STACIE'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON! SHE'S ALL I WANT AND BEEN WAITIN' FOR SO LONG! STACIE CAN'T YOU SEE, YOU'RE JUST NOT THERE FOR-
Eh…sorry.
Oh my dancing jellybeans! If there's anything as wonderfully funny as my story, it's the super nice people that review it! Here they are!
Mizz-Serenity-Wheeler
Oh wow! 'Funnier than two funny things on funny pills running around and doing funny stuff'. That, my friend, is pure poetry.
Seto's status wealth wise is going to come later in the story. Also, you must realize that Bob is a boot camp drill sergeant, not a brain surgean. If someone doesn't do what he tells them to, there's going to be problems. As for the guy who gets slammed by Serenity…you're going to be pretty surprised who the main suspect is...
I absolutely love The Princess Diaries! I can't wait to see how it comes out, and I think it's really sweet if you want to give me credit for Ms. Fuzzy-Kins.
Now enjoy something that's just as funny as the said funny things!
KaiMai (formally known as Mifurey)
Awww…that's so sweet…well, I try to be hilarious. Cause if I didn't this would be a really bad parody.
Ah, yes. What's a good story without bobble heads? I mean really. It's a nessesity.
Snick, if you thought Kelly Clarkson was funny, wait until you see what's up next. Poor Seto indeed. He has the misfortune of being written about in this story.
Cake Is Not For Throwing
That is an awesome pen name.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! This chapter is going to be pretty good, especially if you have a sick obsession with the Weather Channel. I'm glad you read the Wizard of Domino High. Yay!
I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
TwinSanity (formally known as Meant2Live)
Hi guys! Great to see you!
JESSELDA SHOWED ENTHUSIASM(ish)! WOO HOO!
Actually, the idea for the 'you people are the reason I don't believe in cloning, but do believe in birth control' came from a teacher who was so completely angered by a stupid boy in class, she said thus.
Oh, thank you Mani! I'm glad you like this story as much as Mena, Toli, and Jesselda! I superly can't wait for the next chapter of you're story! I too shall remain vigilant at the family computer, as long as my Dad doesn't wan to play NHL Hockey and I'm not at school.
Mokuba's Official Glomper
So that's why I got so many angry phone calls from Canada…
The beaver dance? AWESOME! How do you do it anyway? Do you have cool lyrics that you put it too?
You're review was hilarious! I couldn't find you when I did a search on your name, but if I see a story written by you, I'll jump right to it! Now enjoy another epic chapter of the nut, the Kaiba, the British baka, the Serenity, and the plushie!
Chexfan2000
Yay! I'm glad you can't stop laughing! We all need a red brick road that leads to Target!
And so here's the next freaky incident at boot camp. So without further ado…
Onto the craziness!
CHAPTER EIGHT
If I Only Had a Maniac
"Stacie's mom has got it going on, she's all I want and been waitin' for so long-" Serenity sang in the makeshift shower, getting herself clean before the rush of the day. She was thankful for two things. One was that the showers were separate from the men's room with locks, and the other was that no one at boot camp took a shower.
"Stacie, do you remember when I cut you're lawn?" Serenity continued to sing. "Your mom came out with just a-what the crud? NO CONDITIONER? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PLACE?"
She sighed, then turned the hot water off. After wringing out her hair, she quickly wrapped a fuzzy, white towel around her body. Continuing to hum the rest of 'Stacie's Mom Has Got it Going On', she walked unlocked the shower stall and walked out, admiring how sparkly pretty her platforms were now that they were clean.
Of course, the second she did, her song ran out. Now what was she going to sing?
"KAAAAAARMAAA POOOOOLIIICE, ARREST THIS MAN, TALKS IN RANTS, HE BUZZES LIKE A FRIDGE, IS LIKE A-YEEEEEEEEEKKKK!"
To Serenity's shock and-
Whoops, sorry, forgot to turn off the bold.
To Serenity's shock and horror, something pounced out of the shadows. Bellowing and screaming, he soared through the air and-
Wow, this is way to exciting, so to annoy you, lets switch the scene, shall we?
-ooo-
EARLIER WITH JOEY! WoOoOoOoOoO!
"FOR A MINUTE THERE, I LOST MYSELF, I LOST MYSEEEEEEEELL-EEELLLLFF. FEW FOR A MINUTE THERE, I LOST MYSELF, I LOST MYSEEEEELL-EEEE-"
"WHEEELER!' Bob yelled. "WHY ARE YOU SINGING 'KARMA POLICE WHEN I AM JUST ABOUT TO PROMOTE YOU TO A HIGHER TENT, GIVE YOU BETTER FOOD, MORE PRIVILAGES, AND GET OFF YOUR SORRY BACK WHEN YOU'RE GOING THROUGH TRAINING?"
"Sorry cap," Joey said. "So why did you call me here again?"
"YOU REALLY HAVE NO BRAINS AT ALL, DO YOU ANIMAL BOY?" Bob.
"Radiohead?" Joey asked.
"GOOD BOY!" Bob said. "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE IN A LAD, THE BULB COMPLETELY BURNT TO A CRISP, BUT STILL IN THE SOCKET."
"What does that mean?" Joey asked.
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT SON," said Bob.
"Oh, good," Joey said. "I thought you were insulting me!"
"GO BACK TO THE SORRY LOSERS YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS SON," said Bob. "YOU GET YOUR NEW TENT TOMMOROW!"
"Nobody talks about my tent like that!" Joey said.
"I WASN'T CALLING YOUR TENT STUPID STUPID," said Bob. "I WAS CALLING YOUR FRIENDS STUPID!"
"Even…Serenity?" Joey said, with tears in his eyes.
"NO, SHE'S A GIRL!" Bob said. "I CAN'T INSULT GIRLS, BECAUSE I INSULT FULL GROWN MEN BY CALLING THEM GIRLS!"
"So she's okay?" Joey asked.
"Something like that…" the Sergeant said.
"Whoa, rad!" Joey said, pointing to a mounted display over the sergeant's desk. "Those are some wicked awesome butt scratchers!"
"THOSE AREN'T BUTT SCRATCHERS YOU FOOLISH FOOL!" said Bob. "THOSE ARE MY PERSONAL COLLECTION OF WEAPONS OF WAR! I CALL THIS ONE…THE POINTY THING! AND THAT ONE'S THE SHARPY SWINGING THING! AND THIS IS THE POINTY SHARPY SWINGY THINGY! AND THAT ONE…I JUST CALL…Serefina. JOEY YOU IDIOT, PUT THAT DOWN!"
"AWESOME!" Joey said, with a huge ax in his hands that he pulled off the display. "I'm a lumberjack! TIMBER!"
With that, Joey swung the ax wildly around and, by accident, let it swing out of his control and hack Bob's desk in half, sending a bunch of papers, along with his custom Beanie Baby collection, spraying all over the place.
"Son, go home…" said Bob.
"Okay! Bye Davy!" Joey said.
"IT'S BOB!" Bob yelled.
"That too!" Joey said, skipping out of the office, walking right through the solid oak wood door. As he skipped back to his tent, he continued to sing.
"KAAAAAARMAAA POOOOOLIIICE, ARREST THIS MAN, TALKS IN RANTS, HE BUZZES LIKE A FRIDGE, IS LIKE A-OWWW!" Joey said. He had not paid attention to where he was going, and he ran into the judges of American Idol.
"Wow!" Paula said. "That boy…had such vocal talent…"
"I can't believe it, but I thought he was actually somewhat mediocre," said Simon, which of course, in human terms (and compared to the chum's worth of the current contestants), meant that Joey was out of this world. However, he ran over Randy, whose unconscious body lay under Joey.
"He could have totally won on American Idol," Paula said. "Oh well! Let's just leave him here to die!"
"We get to leave Randy here to die?" Simon asked excitedly.
"NO!" Paula said angrily. "The blonde one!"
"Darn," Simon said.
"What's wrong with you?" Paula screamed. "Can't you ever just be nice to people? One complement? One reason for people to believe you're not a robot pre-made to crush people's spirits?"
"I'm a lot better off than you!" Simon said. "At least I don't act like a cutsie bubble head. I bet if a person came in and threatened to kidnap you, you would just smile and complement him on his aggressive entertainment."
"I HATE YOU SIMON!" she screamed.
"I HATE YOU MORE!" Simon screamed back.
There was three seconds of silence.
"I LOVE YOU!" Paula screamed.
"NOT AS MUCH AS I, YOU!" screamed Simon, passionately embrace Paula.
-ooo-
Speaking of American Idol…
"-Be-cause of you, never stray to far from the sidewalk. Be-cause of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Be-cause of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. Because of yo-o-oo-o-ou, I am afraid-"
Seto had tears in his eyes from the lyrics as he listened to the pink boom box with cute little flowers on it. He was cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins in one arm, and had The DaVinchi Code propped up in his lap in the other.
"You know what?" he said the Ms. Fuzzy Kins. "This one…it's always been my favorite…"
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Serenity, throwing open the flap to the tent and screaming at the top of her lungs, dripping wet and wearing nothing but her towel and platforms.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Seto screamed, for obvious reasons.
"Oh Seto, it was absolutely horrible!" Serenity cried.
"I'm not cuddling Ms. Fuzzy-Kins!" Seto said, throwing Ms. Fuzzy-Kins to the other side of the room.
"I was just getting out of the shower, I had put on a towel, and this psycho came out of nowhere and grabbed my ANKLES!" Serenity cried.
"I'm not reading The DaVinchi Code!" Seto said, putting the book under his sleeping bag.
"It was like he wanted to tear off my own feet!" Serenity said. "He was a complete freak, and I kicked him in the ribs to get him off me, and he flew through six straight walls and landed who-knows-where, but it was traumatizing just the same!"
"I'M NOT LISTENING TO KELLY CLARKSON ON A PINK BOOM BOX WITH PRETTY FLOWERS!" Seto said, tearing up the boom box and hurling it out the exit.
-ooo-
"My Gosh," Simon said, dragging Randy's unconscious body away from the camp. "This twit's getting to be pretty heavy…"
"I know!" Paula said. "He really needs to cut back on the-"
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a pink boom box with pretty flowers on it hurled through the air. It nailed Paula, and she fell with a thud to the ground, knocked out as well.
"Yay!" Simon said happily, as the boom box played on in the background. "Oh boy! Kelly Clarkson!"
-ooo-
"It was absolutely terrible!" Serenity said. "The guy was a weenie, but still, who would be enough of a psycho to tear off someone's feet? Oh, sorry, did you say something?"
"Uh…" Seto said. "No?"
"Oh, okay," Serenity said.
"Ow…" Joey said, clutching his head. "That hurt…"
"What happened to you Joe?" Serenity said. "Tried to think again?"
"No way, I gave that up years ago!" Joey said. "Bob gave me a new tent and better food and-"
"Wait!" Seto said. "You were with Bob? HE PROMOTED YOU?"
"Yup!" Joey said.
"I can't believe it…" Seto said.
"Hey Serenity!" Joey asked. "Why are you wearing a towel?"
"I got attacked by a psycho!" she cried.
"Oh man!" Joey said. "Who did it?"
"I don't know," Serenity said. "He had a ski mask on, so I couldn't see his face. Though I must say, he was a bit wimpy…"
"Alright," Seto said. "Who in this camp is a bit wimpy, and would show up with hurt ribs?"
"Oh, my ribs," Ryo said, walking at the worst possible time into the tent, rubbing his side in pain. "Serenity, do you have a baseball bat I could borrow? Tomorrow, I have a little…er…night business to attend to."
Everyone looked at Ryo in shock.
"Something wrong?" Ryo asked. "Oh no, Joey didn't forget how to breath, did he?"
"Ryo, what were you doing tonight?" Serenity asked.
"Um…nothing…" Ryo said uneasily, sweating a bit
"Nothing huh?" Seto said. "Nothing wrong now? Nothing bad? Nothing rule breaking?"
"YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT!" Ryo said in panic. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, BUT YOU BETTER STOP! I'm going to bed, nighty poo!
With that, he crawled into his sleeping bag, zipping it all the way, so he was completely hidden.
"Joey, Serenity, may I see you outside?" Seto said, yanking them out of the tent.
"Seto!" Serenity cried. "What's wrong with you?"
"Ryo did it!" Seto said.
"Really?" Joey asked stupidly.
"Don't be such a moron!" Serenity said. "We don't have any proof! People get hurt ribs all the time!"
"Then why did he want a baseball bat?" Seto said.
"He probably wants to bone up on how to repel baseball sized hailstones," Serenity said. "Huh. Now that I think about it, that sounds like something Ryo would do."
"I'm not convinced…" Seto said.
"Since when do you care?" Serenity said.
"Oh, I don't care about your safety and well being," Seto said. "I'd just like to have a good reason to wail on someone."
"OH MY GOSH!" Joey cried. "I JUST REALIZED IT! RYO'S THE PSYCHO!"
Serenity and Seto sweat dropped.
"DON'T WORRY SERENITY!" Joey said. "I WON'T LET THAT PSYCHO FREAK HURT YOU! I'LL STOP HIM!"
"Well, I guess we'll have to stalk him tomorrow night," Seto said. "Joey, I'm going to kill myself for saying this, I'll need you to meet me by the Sergeant's office after meals."
"So I can help you?" Joey said.
"So I can use you as a human shield if things get ugly," Seto said.
"YAY!" Joey said.
"Serenity, that goes the same for you," Seto said.
"Oooooh no," Serenity said. "I am not going to take part in another attempt to get yourselves killed. Or horribly mangled. Or something like that! Besides, I can take care of myself, and I trust Ryo."
"Fine, I'll send flowers," Seto said.
"Heartless freak," Serenity said, walking back into the tent.
"FRIEND OF AN IDIOT!" Seto accused.
"MAYONAISE!" Joey added.
-ooo-
THE NEXT NIGHT! WoOoOoOoOoOoO!
It had been the usual day. Serenity, Seto, and Ryo broke their back, Joey got off easy. BORING! So I'll skip to the good part.
It was just after dinner, and Seto was waiting by Bob's office for Joey to show. Joey did, and to try to look really, cool, he hummed the theme to 'Mission Impossible' jumping from hiding place to hiding place, giggling like a moron. He jumped first from behind a tree, then into a bush, then he tiptoed behind a tent that was right next to Seto.
"You aren't cool Mutt," Seto said.
"Psst! Tooth fairy!" Joey whispered. "I'm over here!"
Seto sighed, still wondering how the Mutt stayed so long in this story. Then, he saw a sight that made him cringe. Walking right the way he was standing was-
"Ryo!" he whispered to himself in fright, dive bombing to where Joey was hiding. At that moment, Ryo passed right by the tent, not even noticing the two.
"Finally, some alone time," he said. "Now, I can get it all done in my secret hideout."
Probably some kind of villainous psycho plot to kill Serenity, Seto thought.
Wow, my hands smell like wood shavings! thought Joey.
Ryo continued to walk down the path, unknowing that two fools were stalking him as he walked on. He continued to walk until he came to the outskirts of the camp, to a place filled with old, abandoned warehouses. He stopped in front of one particularly old one, so old that the door was actually missing.
"HA!" said triumphantly to himself. "To the untrained eye, this place looks like an old, abandoned warehouse…BECAUSE IT IS AN OLD, ABANDONED WAREHOUSE! MUA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
With that, he walked right in, still laughing triumphantly, almost evilly. Seto quickly snuck in and hid behind some old abandoned crates. Joey, being not nearly as smart, ran headfirst into the wall outside the doorway.
"What was that?" Ryo asked, turning around to see a Joey-shaped hole in the wall. "It looks like…SOME KIND OF FORIEN RODENT! EEEEEEKKK! BETTER REFILL THE TRAPS!"
Thankfully, Ryo didn't see Joey, because Seto yanked him behind the crates so he wouldn't get his cover blown.
"Alright!" Ryo said, turning on the light above his head, to shed light on the horrible, evil, torturously designed room!
It was completely painted purple with cutsie-pink flower wall paper, featuring pictures of puppies, kittens, and horses pasted to the wall. There was also a pink computer and a Spongebob Squarepants television set.
"YES! MUA HA HA HA HA!" Ryo said. "First and foremost, it's time to check out the scores!"
"Ryo watches football?" Seto whispered to himself.
With that, Ryo quickly turned on the TV and changed it to channel 35.
"Storm Stories, tonight at eight, only on the Weather Channel," said the announcer. "And now, here's your local on the eights."
"OH YEAH! DEW POINT OF 64 DEGREES!" Ryo said. "I'm going to win ten bucks on my online fantasy weather team! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!"
"What is wrong with this kid?" Seto whispered.
"I don't want to be a chicken!" Joey whispered back.
"Woo! That's enough weather for today!" Ryo said to himself, sitting down in his beanbag chair. "Now, I can watch my bad boy show!"
"Well, this will be interesting," Seto whispered.
"What kind of bad boy show?" Joey asked.
"Joey, this is primetime television!" Seto said. "The possibilities are limitless!"
Ryo clicked to a different channel.
"Previously on 'American Dreams'," the announcer said.
"HECK YA!" Ryo said. "PATTY, YOU ARE MY GIIIIIIIRL! OH YEAH! OH YEAH, DUMP THAT SUCKER MEG! DUMP HIIIIIIIIIIIMMMM!"
-ooo-
Spongebob narrator voice: One hour latter…
"HOW DARE YOU!" Ryo cried. "HOW DARE YOU BEAT UP JAY JAY LIKE THAT! YOU'RE COPS! IT'S YOUR JOB TO PROTECT THE COMMON MAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS HOW COULD YOU BE THIS CRUEL AND NOT POST ANY NEW EPISODES UNTIL MARCH!"
I think my brains are going to leek out of my skull…thought Seto.
"Whew, enough of that," Ryo said, changing the channel to channel four. "Now, it's time to watch my special, not to mention incredibly naughty DVD…"
That girly soap opera must have been a warm up! Seto thought Now, Ryo's going to watch…oh, I don't want to think about it!"
"Now it is time…" Ryo said, taking out his DVD. "FOR FRUITS BASKET! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Seto Anime fell on the ground, as Ryo began to get up and sing along with the theme song.
-ooo-
Spongebob narrator voice: Forty-four minutes latter
"YOU ROCK TOHRU!" said Ryo, popping the DVD out of the player and popping it back in the case. "You're just as cool as Beth…"
"Hana's pretty…" Joey whispered to Seto.
Seto wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.
"HA! THOSE FIRST THREE ANTICS WERE JUST WARM UPS!" Ryo cried triumphantly. "AT LAST! NOW, I CAN TRULY COMMIT THE HANOUS AND CRIMINAL ACTS I HAVE BEEN PLANNING!"
Seto and Joey looked on in shock, almost horror, on how completely evil Ryo sounded.
"You don't think that's…your assailant, do you?" Joey asked.
"Joey, you don't think period," Seto said. "But…it's possible."
"AND NOW, USING THE POWER OF THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY, I WILL TRAP INNOCENT SOULS FOREVER IN THE NEVERENDING SPIRAL OF FALSE HOPE THAT THEY CAN BEAT ME!" Ryo said, logging onto the web. "AH YES! THE GAME OF DRAGONS! THE GAME OF DEATH! THE GAME THAT WRENCHES THE HUMAN SOUL STRAIGHT FROM THEIR HUSKED CARCASSES!"
Both Seto and Joey held their breath in shock.
"THE GAME…OF...INTERNET CANDY LAND!"
Joey gasped in horror as Ryo cackled manically and Seto Anime fell once again.
"HA! YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME CALIQUEENBRG?" said Ryo evilly, madly typing on the computer. "YOU'RE FOOLISH! YOU SHALL NEVER DEFEAT ME! NEVEEEEEEEEEEERR!"
-ooo-
IN THE ABODE OF SHRILANKA-SAN! WoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO!
"DARN IT!" Shrilanka-San yelled as once again, madly pounding her fist at the table that held the computer as she was defeated at Internet Candy Land by an unknown someone after updating her story. She was so mad, she flew out of her chair and screamed to the open ceiling.
"WHO ARE YOU GIGGLEBERRYPIE13842?" she screamed. "ONE DAY I WILL FIND OUT! AND WHEN I DO, I SHALL FINALLY DEFEAT YOU! ONE DAY!"
-ooo-
Spongebob narrator voice: Several hours latter…
Seto was sound asleep out of pure boredom after watching several painfully boring rounds of Ryo defeating all who tried to challenge him at internet Candy Land. He had been sleeping for an unknown period of time. He was awakened by Joey screaming at the top of his lungs in pure pain.
"OWWIE OWIE OWIE!" Joey screamed, running around the warehouse with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, and a giant mouse trap caught on it.
"JOEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A MOUSE TRAP CAUGHT ON YOUR TONGUE?" Seto snarled angrily.
"I dust wanded da teese," Joey said in pain as he went back to Seto. With one swipe, Seto tore off the mouse trap.
"OWWW!" Joey cried, gripping his tongue in pain.
"Well, this entire night was a complete waste!" Seto snarled. "All we know now is that Ryo has a sick obsession with soap operas, Shoujo Anime, and things that are just plain sad!"
"Where is he?" Joey asked, looking around the warehouse. Ryo was, indeed, gone.
"Probably went off to make health bars and sell them," Seto said.
"Why doya think that tooth fairy?" Joey asked.
"The ten pound bag of raw granola gave it away," Seto said, pointing to a huge sack on the floor. "And don't call me that!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
Suddenly, outside in the slight distance, Serenity was heard screaming at the top of her lungs. The psycho struck again!
"SERENITY!" Joey cried in horror. "HANG ON SERENITY! HAAAAAIIIIIIIM COMMIIIIIIIIIIIN!"
With that, Joey ran straight through the wall, creating another Joey-shaped hole in the middle of it. Seto followed along, though not as in a blind hurry, and not through the wall.
-ooo-
Oh my goodness! I didn't think this section was going to take so long! I bet I have all of you bored out of your skulls!
Oh well, hopefully the next episode of all this hysteria will be a lot shorter. Of course, this is me were talking about, with my freak, psycho authoress whims.
Anyway, I felt really bad for slamming Ryo just because he liked things that weren't exactly 'masculine'. However, I am a true feminist, as a teacher of mine once put, and I believe just as much as a girl has the right not to be a makeup wearing bubblehead, a boy doesn't have to be a rough and tumble jerkazoid freek.
And even though I doubt he has a 'fantasy weather team', I bet the real fictional Ryo would probably prefer to be home with a good book than go out and kill something with Joey and the others.
To prove my point, I did two things. One was slamming Seto for the exact same thing he was accusing, and the other thing you'll see later.
Alright, next chapter!
-ooo-
"Okay," Serenity said. "We can't panic. This is probably just one, big, misunderstanding."
"How can it be a misunderstanding?" Seto said. "It's in black and white! Ryo wants to kill you!"
"Only five minutes ago you were calling him a girly man!" Serenity said.
"I bet he knew we were stalking him, and acted out the whole thing just to throw us off!" Seto said.
"I BET HE'S NOT EVEN POLISH!" Joey screamed in rage.
"British," Seto corrected.
"I am not!" Joey said.
"I hope you know, both of your idiot sides are showing," Serenity said.
-ooo-
Okay, I hope you all know this isn't going to end well.
Does Ryo really want to kill Serenity? Can the other three stop him? And will this upcoming chapter involve…MUFFINS?
I'll see you next week….mua ha ha ha ha…
