey was licking his own shirt.
"-that's Seto, he doesn't have a heart-"
Seto shot a very menacing look at Ryo.
"-and I'm Serenity Wheeler, and I got landed with a stupid pair of platform shoes and need a way back home to my manic mother."
"Oh, I am so glad none of you want to hurt me!" Ryo said. "It's absolutely terrible not having any courage!! In fact, it's so horrible, I want to sing about it!!"
"And I bet it's going to be titled 'If I Only Had the Nerve'," said Seto.
"Oh come on, that's just plain stupid!" said Ryo.
"Here!" Joey said.
"Plus I can't, that's Meant2Live'e territory. Hey guys!" called Ryo. "Can I have a little music?"
With that, the entire band named 'Bowling for Soup' came out of the trees, pulling along electric guitars and amps and stuff. After a rapid fire set up of all the equipment, Ryo began his song.
My Ancient Evil Curse
(Sing to the tune of 1985)
I've really had enough
My live is just too tough
The first thing on my list:
My Dad's an archeologist
My Mum's a denizen
Of (please not heck) heaven
My sis jumped on the back
Of the Grim Reaper's Cadillac
I wished I wasn't alone
I wished I had a friend
My Dad brought home a pretty ring
Then my problems really began
A spirit thingy
Is now the enemy
Looked at my oddball life
Nothing, has been, alright
Petting my Furbie,
Running from my Yami
Listening to my Genesis CD
I wish I was on Jeopardy
My best friends in High School
All tell me that I'm uncool
Because I have to reverse
My ancient Evil Curse
To find a way I bet
They'll be ideas at
I'm in love? NO ICK!!
Who the heck is Marik?
I ask my friends, but
They don't help out a lot
Cause my Yami takes hold
And things get really old.
He'll go and litter,
Harass daytime TV,
Won't put the seat down
And key scratch people's SUV.
He destroyed Pittsburgh
He changed my name to Jane
And when I get control:
Torches
Pitchforks
I get all the blame.
Petting my furbie
Running from my Yami
Listening to my Genesis CD
I wish I was on Jeopardy
My best friends, in High School
They tell me that I'm uncool
Because I have to reverse
My Ancient Evil
I'm frightened.
Oh, stop please.
When did my inner psycho get
More fans than me?
I just want to desist
All this bedlam
All I have to do is make him
Stop
STOP
STOP!!!
So I can.
Go pet my furbie,
Stop running from my Yami
Listen to my Genesis CD
And someday be on Jeopardy
My best friends, in High School
Won't tell me that I'm uncool
Cause I'll finally reverse
My Ancient Evil Curse.
Go pet my furbie,
Stop running from my Yami
Listen to my Genesis CD
And someday be on Jeopardy
My best friends, in High School
Won't tell me that I'm uncool
Cause I'll finally reverse
My Ancient Evil Curse.
All three of our heroes stared at Ryo in shock. As Bowling for Soup went away to wherever they want to go, Ryo just stood their, immersing himself in the prevailing awkward silence.
"So…uh…" Serenity started.
"We're going to see the Wizard of Cuz!!" Joey said. "Wanna come? Maybe he can get you some courage!!"
Please say no, please say no, please say no, Seto begged in his head.
"I'd love too!" said Ryo. "Oh this is going to be so much fun!! We can tell each other stories, I can teach you how to make decorative couch kitties, I can try out all those pasta recipes that I always wanted to see what other people tho-"
"Oh for crying!!" Seto said. "Now, I am being held down by an idiot, the plush psychic, a neurotic loser, a manic stuffed animal-"
"-and a negative, cantankerous nihilist," said Serenity.
"Exac-hey!" Seto snarled.
"You're scary…" Ryo said, trembling.
"Well, at least were all in this together!" Serenity said. "And as long as we are, we might as well be watching each others back. Who knows what horrible things were going to have to overcome to make it to the capital of Cuz?"
"Well it can't be that bad, can it?" Ryo said.
"Well, so far we've nearly been sacrificed, trampled by a frightened mob, tied to trees, assassinated by you're alter ego, and had to listen to a terrible remake of a mindless yet terribly catchy song," Seto said.
"Is that the time?" Ryo said, looking at his invisible, non-existent watch. "Wow, 'Days of Our Lives' is going to be on any minute now, so I probably should be going-"
"Ryo," Serenity said reasonably. "Isn't this the chance you wanted? You have a free ticket to the capital of Cuz with three other people who have your back-"
Seto growled. Ryo flinched.
"Okay, two people," Serenity said. "Still, this is a big opportunity! Don't you want that inner courage that could power you into kicking your dark sides butt?"
Reflective, yet akward, thoughtful pause.
"Well…okay," Ryo said. "But only if he promises not to kill me!"
"Oh believe me," Seto said. "After everything I've been through, there is no way I can honestly promise that."
"Great! So it's settled!" Joey said. "Let's all lock arms and sing a corny yet tactfully confusing song!!"
"Yay!!" Ryo said. Serenity put Ms. Fuzzy-Kins on her head, and Ryo grabbed Serenity's right arm while Joey grabbed her left.
Well, at least the whole issue of tripping on my own platforms is out of the way, Serenity thought.
"WEEEEEEE'RE OF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF CUZ! HE NEARLY IS THE WIZARDESS WIZ IF OF, UH, how does this song go again? I dunno."
So begins the peculiar, mindless, and completely melodramatic adventures of our heroes. As our fragmented four set off, Ryo, Serenity, Ms. Fuzzy-Kins, and Joey took the lead, Seto stayed behind to protect what little sanity was left in his soul.
---ooo---
This chapter has been brought to you by Oarco! Oarco! For all of your paddle based needs!
Oh, uh, and I don't own Bowling for Soup or '1985'. I don't own 'Days of Our Lives' either.
I giggle to myself at the idea that Seto's conscious is actually a plush cat. I got the idea for a plush cat because my real cat is sort of like the conscious people like Seto need, soft and fluffy, but willing to run you through for not doing the right thing. I still have a hard time figuring out where cats came up with this 'cutsie fuzzy' or 'pure evil' rep. My cat is almost like a combo of the two, but not as evil. Plus, any human conscious would probably be sent home crying putting up with his wise cracks for a couple minutes…
I also laugh at the idea of Ryo singing at all. I think he has a really sweet voice in the Anime, but I think he would crash and burn if he tried to sing anything, as would any other character on the show. I also find it a little weird in my mind that he would choose '1985' as a song to spin off. But I listened to it on the radio, a few lyrics popped into my head, and the entire thing just sort of went off on its own
The thing that seems odd to me is that my story seems to be most famous for portraying Joey as an utter moron. I have nothing against Joey as a character, but I suppose there are two reasons why I am good at making him out like that. One is that I have always had a love for the idiot characters in stories, and I have been influenced by tons of them, both real and imaginary. The second is that I feel I have an easier time designing characters when they are either exactly what I want to be or the exact opposite of what I am. Since I am the nerd kid at school, it's easy to do Joey, because I just make him do the exact opposite of what I do in a certain situation. Seto's also like that, because I'm generally the nice, quiet kid, very much unlike him in many respects. On those lines, Ryo is the hardest to do because I am neither overly courageous nor overly wimpy, (just incredibly sarcastic) so I'm kind of stuck in the middle.
Serenity's really easy, because I make her out to be the kick-but person I want to be, but way too nice to actually be. Ahh…another good rant.
So begin the adventures that I make up as I go along!!! Oh, but what adventures our four heroes have to face just on their next adventure!! More danger!!! More life-or-death situations!! More of Joey being a complete moron!! And more gut splitting humor!!!
Now, and horribly terrifying look at our upcoming chapter, which has received the rating P for Pathetic. Here we go!!
---ooo---
BARBARBARRABARBARBARRABARBARBARBARRABARBARBARBAR!!! BARBARBARRRABARBARBARRABARBARBARRA!!!
Seto found himself woken up by two ways; a military trumpet blasting off and a girly scream of fright from inside the tent.
"SERENITY, SHUT UP!!!" he yelled. "IT'S JUST THE #$& AIR HORN!!!"
"That wasn't me bone head," Serenity said, managing to crawl out of her sleeping bag. "That was Ryo."
Ryo was completely bug eyed and shivering from shock at being woken up at five AM by something so loud.
"Oh boy! School's over!!" Joey said, waking up.
"This is a great way to start our first day at boot camp," said Serenity. "I can almost feel my happiness, dignity, and sanity flying out the door."
"Actually, that's Joey," Ryo said, as Joey leapt out of the tent in his Barney pajamas screaming "SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!!"
---ooo—
What the-BOOT CAMP??? How did they get in boot camp? Do I want to know? Probably not.
You know the drill!
